Built-In Opalescence

by Brass Polish

2 A Whole Day Behind

Cayenne ambled in. “Great. The new merch is in.”

She was glad to see that there was some formal wear among the new winter clothes.

“My brother’s birthday’s coming up,” she told Rarity and Sassy. “Need something elegant.”

“Oh surely you can wear one of the gowns you’ve already bought from here,” said Rarity.

“That’s not what I do,” retorted Cayenne. “I never wear the same dress twice.”

“Then what do you do with them all?” demanded Rarity.

“I…”

“Don’t answer that,” Rarity looked away.

“I’m sure it’s nothing bad,” said Sassy. “Surely you don’t throw them away.”

“No,” said Cayenne. “They just kinda…”

“Perhaps you trade them with your sisters?” suggested Sassy.

“I only have a brother. And dresses aren’t his thing.”

“Well, I’ll tell you what,” said Rarity. “If you bring one of your old dresses here and return it, I’ll let you have a new one for free.”

“Tunics and turtlenecks, Rarity!” cried Sassy. “Since when did we adopt a trade system?!”

Cayenne was delighted to agree, and left at once to fetch one of the dresses she’d previously bought. Sassy hoped that she would return her Princess Dress; that might deter Rarity from trading for a new one. But Cayenne came back with a different one, and Rarity gladly accepted it.

When Donut Joe arrived later that day, it was the same story. Rarity got the impression that everything he bought from the boutique before was either collecting dust or mould, so she offered to trade him a new for an old garment. Word soon spread that Rarity wasn’t charging money for new clothes. Sassy was unnerved to see ponies lining up carrying suits, dresses, and other garments that would soon wind up back where they started. And to make matters worse, some ponies were willing to trade for clothing that was brought in that very day. Ponies who missed out on or couldn’t afford particular articles of clothing asked Rarity if they could trade for it, and Rarity approved all of them. It made her even happier that dresses she made a while ago would still be worn. By the end of the day, Canterlot Boutique had well and truly adopted an exchange system, and the only income came from a few customers that morning before Rarity arrived. Sassy was anxiously recording the accounts and trying to think of something to say to make Rarity abandon this unprofitable practise. Nothing she tried during the day had worked. She flipped a page in her account book.

“Hi, Miss Saddles.”

Sassy jumped. She’d never heard of Haycarte’s Method.

“I have a message for Rarity,” said Moondancer. “Her sister’s going to spend the night with me. I better go now. I haven’t gotten enough practise for a long--”

Moondancer’s inky outline faded away.

“Wait!” cried Sassy.

It was no use. Moondancer had disappeared from Sassy’s expense accounts.

“No dress left behind,” Rarity smiled the next morning. “No frock forgotten. No gown discarded. No suit tossed away. A perfect rotation of clothes.”

“If you keep this up, there’ll be no place for this rotation to happen!” cried Sassy. “Rarity, if you don’t start charging money for our merchandise, this boutique will crumble and fall!”

“It’s always profits with you, isn’t it, Sassy?” groaned Rarity.

“One of us has to be thinking about the money,” said Sassy.

“If we take money instead of previously owned dresses, every work of art that I’ve sewn with my own two hooves will rot away forever!”

“You don’t use your hooves, you use your horn,” retorted Sassy. “Rarity, please. You’re always telling me you’re fashion forward, not fashion backward.”

It was no use. Two ponies entered the shop, each holding a dress Rarity recognised.

“I made this one the day Twilight came to Canterlot to rehearse her speech at Princess Celestia’s school!” she beamed. “And this one the day she ran to the alternate world and met her double!”

Sassy Saddles might have started ripping her hair out if Moondancer and Sweetie Belle hadn’t arrived.

“I need your help!” pleaded Sassy. “Rarity’s stopped charging money for dresses. Ponies are returning old dresses in exchange for new ones!”

“Oh, no! I should have known this would happen,” groaned Sweetie Belle.

She ran to Rarity’s side.

“Rarity, have you even started your mission yet?”

“It’s well underway,” replied Rarity happily. “Operation Regular Rotation is a resounding success.”

“What about Operation Find the Friendship Problem in Canterlot?” asked Sweetie Belle.

Rarity gaped. “I forgot!”

“You forgot.”

“My mission! The reason I came early in the first place!”

Moondancer looked around. “Everypony looks pretty happy. Whatever the problem is, you might have helped it with your free--”

Sassy shoved a toque in Moondancer’s mouth.

“I can’t have helped anything,” Rarity frowned. “I’d have felt my cutie mark give me an indication of a job done.”

She looked around at the many familiar clothes in the showroom.

“Come on, Rarity,” said Sweetie Belle. “Let Sassy run the boutique while you do your duty. I’ll come and help you.”

Moondancer spat the toque out. “I’ll come too if you like.”

“Very well,” Rarity nodded.

Moondancer was right. There appeared to be no problems in Canterlot. There certainly were ponies about whose day was brightened by not having to pay for a new dress. As they walked about, they would say hello to strangers. Not one Canterlot resident gave them a nasty reply or completely ignored them. Up and down the streets Rarity, Sweetie Belle, and Moondancer walked. It quickly became clear that the problem the Map detected would not be easy to pinpoint, and Rarity was already a day behind. Sweetie Belle and Moondancer became concerned that Rarity might do a runner back to her boutique. They’d been letting her lead the way, but she kept bringing them up and down a particular neighbourhood.

“Why don’t we split up?” suggest Moondancer.

“Sure,” agreed Sweetie Belle.

Rarity nodded and walked away; in the very direction Moondancer and Sweetie Belle suspected she would go; towards Canterlot Boutique.

“I’ll follow her,” Sweetie Belle said to Moondancer.

Sweetie Belle saw Rarity slow down halfway down the street and thought she might turn back around. She hid behind a tree and watched as Rarity turned her head towards one of the houses.

“Am I wrong, or is that house’s roof a tad low sung compared to the others on this street?” Sweetie Belle heard her sister say.

Small details, she thought.

Rarity stood there for a minute before carrying on. Unfortunately, Sweetie Belle had been trying to go unnoticed for so long that she didn’t see Rarity leave the area.

“Oh, no! Where’d she go?”

She tried to follow Rarity’s hoof prints in the snow, which had not changed its state at all since yesterday morning. There were an awful lot of hoof prints on the street, but Sweetie Belle managed to follow Rarity’s trail.

Sure enough, Sweetie Belle found herself nearing Canterlot Boutique. Fortunately, she caught up to Rarity before they reached it.

“Hey Rarity!”

Rarity jolted. “Sweetie Belle! I-I wasn’t going back…!”

“I thought you’d like to know what Moondancer tried to teach me last night,” Sweetie Belle interrupted.

“Oh. I never did ask,” said Rarity.

“She showed me the gem finding spell,” said Sweetie Belle. “She didn’t know it was your specialty, but she thought…”

“My gem finding spell!” exclaimed Rarity. “That’s what that was!”

“Huh?”

“Something about that house caught my attention,” said Rarity. “I thought I felt my horn twinge. Perhaps we ought to investigate further. There might be something to that house.”

Sweetie Belle hadn’t expected this. She lied when she said the spell Moondancer attempted to teach her was the same spell Rarity was gifted with. She merely wanted to distract her. She followed on as Rarity ran back to the street they’d covered the most on their quest for the Canterlot friendship problem.

Sweetie Belle didn’t find the house very interesting compared to the others on that street, but because she was shorter than Rarity, she couldn’t tell as well that there was a distinct dip in the roof.

“Yes! There’s a gemstone buried in that house,” Rarity’s horn glowed as she stepped onto the walkway to the front door. “It’s not just coal. A full-blown jewel.”

“OK, but are you saying you want to go in?” asked Sweetie Belle. “I’ll bet your horn detected gems in lots of houses throughout your life.”

“No, Sweetie,” said Rarity. “My spell doesn’t sense gems hidden in drawers or stowed in chests. It only detects gems buried in dirt, or styrofoam, or tarpaulins, or snow. I’ll wager that that roof gave way and snow fell into the attic and buried a jewel.”

She approached the front door, flanked by Sweetie Belle. She knocked on the door… several times.

“Maybe the ponies who live here went on holiday and some smugglers are using their house to hide stolen goods,” suggested Sweetie Belle as Rarity continued to knock. “And if any of the homeowners’ friends found the loot in their house, they’d think they were thieves.”

“It’s possible,” said Rarity. “But if the homeowners’ friends saw the roof was lopsided, they might have done some investigating themselves, wouldn’t they?”

“I guess so,” agreed Sweetie Belle.

Rarity knocked once more and pressed her ear against the door.

“I hear something in there. Like… someone’s knocking back. If there is somepony in there, they can’t get to the door.”

She tried the door knob. The door wasn’t locked, but it was difficult to open. A paper-thin sheet of ice broke between the door and the jam as Rarity forced her way in.

“Ooh! It’s freezing in here,” she shivered.

“Help!”

“Up there!”

Rarity and Sweetie Belle quickly located the stairs and climbed to the top landing. There were small piles of snow all over the floor. A ladder extended up to a ceiling door. Rarity and Sweetie Belle ascended into the attic.

“Goodness gracious!” exclaimed Rarity.

She had been right. The roof had given way and dumped lots of snow into the attic. And it must have buried a jewel or tow, because this attic was full of gemstones; one of each type attached to a chandelier, which was lying on the floor half-buried. And there was more in this attic that was half-buried; an earth mare pinned beneath a wooden beam lay sprawled and shaking.

With no hesitation and great effort, Rarity and Sweetie Belle managed to dislodge the trapped mare.

“Sweetie Belle, go and fetch a blanket,” said Rarity, still pulling their find clear of the damage. “This poor dear’s frozen stiff.”

Sweetie Belle did so.

“Th-thank you,” shivered the mare. “I’ve b-been s-stuck there f-for two d-days.”

“How dreadful,” said Rarity. “What is your name?”

“D-Driblet.”

“I’m Rarity. And this is my sister Sweetie Belle.”

Sweetie Belle returned with a blanket she found on a couch.

“It’s kinda cold,” she said as Rarity wrapped it around Driblet. “Everything in this house is cold.”

Driblet’s smile told her it didn’t matter.

“N-no one would have f-found me for a week if it hadn’t b-been for you t-two,” she groaned.

“Why on earth not?!” cried Rarity.

“I was t-taking my week off f-from work,” shivered Driblet.

“So, I was partially right,” shrugged Sweetie Belle. “You’re on holiday?”

“Uh, huh. If I d-don’t show up at work on S-Sunday, I’m sure they w-would have n-noticed,” Driblet didn’t look entirely certain. “Nop-pony else would have c-come here. I don’t any room-mates, any family, any friends…”

A light went on in Rarity’s head. And one went on on it as well. She still hadn’t found the gemstones buried in the snow, but she wasn’t bothered with them.

“So nopony would have wondered where you disappeared to because you don’t know anypony outside of work?” she asked.

“Uh, huh. I’ll bet th-they haven’t even noticed th-that I l-left work,” Driblet began to sob. “They wouldn’t have th-thought to l-look f-for me.”

“Come. We shall treat you to hot chocolate and sandwiches at the tea shop,” Rarity offered, lifting Driblet to her hooves.

It was a long journey, but at last, the very grateful Driblet had her first meal in over two days.

“I grew up with parents who wanted me to take over the family business, but I didn’t want to. So I left as soon as I turned 18,” she said between mouthfuls. “I like doing things at my own pace. All I wanted was a simple job so I can have room and board, and set money aside for unexpected problems. That way I can enjoy my hobby with no interference.”

“And your hobby’s collecting and cutting gemstones?” said Sweetie Belle.

“Yeah. It’s all I spend my free time doing. So, how did you know I was in trouble?” asked Driblet.

“Well, to be honest, we weren’t entirely sure,” said Rarity. “I was simply sent by the enchanted map in Princess Twilight Sparkle’s castle in Ponyville to find and solve a friendship problem in Ponyville. And I can safely say I’ve found it.”

“I guess you have,” nodded Driblet. “I don’t have any friends, so there’s nopony there to look out for me.”

“And with no one to keep tabs on you, no one can help you if you’re in danger,” said Sweetie Belle.

Something caught Driblet’s eye. Rarity and Sweetie turned their heads.

“Oh. Moondancer.”

Moondancer had heard everything. She was stunned.

“That… that could have been me,” she breathed.

“Bouncing belt loops!” Sassy Saddles exclaimed after Rarity, Sweetie Belle, and Moondancer returned to the boutique and told her what they discovered. “You were so concerned about all those clothes you made rotting away in a dark, dirty attic, when all the while there was a pony in town doing just that.”

“Hey, my attic isn’t dirty,” objected Driblet, sporting a new jacket in the showroom. “It’s snowy if anything.”

“No charge,” insisted Rarity.

“Thank you, Rarity,” smiled Driblet. “And don’t worry about my roof, girls. I can easily afford the repairs. If you’d like a gemstone from my collection, take your pick. All of you.”

“That’s nice of you,” said Moondancer. “You’re not like I used to be. I’ll bet your co-workers would have been concerned about you if you didn’t return after your holiday.”

Driblet frowned. “I still doubt it. But I swear I’ll change that. I’ve been keeping quiet around them and ignoring them on the job the whole time I worked there. Well, no more. I am going to give friendship a chance.”

“I’d say you’ve made a good start,” said Rarity, her cutie mark glowing.

“Yay! Your mission’s complete!” beamed Sweetie Belle.

“I couldn’t have managed without you, little sister,” Rarity pulled Sweetie Belle into a hug. “Thanks for reminding me what I had to do. I’m not worried about my old work being forgotten any more. Rescuing Driblet from her attic is far better than any dress. And Sassy, her jacket will be the last giveaway, I promise. I shall start charging money for our merchandise again.”

“Wonderful,” smiled Sassy.

Author's Note:

This was the last story of this lot that I wrote a beat sheet for. And I was in a bad mood at the time, so when I came back to it, I laughed my head off.

Comments

[FrontSevens]

At first, this story seemed to be a few unrelated snippets of Rarity’s day, but I was able to see them all come together when Rarity started to think about what happens to old clothes. It was moving in a good direction, too—trades don’t exactly pay the bills. Then the plotline with Driblet came out of seemingly nowhere, and wasn’t really relevant to the plot. There was justification for it:

“You were so concerned about all those clothes you made rotting away in a dark, dirty attic, when all the while there was a pony in town doing just that.”

However, that’s a stretch, in my mind. I don’t think I’m convinced. I guess that justifies the random tag, but nonetheless, it’s an odd choice to me.

The voices of the characters sound very similar to me, and not very distinguishable without dialogue tags, which isn’t exactly a good thing. I think the character voicing could’ve been better.

The dialogue is a bit dense, too. Sometimes it moves at a fast pace and I’m not really able to visualize what’s going on. It’s getting into “talking heads” territory, where it’s almost starting to read more like a transcript than a story. Sometimes the narrative that accompanies the dialogue is a bit bland; sometimes it’s only said tags over and over again. Some more action tags could help, or some more narrative, or more variety in the paragraph structure (since at times, there seemed to be a lot of “Dialogue,” said tag. “Dialogue.”).

I’m wondering about some of the formatting choices here. Every ten-ish paragraphs, there’s a soft page break, sometimes to signify a scene break, but sometimes it happens in the middle of a conversation. It feels a bit obtrusive at times and I’m unsure of the point of it. It makes for a somewhat repetitive structure, and I was getting a bit bored by it.

Some of the said tags aren’t quite formatted properly:

“I’m awfully sorry,” Rarity dashed to the entrance to shoo her cat away.

“Meh, it’s fine,” shrugged Sun Shower from underneath her staticy beehive of hair.

“dashed” and “shrugged” are not words that describe how something is said, so the dialogue needs to end in a period instead of a comma to better separate the action from the dialogue:

“I’m awfully sorry.” Rarity dashed to the entrance to shoo her cat away.

“Meh, it’s fine.” Sun Shower shrugged from underneath her staticy beehive of hair.

See Ezn’s guide in the FAQ (or Google, I suppose) for more on said tags.

I know I spent a lot of time talking about the technical issues here, but I think they were the biggest issues for me. The main plot was a good idea and well-paced, but the writing was a bit too basic and functional, I feel, and again, I wasn’t a fan of some of the formatting.

Minor note: Some typos (“If you don’t want it the one you have, somepony else might,””) (“and that is she was in town, she should take some magic lessons from her.”)

In my mind, this was a decent slice of life story, up until the part with Driblet. I hope my opinion here was somewhat useful to you :>