• Member Since 14th May, 2017
  • offline last seen Mar 19th, 2018

Ombre Skies


*cough cough* Soarin Dash is love, Soarin Dash is life. That's all I have to say. #SD4eva

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It was a Saturday morning, a day Aria actually enjoyed. To make it better, a nice cup of coffee would hit the spot. However, luck isn't always in her favor and goes through some obstacles along the way. In end, coffee is coffee and that's how Aria likes it.

Rated teen for uses of profanity.
Cover art by me :3

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 2 )

Normally I don't use ANY profanity when I write but there was something about writing with Aria that gave me that urge and I dunno

Can confirm that you are not the only person it’s happened to :twilightsmile:

Couple typos and such:

she let the coffee do it’s magic.

By now it was quite cold and lost some of it's taste.

Should be “its” both times, but I think you got it right every other place.

She lost her big source of heat and is wearing a crop to.

Top.

“Now who is ignorant?”

Not technically wrong, but it feels weird for characters to not use contractions like this; I think most people would say “Now who’s ignorant” instead.

I like the idea of this story, and I think that on the surface you have a good framework, but I felt like it needed more substance than you gave it. Most of Aria’s troubles that she complains about at the end seemed fairly trivial (There’s no reason she couldn’t have gotten her cardigan back herself, she could have avoided the cold problem entirely if she’d stepped back inside and dressed more warmly, for example), so her freaking out about them made her feel like a histrionic drama queen. Which might have been quite funny, if that’s an approach you wanted to go for, but I felt like it was supposed to be taken seriously and for me that just didn’t happen.

So those are my thoughts. Not a bad start, and I enjoyed reading it, but I think you could make it better if you fleshed things out more and made Aria’s trauma feel more substantial.

8234721
Thanks for pointing those mistakes out, I don't know how I missed them! :) Also, this was generally made for fun and laughs, but I do understand get how some might expect Aria's freaking out to have been taken more seriously while the incidents weren't the best to be fed up about.

Anyways, thanks again for reading and hope you enjoy the rest of your day! :twilightsmile:

Omore Skies

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