Mistaking Rat poison for a can of sugar in the morning does seem to be the recipe in proving the multiverse theory, magic and the existence of wanna be Care Bear copy cats in horse form. Also I am now one of them too. Octavia where is my coffee?
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Ah.
So this is the one you sent a PM about.
this is off to a good start.
racist unicorns are best unicorns (subjectively speaking)
So far it look promising, I wonder what the HiE story is going to be about other then starting over in life and having Octavia as his sister. Looking forward to see how it will unfold.
static.superdeluxe.com/dankland/generators/when-your-jerking-off-and.jpg
just the mental image if a itty bitty octavia is just to much
pony
When I saw the cover in the feature box I immediately thought I know this artwork style. And I was right!
Another story by Narva!
8308135
Yeah, we have the same title.
The description of this reads like a story from 2014 or earlier.
8308464
That is part of the charm. A blast from the past.
Is it necessary to read the original in order to understand this story or does it stand out on its own?
8308490
It stands on its own. In fact knowing the other story might spoil on who the character is and what to expect of him.
interesting
Haven't seen one of these in a while.
8308705
2 things...
First, holy chemistry Batman.
Second, he could've made his own murder powder by mixing copious amounts of all those fancy words you said, then put it in a fancy looking jar on the counter next to the sugar. Personally, I keep my rat poison up in the cupboard between the paprika and cilantro, but to each his own I guess.
Third, I too like a little coffee with my sugar in the mornings, so it's quite possible he just used a metric fuck-ton of it.
8308352 here ya go
4.bp.blogspot.com/-4BcqmmzrMeI/ThVDhV-j7hI/AAAAAAAAApI/_1ObBr7oB7Q/s1600/a_slice_of_life___octavia_by_dreatos-d3l4rzm.png
Seems legit to me...
8308876
why thank you good sir i was wondering where my sqee's went
8308767
Yeah I'm going with mixture of both explanations. He and his mate got every dangerous poison/chemical they could find, dumped it into the nearest container they could find before liberally applying it everywhere they could find before celebrating. Being tired and distracted they forgot to put it away, and then tomorrow morning you have an extremely tired man acting entirely on instinct in the vicinity of dangerous chemicals. That was never going to end well.
Also just to note I did mention those possibilities at the bottom of the comment, asking if he had a huge amount of sugar/access to extremely lethal poisons. Although I think the chapter specifically stated "a spoon full" but then again it never mentioned what form of spoon. For all we know he cold have used a ladle or serving spoon. You made some fair points though.
Hmmm... Well, I didn't like Nava's adventures, but your long description is unique enough to grab my attention.
Chapters one and two are decent enough, even with the MC talking directly to the audience throughout both, although I would suggest cutting back on the blatant fourth wall breaking in future chapters...
Or just ignore me voicing a very strong dislike for characters who constantly break the fourth wall, either way you have my attention for at least one more chapter.
A bit of typos there in the description/
Its 'your' and 'borrow'
Otherwise, great start, didn't expect that you'll make a spin-off there)
8309042
I enjoyed it personally. It's the style of the writer to monologue his character's thoughts so expect much ignoring of your suggestions of removing fourth wall breaks and getting lost in thought as it is how all his stories are written...
when i read
i thought of this
I'm going to be honest here, I've never related more to a OC than your main character. Its very realistic and I could seem myself making that mistake of mistaking rat poison for a can of sugar. lol) I cant tell you how many times I've seen people put things in the wrong container because of a mix-up or the old container went bad.
Isn't it shivering isles not shimmering?
8309149
I can't tell if I'm focusing on the entirely wrong part of your comment or not, but I feel compelled to reply.
I would have absolutely no problem with the author explaining his character's thought process, that's something almost every multichapter story eventually does, usually when a noodle incident comes into play. MY problem is that the omnipotent author isn't the one who explains the character's thought process. Instead, the main character is talking directly to the audience, breaking the fourth wall and showing us that he knows he is in a story. This could easily be an amazing story, but breaking the fourth wall in such a blatant and frequent way destroys any immersion as it shoves, "Hey reader! Do you remember that this is a story?" In your face constantly.
A good story tells a tale, an amazing story allows the audience to experience a journey.
8309487
Ops...got them mixed up.
8308705
...and that is why no body uses science in works of fantasy and fiction. Because its both a mouthful and fun breaking.
8309618
Did someone mention 'gods'?
Someone is obsessed with Sheogorath too, I dunne feel so alone now.
8309533
You remember that Alex is crazy to begin with in this right? As for Nava, take a very good look at that Alex unicorn in the storie's main pic...
8309806
So they have the same glasses? This story isn't 5k words in and Alex is already 10x more interesting than Nava ever was, as for crazy? Alex seems like the average 18 year old gamer with insomnia, where in the world did you get crazy?
The art is adorable. Who drew it?
8308979
I love everything about this comment chain, and I haven't even read the story yet. Considering the rat poison is the plot gimmick to jumpstart the protagonist's adventures in the multi-verse, I'm gonna say that his whole house got hit with some 8th-dimensional, octarine radiation which caused him to die. The rat poison is a red herring, obviously.
8309823
Fixed it.
8309895
I did, I do all of my own art and story covers...expect for "The Imperial ace" which I just yanked from the internet and duck tape it on there.
That's an interesting start, and quite amusing as well!
However (unless something changed since I read it yesterday evening), this definitely needs at least one more editing run, as I've found quite a few mistakes. Doesn't take away anything from the story itself, but it can break the immersion a bit, especially with how often I found something.
Can't do it right now due to work reasons, but I can give it a read once more and point out what I've found later if you wish
8309888
We are ALL crazy, in our own ways. Some more then others. Some tame, some not.
A better question would be: Who isn't crazy?
8309888
Alex in both stories has stated he enoys chaos and I've got a firm grasp that he's crazy and wants everyone to know this for two reasons.
One: It keeps everyone off balance and gives him the edge to outsmart them.
Two: It amuses him.
Nava is actually Just the Oc's name and he never really stated that his real name could indeed be Alex.
8310234
Great detective work. You should get a cookie, or me drawing your OC and suggestive position.
8310328
If you wanna draw a certain goth Pegasus in comprising positions, feel free to do so. I wouldn't complain in the least.
8310234
So Alex has appeared in the story, "Zebrica for a Human?" No wonder we have different opinions as this has been the only story by the author since Nava's misadventures that I've been interested enough in to actually read. Right now Alex hasn't done anything suggesting he is mad/crazy, at most he seems slightly random.
I'll still stick around for one more chapter at least, but knowing that Alex is probably going to become a gag character lessens my interest quite a bit.
I gather this story is going to be told from two perspectives?
8310489
I will try not too. Well in 1st person that is.
Rat poison is sodium fluoride, also found in toothpaste and used as a pesticide for crops its often on leafy greens and berries.
8310642
Stop this science and enjoy the story
8310642
Rat poison can also use warfarin (AKA Coumadin) as the active ingredient, but obviously not the case in this story given the description and symptoms don't match in the slightest. Not sure what kind of rat poison is used in this story, to be honest, the symptoms seem to present more like a fast acting sedative. Maybe the story is actually a trip being induced by something completely different? I'd have to do some reading to get a better idea.
8312490
I honestly have no idea what rat poison is made off. All I know is that it is deadly, even for humans. The Rat poison was just used as a means to get the main character to horse land. In the ends its compound and science are irrelevant. If you want science then MLP is the wrong IP for that.
Also that Rat poison works that way in the story just adds to the overall randomness the character of Alexander Becker is fond too.
ALSO that derpy looks like she is snoring cocaine.
8312753
It certainly is deadly for humans. Warfarin and the more modern Brodifacoum are anticoagulants, meaning they block the body's ability to make Vitamin K, which is essential for blood clotting. Symptoms of poisoning by warfarin are... well, pretty nasty and drawn out and involve a fair amount of bleeding. I'd rather not give specifics here, and I'm glad you didn't in the story! Of course if your story was set a few decades earlier, thallium salts might have been used as a rodenticide, but that has since more or less been banned around the world given how dangerous thallium is, being colourless, odorless and water soluble.
The Derpy image is her being displeased at some kind of baked good. I can't remember very well, and I'm pretty exhausted from jet lag, so not sure I can find the source for you just now. I think it was from a comic about Rainbow Dash having a bad day? Sorry, I'll have to get back to you on that one.
8312490
Alternate time-line rat poison.