George Trestale, God of... Something

by DrOcsid

Dazed and Confused

"I suppose you have what I'm looking for, Royal Scientist?"

"Yes, it's right over here."

Voices... I'm hearing voices. Why am I hearing voices?

"Excellent. Is it ready yet?"

"Not quite yet, it needs some more time."

Where the hell am I?

"Really? It looks done to me!"

Oh god, what kind of horrifying experiment could these two be talking about?

"Well, if you want to eat an undercooked burrito, be my guest."

Oh.

"Very well, I will wait... And what of your current project?"

"Ah, I've made quite a bit of progress on that. I'll show you..."

I wanted to continue listening, but my consciousness slipped away quickly... Or, rather, slipped towards me quickly.

~~~

I jolted awake, suddenly aware of my surroundings.

"Eugh... my head." I guess sleeping spells give you a headache, for some reason.

I craned my neck to get a look at my surroundings. Am I in a barn? There was hay surrounding me, the faint smell of fertilizer, and it was dark except for the light let in through one single window at the top.

My first instinct was to try to get up, but that brought me to the realization that my torso and arms were bound in ropes. Very neatly tied ropes, at that.

"Oh come on, this again? Looks like I'll have to use a little Trestale magic." After a bit of snapping my fingers, I managed to light the ropes on fire.

"Alright, come on, burn through." It was at this point that I realized the fire was now not only burning the ropes, but my clothes.

"Oh, god damn it! Water! How do I do the water thing again?!" I managed to point my finger at myself, and promptly unleashed a huge spray of water that increased my wetness factorexponentially. Well, at least the ropes are sufficiently burnt.

"Phew." I ripped through the remaining charred parts of the ropes and got out of them. George Trestale uses his genius to escape his troubles again!

That is, until the door to the barn opened. The bright light blinded me for a second, but soon, into focus came two ponies. One with wings. It took me a second to make out their colors, one blue and the other orange. Aha, so it's rainbow-hair again.

"Applejack!" said rainbow-hair. "He got out of the ropes! Didn't you say you could tie anything up?!"

"Well, it ain't like I ever hogtied a human before, Rainbow! They got all sorts of weird magic he probably used to break out."

Wow, her name's actually Rainbow? My nickname was far more apt than I thought.

"You told me Twilight enchanted those ropes, or something!"

"Well, you told me that spell he done cast on himself would have him out for hours!"

"It was just a guess!"

As the two argued, I couldn't think of anything to do but stand there and wait awkwardly while considering how weird their names were. It went on for a bit long though, so I decided to interject.

"Hey, uh, you two?" Nope, don't think they heard me.

"HEY!" Yeah, that got their attention. "Are you two gonna keep arguing, or are you gonna tell me what's going on?"

Rainbow's expression remained irritated. "Tell you what's going on? That's what we wanna know!"

Applejack followed suit. "Humans ain't allowed in Equestria, y'all know that. So just what were you doin' in Canterlot?"

"Also, how did you survive falling off the castle? Because that was pretty cool." Applejack shot her an annoyed look.

"Great questions. Mind if I hold off on answering them? I have some questions of my own."

"We're askin' the questions here, Mister. Yer the one who's trespassin' on land you ain't supposed to be in."

"And you're the ones who kicked me in the head and tied me up. I'm not answering anything until I finally get some answers myself."

"Well, fine then! We'll just take y'all to the Princess and see what she can do."

God, these ponies are stubborn.

"Fine. You want to know why I'm here? Guess what? I don't know! I literally fell out of the sky into Canterlot and got attacked by royal guards!"

This caught them off guard. The two looked at each other, back to me, and then Applejack spoke.

"Y'all really think we're gonna believe a whopper like that?"

Okay, telling the truth hasn't proven to be a good strategy so far.

"See what I mean? That's why I didn't want to bother talking about it."

"Well, I think we should just bring him back to Princess Celestia," said Rainbow, now hovering in the air with her forelegs crossed. "It's probably illegal to keep a human in your house anyway."

"Well, I mean, technically this isn't a house," I said. I don't think they heard me.

Applejack sighed. "Alright, fine. Let's just head over to Twilight's, and we can have Spike send the Princess a letter. We'll have ta tie him up again, though."

"Wait!" I said. "Isn't there any not-so-conflictual way this can be figured out?!"

"Well, lookee here," said Applejack. "The human wants to keep away from conflict? That's a new one."

Rainbow laughed. "You really think we're gonna let you trick us after you guys attacked Ponyville?"

"Okay, just what in the hell are you ponies talking about? I keep hearing everything about some 'attack' but nobody will explain it to me."

They looked at each other again, and then back to me.

"Mister, uh," Applejack said. "What's your name?"

"Trestale. George Trestale."

"Right... George. Yer tellin' us y'all don't know about the attack?"

"Yeah. I've had it mentioned several times today, but nobody's told me what it is. It's getting annoying."

"Just what else do you not know about Equestria?"

"Well, anything, really. As far as I know, I just got here. I met a couple Princesses and learned that this place is inhabited by ponies, but that's about it."

That seemed to catch them off guard again. Man, this must be some kind of record. The two of them turned away from me and started whispering to each other. Unfortunately for them, they were whispering far too loudly to be covert at all.

"How could a human not know about the attack?" said Rainbow. "It only happened three years ago!"

"Ah dunno, but somethin' sure is fishy here. He seems right clueless, but we can't just take his word for it."

"Maybe we should listen to his story? It's not like anyone will know we have him here."

Applejack thought this over for a second. "Fine." The two ponies turned back to me.

"Alright, George. Listen up. You tell us everythin' that happened before you done knocked yourself out. If we think yer tellin' the truth, we just might let ya go. But if we catch the slightest hint of you lyin'-"

"-You'll be lying in Canterlot's dungeons!" Interjected Rainbow.

"I... That pun... Seriously? Alright, fine. I guess that's fair enough. So, where do I start?"

"From the beginning."

Comments

[Emotional Flight]

This looks like it's going to be fun.

Have a track.

[LostFaith]

Hell yeah! Love this story

[DrOcsid]

6697495 I read part of it a couple years ago. I liked it, it might have subconsciously inspired this story but I didn't have it in mind when writing it.

[The oracle]

And here we go.

[Alex Prior]

Are we finally going to learn about the stupid humans?

[sirraf]

"-You'll be lying in Canterlot's dungeons!"
so what else is new?

[Fearlessgerbil937]

But if we catch the slightest hint of you lyin'-"
"-You'll be lying in Canterlot's dungeons!" Interjected Rainbow.

Pun..so bad...

[Kage no Brony]

6766522

No.

[RayDawn]

This guy is unlucky, clueless, named George, and says bad puns? How did you manage to write me?!