wow 30k.......................I Like!

fuck yeah m8, don't mind waiting if we can get 30k word chapters

Jesus.... Half an hour- To an hour just to read this one chapter....

I LIKEY :D

I love the story and chapter. But for me, I find that 30k words is a lot. After a while it starts to blur together and I miss detail that make this such a good read. Personally I like 5k words a chapter, the story still moves along and doesn't feel choppy. Also you can post chapters a lot quicker.

just 30 of these and you'll have a million words.

Kind of crazy to think about.

Saw this updated and I was all, "neat."

I saw the amount of words a nearly died due to choking on my lunch.

i saw the name of this chapter and the first thing that came to mind was this

You have a way with words. A very hilarious way with words. I almost couldn't stop laughing the entire time.

So, Matthias has some form of mental disability? Or did I misunderstand that?

Definitely worth the wait.

love it pls senpai more???

I haven't been engrossed in a tale this deeply in quite some time. I'll more than accept a wait for chapters like this. It did seem daunting at first but if this had been broken up into even 10k word chapters, I fear the pacing and coherency of it might well have suffered.

Carry on, and know thee a follower hast been gained.

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Seems like some good old fashioned PTSD and no few quantity of triggers ready to set the poor bloke off. I expect he and Luna are all but necessary to keep each other sane and stable, given how she read his state of mind.

As everyone agrees, a long wait for a long chapter is totally worth it.
But 30,000 words of May getting treated like garbage by diamond dogs is gonna be one hell of a pill to swallow
Luckily... I love to swallow

Took me quiet some time, but I finished finally lol. That was very impressive. It's adorable how awkward Luna can be :D

I'm surprised no one else has done this yet for this chapter.....oh well.

The plot thickens in our dear friend's arrival into the realm of insanity better known as The Diarchy of Equestria.

This is amazing and beautiful, be proud of yourself and continue!

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Thank you for the kind words, they mean the world to me! I'm just glad what I've put our is meeting everybody's expectations!

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They are honest words :3

Hey you're back!

This is exciting.

damn son. did ya leave anything out? dont burn yourself out. was well done doe

God, I want a chapter where the three princesses are constantly stealing Matthias every time they are not looking or something like that.

One of the longest, well written, interesting, and adorable chapters of a fanfic I have read in a while. A+ would snuggle Luna again :D

I do feel that you could split these into a 'current time' chapter and a 'flashback' chapter, but either way is fine. Good work.

Little mistake:

“Luna that has got to be the most convoluted and roundabout way you could have asked me to dance ever?”

You should remove the question mark, since it's not a question.

I absolutely love this story so far. Given your tags and the cover, I was expecting something quite different than the touching and exceedingly adorable character interactions in these first coupla chapters. This is definitely a like/fave/follow/kitchen sink/etc. story for me.

Now, having said that, the italicizednopunctuationthoughtbombs have to go. I see in chapter two's author notes that you had some trepidation using that method, and you were asking for feedback, so here a tasty writer morsel for you to chew on: Always assume your readers are smart enough to pick up on the tone of your writing without going overboard and jamming it down their throats.

Compare these two passages:

TookittoofarwhydoesshekeepnuzzlingmewhatamItothempersonponyfriendpetscareddidIwannaseeherinthatbikiniyes shemustthinkI’msomekindofperversefreakalonebygodshefeltsoftshe’smadshe’smadshe’smadhelpmepleaseNAKEDdid shemolestmecakebenderhollowshekissedmewarmdon’tgotherediditmeananythinglookedsocutetossingandturning Ikissedhershe’llhatemewhyamIcolditsdarkSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP!!!!...

Took it too far why does she keep nuzzling me what am I to them person-pony-friend-pet-scared did I wanna see her in that bikini yes she must think I’m some kind of perverse freak alone by god she felt soft she’s mad she’s mad she’s mad help me please NAKED did she molest me cake bender hollow she kissed me warm don’t go there did it mean anything looked so cute tossing and turning I kissed her she’ll hate me why am I cold its dark STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP!!!!...

The latter perfectly conveys the rapid-fire, stream-of-consciousness effect you were going for, while the former forces the reader out of 'reading mode', and into 'puzzle-solver mode'. It's jarring and messes up the flow of your narrative/story telling/whatever-you-call-it. Your readers will almost always catch your drift if you use the latter method and will be grateful that they don't have to become mini-cryptographers like they do when you use the former.

Outside of that, having the counter-playing inner thoughts cycle between italic versus italic-bold worked really well in conveying May's internal conflict, I thought.

Regardless, I'm looking forward to future updates on this. This is some really good shit for your first story.

Nice play on 'The Great Mouse Detective'

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I agree with you 100% it is the only issue I had with the story. I actually stopped reading to put it in gdocs and space it out so I could try to understand it

Woo, long chapter!
But I can't even begin to express how much I have loved reading this - not only did time fly, I found myself sad when I found out I have reached the end and realized I have to wait for more.

Wonderful, wonderful chapter! How May helped Luna with the search, then that levity, and how she handled that seemingly-awkward scene of straddling him when Starry arrived to give her report. 'Only awkward if you make it so' indeed

And that glimpse into the past. Almost looks like the meeting of those two was fated, did it not? Two displaced souls, unwittingly finding the companionship they have been seeking.

Also, dogs and caves? What the hell, has he been abducted by the diamond dogs, and mangled by trying to protect the ponies?
I guess we'll find out the exact reason for his injuries later... but, I like the slow unraveling of the past, even if I'd like to have the answers now. But I'll just wait, will make it even better
Especially when we find out what is eating Celestia so much for thinking it was her fault.

Once more, absolutely wonderful chapter!

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Thanks for the feed back! After careful consideration and reading through the areas as you suggested they should be written, I agree and have reworked them. Thanks again for watching out for me and wanting my story to be the best it can be!

I'm starting to like Starry Night. Can't wait to see more of her.

I guess the next chapter belongs to Princess Twilight. I can't wait to see what you have planned.

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Luckily... I love to swallow

Uhhhhh... ?

Simply fantastic. Can't wait for more!

I really am starting to love this story :)

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Thanks! Glad you're enjoying it!

“Be that as it may, what if their reasoning for taking the child had not been sound? What if they had apprehended young Sea Star not knowing Puddle Jumper never met Miss Rarity, or that Yellow Jacket only worked with the bees, or if they wanted him to harm production and force the meadery’s closure? What, what if…?

“What if my aunt had testicles? Would that make her my uncle?” he said as deadpanned and straight-faced as possible.

"I'm unsure why you feel your aunt's testicles are relevant to my concerns over the possibility of non criminal mastermind foalnappers... such as a simple run-of-the-mill sexual predator. One who's only motive would be 'she is pretty and I wanna fuck her'," Luna rebuked scathingly.

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Especially when we find out what is eating Celestia so much for thinking it was her fault.

I thought that was clear? She ran him through? Gave him that grievous goring the doctor mentioned in chapter one? Based on the bits from this chapter's flashback, likely during the rescue operation where she and Shining mistook him for a hostile?

I am really curious as to what happend to our misplaced Scholar, hopefully we will soon know.

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diamond dog slave mining gems.

The only serious critique I have is the cover art. It promises a fast and furious clop fic, where the princesses act really OOC in order to get to the hot ans steamy threesome as soon as possible. Or perhaps a 4-some with an Anon. I actually was wondering what this story was doing on my "favorites" bookshelf, instead of the "sinful favs" one, when the new chapter came out, and it made me ignore the update for a while.

But in stead of a dime-per-dozen clop, we're treated to a story with in-depth character development, some nice world building, an exploration of the unique bonds of friendship May has formed with each of the princesses, that leaves you with a tear across the cheek on multiple occasions. I would not have ignored the update if I'd remembered what the 1st chapter had been about!

In short, the cover art doesn't do it justice!

Oh, and in case you haven't cottoned on: I think this story is an absolute gem

This is a really good story. I am in anticipation for more

TWO FUCKING HOURS IT TOOK TO READ.
but for fucks sake was it FANTASTIC!

I love it. It's interesting and has kept me entertained all day even though I'm sick and should have been sleeping.

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same it is now 2:21 AM
Author i hope you are happy with what you have caused

For such a clever and observant fellow, Matthias seems rather oblivious to the Royal Sisters' affections.

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Well remember in the first chapter when he complemented Celestia and then put himself down. I think it's more of he thinks they could do way better than him of accounting his scars and mental image as well as some sort of ptsd from the past. Granted we don't exactly know what happens that much. But it left him scared in more ways than one. Hope the next chapter comes out soon.

That was a awesome read and I loved getting to see how they became friends.This chapter went straight to my heart ,I feel for him .

Rereading this due to the new chapter, and just noticed that little tidbit with his name about alliteration and knightly mice, Matthias and Martin, I believe both are character names from the Redwall series by Brian Jacques

“Hell, there once was a story of a famous toymaker targeted to help institute a coup d'etat against the queen of my world’s Trottingham.”

This is a reference to the "great mouse detective"isn't it?" XD

I'm Matthias Martin, and this is my favorite bakery on the Citadel

Just...awesome.

Also I would say this is the longest chapter I have ever read...
...and then I notice you have one that's double that...by Celestia's huge tits.

“I brought a cake from that new bakery," he offered.

“I am not my sister. No paltry pastry will pull me away from my friend,” she said with all the confidence and stoicism of royalty; unshakable, incorruptible, and unwav-

“I’ve gotta picture of Celestia freaking the fuck out.”

“GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!”

XD that had me laughing so damn hard XD

Now we know kids, the way to Luna's heart isn't with cake and sweats, but with embarrassing photo's of her sister.

Holy fucking shit-balls! Someone actually knows how to properly write in the King's Merrey Olde English! Thank GOD!

‘What can I say? My mother was a fan of alliteration and kightly mice; it was bound to happen.’

I get that one! I am that is! I LOVE the Redwall series. I miss Brian Jacques.

Luna quickly slapped her hands over her muzzle, having realized her previous slips of the tongue, “Oh, I'm sorry, I did not mean to overstep,” she said cringing in panic, “but... but, if you wouldn't mind having one such as myself as a friend, I would very much appreciate calling you mine.”

This, for me, only translates to one phrase:
Would you like to be my friend?... ha ha jk... unless?..