Bon-Bon has apparently decided to barricade the entrances; she's spending more time in the room, now, pacing nervously. The confectionary, she's convinced, can wait. She seems awfully distressed, and I worry for her deeply; I hope Pinkie Pie's plan works.
I check the clock. She should be coming by soon. I don't know how, but the madmare's probably going to find a way.
“So,” Bon-Bon says, her mane slightly frayed. “Wanna play Monopsony, friend?”
I grin nervously. “Sure, Bon-Bon.” She always wins, but now would be a great time to reinforce her. Pinkie Pie will be coming in two hours, and I suppose that a little game won't hurt.
About two hours later, as Bon-Bon's about to buy out the labour certification institute for the Griffon Principalities, a little knock comes from the floorboards.
“What's that noise?” Bon-Bon says, suddenly cautious.
Scratching sounds. “I—I don't know.” I sniff a bit. Rotten cabbages?
“Open the windows!” she says, going towards the door worriedly, pushing it open without much effort. It's meant to open with less force from the inside than from the outside; a safey feature. “Might be some kind of gas leak.”
I nod, looking nervously about as I run over to open the windows, pulling the bolt out with a 'click' and letting the air in. I look to the ground and shake my head, hoofing at the floorboards. What has that mare done?
“Hi!”
I look up to see a pink face staring into mine, and refrain from screaming.
Very admirable of me, I think.
“What in the name of Celestia did you do, Pinkie? Did you—did you start a gas leak?” I put my hooves over my muzzle.
“Naww. I just got some cans of stink and stuffed them in the vents!”
I look around the wooden room and raise a brow. “The vents?”
“The vents.” She nods happily.
“Right.”
“I set the oven on fire, too!”
“You what?”
“Just a teeny-tiny fire. Bon-Bon'll spend plenty of time putting it out, though. Straight from the mains. Like a Buckson burner!”
“Oh dear, sweet Celestia.” The heating room is made of stone, of course; a fire wouldn't spread. I still am half-tempted to run down and help Bon-Bon right now.
“So, anyway,” she says, climbing in and letting the balloons tied to her float away. “I got what we needed!” She pulls a suspicious-looking bag out of somewhere; I levitate it and put it on the bedside table.
“This is going to do the opposite of work,” I say. “Why, again, am I involving myself in this?”
“Because you wanna tap that!” And with that unexpected bit of crudity, she leaps back out the window. I look out just in time to see her speed off, leaving a trail of dust in her hopping wake as the smell begins to clear, the cans of 'stink' apparently having done their job.
A rhythmic knock on the door. “Lyra! It was a fire!” I run over to open it. She's panting and sweating in that terribly attractive way. “I put it out, though, so we're gonna be fine. Did anything happen here?”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “Everything's quiet on this front.”
“Great!” she says, closing the window once more. She doesn't appear to see anything wrong. “Now, where were we?”
“You were about to gain a monopsony over the Griffon Principalities.”
She looks at the board with a bit of distaste. “You know, you'll never win if you don't buy agencies. Seriously,” she says, poking at my ideologically unified union spots, “Zebrican Farmer's Collective? Canterlot Service Worker's Union? Stalliongrad Kolkhozy? Those're, like, the cheapest spots.”
My face reddens a bit. “I think that certification should be left to the government.”
She puts her hoof to her face. “It's just a game. You didn't even bribe anypony. Look, I've got COMEQUES and Guild Gilda at the same time.” She looks at the charts. “They're literally on completely different sides. I've got them at a hundred percent.”
“Well, er, want to do something else, then?”
She raises her brow. “Like what?”
Pinkie Pie never told me how to broach the subject. I clean the pieces up quickly with my magic as I try not to look straight at her. “So, er, I found, er, something on the floor, after Pinkie visited.” Half-truths. I prefer not to think of the other half.
She nods angrily. “I can't believe the nerve of that marefiddler. What was it?”
A sideways glance to the packet. “It's labelled, er—”
She marches over and grabs the packet, pulling out a compact disc smeared with red marker. “Blue Spots?”
“...yes?”
She picks it up gently in her teeth and goes up to the player, pushing it in. The video comes up on the television, and the sounds fill the room.
Squelch.
Moan.
Squeak.
About five seconds into the video, she ejects it, blushing furiously; the red is a beautiful ornament to the cream. “I—I think I need a shower.”
My time to shine. “Well, er, why don't we watch it anyway? You know, as a joke. Because we're both straight.”
She freezes. Metaphorically, of course.
“Of course!” she says, nervously, pushing it right back in. Squelching sounds fill the room, and I can see her physically holding her gullet as she sits on her own bed, looking silently at the screen. “Of course. Doesn't bother me. Ha. Ha ha.”
“Gross, huh?”
This is the worst idea I've ever gone along blindly with.
My voice is emotionless as I try to pretend to be disgusted. “Ew. Filly-foolers are so gross.”
“Yeah, they totally... are.” I don't detect the slightest hint of repression. Just shock.
Worst idea, worst idea.
Twenty incredibly uncomfortable minutes later, as the moans die away, she pulls the disc out silently and puts it back in the bag.
“Okay,” she says, breathing in deeply. “From now on, I'm not gonna leave this room, ever, and neither are you.”
Worst idea.
“What?”
“Now that I've seen what they do, I can't let you out of my sight. Just thinking about it—” she shudders, shaking her head in that wonderful way, her mane flowing a bit over her crest. “No. Never. I'll get the supplier to bring food to us and hire someone to pony the register and make the candies. Can't leave you to be taken.”
“Bon-Bon?” I suppose there are worse fates than to be locked up with your one true love forever, but this certainly isn't what I had in mind; then again, what exactly did I have in mind? 'You could wash laundry on that plot?'
Maybe I should have gotten some cider first.
“Average local wage reasonable, no union, high cronyism, nepotism; non-Pegasus socially isolated ponies tend to be unemployed except by government services. Blank-flanks particularly useful. Variable costs easily covered. Optimal profits high. Firm will succeed.” She seems to have shifted into her role as business manager, whispering figures to herself in a controlled panic.
“Bon-Bon?” I say again, my voice a bit higher.
“Yes, Lyra, my best friend in the whole world?” she says as she turns to face me, her face now in a wide smile.
I don't exactly know what to say. “Maybe not all filly-foolers are... like that?”
She looks at me for a moment.
Then she laughs hysterically, the sound like chimes in the wind. “Oh, Lyra. All those books can't prepare you for real life. Just let your old friend take care of things the old-fashioned way.”
And then she shuts the door neatly, and she bolts it nimbly, and she picks the receiver from the nearest phone and dials numbers, giving out very reasonable orders in the form of angelically polite requests.
And I sit down, quietly, and let the competent pony do her work competently.
Oh, Celestia.
How I love that mare.
that tape is-
img703.imageshack.us/img703/9942/pinkiepieapproved.png
she would know. She filmed it......
Sweet Celestia, Bon-Bon is so deep in the closet that she's in Narnia!
I am looking forward to a totally gay sunshine day at the end of this. This is delightful!
I love this story... so... much...
Is it just me or does Lyra have a very severe submission fetish when being locked in by Bonbon sounds like a lovely idea to her?
This is Quite possibly the best shipping fic I have ever read, You sure know how to make a shitstorm beautiful.
“Average local wage reasonable, no union, high cronyism, nepotism; non-Pegasus socially isolated ponies tend to be unemployed except by government services. Blank-flanks particularly useful. Variable costs easily covered. Optimal profits high. Firm will succeed.”
MORDIN! GET OUT OF THE FIC!
Monopsonies are so much fun.
Not sure who's crazier
Bonbon for being increasingly more insane by the hour
Lyra for going along with all this
Pinkie....for being pinkie
743999 I'm glad I'm not the only person who thought that.
743999 LOL thats exactly what i thought
Is it wrong that my mind immediately pictured what was going on in the tape? And not in some vague way, but in a way that horrible nightmares are remembered.
I really hope this doesn't end the way I'm thinking.
.......dat tape
static4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Why+did+I+automatically+think+you+were+doubting+the+search+_c0265936ea12d0f15c0ffe560c13f340.jpg
778197 skype-emoticons.com/images/emoticon-00125-mmm.gif I want it e.deviantart.net/emoticons/moods/love/lust/aroused.gif
741478 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
777111 I've always said everyone's entitled to their fetishes, but not to show them off where they don't belong. So...if you like the tape's contents, no, not wrong at all. If you don't, then I wish you luck on purging your brain of filly-fooling ponies getting it on.
743999
Oh wow I didn't think that until I read your comment, now I'm reading it in his voice!
741578 Oh gosh, yes. I am remembering that quote!
741578
"Sweet Celestia, Bon-Bon is so deep in the closet that she's in Narnia!"
that is definitely the best why to word this.
741478 Those eyes are staring into my soul.....poking it....
741578
You just made me spray peach juice explosively over my monitor and keyboard.
oh jebus, Bon Bon is Ted Haggard and Lyra is the repressed socialist best friend from college and Pinkie is the screwball swishy hippie faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag that sashay'd them both out of the closet.
I completely lol'd @ Lyra being a socialist.
Oh dear, this is brilliant. This is absolutely fucking brilliant.
Pinkie brought porn!
Pfft... I LOVE how smitten she is with Candy-ass that she doesn't care what she's doing to her! XD
there has to be something deeper that happened to Bon-bon, a whore mother? doesn't explain her homophobia Hmmm, unless her mother molested her when she was a filly......intrigue
"Beacuse you wanna tap that!"
Never read lines like these with a mouth full of soda.
"and let the competent pony do her work competently."
Wat?
You se, this pretty much confirms that Bon-Bon is a closet-gay. Confirms it.
741578 She's so deep in the closet, she's finding Christmas presents.
I'm not sure who's crazier, Bon bon, or Lyra for loving her
741578 Oh. My. God. So deep in the closet that she's in Narnia????? THIS IS THE AWESOMEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monopsony....
I am still laughing at the "Buckson burner" thing. Probably because I burned ramen noodles earlier to attempt to correctly calculate the calories in it. (Failed by the way, 90% error. But that is a good percent error for this lab, another group got a 99% error)
741578
Okay... That's the BEST metaphor ever used for being in the closet.
i.gyazo.com/5478a73efbbc2bfb53583067de6ce6e7.png
Holy crap, Bon Bon REALLY is homophobic.
Bonbon turned into Mordin from ME2.
I'm not going to lie. I'm enjoying this a lot more than I should be.
2633710 nailed it
am I the only one who noticed that the lira went the way of communism?