A human with magic abilities never before seen in Equestria? A necropony bent on taking over the world with an army of the living dead? Are you sure this is the same book? Yes? Then let's see what mayhem our favorite ponies can get up to.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Great chapter as always. 10/10 -IGN
These ponies seriously need to try fried crab cake.
Ok, I'm up to chapter 6 and it's rough.
Military logic and procedures are just wrong.
Ignorance is excessive and exposition is drowning me.
It's solid beyond that, so I'm continuing, hoping it gets better.
Good Story So Far.
War. War Never Changes.
I'm up to chapter 9 and nothing's happening except a ton of tell, not enough show, descriptions of everything but nothing really important, and a lost magic that's terrified, horrified, then enchanted and enthralled everypony within a page of text.
Is anything exciting or interesting gonna happen, or is this gonna be like ALL the Fantastic Four movies?
The scene with Sarah hating herself over the young enemy combatant is eerily close to accurate. I have a friend who was stationed in Kuwait and was forced to shoot a 10-year old girl who was wearing a vest filled with C-4. It shreaded his mind and it still tortures him today. He said the only way he was able to deal with it was by reminding himself that she was an enemy combatant and to distance himself from the inhumanity of what happened.
Two things:
1. I think you missed a major opportunity to make the readers FEEL when Sarah was telling the girls about her past,
2. If the girls are already hugging, supporting, and crying with her... where on Earth did she get the idea they were going to hate her? It doesn't make sense to me.
Other than those two, a solid chapter.