Interlude: Badflank = Yes
Chrysalis stared at the same page of the report she'd been trying to read for half an hour and thought: Why am I doing this?
Of course she knew why she was doing it, but it still surprised her why she was even trying to do this particular thing- just because that pony said so. Why did Cherry Berry insist on giving her reports in triplicate about every little thing? Who cared how things got done? Just get them done, and never mind the details, not when the moon was waiting to be claimed!
She shook her head to clear it, and her attention fled the written page to fixate on the pony responsible. Why had she thrown herself into the arms of an insane pony anyway? A wingless, flightless earth pony who flew balloons, ornithopters and even an aeroplane- that was cracked enough as it was. But Cherry Berry had been insane enough to walk right up to a changeling hive and announce herself as Chrysalis’s newest employee. Absolute madness.
Of course, it said nothing about Chrysalis’s own mental state that she’d eventually hired that pony, a fact she carefully stepped around in her own head.
And now that pony was actually giving orders- lecturing her subjects, lecturing her, on flight safety and mass production and science and math and all sorts of things. She had conscripted whichever of her subjects showed signs of having two brain cells to rub together, taking them to Appleoosa to work on the new factory or to get rushed lessons in things like welding and metalworking.
At one point Chrysalis had actually asked out loud, “Who do you think you are, pony?”
And that pony had answered, “I’m the one who’s going to get you on the moon first, remember?”
That was another strike against that pony: nobody was allowed to have the last word in an argument except Chrysalis, and yet somehow Cherry had managed it.
And now here she was, Chrysalis, tyrant of the Badlands Hive, future ruler of Equestria and whatever else she felt like taking, etc. etc., reading reports and technical documents because a lowly earth pony- a PINK earth pony, of all things- had told her she needed to know these things.
Something, she thought, has suddenly gone very wrong with my life, and as soon as I figure out what it is, I’ll-
“Announcing,” one of the guards to the Hive’s throne room shouted, “Commander Pharynx of the Hive Guard!”
Chrysalis failed not to cringe.
There were days that Chrysalis loved Pharynx better than any of her other subjects, and not just because he was one of her offspring. (In fact, it would be better to say despite the fact that he was one of her offspring; most of the others fell into a range between disappointing and rage-inducing.) There was no changeling more protective of the hive, and thus no changeling who worked harder to protect the hive against outside threats. Pharynx was absolutely reliable and dependable.
The problem was, you could rely and depend on him to find threats to the hive even when none existed. Pharynx couldn’t tell the difference between realistic threats and purely imaginary threats, and if there was a day without the former, his obsessive mind would create more of the latter. On those days Chrysalis found herself hoping some pony would capture him, put him in a cage, and take him to a zoo somewhere far, far away from the hive, and in particular from her.
About one time out of ten Pharynx was dead accurate about some new threat or some necessary precaution, so she couldn’t just make herself unavailable… but if she had to endure another rant about mutant monkeys in rubber suits who rode giant tatzlwurms out of the desert into battle, she was going to scream, royal dignity be bucked.
“What is it, Pharynx?” she asked as soon as her commander of the hive defense forces entered. “I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me. The summit with Twilight Sparkle is coming up shortly, and I need to be prepared.” She waggled the report before her in her magic as proof.
“My Queen, I strongly advise you not to go,” Pharynx said. “Or if you must go, put that spy in a pod so she can’t report to her rulers for the duration.”
“This again?” Chrysalis sighed. “We’ve been through this, Pharynx. She’s personal friends with Twilight Sparkle, never mind all her little friends too. They’ll expect to see her, and they know her well enough that an infiltrator won’t be able to substitute. And besides, she knows nothing that we aren’t telling the world anyway.”
“With the utmost respect, my queen,” Pharynx pressed on, “that is not the case. Just an hour ago I caught her wandering through the pod stores. She can now lead an army of ponies straight into the heart of the Hive to rescue their fellows.”
Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “Pharynx, we had better not have any ponies in the stores anymore.” She’d ordered them cleared shortly after announcing the Changeling Space Program, to make sure Celestia couldn’t use some imprisoned pony as an excuse to shut her down.
“But we will have again someday,” Pharynx insisted. “And that’s not all! I caught her half an hour later in the larva crèche! Why, she could be doing all sorts of things to our future generations!”
“Her office is inside the nursery,” Chrysalis said, swallowing the words you paranoid idiot for the moment. “How do you propose she get there without going through the crèche?”
“And then twenty minutes ago I caught her interrogating my guards!!” Pharynx shouted with a savage hiss. “They could be telling her all sorts of things like battle formations or unit strength, or-“
“Are you suggesting,” Chrysalis interrupted, “that you have not sufficiently trained my guards?”
“They weren’t trained to resist someone wielding royal authority!” Pharynx insisted. “Your Majesty, I request you restrain this pony at once, for the good of the Hive! Who knows what she’s already leaked to the-“
“THERE YOU ARE!”
The shout of rage matched the determined stomp of pony hooves, the glare of violet-gray eyes, and the firm set of jaw Cherry Berry carried into the throne room. After a few moments of babbling about how she couldn’t do that, the guard settled for hurriedly shouting, “Presenting Chief Pilot Cherry B-“
Cherry shouted over the guard. “Where are my workers, Pharynx? I found out this morning you ordered half my work force back here! You’ve set us back two days with your little stunt!”
Pharynx stood considerably taller than Cherry, and even by changeling standards he looked fierce, with large gleaming fangs, sawblade fins, and chitin that would be blacker than black if not for the red of his neck-ruff and the purple of his eyes and wings. When he lunged forward, she flinched back from pure instinct. “You think you can undermine our defenses?” he hissed back. “Well, I’m on to you! I retrieved my guards from your grip, and before long I’ll have all the proof I need to see you put in a pod until you’re old and drained!”
Cherry Berry’s flinch faded long before Pharynx finished talking. The instant he drew back, she lunged into his face, and it was his turn to flinch. “Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah!” she snapped. “All I know is, you’re getting in the way of us getting a functional rocket off the ground! And between working out a training regimen, overseeing vocational training, and helping Dr. Goddard with organizing the new factory, I do NOT have the TIME to come down here every day to bring back my workers!”
“They are not-“
“And another thing!” Cherry Berry began walking forward, her eyes locked on Pharynx’s. To Chrysalis’s wonder, Pharynx backpedaled, slowly cringing onto his hindquarters as Cherry forced her way forward. “What’s the idea of messing with my biplane? Every time I come down here I have to get some changeling to recharge the battery! And last time I was here someone removed the wheels!”
“These are practical security measures-“
“A-HA! So it WAS you!!” Cherry’s muzzle pressed against Pharynx’s, who found himself backed up against the cave wall with nowhere to go. “Well, mister, I’ll put up with being stuck in a pod of goo for two weeks, but let me tell you something right now, NOBODY MESSES WITH MY FLIGHT GEAR!” Cherry shoved forward again, pinning Pharynx up against the wall even tighter. “Nothing gets me madder than when some pony messes with my flight gear! And do you WANT to see me angry?”
“But-“
“Have you SEEN what happens to people when I GET angry?”
“But-“
“Because if this happens AGAIN, I’m not going to bring it to her,” Cherry said, pointing a hoof at Chrysalis. “I’m going to bring it straight to you, and then…” Cherry reared up, using her forelegs to lift Pharynx off the floor and almost up to the curved ceiling at the edge of the throne room. “And then we’re going to have a VERY SERIOUS TALK,” she finished. “Understand me?”
“Yes,” Pharynx choked out.
“YES, WHAT?”
“Yes, ma’am!”
“Right!” Cherry dropped Pharynx and stepped away, returning to all fours as Pharynx collapsed to the floor. “Now you’re going to round up all the workers you stole from me, plus ten more so I can get this project back on schedule, and you’re going to explain to them why you were mistaken! Aren’t you?”
Pharynx cast one desperate, pleading glance at Chrysalis, who merely allowed the smirk she’d been wearing the whole time to grow a little broader. Defeated, he mumbled, “Yes, ma’am.”
“Good,” Cherry Berry said. “And this time don’t pass off your rejects on me. What’s wrong with you people anyway? It’s like I have to watch each of you every second of the day to make sure some new disaster doesn’t pop up! I swear half of you wouldn’t have the sense to pour lemonade in a glass if the instructions were printed under the bottom of the pitcher!”
“But I didn’t-“
“Did I ask for an argument? MOVE, mister!”
Pharynx moved.
Chrysalis raised an eyebrow and asked, “Is there anything I can do for you, pony?”
Cherry watched Pharynx’s retreat with a snort, absently stamping the ground with a forehoof. “No, I think I’ve got it handled,” she said. “How are you doing with the technical reports?”
Chrysalis lifted the next folder on the stack in her magic. “Child’s play for a queen,” she bragged. “Did you expect otherwise?”
“After the last two weeks?” Cherry replied. “Don’t ask. How can such scary, dangerous people like changelings be so… so DUMB?” On that note she turned and departed, not in retreat, ears and tail high.
Chrysalis watched her go. Oh yes, she thought. That’s why I hired her.
She might be a silly, stupid, insane pony… but the pony understands.
And it's so much fun when she makes my fiercest warriors lose their goo.
From then on, in Chrysalis’s mind, Cherry Berry became not that pony, but the pony.
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I gotta say, I do like these little add-ons even if they aren't, as you said, critical for the story. I wouldn't mind seeing some more fun with a few favorite characters, like Occupant and Dragonfly, or even non-changelings.
Also, you bringing up Ocellus and Smolder as trainees at the end of the story makes me want to see something done with the two of them so BADLY! *fingers cross*
The Love must flow!
Steely Eyed Missile Mare indeed. Guided missiles, with explosive warheads. Chrysalis is doing Equestrian peace a great service by employing Cherry in space flight instead of missile warfare.
Valid concern, actually. There's likely still stuff that Chrysalis doesn't want her to see.
The extra flavour adds to the story well.
it adds flavor and something alot of people might of wondered about. Maybe he's a little overly paranoid but worry about what ifs are how security stays prepared for that hour or more of terror that occasionally comes up. Security either smooth sailing or crap hitting the fan and almost NEVER IN BETWEEN so boring is good
Things like this are why so many Changlings looked to Cherry Berry as a possible and probably inevitable replacement for Chrysalis.
Beating that hive into a functional space agency wasn't quick or easy, but they indisputably had the right mare for the job.
Dang, Cherry, you scary!
I'm guessing what Pharynx was going to say here was asking the lines of, "But I didn't send you rejects! I sent you the pride of the hive!"
Hey, other dimensions are a canon thing to this fic, it's not beyond the realm of possiibility that a very lost group of Fremen and a shai-hulud could have ended up in Equestria. Though even the Badlands are too moist for a shai-hulud to last long.
"And until then I have a bag and it's a size you."
D'awww...
Shame that this is Pharynx's only appearance in the fic, but given how the story was started before he or even Thorax were characters it's nice to see him at all. Speaking of I do wonder if Thorax was involved in the Crystal Empire Space Program at all...though he'd probably be too busy babysitting Flurry Heart.
10909107 Any interest Thorax ever had in space exploration died the day Chrysalis released her announcement. He wants to be near her only slightly more than she wants him near her.
Dune
So, Chrysalis sees Cherry Berry as "the Pony".
How many times has Chrysalis stopped her self from declaring "I want to bear your Foals" to Cherry Berry, when outside of her private chambers?
Pharynx,
Whadya Du-une.
Staahp.
10909248 Chrysalis sees reproductive mates as entirely disposable. Her feelings about Cherry... confuse her, to the point that she generally denies they exist.
That said, I never took Pharynx to be a conspiracy theorist...but honestly? It kind of works better than it has any right to.
Also, had to like Cherry putting him in his place too.
Frankly, it adds nothing, but it was entertaining. Considering this is an entertaining novel and not a doctorate on world peace, I think it's perfect
And that’s why Pharynx was later found with his banished brother moping about how open and vulnerable the hive has become to the point of him becoming effectively worthless to the hive.
I did not know there was a Kickstarter. I do now and you’ve got another funder.
Yep, it really dont add anything critical to the story, but dont matter cauz is Awesome!
Thank you very much!
this is just a awesome chapter.
you rock Cherry Berry.
and i love the Dune reference.
Adds to story? Maybe, slightly as color.
Hilarious? Definitely.
Does it hurt the story? Not in the slightest.
Is Cherry Berry awesome? Damn straight she is.
This is total explanation of dynamics between Queen and "the pony". Also, that Dune reference made me
U don't wanna piss off a frustrated scientist
DUUUNE!
(Gotta watch for your references.)
Earth Pony Strength. She Hulk?
Does this add to the story? Yes. Says the person that likes the Naruto-in-the-village life episodes more than the "just another round of combat" episodes.
ICR who described the Watergate break in as "A Mission Impossible script executed by the 3 Stooges."
I'm sure Chrysalis could sympathize.
11186185 If Chrysalis had a changeling approach her with plans even half as crackpot as G. Gordon Liddy's, the kindest thing she would do would be to put the bug on permanent tunnel-digging duty. It says nothing good about the competence of Nixon and his hand-chosen aides that they hired him and actually used him for their dirty tricks program.
11186345
Checked my memory on the internet. Most of the Watergate conspirators eventually profited from it (law suits & book deals).
The security guard who started it all eventually got fired, moved to Florida and got arrested for stealing shoes from Kmart. He served more jail time than all but 1 of the conspirators. (& since it was state not federal prison, likely under harsher conditions.)
I do have some sympathy for Pharynx. How can he do his job with Cherry taking all the competent guards?
Poor Pharynx, how will he stop the mole ponies now?
pbs.twimg.com/media/Eozouo-W4AA0RoP?format=jpg&name=360x360
Ah, internal problems and social gridlock. Lovely.
oh boy that is funny
11320997 "We have wormsign such as even God has never seen!"
10908614
reminds me of a line on one of the "dream park" novels:
"we just CAN'T protect ourselves from our OWN security people."
(a security guard had hacked the game to "kill out" a player who might recognize him as a traitor)
Interesting. In the printed book, this chapter comes between three and four. Not between two and three.
11561270 Other way around, I think you mean.
For the book I combined the first two chapters into a single one to get closer to the (gargantuan) length of certain of the others.