The Lazy Draconequus's Guide to Bodybuilding

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Comments ( 14 )

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JackRipper

Moderator

JackRipper #1 · Jan 7th, 2016 · 4 · · Chapter the First ·

greydoran

greydoran #2 · Jan 7th, 2016 · 1 · · Chapter the First ·

6810291 Death is but a door. A door to more of my stories.

Grunt

Grunt #3 · Jan 7th, 2016 · 1 · · Chapter the First ·

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJVBKvYyco0

Regis-Th3-Lesser

Regis-Th3-Lesser #4 · Jan 7th, 2016 · · · Chapter the First ·

6810735

greydoran

greydoran #5 · Jan 7th, 2016 · · · Chapter the First ·

6810735 There's a button to embed videos right there.

Starlight Jimmer

Starlight Jimmer #6 · Jan 7th, 2016 · 2 · · Chapter the First ·

6810291

greydoran

greydoran #7 · Jan 8th, 2016 · · · Chapter the First ·

6811369 Fluttershy goes on a date with Rarity. Discord is displeased, and begins plotting.

Freebird11

Freebird11 #8 · Jan 8th, 2016 · · · Chapter the First ·

I love the idea! But it was really rough to read, could use some fixing up.

greydoran

greydoran #9 · Jan 8th, 2016 · · · Chapter the First ·

6812067 Anything in particular I should work on?

Freebird11

Freebird11 #10 · Jan 8th, 2016 · 1 · · Chapter the First ·

6812071

I'm not sure if I'm in much of a position to give advice, but the pacing felt kinda off. The beginning and end were kind of sudden, and it seems like you wanted to get to the main topic of the story right away (which is fine). The actual stealing of size and the exchange with Big Mac as well as Bulk felt difficult to read and slightly rushed. I might recommend going more into detail and describe the whole "taking" process more thoroughly, and make the interactions between the them flow better. The ending was pretty quick but I think it sets up some awesome possibilities if you decide to continue on with this story.

So...that's pretty much all I could think of... take it with a grain of salt though, It's not like I'm qualified to critique anything like this, it's just some personal thoughts. Either way I still actually liked the story and idea and I hope this is at least a little helpful.

greydoran