• Member Since 3rd May, 2015
  • offline last seen Nov 1st, 2016

pinkiepie2010


T

Moonbeam was abandoned by his parents at a young age due to being an albino. Thankfully he was recused from certain death by Princess Luna who adopted the foal and took him as her son. This is his story.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 1 )

Well, it's a bit confusing, to be honest. :applejackconfused:

I do like the idea of Luna being a mother to a foal, however there are too many mistakes that led to my confusion. First is the incomplete sentences and missing phrases. There are words and phrases missing which I had to guess and there are a lot. Some details were also missing so I was confused as to who was speaking. Second is spelling. You should spell check your work before publishing it.

I can only suggest that you should read your work before publishing it here. It's better if you can have someone read it for you so they can see the mistakes and correct it before publishing.

Anyways, I do like the story but unfortunately its missing a lot. Hope I helped. :twilightsmile:

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