System Update
Industrial District
Third Person
Oh what a wonderful day in the Industrial District. The polluted air, the rotting metal at the junkyard, and the occasional barks from Ol' Gabby's dog, Grit. Yep, it is a wonderful day. Though, someone is not having a good day. That someone is named, TOBOR. Who is TOBOR you ask? Well, he is the local crazed scientist's lab assistant. Though, there is one feature that makes him different. Now, we all know that robots are suppose to be emotionless and obey every order given to them by their creators, minus any act of murder. But for TOBOR, he has real feelings and independents. And lately, he's feeling disappointed.
Right now, our metal friend is currently reading a comic book in his 'Break Room'. Which is nothing but a broom closet. TOBOR have been with his creator, Dr. F for over 20 years now. Yet, after being fitted with the most high-tech equipment; from underwater excavation to flight, his 'purpose' was to be nothing more than a crash dummy for his creator's destructive experiments. Some would either work then explode, or just straight up blow up. Even before testing. Though, TOBOR is used to it by now. Every now and then, he would buff out any dents he receives and gets back to work.
Anyway, TOBOR had only began his break about 10 minutes ago. He is currently reading his favorite super hero, Mr. L. (Get the reference?) That is, until a nock interrupted his concentration.
"Toby, dear. It's time for another test." A voice sound off behind the door.
TOBOR sighed as he puts his comic book into his chest as it disappears like nothing.
"I'm coming, Alexa." TOBOR sighed as he gets up and heads out the door.
In front of him was another scientist, Alexa Lexington. A battle bot designer extraordinar. She may like robot violence, but she is also a good person.
"Sorry, honey. I know you're getting tired of today's tests, but you know how Dr. F is." Alexa said sheepishly.
"Yeah, I know." TOBOR sighed.
Alexa felt bad for TOBOR, or Toby as she likes to call him. She may likes robots fighting till one of them drops dead, but she couldn't stand seeing one of her friends, besides the others at DJ Candy's Dance Club, feeling so down.
"Toby, honey." Alexa said getting the robot's attention. "How about you come along with me to Candy's place after work. I'm sure the others would like to see you again."
That seemed to do the trick and cheer TOBOR up. Truth be told, it has been awhile since he left the lab. He would of did it before on his own free time after work hours, but he was too afraid of running into Grit in the nearby junkyard.
"Thanks, Alexa. You know how to cheer me up." TOBOR smiled.
"Well, that's what friends are for." Alexa smiled back.
"Oy! Alex! Where is TOBOR?!" A familiar voice called out.
"You better get a move on. You know how cranky Dr. F can be."
"Yeah, I guess I'll see you around." TOBOR waved goodbye as he walks down the long hallway.
As TOBOR walked, he had a thought hovering in his head. Is this it? Is this what he has come to in his artificial life? He was built with so many equipments and strong metal materials, and he's spending years doing nothing but get blown to smithereens. Not like it hurt him much, like he said, made from strong materials. Anyway, TOBOR has so much potential he could share with the world. Well, he tried to before in the past when he asked Dr. F's permission, but every time he tries to talk to other humans outside the Industrial District, they would still treat him like a machine instead of an actual person.
"TOBY!"
TOBOR's train of thought was cut to a screeching halt when a voice called out to him, followed by being tackled to the ground with a hug. TOBOR regain his senses and found the culprit. It was non-other than Makoto.
Makoto was also a robot herself who was created by Dr. F. She was originally created to be able to type faster than the average human can, but it was a matter of time when she wanted to do so much more. To TOBOR's, Alexa's, and Dr. F's surprise, she was able to create her very own humanoid suit. Eventually, she became more human than a robot. Though, she still had a couple of glitches here and there, but she's perfect that way.
"HI TOBY, HOW IS MY FAVORITE BIG BROTHER DOING?" Makoto said getting up with TOBOR.
Author's Note: Just to clarify, she is not yelling. That's just how her text shows when she speaks in the game.
"Heh, I'm doing good so far, sis." TOBOR chuckled.
"DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I FOUND TODAY?"
"Uh, sure. What did you found?" TOBOR said uncertain.
"I FOUND A NEW FRIEND TODAY WHEN I WAS PLAYING WITH GRIT THE DOG." Makoto giggle from the memory.
"Oh, well. Where is this friend?" TOBOR said relieved.
"HE'S RIGHT HERE!" Makoto said as she pulls out a squirrel wearing a top hat. "ISN'T HE CUTE?! I FOUND HIM RUNNING ALONG THE POWER LINES. I'M GOING TO NAME HIM BENNY!" Makoto giggled.
To some people, a squirrel would be either cute or funny looking, but ever since that 'Special Agent' altered his behavior software for that underwater mission, creatures like... Benny, is something he doesn't like to interact with. Not one bit. So there is one thing showing in TOBOR's HUD.
!Warning!
!Warning!
Creature identified as a "Squirrel" is within range.
...Initiating emotion number 17...
...FEAR...
And just a like that, TOBOR is down the hall screaming.
"Get that thing away from me?!!" TOBOR said as he disappears down the long metal hallway.
Makoto just stared at the direction to where her big brother ran off to.
"HUH, WONDER WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO HIM?" Makoto asked herself. "ALL WELL. COME ON BENNY, I'M SURE THERE ARE SOME PEANUTS IN THE KITCHEN."
Well, so much for courage for TOBOR. Now he was feeling down again. Though, he knows that his sister means well. So, there was no need to stay mad at her. But he's going to have to talk with her later about her... friend. Can't go to sleep mode at night knowing that creature roaming around the building. For now, he needs to focus on the test. TOBOR finally reached the main center of the lab.
"Alright Dr. F," TOBOR said as the double slide doors closed behind him. "What's the next experiment?"
"Ah, finally you showed up. What is it with you and making delays?" The crazed scientist said working back and forth with the experiment.
"Don't know. I guess it's a mystery." TOBOR gave an annoyed sigh.
"Well, we'll work on that later, right now, I need you to-"
"Get into place within the test center." TOBOR finished as he gets to his post.
"Oh, ho, ho. You can read me well, Toby." Dr. F laughed.
TOBOR grunted in response. He didn't mind Makoto and Alexa calling him Toby, but he didn't like it when Dr. F does. He barely cares about TOBOR's decency.
"Now, for today's new test. We will be, well... you will be testing my latest invention." Dr. F explains as he pulls a red sheet, revealing what looks like a floating platform.
"This is my newest invention, a teleporting machine, or as I like to call it, The Zapper X!"
TOBOR already doesn't like it. Not only the name sounds terrible, but the word 'Zapper' isn't something he would like to be apart of.
"Is this even going to work?" TOBOR said already knowing the answer.
"Well, that's why you're here. Now, just step onto the platform next to you and let me do the work."
TOBOR just rolled his digital eyes as he did what he's instructed. Dr. F soon went to work and started typing what possibly could be coordinates onto the huge computer in the safe zone. So far, no explosion, but it's coming. TOBOR knows it.
"Alright! Now, if I'm correct, you will be sent outside of Candy's dance club!" Dr. F said, his voice filled with confident.
"Lets just get this over with." TOBOR sighed as he braces himself.
As on cue, the machine came to life and starts flashing lights. Soon, an odd sensation started to form in TOBOR's foot. He looks down and was surprised to see it turning into pixels. It started to spread to his waist.
"Uh, Dr. F?" TOBOR said trying not to panic. "Is this suppose to happen?"
"Don't know, but that's is why you're testing it." Dr. F said taking note in everything.
Before TOBOR could say anything else, his entire body completely turned into pixels as he disappears from sight. When the machine powers down, Dr. F turns in his chair and starts looking through the surveillance system. Though, the problem is, there were no signs of any robot in sight.
"Hmm, wonder where that robot could be."
Equestria, Everfree Forest
TOBOR was really glad that the teleporter didn't explode to pieces like the rest of the other tests. Though, he also wished that it didn't work too. When he reappeared, he was surprised to see nothing but trees all around him. When he tried to look for his location with his built in GPS, he gotten no signal. He even tried to use the map Hud, but none of them matched his location.
"Where the heck am I?" TOBOR said to no one.
Suddenly, his HUD pop up in his screen.
!System Update Detected!
Cancel
or
Accept (Recommended)
This was new. TOBOR never had an System Update outside the lab. Usually, they're for repairs incase of viruses or bugs, but this is different. It doesn't tell what it's for. Though, curiosity got the better of the white robot as he chooses to take the risk and input the 'Accept' button.
!System Update Accepted!
~Please remain still until downloading process is complete~
'Well, that's that I suppose.' TOBOR said in his thoughts. 'What new thing am I going to acquire this time?'
Suddenly, his entire body started to shake rapidly and sparks started to fly.
"What the?! What's going on?!"
TOBOR then started to feel his circuits and frame started to shift. TOBOR tried to follow instruction and stay still, but the pain was starting to get to him as his metal frame started to bend and reattach to one another.
"GAH! What is happening to me?!" TOBOR shouted in pain as he felt so close to going offline.
Though, to his relief, the process seemed to be over as his HUD appeared in his vision again.
!Downloading Process Complete!
~Please remain online until additional settings is downloaded~
After settling down a bit from that moment, TOBOR checked himself for anything new. Although, to his complete surprise, he is standing on four feet instead of two. A closer examination, and finds that he is shaped into some sort of equine. What also surprises him was the new addition to his robotic form. Somehow, he has required wings. They don't seem to be regular wings. They were more metal than feathers. A little test and he discovered that it was made of steel instead of titanium like the rest of his body.
"Well, this is really new." TOBOR said as he examines himself.
Suddenly, his HUD appeared.
!Additional Settings Installment Complete!
Update List
-Equine Frame (Pegasus)
-Super Speed
-Super Strength
-Flight
-Claws
-Enhanced Acrobatic Skills and Reflexes
-Plasma Beam Projection
-Force-field Generation
-Power Replication
"Whoa! That is a lot of new toys to play with." TOBOR smirked.
TOBOR always enjoyed using any types of weapons. Though, Dr. F was strict with them.
"This may be fun and all, but I think the best thing to do is find civilization."
!Warning!
!Danger Approaching!
!Engaging Defensive Protocol!
Just before TOBOR could react, his entire body started moving by its own. A second later, something leaped out from behind the dark trees and shot straight towards TOBOR. Though, whatever it was never gotten the chance to make contact as it was blown into pieces. Soon, a whole pack of them appeared out of the dark and surrounded the robot turned pony.
!Target Analyzed!
Species: Timberwolves
ATK: 10
DEF: 5
Danger Level: Low
Bio:
~These creatures are consist of wood and sap. Though, they are easy to break like any other piece of wood, they can reassemble in short time and can combine to form a NEO Boss known as Mega Timberwolf. Although they can be rid by any physical method, they are easily flammable and tend to stay away from any light source at night in fear of running into any fire source.
This surprised TOBOR. Timberwolves? What kind of animal was that? Then again, he did encounter a sentient squid before, so he should expect much more weirdness. Though, his thought came to a halt as he noticed his attackers were getting closer. He had two options. He could either activate his rocket boosters and fly away, or he could stay and test out his new stuff.
"I know exactly what to do." TOBOR said as he stands up on his robotic hind legs.
TOBOR's front hooves suddenly disappeared in pixels before they were replaced with big green, claw-like scissors.
"Time for some late night landscaping." TOBOR smirked.
A timberwolf seemed to finally had a enough and pounced towards the robotic pony. TOBOR acted fast and activated his claws. With one swift move, he cut the upcoming attacker in half. The others watched in surprise as their comrade was sliced easily through and scattered to pieces. TOBOR whirled around and faced the rest of the pack.
"Go on! Come at me! I dare you!" TOBOR taunted.
What looked like the leader of the pack, due to its size, growled in response before turing around and high tailing it out of there. The others looked at each other before following their leader.
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
TOBOR retracted his weapons and stood back on all fours.
"Well, that's over with. Now, where to go." TOBOR said as he activated his booster and took to the sky.
TOBOR scanned the area around him and spotted a nearby town. He could see lights shining in the houses. Seeing civilization, TOBOR soars through the air towards his destination. TOBOR didn't want to go back to the Industrial District, but it was only a matter of time when Dr. F would call him in.
"I hope I'm no too far from the lab. I seriously don't want to travel piece by piece in the mail again."
TOBOR was just outside of town when suddenly, a loud roar sounded off from the distance.
"What in Sim's name was that?!" TOBOR said as he hears another roar, followed by woman's scream.
!Danger Detected!
~Please remain in safe distance until target is scanned~
TOBOR's sensors quickly went to work and started scanning his surroundings as he enters through the town. Though, as he tries to find the source of the distress, he found something that made him pause in his search. In front of him was an entire herd of ponies. Though, there was something different about them. First of all, they had so many different colors. Second, there were some random pictures on their flanks. Finally, they are talking, well, more like screaming in panic.
"Help!"
"There's a monster on the loose!!"
"Everypony, run for your lives!"
"The Horror! The Horror!"
"My Muffins!!"
So, his prediction for more weirdness was true. Though, he should be more focused on what's causing the mass panic. Disabling his booster, TOBOR landed a short distance from the crowd. Just then, another roar sounded off. TOBOR turned around and saw what might be the biggest bear he had ever seen. It looked like it was mixed with both nature and space into one humungous creature. In the middle of it's path was two colts with a unicorn wearing some wizard costume. How did he not seen them earlier on his way here? Suddenly, his HUD came into his view.
!Target Analyzed!
Species: Ursa (Minor)
ATK: 45
DEF: 30
Danger Level: High
Bio:
~This creature may look intimidating, even though it is, it is your least worries. In other words, DO NOT TERMINATE! It has been partially documented that this creature is nothing but a mere youngling. Its mother and/or father, again only partially documented, is close to the size of a mountain. To avoid future conflict, please for every individual's sake, don't engage in lethal combat.
'So I got to fight this thing without hurting it?!' TOBOR thought.
Without wasting time, TOBOR galloped to the three petrified ponies and stood in a defensive stance.
"You three get out of here! I'll distract this thing!" TOBOR ordered.
"No way! The Great and Powerful Trixie can save us with her awesome magic!" The chubby one argued.
"Yeah! Come on, Trixie! Show that thing what it's messing with!" The skinny one tried to courage.
Before TOBOR could say anything, the blue unicorn mare shot a bolt at the gigantic bear, but the only thing it did was made it even madder as it roared in rage.
"What are you doing?!" TOBOR shouted. "You making it worse!"
"Stop fooling around, Trixie! Use your-"
"You two idiots shut your organic mouths and get the bolt out of here! Let us adults handle this!!" TOBOR yelled as his eyes glowed in the dark.
The two colts seem to have taken the message and ran off to who knows where. TOBOR turned and was met with a swipe of the bear's huge paw. Though, it did little as it only nudge him. The Ursa flinched as it pulls back its paw in pain. Not smart to hit metal with flesh. TOBOR took the chance and flew up to its face. The bear looked at the robot pony with more anger then before. Before it got the chance to chomp down on its prey, TOBOR dodged and made an uppercut in it's face. The Ursa backed away in pain. For a little thing, it can punch hard.
"I don't know if you can understand me, but if you can, then leave this place." TOBOR then deployed his Plasma Blaster and aimed it right at the Ursa's face. "If you don't, then I will have to use force."
The Ursa growled in response and was about to charge when it noticed something... odd. Something about its prey's eyes seemed so... dangerous. It knows it may be huge and really strong, but it wasn't going to risk it. So, with a second thought, it turned around and hightailed out of town and back into the forest.
"Geez." TOBOR sighed, glad that it was over.
"T-that... that was amazing." The blue unicorn said.
"Huh?" TOBOR said as he lands. "Oh! Are you alright? You didn't get hurt did you?"
"No. Trixie is fine." The mare said looking away. "Trixie thanks you for saving her."
"I'm gonna assume Trixie is your name?"
"Yes. I'm am non other than the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Trixie said proud, but went back to a sad expression. "But, that's no longer the case."
Before TOBOR could ask what happened, five ponies came trotting towards them. They were all mares with different coat colors. The lavender one came up to TOBOR.
"Are you two okay?!" The mare sounded concerned. "That was amazing what you did back there."
"Yeah, were okay." TOBOR said as he scans the damages around them. "But is everyone else is?"
"Indeed," The white mare said. "Nopony got hurt, thank Celestia."
"Who are you?!" The rainbow mane one says pointing a hoof. "How did you do that?! What was that thing on your arm?!"
"Oh, how rude of me. I think introductions should be in order." TOBOR said.
"I think so too." The lavender pony said. "My name is Twilight Sparkle. I'm the town's librarian and student of Princess Celestia."
The rainbow mare flies forward. "My name is Rainbow Dash. The fastest flyer in Equestria!"
"Well, Darling." The white one said. "My name is Rarity."
The orange mare came up. "Howdy, my name is Applejack."
The yellow mare hid behind her mane. "H-hi, I'm Fluttershy."
"It's nice to meet all of you. " TOBOR smiled. "My name is TOBOR the robot, but my friends call me Toby."
"Robot? What's that?" The Applejack asks.
"A robot is a machine that is capable of doing things a normal individual couldn't do."
"How can you be one of those... robot things if your a pony?" The Rainbow Dash asks doubtfully.
TOBOR smirked. "Tap me."
The tomboy mare was confused before complying. Though, to her and the other's shock, they heard metal clanging.
"Whoa! You weren't kidding." Rainbow said surprised.
"How is this possible?" Twilight asks.
"Look, I know you girls might have some questions, but I think it would be best if we get this place cleaned up first." TOBOR said.
"I think we got that covered." Dash said looking at the two colt's pathetic attempt to sneak away.
"Which reminds me." TOBOR said as he flies forward and snatches the culprits. "How did all of this happened. Something tells me that Ursa didn't came here on it's own."
"Heh, heh. Uh..." The chubby one nervously chuckled. "Well... we wanted to see the Great and Powerful Trixie defeat a real Ursa Major."
"Yeah! We wanted to see some awesome magic." The skinny one said.
"Actually, sorry to burst your bubbles, but my data banks say that it was an Ursa Minor. It was just a baby." TOBOR said putting them down.
"That was just a baby?!" Trixie finally joined in. "Then what does a Major look like?"
"Well, I don't have that information in my files, but the previous one said it was big as a mountain."
That sent shivers to everypony nearby. That thought of dealing with something that big.
"Hold up! You're not off the hook too, Trixie!" Rainbow pointed a hoof at. "Non of this would of happened if you didn't keep boasting about fighting one in the first place!"
"Can someone tell me what happened?" TOBOR asks.
"Well, Ms. I'm-better-then-everypony here came into Ponyville and kept showing off her magic."
"Then, she had the nerves to go and insult all of us on stage." Applejack frowned.
"She even turned my mane green! It took me hours to get out the coloring." Rarity complained.
TOBOR did nothing but just stared at all of them with an expression that says 'Your kidding?'.
"So?" TOBOR finally spoke.
"What do you mean 'So'?!" Rainbow said getting into his face. "We were having a good time until she came around and started showing off! It's her fault all this happened!"
"Okay, I'm gonna have to stop you right there." TOBOR said pushing her away. "It's not her fault all this happened. Not only that, but for her 'boasting', it's perfectly fine."
"How is her boasting fine?" Applejack said.
"Okay, from the sound of it, she is some sort of show mare. Being a show mare, she needs to get as much of an audience she can. She was getting their attention by claiming how good she is."
"But she lied about facing an Ursa Major in Hoofington."
"That's the point! You got to say something impressive to gain other's attention. Whether it's a lie or not."
"But she humiliated all of us on stage when we challenged her." Rarity said.
"There's a little thing called, Insult Comedy." TOBOR started talking monotoned. "Insult comedy is a type of comedy genre in which the act consists mainly of offensive insults directed at the performer's audience or other performers. Sure, by the sounds of you girls, she may of over did it, but that's how it works."
TOBOR then glared at the two colts.
"Not only that, but even if Trixie was lying about fighting a Major, it's these two idiots' fault for bringing that thing here in the first place. She had nothing to do with bringing that creature here."
"Huh, I haven't thought of that." Applejack said.
The others seemed to agree with explanation.
"Well, now that's over. We should think about the damage their little stunt caused. So, I propose their punishment is to clean up the mess. By them selves."
"I suppose that sounds reasonable." Twilight agreed.
"Ooh! Why don't you give them number twenty-five!" A small purple dragon said in which TOBOR didn't noticed.
"Uh, who are you? Also, what do you mean number twenty-five?" TOBOR asks.
"That's Spike." Twilight answered. "He's my number one assistant. He's a baby dragon."
"Huh, that's cool."
"And for twenty-five, that's a spell for giving mustaches."
"Why would you want to give them that?" TOBOR said stopping Twilight. "Boys these days are into mustaches. It isn't a punishment if they're partially rewarded."
Twilight thought for a moment. "You know what? You're right."
The colts and dragon groaned in disappointment.
"Well, now that is taken care of." TOBOR said looking at the wreckage. "Now there is still two problems left. One is to replace Trixie's only trailer, and the other is for someplace for her to stay for awhile."
The others didn't seem sure about the terms, but they made their decision.
"Well, unless she can walk on clouds, she can't stay at my place." Rainbow Dash said.
"Um, I would like to, but there isn't much room left." Fluttershy said shyly.
"I got plenty of room at the barn." Applejack said.
"I could spare a room for you." Rarity said.
"I have a guest bedroom back at the library." Twilight offered.
Trixie smiled as she takes off her hat.
"T-thank you all." Trixie said tearing up. "Trixie- er... I'm so sorry for what I did to you all before. Can you all forgive me?"
The girls looked at each other before smiling.
"Aw shucks, I forgive ya."
"I certainly do, darling."
"It's okay, I forgive you"
"I guess I can let you off the hook."
"We forgive you, Trixie."
Trixie smiled as she was forgiven by her new friends.
"And as for your trailer, I'm sure Princess Celestia can do something about it if I send a letter." Twilight said.
"Thank you, Twilight. I appreciate it." Trixie turns towards TOBOR. "TOBOR, I want to say thank you too for defending me. It really means a lot."
"You're welcome, Trixie." TOBOR smiled for helping.
Suddenly, there was a beeping noise that startled everypony.
"What was that?" Twilight asks.
"Uh oh. I know what it is." TOBOR said looking into his HUD.
!Warning!
~Battery power at 15%~
~Please find secure location and recharge.~
"My battery cells are running low. I need a place to recharge for tonight." TOBOR said.
"Well shoot, if you need a place to stay, you can come stay at the barn." Applejack offered.
"Thank you, I'll be sure to repay you."
"Well, you can help out at the barn."
"I can do that." TOBOR smiled.
"Oh, TOBOR, when you're done helping Applejack, could you come over to the library after? I got some questions I need to ask. I have to tell the princess about this." Twilight said.
"Sure, I got some questions to ask too."
With everything set, everypony all went on their ways back to their homes. Trixie decided to stay with Twilight at her treehouse. (Don't get any funny ideas.) Anyway, TOBOR and Applejack went all the way to Sweet Apple Acres. TOBOR was impressed with the orchard. The two went to the barn with the moonlight as their source of light.
"Well, here we are. It ain't much, but you should be comfy in there." Applejack said.
"This place is perfect." TOBOR said.
"Well, you get a goodnight's sleep. I'll introduce you to my family in the morning."
"That would be nice. Thank you, Applejack."
"No problem. Goodnight, sugarcube."
"Goodnight, AJ."
With that, Applejack turned and closed the door behind as she made her way back to her house. TOBOR looked around and found a spot near some hay. He trotted over and got into position. He lays down and tucks in his forelegs. With final checks, TOBOR was ready for rest.
"Hopefully tomorrow, I will get the answers I need." TOBOR said as his eyes dim down to darkness.
~Initiating Sleepmode~
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THIS IS SO GOOD!!!!
Magic gave him an update but how does he charge his batteries? Could you tell about it?
More please
7234279
Rainbow zaps him with a thundercloud
7234279 Well, when we all get updates for our systems, there's always a source.
So the question is... who sent it?
7234707 I would of put labeled it Mystery, but I think you all could figure it out who it was from the series.
Hmmm, you've caught my attention, I shall wait for more.
THANK YOU, FINALLY someone who talked some sense into those girls, I really hated them in that episode.
7235777 I agree I hate when they made look like jerk.
7234279 that make it to easy. i bet his batteries aren't run on electrical. but if he is with all the things he have. he going to need a stronger batteries cells to run them from a longer time.
7235977 Not to mention they're huge hypocrites in that episode, they criticize Trixie for her boasting, yet those 3 do it all the time. Applejack's always saying how her apple are the best in Equestria, Rarity is always showing off her dresses and beauty, and do I REALLY need to bring up Rainbow Dash, so yeah, hypocrites.
7234707
This story is looking pretty good so far. I don't know anything about Mysims, but your story seems interesting. However, I noticed quite a few glaring errors in this chapter, and saw that you don't seem to pick a tense and stay with it. You constantly shift between the past and present tenses, often in the same sentence. I don't know if you have an editor already, but I think it would be a wise move to get one for this series.
Either way, cool story, interesting concept, and I'd like to see where it goes.
P.S. If you don't already have an editor, don't hesitate to ask me. I enjoy your work in Minecraft: Beginnings, and I would love to help out here. Good Luck!
this was epic, what game is tobor from i never heard of the characters.
7236440 I think from the wii game Mysims, don't worry I never heard of it ether.
You're both right, he's from the game Mysims Agents.
wiinintendo.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/mysimsagents_logo.jpg images.wikia.com/mysimsfanon/images/0/02/T.O.B.O.R._(MSK).png
I don't want to sound mean or anything
,but when tobor says"Now there is still two problems left. One is two replace Trixie's only trailer. The other is for someplace for her to stay for awhile."Your using the wrong kind of to.It's "Too",not "Two".Hope this helps.
Is this a cross over if MySims?
I beleive Required should be replaced with aquired
A bit odd he received updates and data from apparently nowhere. Also possessing knowledge of events not personally witnessed.
Aha!!! I get the mr L reference! It's from Super paper Mario!!! I hope it's from super paper Mario... otherwise I'm gonna sound like an idiot...
8609046
Mr. L. is super Mario reference yes