I AM A PRETTY PONY WHO PLAYS VIDEO GAMES
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Interesting start, I'll have to keep an eye on this one.
Alright. The idea's great, I would read something like that. Other than that, it's luckluster and barely readable. Consider finding an Editor. I know a guy that have some extra time and is super-talented. Hit me up with a PM if that's interesting you.