Twilight had just saved her friends from a spell that made them forget who they were. She had created a spell that would set everything right, but in performing the spell, she disappears, and in her place, a small black coated filly appears, unconscious. The other 5 ponies work to find out how to help this filly as the story unfolds. Elsewhere, Twilight is dealing with her own problems as she finds herself face to face with an old foe, and is left to wonder just how much trouble the universe is in.
Chapters (3)
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>>Night Frost 18
Thanks! I really appreciate seeing people enjoying my story, part 2 should be out sometime this week
keep getting interesting
I have to admit, you have my interest for this AU. I'm looking forward to learn more about it
However, there are a few formating issues I'd like to mention. First, paragraphs should be visibly separated, that means, there will be a space
like this between them. The story is then far more pleasant for eyes.
Second, remember the rule 'New speaker, new paragraph' - I think that's even how Fimfic rules call it. Basically it means whenever a different character starts speaking, start a new paragraph. However, keep in mind the word different. If you have a character speaking, doing something and then speaking again without anyone else interrupting, there won't be a new paragraph.
To explain this better, here is a portion of your story in unchanged form:
And this is how I modified it formating-wise only. It's not the only possible splicing of the sentences.
If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.
There are also some direct speech issues and such, but I don't want to write kilometer long comments. Expect a PM from me later today, explaining some more troubles