A human with magic abilities never before seen in Equestria? A necropony bent on taking over the world with an army of the living dead? Are you sure this is the same book? Yes? Then let's see what mayhem our favorite ponies can get up to.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Glad to have you back!
Yes, Sarah, pet all the ponies! All of them!
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again, what the fuck did I just read?
okay, simply put, after encountering this scene, as well as the one in chapter 9, I just can't keep reading.
these two scenes are not only horribly jarring, they're also terribly out of character.
The problem with this is that the griffon also has lion paws for his back legs. If Sarah's knees are on Edward's wings and her hands are keeping his talons over his head, there's no way her feet are enough to restrain the back legs from clawing into her gut. If you've ever tried to restrain a cat by holding its stomach, you know that they can and will curl their body to attack you with their back claws.
Not much of a loss... the griffon could have killed her multiple times - Sarah just wins by the technicality that the fight winner isn't determined by a judge, but instead by who yields.
Sarah is a blatant, unrepentant Mary Sue, and your characterizations for the other characters are exaggerated and out-of-character most of the time.
Yet... I really have enjoyed this story so far. A lot of parts make me cringe, yet a lot of the cringe-worthy sections are simultaneously enjoyable. Thank you for writing this story and chosing to share it - it's a fun read.
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Thank you for being honest. I'm trying to make the MC less of a Mary Sue in the following chapters, and I have some trouble keeping my own slightly sadistic tendencies out of the main characters from time to time. However, knowing that even with all of that you are still enjoying the book, makes me happier as you could possibly imagine. Thank you for being so avid with your comments, and happy reading.
See you next chapter,
Shadow Quill, Messenger of the Moon.
Well Celestia was stupid. Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.
Not a good use of smoldering here. It's most often used with explicit sequences and doesn't quite fit the context.
Don't apologize! Never apogize for doing your job; for doing what's neccesary.
Besides...
fluttershy is worst pony...
Please don't kill me.
Make like a tree and leave
Make like an egg and beat it