A human with magic abilities never before seen in Equestria? A necropony bent on taking over the world with an army of the living dead? Are you sure this is the same book? Yes? Then let's see what mayhem our favorite ponies can get up to.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You did great for your first time, most just write a description of the scene but not the events taking place during it like you did. Variety is also important, different positions, techniques, or scenarios are important to a good scene/story. Descriptions of actions taken or tastes, textures, smells, sounds, and sights are also very important they allow the reader to visualize the scene better this enjoying the scene more. Dialogue can also be important but you must find the balance between just enough and too much, thankfully sex scene are some of the few scenes in writing that can be written without dialogue if your careful of how you write. Which you did well in all counts, a nice amount of different techniques, a few different positions, and if you are going to write more clop then those would be more scenarios. Plenty of description to immerse the reader and a good amount of dialogue to fit where you are in the story, the scene and characters present.
great job!
I dunno how I feel about her joining them, it's just sorta sudden. Out of the blue. I could understand a little if it had been someone else, she's known them a bit longer. Even then I'd still wonder why so soon, but this confuses me.
Hey, just met you, and this is crazy but sex.
Understand, got nothing against the clop chapters, again it's just so sudden. No build up, meets with them twice and boom, a couple.
Its not going to take away my enjoyment in reading this however, and I await future chapters.
Not bad for the first time.
Sarah has yet to teach them the magic of scissoring tho~
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Scissoring Is honestly awful someone always gets kicked in the face when the other cums
And yet, last chapter Bon Bon made an "eating her out" joke, and this chapter you have them act like unsullied nuns. Eh, whatever.