Chapter 6; Investigations, Part 2
Chapter 6
Detective Bright Star knew, in the back of his mind, that his dentist was probably going to kill him.
Despite this, his head continued to fill with the incessant vibrations of his teeth grinding against one another. It was a bad habit, and one he had oft tried to break, but still just couldn’t seem to – especially when he was on a case. His mind was turning over at a mile a minute; details, facts, figures, and plans running through his head. It was a dangerous cycle, he knew, to get into. He tried to keep his focus on the matters at hoof, but his mind would keep returning to her. It was the stress, he decided, of dealing with another case. No, not another case. This case – a case too eerily similar to hers. That was it; he knew it, even if he didn’t dare let it rest at the forefront of his thoughts too long. She remained there anyway, lurking, present, but somehow not at the same time.
At least he was no longer alone in the corridors. The hospital had been growing steadily busier throughout the day. Not to mention, dodging the occasional nurse, with or without gurney, as he strode through the passageways provided somewhat of a distraction. Finally, rounding another corner, he came upon the room he had been looking for. Copper, faithful as ever, was standing vigilant watch. The door was, of course, closed. He would have been surprised if it wasn’t. As much as he would have liked to interview her in an attempt to get a more firm grasp of what had happened, he knew how vital sleep was for the victim.
Bright Star had to suppress a shudder. ‘The victim’ had always seemed such a callous and de-ponyizing term to him, though he knew such emotional detachment was necessary for the professionalism his job required. He could not help but feel uncomfortable, nevertheless. “Hey, Cop’, anything to report?”
“No, suh.”
A frown settled upon Bright Star’s face. “Really? You’ve nothing to tell me?”
“No, suh. Nutt’n o’ signif’c’nce.”
“Off the record, Copper. Tell me. How’ve things been around here? What have you heard?”
Officer Copper glanced up and down the corridor quickly before meeting his superior’s questioning gaze. “In truth, suh, I have noticed summt’n. Th’ mare, Miss Dash? Ev’ry time they leave ‘er, try an’ give ‘er some rest, right? Sh’es restless, suh. I can hear ‘er tossin’, turnin’, sometimes moanin’ right awful. I daren’t say I’ve heard none else like it.”
Bright Star gave an involuntary shudder, both Royal Police members quieting down for a few moments, trying to discern any noises from beyond the door. There was nothing. “And nopony is with her, no nurses, none of her friends?”
Copper shook his head. “I’ve been keepin’ track, there’s nopony else in there wit’ ‘er.”
“Do you think she’s sleeping right now?”
“I s’ppose so, suh. Can’t hear nottin’, an’ I expect she’s a might tired out by now. One thing I’m certain on, though, She’ll be in no right state fo’ questionin’, tha’s fo’ sure.”
“I figured as much.” Bright Star furled his brow, thoughts churning once more. He needed some time to think. “Thanks, Copper. Keep me posted, and I’ll see about getting Cuff in here sometime soon to relieve you.”
“Thank ye, suh.” Officer Copper nodded curtly and resumed his position by the door. Bright Star strode past, towards the end of the corridor. Unbeknownst to him, he was grinding his teeth once more.
Another turn led him nearly towards the wide double doors leading to the lobby. His hoof steps echoed off the confines and his shadow jumped rhythmically under the shifting beams of fluorescent light as he passed under each fixture. Each hoofbeat registered as a dull thump in his mind. His collar and tie felt entirely too tight, stifling, even. He pulled at it with one hoof. His head was pounding. He groaned, rubbing his temple. He glanced up. Two squares of light, signaling the doors and brightly-lit lobby beyond, lay ahead. Bright Star glanced to his side. Another door, a plain, nondescript metal edifice that might nary have drawn his attention otherwise, stood recessed into the wall. A simple inscription across the top read ‘Broom Closet’.
Ducking to the side, he slipped the door open and glided inside, shutting it behind him. His eyes fell upon a small, damp, dimly-lit room. He lit his horn, his magic casting a beam of light upon a few scattered brooms, buckets, and other cleaning supplies. An old generator sat in the corner, humming and vibrating. Bright Star shut his eyes, shaking his head back and forth. He pulled his collar even looser, his teeth grinding at a furious pace. His eyes flew open. He saw a broom. In an instant, it was enveloped in his shimmering magical aura. “Not again.” He whispered to the darkness. He shook his head. The broom lifted into the air. His head throbbed; thoughts searing his mind like wildfire. He tried to throw the brakes on to no avail. Red flashed before his eyes. “Not again!” his voice filled the narrow space.
Without warning, the broom swung down and struck against the generator. A resounding clang echoed through the small room. He lifted it again and swung again. It came down hard with another metallic sound. Over and over. Bright Star’s eyes narrowed on the generator as his broom swung hard into it again and again until the wood handle shattered in midair. He dropped it, then, letting the splintered pieces clatter to the ground. He took a deep breath, the sound of impact still ringing in his ears. He shuddered as he took in each breath, willing himself to calm down. His face was still hot. He wiped a trail of sweat form his brow with a hoof. He backed up against the door. “He’s not getting away again. Not this time.” He growled. “Not again.” He whisked the door open and strode out.
A nurse stood just outside, her mouth hanging slack, staring at him as he exited. Bright Star cast a glance back into the broom closet. The splintered broom lay strewn about the floor, the generator humming away with a few new dents. He looked back to the nurse and straightened his tie. “Someone should really take a look at that.”
================================================
There was just something about hospitals that made Twilight feel uneasy. She wasn’t sure if it was the faint, yet ever-present, antiseptic scent, the disconcerting pattern of off-white and sickly green that dominated the décor, or simply the feeling of helplessness and uselessness that sitting around in a waiting room imparted. Glancing around her, she could plainly see her friends shared her reservations. Applejack fidgeted on a couch across the room. The farm pony lay on her back, her eyes screwed tightly shut, as if she was trying to fall asleep and having a particularly hard time of it. Nearby, Rarity seemed intent on distracting herself. If the furiously clacking knitting needles and what was probably supposed to be a scarf were any indication, however, she appeared to be doing a fairly poor job of it. Given the numerous mistakes she had made, her mind clearly wasn’t fully into the project. Fluttershy seemed focused enough on it, however. She stared at the knitting piece suspended in her unicorn friend’s magical aura as if it were the most interesting thing she had ever seen.
Twilight sighed, resting her chin upon her hooves in a vain attempt to get comfortable on the hard, knobby couch. A quick glance towards the window revealed a weary face, disheveled mane, and drooping eyes. It suddenly dawned on her exactly how long she had gone without sleep by then. Unbidden, a yawn escaped her. Maybe Applejack had the right idea, she reasoned. Maybe if she could just get a few minutes’ rest, she wouldn’t feel so beaten down.
Twilight Sparkle closed her eyes, but her mind was whirring at a furious pace. She couldn’t stop thinking about Rainbow Dash – about everything that had gone so horribly wrong. She wished she could go back to her friend’s room. She wished she hadn’t had to leave Rainbow Dash’s side. Her mind’s eye returned again and again to the image of the once strong pegasus’s face, contorted in pain and fear, staring at her as Nurse Redheart began her tests. The fear – that was the worst part. Rainbow Dash had been scared; she’d reached out for help, but all Twilight could offer had been her hoof. A tingling sensation raced through the limb, as if the pegasus still held it in her vice grip. Twilight shivered.
“Miss Sparkle? If I could get a moment of your time?” A stallion’s voice cut into her thoughts. Twilight grunted, her eyes still squinted tightly shut. She waved her hoof in front of her in a half-hearted attempt to shoo whoever it was away. “I assure you; this is a matter of the utmost importance.”
Twilight cracked one eye open to find Detective Bright Star glancing down at her with a mixture of bemusement and grave concern. She carefully pulled herself to her hooves to stand before him. “What is it, detective?”
“I’ve some news, but I think it best to sojourn somewhere more private first.”
With a sigh, Twilight reluctantly followed his lead to a more secluded corner of the lobby. “How is she doing?”
“I spoke with my partner just a moment ago. From what he tells me, the sedative drip they put in her IV isn’t working too well. He says she’s restless… says she’s been tossing and turning and moaning in her sleep. It doesn’t sound too good.”
“Oh, dear… how well can we trust his judgment?”
“One-hundred percent. He’s one of the best stallions I’ve got. Both he and Cuff are.”
Twilight nodded. “Fair enough. It’s just… I don’t like it. A higher dosage is out of the question, then?”
“I’d assume that would do her more harm than good. But no, I don’t like it either.”
“So you’re saying it probably can’t be helped?”
Bright Star nodded. “Probably. But, even if she isn’t sleeping soundly, the drip ensures she isn’t in any pain. Still, there are some wounds only time can heal.”
Twilight frowned. “Is that it then, or do you have any other news from your investigation?”
“Yes, actually. Some good news. Those samples the nurse took have been sent to a lab in Canterlot for analysis.”
Twilight Sparkle, her curiosity piqued, immediately felt her mood pick up. “Really, well, maybe we’ll get somewhere now.”
“Indeed. A colleague of Doctor Stable’s should be examining them and comparing them against the Equestrian Magical Database soon.”
Twilight blinked at the detective, incredulous. “The EMD? Already?”
“You’re familiar with the database, I take it?”
“Of course. I worked with some of the professors who developed it while I was studying under Princess Celestia.”
Bright Star nodded his approval when Twilight acknowledged. “Very good. That makes explaining things easier, then.”
“They must have fast-tracked our case, then. They usually have a fairly long backlog.”
“I thought as much. Somepony must be pulling some strings behind the scenes.”
“Celestia…” Twilight muttered.
Bright Star nodded his agreement. “That would be my guess, as well. From what times I’ve worked directly with her during my career, I wouldn’t put it past her.”
Twilight’s face registered surprise. She had not known of the princess’ dealings with the police before. Some unknown urge drove her to press further. “How well do you know the princess?”
Bright Star chuckled lightly. “Not personally. I’ve met her numerous times in a professional capacity, though. I suppose she trusts me. I’m usually the first pony called on whenever an assignment comes directly from her.”
“And how long have you…” Twilight trailed off, her cheeks flushing a faint shade of pink.
“… Been on the force?” Bright Star finished for her, a knowing smile crossing his face. Twilight nodded. “Too long. Always, too long.” He shook his head, the grin melting from his features.
“I’m sorry.”
A spark returned to his eyes almost immediately, though he appeared pensive and distracted. “Don’t be. It’s a living.” The detective straightened his tie, clearing his throat in the process. “And speaking of which, I’d best be going. I need to find Cuff and see if he has much of anything to report.” Without some much as a goodbye, he turned and headed for the door. The nurse on duty glanced up from her desk for only a moment before returning to her book.
“Good luck!” Twilight called after him. The front doors swung closed.
A quiet cough sounded behind her. Twilight spun around. Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack stood at rapt attention, a few paces behind her. Applejack coughed again. Rarity cocked an eyebrow at her fellow unicorn. Twilight smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, girls. Just discussing the case.”
Applejack frowned. “Ah don’t like him much. He seems so cold an’ distant.”
Rarity glanced at Applejack before returning to Twilight. “I concur. He does come off as rather aloof. I’m not sure I feel very comfortable around him.”
Twilight shrugged, trotting back to the couch with her friends trailing behind. “I think he’s just being a professional. Really, anyone who’s been doing the work he has for as long as he has is bound to grow a hard shell.”
“If it’s all the same, Ah still don’t like him much.” Applejack lay down beside her friend, shifting her weight to get comfortable. “So, Twi… what is a ‘EMD’?”
“Yes, Darling. Do tell us… just what is going on?”
Twilight Sparkle breathed deeply, searching for the right words. “Well, the princesses need a way of keeping track of all their subjects, so the Equestrian Magical Database is just that – a huge catalogue of everypony in Equestria, sorted by name, birthdate, and more.”
“So how does that help us?” Applejack scratched behind her head, looking confused.
Twilight sighed. “It’s hard to explain… basically, the system is also set up to contain a magical record of each individual pony. It works like this… you know how everypony, unicorn or not, has some magic in them, right?”
“Sure.” Applejack agreed; Rarity and Fluttershy nodding as well.
“Well, the magic within a pony is also completely unique to that pony. So, using a spell, a higher-level unicorn can analyze the magical energy of any one pony and then be able to read that pony’s unique magical signature. By cataloguing each signature with its respective pony in the database, the police can use the magical signature to match pieces of evidence to their respective ponies and help solve crimes.”
“Ok, Sugarcube. Ya lost me there.”
“Look at it this way. If you cut a piece of your mane off, does it just become generic, nameless hair?”
Applejack shook her head slowly. “No… it’s still mah hair, ain’t it?”
Twilight nodded. “Exactly. It identifies with you, so it makes sense that part of the magical energy within you stays in the hair, right?”
“Ah guess so…”
“Right. So, if a stray hair is found at a crime scene, its magical signature can be read, compared to the database, and matched with the pony it belongs to. That’s the benefit of using the EMD, and that’s what they’re doing now with the… erm…” Twilight gave an involuntary shudder, “… fluid… samples they’ve collected.”
Rarity grimaced, looking more than a little queasy. “Oh, dear… that’s… that’s absolutely repulsive. But… will they find out who… who…”
Twilight nodded quickly. “Yes, they’ll be able to tell who it was. There is a catch though.”
“What?” Rarity and Applejack exclaimed, nearly in unison.
“Analyzing a pony’s individual magical energy is still a pretty new practice, and the information is usually catalogued into the system at birth. So if a pony was born before they started the system, or outside of a hospital, they might not have a magical signature added to the database.” Twilight glanced at each face. Worry creased all three. “Don’t worry, though.” She spoke quickly, trying to convince herself of her words as much as her friends. “I’m sure we won’t run into that problem.”
“How can ya be so sure?” Twilight smiled at Applejack’s question.
“Because. The Wonderbolts are extremely high-profile ponies. They would have had their signatures catalogued as a safety precaution. Of that, I’m positive.”
Rarity nodded at this. “But, Darling, are you sure it was one of them? After all, we don’t really know…”
“There’s no doubt in my mind.” Twilight nodded curtly; Rarity swallowed the rest of her reply.
“I do hope you’re right, Twilight Sparkle… but when will we know for sure?”
Twilight sighed, suddenly deflated; she sunk back into the couch. “All we can do now is wait.”
Applejack closed her eyes, resting her chin on crossed hooves. “Seems like waitin’s all we’ve been doin’ since last night.”
Silence fell over the four friends. For a long while, a sublime quiet filled the waiting room, broken only by steady breathing and the occasional swish of a turning page as the on-duty Nurse pursued her novel.
Fluttershy fidgeted in her place, unable to get comfortable. Beside her, Rarity had returned to her knitting, but hardly paid any attention to it. Twilight and Applejack both rested their heads in their hooves. They looked like they might be asleep, but Fluttershy couldn’t be quite sure. She swallowed lightly. The air felt heavy against her, weighed down with the silence all around her. A bead of sweat rolled down from her mane, even though the room was not too warm. She fidgeted again. The quiet and the still air pressed against her chest. She opened her mouth to speak, but only a squeak came out. She couldn’t form the words. The silence was too overwhelming. She…
She reached out and pressed a hoof to Rarity’s shoulder. The unicorn, glad for a distraction, set her half-made scarf down and turned to her best friend, her best comforting smile spread across her features. “Yes, Dear? What is it?”
The deadening silence shattered. Fluttershy took a deep breath and found her voice. “Oh, Rarity… I’m so confused. I just… I don’t… nothing seems like it makes sense anymore.”
Rarity sighed; her smiled vanished. The regal pony suddenly looked very tired. “I understand what you mean, my dear. We’re all still very confused.” She raised a hoof to rub at her eyes. It came away wet. “This whole ugly mess has been very trying for everypony.”
“Don’t… don’t you feel like something’s missing, though?” Fluttershy bit her lip, a lock of long, pink hair falling across her face.
Rarity pursed her lips, her face scrunched in thought. “Whatever could you mean?”
“Where’s Pinkie?”
Rarity’s eyes went wide before blinking a few times. “You’re right…” She spoke slowly. “Where is Pinkie Pie? I would have thought she’d be here by now…” Rarity glanced over at Twilight Sparkle. The other unicorn’s chest rose and fell slowly, peacefully. Rarity reached out to tap her friend on the shoulder, but hesitated. A light smile fell across her face as she watched Twilight’s sleeping form for a few short moments. She drew her hoof back. “Poor dear’s been up and running around all night.” She whispered, turning back to Fluttershy. “She needs her rest.”
“What should we do? Do you think… do you think something else bad might have happened?”
Rarity shook her head. “I doubt it, Darling. But if you are worried, I suppose it couldn’t hurt to go check up on the little dear. She’s probably more rattled about this than we are.” Fluttershy nodded silently. “Do you think we should go find her?”
“Please?”
Rarity chuckled lightly. “Of course, Dear. We’ll leave Twilight for some much needed rest and go ourselves.”
She was cut off by a yawn. “If… if ya don’t mind, Rarity. Ah think Ah’ll stay back as well. Ah’m still…” Applejack yawned once more, rolling over onto her back. “Ah’m still a might tuckered out.” Rarity nodded gently. Applejack pulled one of the couch’s few pillows underneath her head and slipped her hat down over her eyes to block the light. Soon, her chest, too, was rising and falling in gentle rhythm.
Rarity and Fluttershy shared a small smile. “Come along, Darling. We shall see what has become of our dear pink friend.” With a final glance towards their sleeping companions, the two mares slipped silently from the room.
================================================
Some sort of buzzing noise; a strange, periodic, low humming sound, filled her ears.
Rainbow Dash rolled over onto her side, clasping a hoof over her upturned ear. The humming continued unabated. She scrunched up her face, wishing that the annoyance would leave her to her rest. A short moment later, with no such luck, she rolled onto her back once more, emitting a sound somewhere between a grunt and a low moan. Her head still felt foggy; her thoughts merely swimming through half-conscious murk. Within the sea of unintelligible bits and pieces of ideas, though, one stood free and clear: something was making an annoying buzzing sound, and she needed to investigate. Rainbow Dash opened her eyes.
She immediately regretted that decision. The too-bright lights of before somehow seemed even brighter, and her eyes registered the light as little more than searing pain. She squinted them shut almost instantly, another groan rolling from her lips. The shock of new light cut through her mind’s haze, though she still felt a bit numb. With her daze subsiding, she wondered exactly where she was. She certainly couldn’t be at home; the sunshine of her room was never so bright in the morning, and whatever she was laying on certainly was not cloud stuff. It took a few more seconds for the last remaining fog to clear from her mind.
Memories of the hospital came rushing back to her. At least, she thought it was the hospital. She remembered Nurse Redheart… Nurse Redheart standing over her, whisking her blankets away, exposing her, touching her with… something… something cold. Rainbow Dash shivered, a tingling sensation spreading up through her lower belly. She remembered something more, though: Twilight Sparkle, her friend, with a concerned face, standing by her side, reaching out to her and holding her hoof. She was there for her, taking care of her. Rainbow Dash wondered if Twilight was still there, waiting for her to wake up. Still squinting hard, she opened her eyes a mere crack. The light didn’t seem so bad this time. She tried again, and again, her eyes finally blinking their last remaining inhibitions away and opening fully to her surroundings. The same hospital room as before fell into view, and it was clear nopony else was in the room. She was alone, with the same too-white walls and the same ugly green sheets. These were tangled in a mess around her body, products of a fitful night’s… or a few hours’… sleep.
It slowly dawned on Rainbow Dash that she had no idea what time of day it even was, or how long she’d been in the hospital. Wearily, she sat up, lifting her hooves to rub the last of the sleep from her eyes. Then, setting her hooves back down, she noticed something out of the corner of her eye. She squinted at her fore leg, trying to gain a better view. A bandage was wrapped around her limb, just at the joint, concealing a small bulge from which a plastic tube jutted. Her eyes traced the tube, following its curves up to a bag hung on a rack above her, filled with some foreign liquid. Despite her warm tangle of sheets, Rainbow Dash suddenly felt very cold. She could feel a pressure on the joint, just beneath the tube, could feel it sticking into her. Something filled her with the overwhelming desire to get it out; she jerked her foreleg quickly away from the rack with its chilling bag.
She drew a sharp intake of breath as the tube tugged against her movement and a sudden pinprick of pain shot through her limb. Gingerly, she set her fore leg down by her side. The alien tube remained. Soon, the quick spike of pain dulled, and finally went numb. Rainbow Dash shivered. Her whole body felt a little numb. A part of her mind told her that it was just some sort of medicine, and that the sensation would wear off soon enough. Another part was merely glad that her head no longer throbbed and that the cotton was gone from her ears. Her mouth was dry, though, and the more she thought of it, the worse it seemed.
Water… she needed water. She felt her dry mouth and throat beg for it as she cast her gaze about the room. There was a sink, nestled against the wall in the far corner – too far for her to reach without pulling the tube out. She shuddered, her fore leg tingling at just the thought of the pain, and the thirst continued to eat away at her.
A wave of relief washed over her when she heard the door open. That would be the nurse, she reasoned, coming to check on her. Rainbow Dash coughed, turning and opening her mouth to ask for a glass of water, but in that moment, her breath was stolen from her.
“Surprised to see me?” Playful, twinkling eyes locked on her from across the room.
Rainbow Dash shrank back into the bed. She could only stammer weakly. “Y- you…”
A grin tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Yes, utterly speechless. Oh, come now. I should think you’d be quite happy to see me.” A deep, low, calm voice, cutting through the air like a knife, drawing it away with swift swipes. Rainbow Dash couldn’t breathe. His eyes were laughing. “I barely even got to the best part.”
“You… you’re not supposed to be here.”
“Au contraire, my dear. You see, I was so worried about you. After all, you left so quickly, I hardly even got the chance to say goodbye.” His grin was wider now, threatening to split his face from end to end along a dark seam.
He advanced, smooth azure coat rippling over a toned, muscular frame. Each hoof fall echoed through the room as a clap of thunder, one after another. She scrambled backwards, clawing at the bed for purchase, throwing up sheets, pillows, anything that might bury her, hide her, mask her from view. All the while, he grew closer…
Closer…
His hot breath rolled over her neck. His lips were at her ear. “Of course, you do know we were only just getting started…”
Rainbow Dash screamed.
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I'd been starting to think this story had died, I'm happy that it hadn't, It was one of my first stories to start reading (Thats in comparison to how many I've read)
EDIT:
Soarin... Only one of the Wonderbolt's that I know of that have a blue coat and are male. I really never did like any of them anyway.
Aww yeah another chapter. I've been waiting for it.
Damn next week full of exams but maybe a little break won't hurt.
And, Soarin? I've got a full bunch of favored SoarinDash pictures but how could I let this stopping me from liking this.
2 month gap?! thats a 4 month gap...lol cant wait till next chapter
ohhhhh i wanna know more, still hopes she gets pregnant to add more drama, but i wanna read more X3 also, please update more? i thought this thing was abandoned since it hasn't been updated since october, when i started collage.
Just saw this story the other day and started wondering. Nice to see an update.
(Coldly) May whoever did... that to Dashie suffer in hell, forever being raped with burning chainsaws. Automatic assumption is Sorin(?), but constantly being mislead makes us question it. Kinda hoping it is, I always hated the Wonderbolts anyway.
Hoping she comes out of this alright...
Cliffhanger!
Soarin'.... now on my eternal list of ponies that must feel the wrath of all Tartarus blown down upon them in the most unimaginabley painful of ways.....
(Joke) Alt. Title: Look At Me! I'm In Tatters!
And just in case nobody has done this before:
It's always sad to see the problems that affect our society happen to the ponies.
This fic is greatly written, starting on the actual linguistic level. What I mean is that you have used multiple words or sayings that I first thought were typos before cheking them out.
Then, your writing style of not following the story along a line, but, constantly jumping back and forth, slowly revealing more and more info is very intriguing to read. I mean, take the prologue for example. Just that chapter deserves some credit of its own. That buildup, of beeing thrown close to the end, or at least into the middle of the storyline, but with very vague details, was greatly performed.
So, about to the story. I'm not sure how I should react to a fic with a topic this sensible. What is explained is an horrible act, but, this fic shows so much more than rape, The focus isn't on the act, the focus is on what happens afterwards. The fic shows the friends beeing unsure what to do, but, still willing to do whatever they can. It shows Celestia helping out in the limited ways she can, and it gives insight into the workings of law enforcement in (your) Equestria.
All that insight into everything, makes this a great, even if sad, read.
--
Concluding: Greatly written fic, on both linguistic and storyline level.
Thanks for writing this and putting it up for people to enjoy!
Liked & Faved, and Following you
Good luck with continuing this, or whatever you decide to do next that is.
M
--
Oh, and, I think I caught a typo in the prologue.
I think that should be another from* there, but, after reading all the other chapters, I'm starting to doubt.
Poor Dashie
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn that's a good cliffhanger...
I really, really hope that's a dream. How'd he get past the guard?
Amazing writing, as always. If this is actually happening... shit is about to get real. Twilight is just down the hall.
Very good chapter. It builds suspense in all the right ways. Was that Soarin? Or was Rainbow hallucinating? Just what is up with Pinkie Pie? Its going to be painful waiting on the next chapter.....but await we do
I am going to reiterate my hope that the rapist isn't Soarin. If it is, than it would be severely OOC--and that's saying something, considering he only has a few lines of dialogue.
Also, inb4 it's a nightmare/drug induced hallucination.
No no no no! It can't be Soarin'. His coat is very pale blue, not azure. Also, where did he learn French?
This is confusing. We'll see later who it is...
That's obviously a dream, the pony guarding the door wouldnt let him in
2035431
The only thing we really know about Soarin' from the show is that he is a Wonderbolt, and also likes pie. (Apparently, he also makes slobbery noises when he eats, and attends various formal events in either his flightsuit or a military-esque shirt-and-tie). I may not be seeing something that you are, but I see no reason why any of the given information on his character precludes him from being a rapist. (Or, at the very least, being unable to control himself when he gets going). He is, from a character perspective, a blank page.
2036537
"Azure" can cover a broad enough range of shades of blue to fairly easily cover his, I assure you.
Well done indeed. An excellent chapter, full of character background information and hints thereat, suspense and intrigue. Definitely looking forward to more.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
nope cant be soarin as azure can cover many shades of blue and as from a story point of view making soarin the rapist would be too easy and boring and i know author has way more class then to do that.
2039146
I'd like to respectfully disagree.
After all, which choice makes for a more emotional, and thus far more reaching, story for my readers? One where the bad guy is someone they know and are familiar with, or one where the bad guy is an OC, or similar?
203950 well who ever you make out the rapist to be im sure it will be a kicker Also wish you the best of luck
in you're personal life and hope it all works out and hopfully have more time to write
Definitely one of my all time favorites. It's really hard to read sometimes but I always find the torrent of emotion so rewarding and inspiring. Reading a chapter or two of this has always been a great way to start my writing for the day.
Cliffhanger: check
A suspect: Check
Next chapter: Incomplete
I need to fave this
2039506
Well if we're going to overanalyze things~
You mentioned from the little we've seen from Soarin', there isn't enough evidence to say him being a rapist is out of character- which is true, but what we have seen (a sloppy, happy goofball) from him makes it highly highly unlikely. His celebrity status as a Wonderbolt (and part of the military) also give his role as a rapist a huge risk for him personally, but I will admit it doesn't make it impossible (anything is possible, after all). The dialogue you gave him in this latest chapter is completely out of character- the little speech he has is not elegant at all, and Matt Hill's voice would butcher french words. You can give him whatever role you want (he can be a serial killer for all you want if you can pull it off)- it's your story, but at least characterize his dialogue accordingly from what we've heard him say canonically.
Rainbow Dash probably was not the best rape victim choice for your story simply because she:
a. Would kick her potential rapist's ass or at least try to (and the flashback you wrote her having involves Soarin' cornering her)
b. Could easily escape the situation by flying away (she is the fastest flier in Equestria) unless she was heavily drugged, and she seemed coordinated enough to fly into her room and lock the door before her friends could help her.
Using her as the role of rapist victim is a little plot-holey, unless the rapist was a talented unicorn (or strong Earth pony) or someone who could actually overpower her without needing to resort to speed. I also think you could've done more with her friends' reactions toward her being raped. Aside from Pinkie Pie (who from the sounds of it, will get violent in revenge), they all seem to have the same degree of 'I can't believe this happened, I don't know what to do'. There's almost no variation in their reactions to such a horrible situation and the scenes you've written for them are pretty boring because of it.
There's also a little too much emphasis on your OC's internal struggle and not enough on his actions or the interactions of the Mane 6.
Your world building and imagery are fantastic, but your character interactions and dialogue are lacking so a large portion of it comes off as fluff.
2071518
Well, if all is going to be laid bare, that wasn't really Soarin' in the last chapter. That was Rainbow Dash's (albeit very drugged) manifestation of him. Obviously, his actual character (once I work him into the story for real) isn't going to behave or speak like that. Every line in that scene that you attribute to "Soarin'" is merely a manifestation of what he appears to RD's subconscious. She's merely prejecting the monster-like image she has of him as a hallucination.
And, considering you have no idea what the actual circumstances of the "rape" were, I wouldn't jump to hasty conclusions. There's no telling whether Rainbow's abilities to fight or fly away were compromised or not, or how they might have been. Not to mention, even I find the idea of Soarin' being a serial rapist implausible. I think the actual scenario I have worked out in my head is far more believable, and 'm sure that, once the story catches up to revealing the circumstances of what happened, you'll find it more believable as well.
As for Twilight and the others, they're in deep water, far out of their comfort zone, and have no idea what to do, yet are bravely forging ahead in an attempt to help their friend as best they can. I imagine that's what friends would do, and I hardly think there's many other different reactions to this sort of situation that would make sense without seeming overly cheap or cliched. For example, Pinkie falling into a murderous rage is extremely cliched, and I should think it would be below me, as well.
I somewhat don't like using an OC. If you'll forgive the pun, it feels like a cop-out. If the show would give me something I could use as a workable police/detective figure I would do that.
Please let the ending be a dream, please please please please please.
AHHHHH!!
I NEED TO READ MORE!!
I LOVE IT!!
2198727 pleasepleasepleasepleasplease PLEASE!
2205854
Your profile pic annoys me... Just because this story. Otherwise, I SHIP THAT LIKE CRAZY.
It's a dream.
If it's not a dream. Someone would have seen him walk in, or leave. And putting him away for a long, long time would be even easier.
Sooooo I read so comments and found someone saying they hate ajxrd ships I froze in terror and saw my very soul hurt once again by these gay things if ppl are gay JUST KEEP IT TO YOUR SELF U PPL ARE MAKING ME CRY MY SELF TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT KNOWING THAT PPL THINK MAKING MY DASHIE A LESBIAN! Be gay IDC just keep it away from the closest thing in my heart I love my dashie I can't bear to see her......a disgusting thing.....
6162788 How dare you! You call lesbians a "disgusting thing". You dare call yourself a human being. They are people just like you and I. If you say that lesbians are "disgusting things", what does that make you? Someone who judges with such harsh words. Words that have been responsible for countless suicides all across the globe. Answer me this. Do you wish to be the one responsible for anothers death? Don't you dare answer with "Well it's not my fault they killed themselves." You use words like that, you are responsible. You claim you don't care if someone is lesbian or not, but you use vile hurtful words like this? Tells me a whole other message. Think before you act.
What I'm saying has nothing to do with RD. You are just being very hurtful in general.
6162788
I've seen better bait on an empty hook