6. Dear Discord, You ain't fooling anypony!
The headache was becoming unbearable. Discord grabbed the chaos emerald from the table, cut a glass in half and swallowed it along with the gem.
"I knew I should have left this for the morning," he grumbled.
Out of the seven scrolls, two had been good, three — bad, and two remained undetermined. Surprisingly, so far he still hadn't found the original author. Surely she had sent a reply. Or was it a he? Somehow Discord strongly suspected it was a she, although he could no longer in clear conscience guarantee that. Or maybe he was completely wrong and it was a prank after all?
"Well, you know what?" He glared at the two remaining scrolls. "I'll get to the bottom of this!" The draconequus was on the verge of unrolling it, when he suddenly stopped. "Oh, no, you don't." He smiled confidently, then grabbed the other scroll. "It's always the last scroll that has the answer, isn't it?"
Dear Discord,
You ain't fooling anypony! If you think for one apple-bucking minute that I believe all that, you have another thing coming! Why, you have two fully grown daughters living without their mothers and are still thinking of having more? There's no healing a tree without roots, just as there is no growing up with just one parent! Now, I ain't saying I know what you did when you were married to Princess Celestia, but I reckon it must've been out right bad for you two to split up! And then taking advantage of her sister? That ain't respectable at all!
If Fluttershy hadn't asked us to give you a chance, you can bet your beehive that you'd be still in that there statue! And don't be thinking that Princess Celestia has forgotten what you did to her! I bet she just wants her daughter to grow up knowing both parents, not that you are one!
And don't you think I won't be checking the hospital for new foals appearing "accidentally"-like! For one like you who has no respect for family, I would expect to go wooing every tail he sees! This here thing with the letters just proves it! Instead of mending faces and getting your daughters back to their mothers, you send love letters to every pony in town inviting them to a date?
Now, Rainbow Dash says you are a cool draconequus, all considering, but she's been spending too much time with Screwball to know any better. Them lovebirds sure have a thing for each other. Fluttershy and Twilight also been saying you've changed and all, but I still ain't buying it! You're good at sweet-talking ponies, but do you think you have it where it takes? I suspect not. So, if you still insist on dating my Granny Smith you'll have to prove to me you'll treat her proper like and provide for her and the family! And I mean some good honest work, not that fancy chaos you keep messing around with! Them chaos tricks might be fun and all in Canterlot, but here at Sweet Apple Acres, we rely on muscles!
Now, Apple Bloom might think it's romantic and all, but I've discussed it with Big Mac and we two all agree that if you are to marry Granny, you better have one of them fancy business degrees. Since you look quite weak and all, we'll be relying on you to have mighty good haggling skills. And don't you think of cheating! An Apple's word is set in stone and the likes of you will not ruin our good name!
Also, as newest member of the family you'll be getting up all early and helping with feeding the animals and cleaning the farm. Now, them animals are sensitive to magic, so no chaos tricks! And same goes for them trees too! If I see one blue apple, you'll be hearing from me, and it don't matter how sweet you are to Granny! Get that going for a few years and maybe I'll let you sell apples to customers with Apple Bloom. That'll give you enough time to get one of them business degrees if you ain't got none.
Now, since you'll be moving to the farm, we'll need to build a new home for you and your girls. Rainbow Dash has been talking about asking Screwball to live with her, but that pegasus often makes promises her wings can't keep. So we'll be needing a house large enough to hold four ponies and yourself, and you'll be helping build it! I'll be there, and am sure Twilight and the rest of our friends will too, but we Apples don't like folks that abuse others' kindness, so if you think you could hide somewhere until work is complete, you have another thing coming! And be sure you discuss the marriage with them Princesses! You might have been divorced a thousand years ago, but there still be a lot of splaining to do! I won't have Granny and your ex-wives not get along for something you've done. I won't be having any awkward stares during family reunions either!
Finally, why in tarnation did you have to send them crazy clouds through the orchard? Getting that candle-wax off them apples was hard work! And them dolls — what were they for? Sure, grandma says she used to play with dolls, but that was when she was a filly! At least Apple Bloom and her friends were happy, but don't you use that to worm your way into our good books!
AJ
P.S. I still be thinking Granny is too good for the likes of you, but if that is what will make her happy, I ain't getting in the way. I will be watching you, though!
Looking cautiously left and right, Discord rolled the scroll back up, then hid it under the couch. This, he definitely didn't see coming. He didn't even remember Granny Smith going to the Gala! And now he was roped into a wedding for which he had to build his own house, apologize to Celestia and Luna again, and get a business degree in apple-selling! Could this day get any worse?
"Dad, I told Mom you are drunk on scrolls again." Deliria said from the corridor. "She said she'll come in a bit to have a word with you. I'll be on the moon until you two finish." The chaos pony then left the house, slamming the door behind her.
"I just had to ask." Discord grumbled. His headache was back in full strength.
Stats
Page generated in 0.018 seconds
Total duration
657 users online
788,684 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I have no words.
Personally, I find Applejack's response to be the best so far
That all came through completely clearly in AJ's voice.
This is priceless. Seems their has been some delivery errors aplenty.
"Drunk on scrolls again."
Classic.
6879772 :) The speechlessness!
6879785 AJ is great! Strange why she is so overlooked / ignored all the time :(
6879829 It's all in the context :)
6879845 Well, he just doesn't want to go to Scrolls anonymous... That sounded so wrong! :)
6879827 :) Glad you enjoyed it :D
Chaos is awesome lol, Yeah when normal people step out of the room but when Chaos creatures do it this happens LOL! LOVE IT!
How in the whole wide world did the Apple family arrive to this conclusion? Shouldn't Discord's answer arrive to everypony (including the rest of the family)? Did Granny Smith send the original?!
I mean, it could be a princess? Based on the usual process of elimination, it's easy to say Fluttershy, but I'd love for it to be unexpected to the point of stupidity (the best of expectations). Like Tree Hugger.
Or god, imagine if it was Bulk Biceps.
If it's Applejack, the "I-do-not-love-Discord-but-accept-to-be-his-granddaughter" pony this time
, I'm totally guessing that the responsible it's gonna confront Discord on the final chapter.
I bet anypony 3 bits that there is a sequel, or bonus chapter. One way or another, Trollestia will do something.
Also I bet Deliria would get along swimingly with Moonlight Raven, (and possibly her sister too Sunshine Smiles if Pinkie is any indication). They are background ponies that appear in Canterlot Boutigue & the begining of Cutie Remark in case you are wondering. Maybe as a possible love interest for her too. Possibly be brought up by Luna too in her visit. Since they both resode in Canterlot. Also possibly Zecora as well, but it being one sided friendship.
Also, Theory Number Three: This a plot conducted by Princess Cadance to get Discord out and about in the dating scene again. As well to root out possible candidates for said plan. The reason for her knowledge is her abilites as the Goddess of love and creepy Relationship chart. That she keeps need to revise.
I really enjoy the qurikyness of this verse. Very much so.
Plot twist it's angel
6879879 It probably has something to do with the fact that she gets overshadowed by background ponies in what are supposed to be her episodes.
Yep, that's all I have to say.
Applejack: most boring pony ever, here or anywhere.
Not sure what he found bad about pinkie's scroll, it was chaos!
~Leonzilla
I lost it here.
Really, I had to stop reading and get my laughs out.
*subject unable to type due to laughter* h_
This was so bad, and yet so funny! ^_^
LOL. That's hilarious.
But, didn't Applejack and Applebloom received the discord's reply too? Wouldn't they think it's a love confession to them too?