The installing

Twilight Sparkle, Alicorn Princess of Friendship, bearer of Magic, Element of Harmony and caretaker of Spike the dragon, was currently wandering through the crystal halls of her castle. She was looking for Spike, who had gone missing for the third time this week. Twilight was headed towards her room, to look in her closet. Spike always seemed to end up there.

'SPIKE! GET YOUR SPINY BUTT OUT HERE!' She cried, opening the door to her bedroom. She heard shuffling in her closet, and headed towards it, key held aloft in her aura.

'I can't Twi. It's locked!' came a muffled reply.

Curse it, Twilight thought to herself. She levitated they key to the lock, and slid it inside. She paused, thinking.

'Hey, Twi, are you going to let me out, or what?' Spike asked her. Twilight tapped her chin with a hoof.

'Let me see. Hmmm. Ah no.' She said with a smile.

'What! Come on.' He cried. Twilight smiled a slow evil grin.

'Well, why did you end up in there in the first place? Come on, you can tell me.' Twilights eyes were full of mirth and mischief.

'I was looking around, because, because I was, I was, uh, bored. Spike trailed off.

'So you got me all worried, and fearful for your safety. All. Because. You . Were. Bored.' Twilights grin became bigger. She had him now.

'Uh, yes?' Spike whispered. 'Uh, sorry Twi?'

'Very well. I'll let you out if you promise to help me.'

'Help you? With what?' he asked.

'With my new project. I'm going to make a map of this castle. And you are going to help me.' There was a groan from the cupboard. 'Or, if you'd like, you can stay in there.' Twilight tapped the floor with a lavender hoof impatiently. 'Come on Spike. Choose!' she cried.

'Fine. I'll help you with your stupid map.' Spike grumbled. A minute later, as Twilight turned the key in the lock, he fell out of the closet and landed on his face.

'Promise?' Asked Twilight with a sly grin.

'Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my e-OOWWWWW! HOW IN EQUESTRIA CAN PINKIE EVEN DO THAT!' he cried, clutching his eye in pain.

'Come on Spike' Said Twilight amusedly.

'We are now at the' Twilight peered at the paper held in her magenta aura. 'Library!' She declared triumphantly. 'Right? she asked Spike.

'It seems so. Wait, just open the door, and I'll put it in.' He said.

Twilight surrounded the door handles in her magic, and opened them.

'Huh. I guess we...wait. Did we actually go up any stairs? Wait, the corridor is a ramp? But how does that work? That completely destroys the laws of physics!' Twilight wailed as she stared at the store cupboard.

Spike laughed at her distress.

'I will get this map done by my own hooves, or my name is not Twilight Sparkle.' Twilight declared as they marched up the stairs. 'I WILL do it, I WILL!'

'Uh, Twilight?' Spike asked nervously.

'Yes?' She replied confidently.

'We've been walking up these stairs for half an hour already.'

'URGH! Save me from this castle!'

'So, is this, like, the boutique?' Spike asked, taking in the pink, violet and white decor, the mannequins, the stairs leading up to Rarity's room, the windows, and most importantly, the view of Ponyville, from the Boutique.

'I have no Idea!' Twilight cried. 'We were at the top of the tower! How does it work?'

'Huh. Well, then maybe it was magic?' said Spike.

Twilight lifted him off the floor with her magic and shook him back and forth.

'THIS WHOLE CASTLE IS MAGIC!!' A lock of hair sprang free from her mane.

'Why is the cider from Sweet Apple Acres in the Cellar?'

'Is there anypony down there? Twi? What are y 'all doin' in ma cellar?

'I DON'T KNOW!'

Twilight's eye began to twitch.

'TWILIGHT! What were you doing in my oven? Why are you so tiny? OH! I know! You were going to make a map of your castle because Spike ended up in your closet again, and you were in the cellar at Applejack's farm, and Rarity's Boutique, and you should probably just ask the castle to give you a map anyway!'

'...'

'That's actually, a rather good idea Pinkie. Now excuse me, I'm just going to find a bucket of cold water.'

'Don't bother! I have buckets of cold water stashed all over Ponyville in case of bucket-of-cold-water emergencies!'

SPLASH!

'Twi? You weren't supposed to do that with the water.'

'...'

'Twi?'

A dripping Twilight lifted her head and brushed her sodden mane from her eyes.

'Yeah?'

'You need to go home.'

'That's a good idea Pinkie.'

'...'

'Castle of Friendship, I am Princess Twilight Sparkle. I wish for you to give me a map.' Twilight announced.

No reply.

'Twilight. Why do you dream of talking to your castle?' Luna suddenly replaced a chair.

'I'm dreaming? Oh right. Now it makes sense.' Twilight said, waking up.

'Castle of Friendship, I am Princess Twilight Sparkle. I wish for you to give me a map.' Twilight announced.

No reply.

There was a loud rumble, and a map appeared

SMACK!

'Twilight? You can remove you hoof from your face, darling.'

'I'm an idiot.'

'Pardon?'

'I'm an idiot'

'Pardon?'

'I'm an idiot!'

'Oh.'

'...'

'Rarity, can you make me a frame for this map?'

'Certainly Darling.'

And thus, Twilight Sparkle's Castle of Friendship gained a nice, new map. It hung at the entrance, held aloft by the magic of the Castle.

Spike never ended up in the closet again, and Twilight, well, let's just say, there is a huge banner in the main hall proclaiming:
I'm an idiot. Please, help yourself to wisdom from Pinkie Pie, who is smarter than me, because I am an absolute idiot. My name is not Twilight Sparkle, by the way. I am now Mildred.

And Mildred and Spike lived happily ever after in the Castle of Friendship, Harmony and Crazy Idiots.

Author's Note:

I do not hate Twilight Sparkle. I just think the Castle is stupid.

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