Bonbon befriends a human that arrives in Equestria by what else but, Twilight's wacky experiment gone wrong.
Bonbon and Lyra are NOT in a relationship. They're just roommates. Ok? Ok.
Chapters (6)
- Member Since 2nd Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Oct 26th, 2023
luigilink32
stuff. planning on writing many fanfics. My first fanfiction has gone down pretty well already, I'll try finishing some up and posting more.
luigilink32
Joined 2nd Apr, 2012 ·
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Please, for the love of Luna, tell me this is a bad joke. "Bonbon and Lyra are NOT in a relationship." and yet you are writing a "Fanfic" about Lyra and Bon-Bon. Why don't you also write a "Fanfic" in which Twilight Sparkle in not Celestia's student and Mrs. Cake is not married to Mr. Cake (Set in the past doesn't count
). In fact you should write a "Fanfic" about a Dolphin named Bobby and a Rabbit named Fin because clearly our understanding of the definition of Fanfiction are completely different.
870302
In Anthropology they aren't in a relationship, and are (presumably) just roommates. I might be wrong, however, because I am not a shipper.
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-lol-no.gif
bonbon n lyra are like bread and crusts
870302
i think you're getting fanon and canon confused good sir
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2538-13277244087729.png
Perhaps I should've just left that part out now that I think about it -_-
i like it, but could you please make them a little longer. i feel like chapters one and two could have been just one chapter. other than that, your doing pretty good
872294 thanks for the input, I did intend for the chapters to be longer, I guess it just looks like more on paper. Expect longer future chapters, but a little longer wait time in between.
Alright, time for some constructive criticism...
1. First four chp. should have been one.( Dont change them now, to late.))
2. Put a space between paragraphs. (makes it easier yo read.)
3. No noticeable grammar mistakes.
I will leave you with this for now... good luck on the next chapter.
please do make them longer, as soon as i start to get really into it, it ends. try to work on that, still like it though
I agree with everything Jordan said, add a few facts
Your word count and pace. I hate to say this but anything less of 1300 word count chapters just seems lazy and rush!
you can have 300 well written words but still come across like a neon sigh say "oh hey guys I wrote this in less then 10 minutes and didn't proof read or anything! enjoy"
Pace, if you going for a Lyra x human shipping sure you can make lyra is trying her hardest to get the human to live with her but don't make it come a cross as a badly written porn-o right now. I feel like this is "boy meet girl, girl is instalove with boy and then they fucked"
Lastly HiE are like the most hated Story plot in all of Friendship is magic fan fics. At this point the only uncommon element you have is that lyra and bon- bon aren't filly foolers
now I'd give you this you have the balls to try and write something so for that here one spikesash
892462 thanks
I think
And did you see the rating?
And the other comments? Just sayin'
Thanks anyway
892294 isn't that the point?
But the next chapters WILL be longer, I promise.
This is very good, i'm looking forward to your next chapter
914332 coming right up!
nice job, you got the attitudes of 2 of the mane characters practically spot on, lets hope that the rest are just as good!
rainbow dash is in the basement of sugarcube corner.....
921326 actually that was a vague reference to my other fic
luigilink32 really? heheh, i was making a vague reference to "cupcakes"
so what is this other fic?
922451 I saw what you did there, even though i havent read that fic
here's the fic My Little Portal Gun (MLPG)
its not a fic, its a gruesome video with rainbow dash and pinkie pie. honestly i recommend NOT watching it, i can stomach a lot of blood and gutsy stuff, but not this, i refuse to watch the entire video
of course you will probably look it up now, but i have warned you
and dont laugh too hard at my response in case you already know about the video, it might hurt my feelings
923483 I knew it was gruesome, but I was pretty sure it was a fic, but what do I know
how to write a decent story
it was nice to see the second half chapter out, well done. i hope the next chapters are longer though
955228 that was a reason I did it in two parts
956197
nah that's the inspiration talking, get a hold of yourself