• Member Since 2nd Sep, 2015
  • offline last seen March 9th

Gear Works


Formerly know as Trader_Jack. Just an MLP fan from Middle TN with stories in my head.

T

When the Dazzlings get another chance at Canterlot High, Aria decides that there's one way the get what she wants, by being a bully. The only problem she has is that she can't break one geek who she keeps crashing into. And when they are paired up in shop class, she has to find a way to get what she wants.

And the only way to do that is the one way that she hates the most.


Cover art done by MaddyMoiselle

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 45 )

6481640 Thanks. This is my first time doing a short story like this.

You've got some great ideas a lot of great scenarios and set ups. I like how you expanded the universe with Sonata having her own boyfriend (Stalwart?).

The dialogue however seemed kinda exposition heavy. We know you have to lay out the backstory, but you have to make it seem like your not laying out the back story. Also much of the dialogue wasn't natural. I don't know about kids today but I never once said to my friends that I was looking for a girl friend. Rather looking to meet someone or hang out or looking for a relationship. Also it's a little contradictory that he openly wants a girl friend but isn't willing to ask some one out. People think that, but keep it to themselves if their shy, where as someone who is telling their friends to keep a look out for single girls would jump at the idea of asking some one out.

I don't mean to come down on you. Like I said, you have a lot of great ideas, you just need to polish it more.

Keep at it!

6485041 Thanks. I was going from my background experience from my times being bullied, to the years That I have had a hard time finding a girl friend of my own. It is the first time doing something like this, and I'll take your feedback to heart.

6485090 nothing wrong with that. It's the best stories that pull from our own experiences. Like I said it's still a good story. Just try to flush out the words, make it sound believable. For instance one thing you can reflect on is "why didn't he ask Sunset out?" Explain why

A good read with some funny moments.

Still I would really like to see a few chapters with more sheananigans after they got together, just to see how things evolved, still really good.

6485220 I think I said that in this chapter.

“At the time, I would have stood out, having others think she was using me like she did with Flash Sentry. You could say that I got used to her being a good friend, and nothing more.”

6485638 I have thought about another chapter, but wanted to leave it at that for now. The shenanigans part would be new, but that would require some more thinking. If people are interested in me adding more, then I can see what I can do.

Got distracted by a few grammar/spelling errors here and there (mostly on the 2nd chapter) but a good read overall. Have a like :)

6511077 MS Word was able to point out some of the errors, but if you can message me which ones you noticed, I can can see if they can be fixed.

6529705 I'm actually working on a bonus chapter. I might make a sequel after that, because I want to have the focus on a few different characters besides Aria.

Yay this is great hope to see more :pinkiehappy:

Woah...that's like four girls that crushed on him. And now, Aria's dating him. Five. He caught the interest of five girls. :applejackconfused:
Oh my god...

6808058 It was actually four. The girls forced Aria and Gears together, and they just strangely hit it off.

OH MY GOSH! four girls? four?! Gears is in trouble. :applejackunsure:

6829632 Actually, the four girls missed out on hooking up with Gears. Winner: Aria

Hey, mate, thumbs up! Finally a good Aria X OC fic! But, one problem... You need some editing. Some capitalization errors, spacing errors, and a teensy bit of bad spelling, too. But other than that, it's going great!

Though, I do want it to be edited a bit. Would you mind if I do so? I'm just gonna fix some errors and all, not any story or whatever. :twilightsmile: Still, you have potential and stuff, just bad grammar/format can annoy some people in bad ways. For example, I'm a little annoyed (but still, love the story!), and it sort of gets to you. I just want this story to be made better so that it can get rated better and get seen better. Cause dude, we need some serious shit like this!

Keep at it, like the other guy said! And again, if you feel like you need an edit, give me a call. I'm always up and running. :twilightsmile:

6971189 Message me what area's need to be fixed, and I'll look into it. I type this on MS Word 2000, so maybe it might have missed some areas in the grammar department.

6971281 Oh, I can do it myself on google docs, then I'll let you in, then you can copy and paste from that doc. (If I send you it via PM it's all going to be cluttered up and not paragraphed.) But if you prefer me pointing it out via PM, then alright.

6971295 I just wanted to know where I went wrong so that I can learn from my mistakes

6971325 Well, for the spaces it's kinda out there. There's parts where the spacing is a little far from each other. Always after a sentence ends. I'm sure you'll see it.

6971344 Are you talking about this?


Because it's possible that you can't see the line.

6972144 No, I mean like in every sentence, whenever it goes to a new one in it's paragraph, it gets an odd spacing. Like as if it was spaced three times. Here, like this:

My name is Gear Works, but some people call me Gears. I’m what you would call a geek, because of my love of geeky things, but I don’t look like the type with the nerdy glasses and pocket protectors.

Almost every sentence has that weird spacing. Just pointing that out. But the line is totally fine.

6972160 That's because it's two spaces instead of one. That's what I learned about in school. The only time MS Word will detect a spacing error if it's in the middle of the sentence.

6972229 Huh. I never got taught that. Well still, there's a couple of spelling errors. I'll look over it again and PM you the errors. I'm in class right now, so be right back.

6972368 Well, now you know. Not everyone does the spacing the same way. Some use two spaces, some use one. Let me know on the spelling errors, because that would help.

I just looked up The Last Starfighter, then for some reason thought of Brothers in Arms: Hell's Highway theme. Dunno why.
If you don't know it:

Aw... This was sweet and sad! Glad to see this is back! Great job, Trader! If you need any help with anything, happy to oblige!

A'wwww so sweet and so sad.
And so awesome!
Keep it up!

Good story if a bit choppy at times. I think this would be better if an editor gave it a once-over to correct some spelling and grammar problems.

7527198 I must be getting rusty after getting into my older stories. And I just updated to LibreOffice because I felt like MS Word 2000 was really out of date with the spelling and grammar issues.

7527206
I saw some understandably common misspellings like seein expect instead of except and some others.

7528246 I guess I can get those two mixed up at times. It's always about how it sounds like and can get mixed up when grammar check doesn't know it. I'll make sure I get it right next time.

Great story so far, excited 4 moar.
Everywhere means everywhere.
:pinkiecrazy:Look behind you:pinkiecrazy:

Will the other Dazzlings be playing any big role in this story?

7633075 Not really, but I might be planning on a story for Adagio that takes place after this story and after the Friendship Games. Haven't fully decided at this point, since I'm almost ready to take this story to an end.

Seems like Adagio's emotions were a little rushed. I would have thought she'd remain disbelieving of Luna's story until they got to the city and saw it for themselves. And even then she should have kind of shutdown for a little while before she came to accept the truth. Other than that, great chapter.

7634975 She was hoping that it would be in the past. But when the princess part came up, that's when everything changed. I did the best I could. And maybe this would set up for a spin-off with Adagio I have in mind.

:fluttercry: It's...over...:raritycry: It's over. Such a good story has come to a close.

It's...over:fluttercry:
Okay, this story is awesome since the beginning!!!
Could you please make a sequel?!pleaaaase?!

7635058
7635415
I might do a spin off that focuses on Adagio that would have ties to this one.

It has come to a worthy end. Maybe a spinoff showing what happened in the crystal meth empire.

7102924
my brother has the special edition of that game it comes included with an action figure and my brother's looking to get rid of it.

Login or register to comment