I've been a brony since the very beginning, however my writing is finally coming around as well as my art, I hope you enjoy!
Faith Marie Shine, brown earth pony with silver mane, has found a dragon living very close to home. She has found out that this dragon isn't a dragon at all! But a pony, turned into a dragon by a witch! She needs help to turn her new found friend back into a pony by killing the witch! Plot twists
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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can't wait until they approve my story
Maiden, Mother, and Crone - The Sword
this might not be the best story ever because it was a story about a human! i changed it though... so if any of you see any mistakes please let me know much much gore is to be coming when the war happens in the future
i would love to get comments about what im doing right or wrong
Kudos on your first story! I noticed definite improvements as you went along. I've always been a fan of several shorter paragraphs, as opposed to a couple big ones. Breaking up the future chapters by character seems like a good way to go.
Some thing to keep in mind:
When dealing with characters people are unfamiliar with, take the time to describe them when introducing them.
Mix up how you inform the reader who's talking.
For example, if your story was about a white unicorn stallion named Charlie, use a different way to refer to him each time he speaks.
So, instead of "Charlie said," "Charlie said," "Charlie said," you can have "Charlie said," "the white unicorn said," and "the white stallion said," This makes the writing feel fresh while also keeping the descriptions of your characters in the reader's mind, without feeling forced.
You lose that opportunity with the main character when the story is in the first person, because everything has to be "I said" or "I asked;" but you can still make it work for the other characters.
Also, the breaking of the fourth wall is a bit much. Especially in a first person story, the narrative needs to draw you in. That immersion is undermined when you frequently remind the reader that they're reading a story.
Hope this helps! Good luck with future installments!
thank you very much your imput is very helpful
New Chapters!!!
Not bad
864062 Thanks
803972 Bronystories i really appreciate the help it has really helped my overall writing
