• Member Since 2nd Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 26th, 2023

luigilink32


stuff. planning on writing many fanfics. My first fanfiction has gone down pretty well already, I'll try finishing some up and posting more.

T
Source

Dash's crush on Derpy Hooves seems to take a turn for the better when Derpy unwittingly agrees to a date. Things escalate, and shenanigans occur.

NOTE: Special thanks to Inferno demon Dash for suggesting the ship and editing the story!

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 59 )

This is Epic RainbowDerpy is an awesome combo you sir deserve a cookie!:pinkiehappy:

Damn, twenty reviews and you just posted this thing, nice.

You still got some spelling and grammer errors, more so to not caplizing the first letter of a sentence and not putting two spaces when the talking, also your Italic does not seem to work for some reason, I suggest you make sure to check over your work before you post the chapter my brother, try Microsoft Word for there seem to be a few spelling errors that should be corrected.

Other then that you know I'll be waiting for more and thank you very much for doing tihs my friend, means a lot to m.

I'll be sure to return the favor, also, caplize the L in your pen name, makes you seem more like an expert with proper spelling.

Thumbs up and fave, you magnificent bastard.

Also, I'm giving my usual mustache,:moustache:

1212826 you have Inferno demon Dash to thank for the idea, he/she? Has been very instrumental in the making of this fic. :twilightsmile: 1212870 thanks, I'll fix that and make sure I get that working! :pinkiesmile:

1212906 I'm male, and nah, I just got punched in the face by an idea while walking across the street one day....happens to me a lot to be honest, I'm expecting for idea to run me over with a car any day now:rainbowlaugh:

1213062 at least two more are in the works, I don't know how long I'll stretch this out for, it'll depend on the response I get from the community! :yay:

I like this a lot. :rainbowkiss:Continue.
:moustache:

Hm I personally don't see Derpy as a lesbian but this seems good so far. Waiting for next chapter with a muffin in one hand and a finger on top of my muffin button.

It looks very nice. I'm looking forward for the next chapter.

DerpDash? Well, why in the hoof not?

I'm not sure how I'm going to relate to this, but by Luna's ultra-athletic socks, I'm certainly going to try.

YES! Loved this chapter, and only this is be sure to put two spaces when two of them talk such as:

"Are you ok, Rainbow Dash?" Derpy asked, her right eye stating at her with worry as her left looked over to the side of the pony in front of her.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Derpy....now come on and help me up!" Rainbow Dash shouted lifting her left front hoof into the air as Derpy stuck her tounge out to the right of her mouth, narrowed her eyes and flapped her cloudly colored wings in order to help up the mare who was her friend...or what seemed to be more in her eyes.

Sorry, just felt like writing for a second :rainbowlaugh: But yeah, so caplize the first letter of the words always when writing, make sure everything is good and you should be good to go, great chapter by the way.

Suddenly! She's in Derpy's house! How!:derpyderp1:

1219545 thanks again! :twilightsmile: 1219769 thanks, and either sometime tomorrow or whenever I finish it! :pinkiehappy:

1219963 No problem and YES! Can't wait for the next chapter.

What the heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeck!

Derpydash? please go on.

mwehehe. Dashie went to sleep in Derpy's bed. This is gonna get good.

There aren't enough Derpy shipfics, and certainly not enough good ones. I love the way you have RD drift off into daydreams, I can totally picture it. And you've got Derpy's dialogue down pretty well too - it's easy to hear it spoken by the (pre-edit) Derpy voice. Please update regularly!

1231234>>1229832>>1225408 oh stop it, you. :twilightblush:

Owwwwwnnnnn....
So cute!:rainbowkiss: Great chapter!

1231320 Everything was good Link, save for the fact that those spaces I put did not stay there...damn it!

1232069 actually I think I removed those :twilightsheepish: writing inconsistencies, you know.

It seemed a bit hurried, and the dialogue is a bit awkward, and I don't just mean because it's Rainbow Dash tripping over herself every time she speaks. Other than that, it's about as diabetes-inducingly cute as your other chapters, so well done.

Simple, rushed, little set-up or development - and it's all good because I'm a sucker for DerpyDash. Keep writing, these two deserve to be happy together!

Oh thank the heavens, a new chapter has arrived!
*goes off to read it, then returns*
Nice! Derpy and RD dancing... This should be good.

1298738 holy crap, I barely had it up for 15 seconds. Maybe less. Overly Attached Reader, much?

1298761
naw, not really. I just really enjoy this story.

1298768 call it what you wish, then

Hmm that last part was confusing. Oh well, Rainbow is getting kinda creepy now.

So....my changes were ingored then? As well as no sepreating lines when two ponies talk? Love this story even though I edit it :rainbowlaugh: but I'll still give honest feedback, please do, seprate when the ponies and talking and try to only have five lines per sentence.

Uh... What the heck were those last three paragraphs? It seems like there are things missing, like entire paragraphs inbetween missing.

The formatting needs some work. There should be a blank line between every paragraph and line of dialogue. Like if you have RD say something, there should be a blank line immediately after she finishes speaking. The golden rule is that you never hit enter only once while writing a story, you always hit it twice.

what is this with Dashie's sudden clumsiness? I'll bet the situation with Derpy is causing it... another excellent chapter.

i369.photobucket.com/albums/oo137/Captain_Ashton/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-winning-it-feels-good-1.jpg

Hmm... I'm interested in finding out if the other ponies' presence at the dance will affect Derpy and Rainbow's date. Also, a curiosity: was there a specific reason why Twilight Sparkle isn't there with the rest of them? Or is she just not mentioned yet?

good job man, I like it the fact that :ajsmug::raritywink: are fighting again its good. I can't wait for the next one.

Semper Fidelis

So good!!! When's the next chapter coming out. I hope soon. :derpytongue2::heart::rainbowkiss:

.....How did the CMC get into Rainbow's house? She lives on a cloud.....

1898295 I'm extremely sorry, I've been terribly busy and haven't gotten around to writing the next chapter, although I've been planning to for quite some time.

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