- Member Since 1st Mar, 2016
- offline last seen April 14th
VisAquilarum
Hi! I'm VisAquilarum (that means "the strength of the eagles" from Latin). With this, I chose to honour my home country, Albania. Born in Italy but of Albanian origin. Wheelchair fencing is my sport.
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Kill that long description. Be short but concise and try again.
Please, don't take my long descriptions for a kind of error because they are there for a reason. Plus, I think it suits me, because this story tells who I really am as a person.
8777580
Reply button looks like >>
That's all well and good but your audience won't care. We get to know you through your story, not the long description. The point of a long description is to describe your story and try to draw reader interest. All your wall of text will do is discourage a potential reader by making them slog through information that should come naturally to them as the story progresses.
Also, according to your Wall of Description, your protagonist is a complete Mary Sue. Might want to fix that. To be honest, I found him so exaggerated that I was almost convinced this was a trollfic.
8777643
That's true and I won't deny it. What I told you before was a lie. Aquilis represents the total opposite of who I am. Look, I am a wheelchair user since I was seven and I have experienced a lot of pain, both physical and psychological. With this, I have the opportunity to be something else. I won't ask for your pity, nor I want you to consider my work bad but please respect my story for what it is .
8777768
Hey man, we all project through our work in some form. That's the self-expression part of writing. Unfortunately, when you post that publicly, you have to be prepared to face a different opinion. The sad fact is that not everyone will look at your work the way you want them to. You've clearly faced much harder obstacles than an online opinion and that's commendable. Perhaps keeping that in mind will help you if you don't get the reception you're hoping for.
But I digress.
It helps to read the room before you post. There's an overabundance of fics starring a Mary Sue-like character. I understand why you're doing it but not everyone will be as altruistic. If you truly want your story to succeed, you must make it relatable to your audience. You want others to understand the challenges in your life: express that in your story instead of unrealistic successes. You've done everything the hard way and I recommend that your protagonist do the same (success is fine but make it realistically achievable). It's a great lesson and shows tremendous character; why not use that? Keep it real, though.
I've been on the site for 5 years now and I've found that you can push the boundaries of suspension of disbelief while making it relatable. It's challenging but certainly within reach.
Now, I'd like to see you go back to the drawing board and give it another shot. Remember: make it relatable, possible (within the context of fantasy ponies, anyway), and keep in mind that success isn't measured purely by triumphs or accolades. It's also about the learning experience.
Best of luck to you.
8777970
I know that it will take time and a lot of work but I'll try to improve. Thank you for helping me realise my mistakes.
8778010
You're very welcome.
8778022
Can I ask you something?
Can a fanfiction be written in first person here?
8778080
Absolutely. You can use first, second, third, your choice.
8778317
Have you ever seen the movie 8 Mile? I like it when Eminem rapped against Lotto saying: "Go home, write some shit, make it suspenceful and don't come back until something dope hits you". In my case his rap would be something like that: "Go blank, write some shit, make it senseful and don't come back until some fucking sense hits you. Lookin' like a cyclone hit you, audience screaming: "Vis, it doesn't fit you!". This cyclone hit me, fast and loud: this time I am going to make y'all proud"
I'm interested so far!! Well done, I'm just sorry I'm strapped for time. I'll also bookmark this one.