Hey there name's A.J Dashner, but if you want another fake name it's MLP435. I do other stuff so if you want to see go to the external accounts. I hope you enjoy.
Hey, have you heard of The Doctor? They saw that he’ll rewrite the past for you, but only one time. It was April 4th 2001... That night Fluttershy died. No one knows if it was a suicide, homicide, or accident. It was never revealed. Fluttershy had passed away. The truth of the incident had vanished into darkness.
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This was very well-written, had an interesting concept, and would make a really cool series! Nice job
6656958 Thanks :) I'm planning on making the second chapter soon. Do you have any suggestion or critique? As said in the author's note. It's my first story.
6656958 Finished. You can read the second chapter if you'd like. This story. Like life is going to come to an end soon.
6657078
I would say it would just be good to keep developing the characters. That's all I can think of. Again, great job!
6657949 Thanks for the advice and the compliment.
Okay, general feedback time.
First of all, you have a typo in your second line. Not a great start. Not gonna comment on typos for the rest of it. Just story.
This really is not a bad concept for a fic. I like it, even. That being said...
Unless you're planning on making this an explicit crossover, I would change the name of the Doctor to something that's not so heavily associated with an existing character.
I want more build up to Fluttershy dying. As Thunderlane says, we know nothing about her--why should we care? You've given us no reason to care about her dying, and no reason to want Rainbow/Thunder to bring her back. Give us some more scenes showing her alive. Rather than just telling us about what she's like, show us.
Speaking of Thunderlane, he's incredibly plain. I wish you'd give him more of a personality. As is, he just seems like an emotionless sack.
Of course, you also need to work on the typos. But when it comes to the story, I think those are your two biggest weaknesses.
6660773
Ok. Thanks for the advice. Trying to find a new name right now. I'm also writing some backstory before hand, but giving Thunderlane a better personality is harder, because he's a mute background character and that's when he's an adult. I have no idea of how he would act as a younger version. Once again. Thank you for the advice.