“Ugh. I though the whole point of Spring Break was not having to wake up early?” Rainbow Dash rubbed at the corner of one bleary eye.
“Pssh. This ain't nothin'.” Applejack adjusted the strap of her battered, olive-green duffle bag. “I've been wakin' up since the crack o' dawn ever since I was outta diapers. No sense in wastin' daylight, right?”
“Applejack's right.” Twilight said. “We really need to hit the road as soon as possible if we're going to make it in time.” She rocked back and forth on her heels, impatient. “I just wish Fluttershy and Rarity would get here soon.”
“Sorry!” Rarity's voice called out as she rounded the corner. She balanced a cardboard tray of coffee cups in each hand. “I thought we could all use a pick-me-up before we got underway.” She hurried up to the little gathering as fast as she could manage without spilling the steaming hot drinks onto the ground.
“I got everyone's favorites!” Rarity started to distribute the tall paper cups. “There's hazelnut for Sunset, americano for Applejack, whipped-cream caramel mocha triple-expresso for Pinkie Pie, and--” she furrowed her brow. “Where's Fluttershy?”
An old brownish minivan rolled around the corner. The engine sputtered and clacked like an avant garde percussion orchestra, the vibrations enough to make the front fender panels rattle in place. It was the sort of vehicle that hadn't seen better days so much as better decades. If it weren't for the pink haired young woman behind the wheel, the battered brown van would have brought to mind warnings against taking free candy.
Twilight, Rainbow, and all the rest had plenty of time to stare at the van as it slowly edged up to the curb in front of them.
“I can't believe this.” Rainbow Dash said.
“I know. It's perfect!” Twilight said. “That'll have plenty of room for all seven of us.”
“But. But … Fluttershy said she had wheels.”
“It does have wheels.” Sunset Shimmer added as she sipped at her own coffee.
“That's not what I meant! How are we supposed to have a totally awesome road trip in … that? It's like a soccer mom mobile!" Rainbow Dash said.
Applejack cracked a smug grin. "You play soccer."
"That's beside the point! We need to be riding in style! Like, why don't we go get Vinyl Scratch? Her car transforms into a robot boombox thing!”
“Her car only has two seat belts.” Sunset Shimmer added.
“Then, I dunno, what a bout a limo?” Rainbow Dash mused.
“As much as I love to ride in style, darling--” Rarity fussed with her hair. “Renting a limousine for such a long trip would be exorbitantly overpriced.”
“Pppsh, fine.” Rainbow Dash crossed her arms. “I'm at least calling--”
“Shotgun!” Pinkie Pie said, already vibrating slightly from her coffee.
“Aw, come on!”
Finally, Fluttershy pulled up in front of her friends, and the van's brakes let out a low squeal vaguely reminiscent of a humpback whale. She put the van in park, and then began the process of cranking the window down. “Hi.” she said, “I hope I didn't keep you waiting. There were some ducks trying to cross the road, and--”
“It's okay, Fluttershy.” Sunset said, “we understand. A few minutes won't make that much of a difference.”
“Probably won't make much of a difference.” Twilight said.
“All the more reason to hit the road, then.” Sunset Shimmer turned back towards the ragtag group of would-be magical girls. “Load up!”
Fluttershy leaned out the open window, craning her head to get a look at Twilight's backpack. “Where's Spike?” she asked.
“I left him with my brother.” Twilight said, somewhat guilty. “He gets carsick on long trips. And I didn't want him to make a mess of things. Especially if we're gonna be driving so far.”
“Aw.” Fluttershy said, trying (and failing) to hide her dissapointment.
“But I'm sure he'll be happy to see you when you get back?”
Fluttershy perked up. “Oh, that'd be great!”
The other girls stowed their bags in the back of the van, and then clambered in. There was enough room to cram seven teenagers and their luggage in, but just barely. Pinkie Pie claimed her rightful place as the shotgun-caller, Twilight and Sunset sat in the second row bucket seats, while Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack crammed themselves in the rear bench seat. Despite Twilight's earlier enthusiasm, even the minivan's three rows of seats were a tight fit for the bunch of them.
“Uh. Fluttershy? What's that smell?” Rainbow Dash said from where she was squished between Rarity and Applejack.
“Sometimes, when I'm taking animals to the shelter, they get really nervous, and then--”
“Forget I asked.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Don't worry,” Fluttershy said. “You get used to it.”
It took some time to build up speed, due to both Fluttershy's inherent nervousness and the minivan's inherent ramshackleness. Before long, the shops and houses of suburbia gave way to the sort of rolling hills and farmland that made Sweet Apple Acres seem downright metropolitan.
“Look! Cows!” Pinkie Pie leaned out the window to point at the grazing cattle, just to make sure she didn't miss them. She quivered with excitement (and caffeine). “It's a bunch of cows!”
“Herd.” Applejack said.
“What?” Pinkie Pie whipped around, only held in place by the strength of her seatbelt.
“Herd of cows.” Applejack said.
“Of course I've heard of cows, silly! Haven't you? I thought you grew up on a farm!”
“I'm sayin', a cow herd.”
“I really don't think the cow heard me, Applejack! We're going pretty fast! So all they'd hear is wheeeeeeeee!”
“Nevermind.” Applejack stretched out as best she could (read: not very) and tried to get back to her nap. “I hate that joke anyway.”
“What joke?” Pinkie Pie tilted her head to the side, confused.
Applejack pushed the brim of her hat back up and stared down the length of the cramped minivan at Pinkie Pie. She finally thought the better of it and shook her head. “Like I said. Nevermind.”
“So how much longer have we gotta go?” Rainbow Dash leaned forward.
“Well,” Twilight pulled a tablet computer out of her bag and pulled up her GPS app. “We've been on the road for about two hours now so we've got a little over eight hundred miles to go.”
“Wait, only two hours? I thought we'd been on the road a lot longer than that!”
“Perhaps it just seemed longer?” Rarity said. “You are, after all, the most dynamic of our little crew. I imagine sitting cooped up in this van for so long must be absolute torture.”
“It wasn't until you brought it up, Rarity.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“But that's alright! I came prepared!” Rainbow Dash squirmed in her seat, elbowing Rarity and Applejack both (if by accident) as she pulled her phone out of her back pocket. “While I was packing last night, I made a totally awesome road trip playlist!”
“Oooooh, neat!” Pinkie Pie made grabby hands from the front passenger's seat. “Give it here, and I'll plug it in!”
“You got it!” Rainbow Dash passed her phone up front, and Pinkie Pie began to scroll through the songs selected- only to blink in confusion at what she saw. “Uh. Rainbow Dash? I think your phone's broken or something. Your road trip playlist just has that 'Danger Zone' song over and over and over again.”
“That's why it's so awesome!”
“You know … “ Twilight turned to look at Rainbow Dash. “You could've just put the one track on repeat for the same effect.”
“But then you'd miss the covers! If a band covers Danger Zone, I always get that track. Always.”
Twilight blinked. “You … do have other songs on your phone, right?”
“Of course I do! I've got the whole Top Gun soundtrack!”
“Hey Fluttershy?” Pinkie Pie ran her fingers over the van's aged and cracked center console. “Where's the audio jack?”
Fluttershy jumped a little in her seat as someone talked to her, but she kept her eyes resolutely on the road, and her fingers wrapped around the steering wheel. “Um. What's an audio jack?”
“You know, the thingie where you can plug in your phone and then play music over the stereo?”
“I … don't think the van has one of those.”
“Really? Huh. So where's the bluetooth button?”
“Doesn't have one of those either.”
“USB port?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “Nope.”
“So there's no way to listen to make the music from your phone go to the car?”
“The van's a little old.” Fluttershy said.
“Told you we should've taken Vinyl Scratch's robot boombox car.” Rainbow Dash said.
“What do you even listen to?” Pinkie Pie said, more bewildered than usual.
“NPR,” said Fluttershy, “And sometimes books on tape.”
“Wooooooow!” Pinkie Pie leaned forward 'til her nose pressed against the radio controls. “So that's what a cassette deck looks like! I thought they were only in 80's robot cartoons! Does it still work?” Pinkie Pie started pushing buttons at random.
“Wait--” Fluttershy gasped, but she was too late to stop Pinkie before she could hit the 'play' button.
“--ran her trembling fingertips over his broad, sculpted chest. Fernando didn't flinch when Sarah touched the scar next to his navel, but when she moved her hand lower--”
Fluttershy's hand snapped out, cobra-fast, and mashed the 'eject' button so hard that the cassette tape sprung out of its slot and shot across the minivan's interior.
“I have no idea how that got in there.” Fluttershy said, even as she flushed a bright, bright red.
Twilight picked the tape off the carpeted van floor. “Passion on the Panama Canal?”
“I have no idea how that got in there.” Fluttershy said.
“Sounds dirty.” Rainbow said, if in a somewhat approving way.
“I have no idea how that got in there.”
“We believe you, Fluttershy.” Sunset Shimmer finally looked away from where she'd been gazing out the window. She took a moment to give the other girls in the van a look, making sure the matter was settled.
“So, Twilight.” Rarity chimed in, changing the subject. “Have you been able to figure out what the magic thingie will be just yet?”
“Nothing specific.” Twilight sighed, and took off her glasses so she could rub at her eyes. “I'm having to invent whole new branches of mathematics in order to get my head around 'magic' being a thing in the first place. I feel like Issac Newton when he was inventing calculus. Which is funny, as Newton was also an alchemist and occultist himself.”
“Issac who?” Rainbow Dash said.
“You know, the apple guy?” said Applejack.
“Wait, that dude in the turtleneck who built our phones?” Rainbow Dash said.
Twilight facepalmed. “Just forget I brought it up.”
“Do you mind if I take a look at it?” Sunset Shimmer turned to Twilight and smiled. “I don't mean to brag or anything, but I probably know more about magic than anybody else on the planet. Except for Twilight Sparkle.” Sunset paused. “Er, I mean, my Twilight. I mean- uh, the Twilight from my dimension. The Princess. Oooh, that sounded awkward.” She scratched at the back of her neck.
“Hey, it's alright. I'm still getting used to the idea of having an extradimensional doppelganger myself.” Twilight said, “I've got all my notes in here. If you have any questions, just ask.” She handed her tablet over to Sunset, and their fingertips brushed against each other in a brief, electric moment.
“Hey!” Rainbow Dash thrust her head between Twilight and Sunset. “Do you think we'll meet ourselves at the magic thingie?”
Twilight leaned back in her seat and tapped at her chin. “I suppose there is a chance that the dimensional incursion might have a temporal component, which could lead to a time loop of some sort … “
“No, like, I want to know if other-us is gonna come through the magic thing!” Rainbow Dash said. “I mean, Twilight-- the other Twilight, sorry, said that she was best friends with other versions of us back wherever she's from … so what if it's those us'es that are coming through the magic portal thingamajig?”
“That's … not impossible.” Twilight mused. “Though I would presume that any of Twilight- I mean, any of my doppelganger's friends would pass through the same gateway she did, back at Canterlot High.”
“Unless they're going on a kickin' road trip too!” Rainbow Dash said, grinning. She looked between Sunset and Twilight. “Honestly, I don't know why you say this magic stuff is so hard. I've got it all figured out already!”
“Let's just hope it's as easy as you say it is.” Sunset Shimmer didn't look up from Twilight's notes.
Rainbow Dash sat back in her own seat and clasped her hands behind her head (even if Rarity and Applejack had to lean to the side in order to avoid the blue girl's elbows). “Man. Two of me. That would be so cool.”
“It'd be somethin', alright.” Applejack deadpanned.
Rainbow Dash stared at the van's ceiling for a minute or so, marveling at the thought of having another Rainbow Dash around. “So … “ she thought aloud, “if you run into another version of yourself, and then you make out with yourself, that's not weird, right?”
The van went quiet, and everyone inside slowly turned to stare at Rainbow Dash. Well, everyone except Fluttershy, who kept her eyes on the road (even if she did eye Rainbow Dash through the rear view mirror).
“Oh come on!” Rainbow Dash blurted, “I'm not the only one who's thinking it!”
“Kinda think ya are.” Applejack mused.
“That's okay, Dashie!” Pinkie Pie beamed. “I wouldn't mind making out with me either! Or you! Or anybody! I like to keep my options open.”
“Y'all are just makin' this weird.” Applejack murmured.
“To be fair,” Rarity twisted a bit so she could look at the cowgirl as she spoke to her. “We do occasionally grow pony ears and start glowing through the magic of friendship, so it's not as if we're exactly the definition of 'normal.'”
“Ain't that. It's the other stuff.”
“Why, Applejack! I knew you had a rural upbringing, but I thought the better of you! We live in the twenty first century! It's absolutely imperative that we accept everyone for who they are. Why, who are we to stand in the way of love?” Rarity clasped her hands together and sighed, enraptured by thoughts of glorious romance. “Love has no borders, nationalities, or genders!”
Rainbow Dash blinked. “Isn't that from that Guitar Wolf movie?”
“Shh,” Rarity said.
“It's not the 'two girls' thing that's weird,” Applejack said, “it's the fact that one of the girls is you. And also a horse. Er, no offense, Sunset.”
“Technically, I'm a pony.” Sunset said.
“See! I can't believe you'd be so insensitive, Applejack.” Rarity leaned past Rainbow Dash to poke Applejack with an accusatory finger. “Can't you even get the terminology right? Besides, whenever ponies come through the portal, it turns them into people-- er, turns them into humans in the process, so honestly, there's nothing to make a fuss about.”
Applejack glared back at Rarity. “So you're tellin' me that iffin' another Rarity came from Ponyland--”
“Ponyville.” Sunset Shimmer corrected.
“--from wherever, you'd be all over, well, you?”
“Ah.” Rarity's cheeks tinted in a faint blush. “I don't know if I'd go that far. Although, I suppose it would be useful to have a second version of myself handy when I'm working on a larger project, or when I need a model for a new design.”
“I ain't askin' if another you would be useful, I'm askin' if another you would be sexy.”
“Ah. Yes. Well. It's not something I'd considered. Although I'm sure I have a long list of admirers who would be absolutely thrilled to have doubled the objects of their affection.” Rarity paused. “Of course, if there were two Rarities, then I wouldn't be nearly as unique, would I?”
“Oh man, why didn't I think of that?” Rainbow Dash said. “Forget Pony-Rainbow. What if Applejack's Ponyville brother came through the portal, and then I got Applejack's brother from this dimension, and--”
“So help me Rainbow Dash, I will throw you out the window if you finish that sentence.” Applejack cracked her knuckles.
For possibly the first time in her life, Rainbow Dash did the sensible thing, and shut up. “Spoilsport.”
Up front, a warning light on the dashboard chimed and nearly startled Fluttershy out of her seat.
“Oh!” she said, and looked down. “I knew I forgot something.”
“What's up?” Pinkie Pie said.
“I was so busy this morning, I forgot to fill the tank.”
“That's okay! Sometimes I get so busy, I forget to wear underpants!” Pinkie Pie said, cheery. She paused, and then looked down, tugging the waistband of her skirt out a little. “Oh good, I remembered. Whew.” She wiped sweat off her forehead, and let the elastic snap back into place.
Sunset Shimmer leaned towards the center of van and looked out the windshield. “Looks like there's a truck stop up ahead. It'll give us all a chance to stretch our legs.”
“And use the bathroom!” Pinkie Pie began to fidget. “I don't know about you guys, but I think that whipped-cream caramel mocha triple-espresso is catching up with me.”
Fluttershy pushed down on the accelerator.
It's just the first stretch of the trip and they are already asking the weird and existential questions? I fear what will happen at half-way
This story is hilarious! These girls are always so fun to read about, and you get them so true to character. Rainbow Dash is always a hoot, and I can imagine Fluttershy listening to NPR!
By the way . . . I've never owned a brand new car and my current (and most up-to-date one) has a cassette player. Way to go, Fluttershy!
Well, at least Applejack is close to being able to handle real coffee. (Sorry, I was raised snobby in that regard. My parents are still appalled that I add stuff to mine sometimes.)
In any case, this is going about as well as could be expected... though the recognizably human names are a bit off-putting. It's reasonable to assume that the same naming conventions apply on a larger scale than just whatever town the human cast lives in. Aside from that, quite nice.
It's really hard for me to describe what I like in fanfiction, but this nailed it. It's got the girls acting in character, but in a way that they can't act in official media.
7032926
Yeah, it's a weird little quirk that I am just going to gloss over because I'm too lazy to dwell on too much because it gets in the way of making various pop culture references. If I wanted to think of convoluted pony names for everything, I'd stay in the main continuity. :)
Obviously, Human!Ponyville was founded by a bunch of hippies who didn't believe in 'normal' names. That, or it's just tradition everyone has a weird nickname.
Isn't Big Mac with Cheerilee now?
Well, that's basically every roadtrip I took as a ki-
... Okay, so for me it was a little more 'Piers Anthony' and less 'E. L. James',
Also, the fact that Applejack was the one who mentions Ponyland was so wonderfully sublime I squee'd a little,
7033239
As if that would stop Rainbow Dash!
7033314
Funny that you mention Anthony in the same breath as James ... mostly because Piers Anthony is a huge, huge pervo. I had to give up on the first "Bio of a Space Tyrant" book, as its two ongoing themes broke down to:
1) Hey, check out this cool Gravity Lens technology I made up!
2) RAPE.
Seriously, skeevy as all hell. And that's before you get into stuff like "Firefly." Grossness all around, I fear.
Still, hope you're enjoying the story! :)
More.
Dang it, AJ. Breaking the fourth wall is Pinkie's job.
Ok, definitely following this. Considering how road trips usually go (like in Pinkie Apple Pie), I'd be more worried about them killing each other rather than not making it to those coordinates in time. Not sure that was a Sunset and Sci-Twi hint or not, though Rainbow is eager to double the awesome already. Introducing Equestria RD to Top Gun might not be a good idea, but not like that would slow down Rainbow at all.
Wonder how many other hjiniks they'll get up to on this spring break vacation. Here's hoping it ends up being more fun than maddening.
They're going to have to change the drivers at some point, don't they? I hope they don't make the mistake of letting Rainbow drive!
Give them what? A look?
Again with the "incest or masturbation" question. WHYYY?!
7223641 It actually has a name. It's called 'selfcest'.
It's... like watching identical twins go at it. But you realize that they're actually the same person and it somehow makes it slightly less disturbing. Slightly.
7271689 so alot like narcissism?
7033398
Silly Rainbow. Why go for the taken Apple when there's a better and sexier one much closer? ;D
They have devices that you plug into the cassette player so you can listen to your phone.
So many interesting lines in this chapter and the road trip has only just started! The girls' coffees all sound delicious, although caramel and mocha is a bit much for me. And wow, it didn't take long for Dash to think about selfcest, did it? Then again, she is known for being the most full of herself in Team Harmony (that's what I like to call the 7 in EG because I hate the "humane" pun).
Also, you'd think Fluttershy would've thought to take out the tape before they started the road trip. OTOH, Rule of Funny applies in this situation.
The stuff I drink is fairly similar to Pinkie's order - although toned down a lot to allow me to survive. I tend to just have a caramel macchiato (with an expresso shot when I need to concentrate on something). Needless to say, it is not the healthiest of my dietary choices.
This is even more fun than I expected. :>
"AJ. AJ! *Gaaaaaasp* AAaaaaaaaaayyyJJJJJJjaaaaayyyyy!!!!!!!!"
"WHAT!?"
"Danger Zone!"
What did RD expect from Flutters?
Geeze, again with Rainbow Dash and Big mac. I get the feeling this is going to be a running theme and just stop here. This killed the story for me.
7035104
You're right, it wouldn't be a good idea. It'd be an awesome idea! XD
7033398
All the Piers Anthony stuff I've read are his Xanth novels, which are some pretty out-there fantasy stories, but I never encountered any rape or anything like that in them.
I approve
And come on… why does Rainbow never get what she wants
This thing is making me laugh more than I do in two months.
Also I think That Fluttershy shouldn't be the one driving, makes me nervous.
I'd be less worried about style and more about the thing breaking down based on the description.
This is so annoying. Spike, my favorite character, dog or not, is once again shafted in a Equestria Girls centered fic. Wasted opportunity.
I don't believe her! And I don't think you do either Sunset Shimmer.
This may be the stupidest thing Rainbow has ever said. Be it canon or fan work alike this is it.
Stuff like this is why I'm in love with Pinkie.
Rainbow sure is thirsty. And her thirst only seems to rise higher with each passing paragraph.
Considering how we barely see her in anything but a skirt, this is a bit worrying. It also makes me very, excited.
8252147
“Excited”
Ah, Rest In Peace
This destroyed me. XD
9455728
You mean this guy
Why does my gut tell me this'll later become a later problem the girls will run into?
Should've talked less or else you could've gotten it.
Tmi Fluttershy, tmi!
Your killing me Pinkie.
Holy crap!
It's called a portal/gateway Dash, and the chances of that happening are slim.