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Backfire's Story

As a young colt Backfire was always adventurous, whether it be going into the forest or just causing trouble at home. One day young Backfire went to far and caused great devastation to his village, yet gained a new friend.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 2 )

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majema007

majema007 #1 · Jun 15th, 2012 · · · Chapter 2 ·

Wall of text, no good backstory, and the ever so cliché "It was a dark lonely Night". My advice is to space out your paragraphs, follow the writing rule of "show but don't tell", and please work on a interesting concept.

Symphony

Symphony #2 · Jun 15th, 2012 · · · Chapter 2 ·

752760
Agreed with this guy.

Wall of text = no will whatsoever to read the rest of it.

Also, filly means in human term girl, or little girl. Unless your character got through a sex-change when he was still a minor, which is highly unlikely. The word you were looking for is colt.

Start new paraghraphs when they talk, it becomes much less confusing. No cookies for this one.