• Published 28th Nov 2015
  • 11,753 Views, 446 Comments

George Trestale, God of... Something - DrOcsid



Equestria has a new problem - that is, they have to deal with yet another human, and this one's been bestowed with godlike powers that don't even work properly. That, and amnesia. Probably not a good combination.

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Hello To Old Goodbyes

An excruciatingly bright whiteness filled my vision, accompanied by an equally white noise ringing throughout my ears. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't use any of my senses, for that matter. All I felt was... a strange calmness. Was this really it? Was I dead?

I patiently waited for the ringing to stop, and to my relief, it did, only giving way for me to hear... nothing. This really must be it. I must be dead. I mean, I got shot and then presumably blown up. Not many ways I could get out of that alive. I tried saying something, but it seemed as if I had no mouth - That is, until it started hurting. Excruciatingly. In fact, my entire body felt like it was burning.

"AaaaaaaaaAAAAGH!" I screamed, clutching my stomach. I- Wait, clutching my stomach? I looked down, and sure enough, I could see myself, floating in a white void... naked.

"WAH!" I shouted, quickly covering up my crotch area and looking around. Oh, wait. I'm alone. I can be naked and no one can stop me. I quickly gained my composure and decided to look all around myself, trying to get some idea of where I was. But no matter where I looked, there was just... white. As far as I could possibly see. Is this really it?

"HEY!" I shouted into the abyss. My voice echoed back several times louder. "Anyone out there?! Don't tell me this is the afterlife! This is very bland and uninspired!"

"Oh, well, we can't have that," a voice replied, seemingly coming from all angles.

I whipped my head around, trying to discern the source of the noise. "Whazzat?! What's goin' on?!"

"Oh, don't you worry, my little hairless ape. You're just dead." This time the voice was coming from directly in front of me, and as I squinted as hard as I could, somehow being able to see fine without my glasses, something slowly materialized into my presence.

It was by far the strangest-looking creature I'd ever seen. It looked like some kind of weird amalgamation of animals, with the body of a snake, the head of a goat, the... arm of a lion... Do lions have arms...? I don't understand what I'm looking at here at all.

"I'm honestly surprised I didn't see you here sooner," the... thing said. "Then again, you have a bit of a penchant for cheating death, don't you, George?"

I just stared at him for a second. "I- I'm sorry, did you say dead? Are you saying this is the afterlife? Are... Are you God?"

To my surprise, the snake-goat thing just replied by letting out a loud, uproaring laugh that seemed to reverberate against non-existent walls. "Sure! Yes, that's me! I'm God!" He said, wiping a tear from his eye with his left... chicken claw. "Pleased to finally meet you, George! Welcome to... Heaven."

"This is heaven? It seems rather..." I looked around the whole place yet again. "...barren."

"Oh, yes. Sorry about that, we've had some budget cuts lately," he replied, flipping himself over to look at me upside down. "By the way, you're looking a bit barren yourself. Would you like some clothes?"

I quickly remembered my nudeness and covered up my crotchular region. "Right, yes! Clothes, please!"

He simply smirked and snapped his fingers, and with that a full set of my typical clothes appeared on my body. "Phew. Thanks, God," I said, straightening my tie. "So... is it just us here?"

"For now," he said. "But you're due for a departure. See, despite your best efforts, you're not actually supposed to be dead yet."

"Wait, seriously? I mean, that's great, you've got zero complaints from me, but... why?"

"Oh, don't worry, I'm sure you'll find out in a few weeks or so," 'God' told me. He brought his hand up to make one final finger-snapping motion. "Oh, by the way, I was told to give you a message. Only, I've kind of forgotten what most of it was. I believe part of it was 'you'll be fine', and there was also a 'thank you' in there."

Before I could respond, he snapped his fingers, and he disappeared. My surroundings went pitch black, and I found myself falling, falling, and also falling.

"Holy crap, I am so tired of falliiiiiiNNNNNNGGGGGGG-!" I shouted, before I finally stopped to a halt. And then... there's that ear-ringing again. I swear I'm gonna have tinnitus after this is all over.

And yet, through the ringing... I can hear voices. Familiar voices. But why can't I see? Everything's black...

Oh, wait. My eyes are closed.

I dragged my eyes open, being greeted with the sight of the sky, and more importantly, a bunch of familiar ponies looking down at me with relief. Oh, and King Tetesac, too.

"Oh, thank Celestia," said Lyra, letting out a sigh.

"George? George, can you hear me?" Tetesac said, waving his hand in front of my face. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

I barely managed to squeak out a "thirteen" from my mouth.

"Well," said Tetesac, "Good news is, you're alive. Bad news, you need a new pair of glasses."

I slowly pushed myself up into a sitting position. Wow, surprisingly enough, I feel fine. I mean, I'm covered in... black stuff, and from what I can feel of my hair, half of it is missing, and my glasses are god-knows where. Even stranger, looking down at my clothes, they're all in pristine condition. Seriously, it's like these were only just now brought into existence.

I looked around at everyone. "Holy shit, how am I alive right now?!"

"That's a good question, actually," said Twilight. "You don't seem to have a single scratch on you."

"Perhaps your immortality has returned?" said Tetesac.

"Well, only one way to find out!" I said. I quickly levitated one of the shards of metal from the tank and drove it through my abdomen. To my complete shock, it didn't even hurt. I took it out, and the gaping bloody hole in my body re-filled instantly. Even my suit knit itself back together.

"Wooooooah. That is sick on a whole new level. Also, something just hit me - I telekinetically moved that shard of metal! Does this mean my powers are fixed?!"

"It appears so," said Luna. "I must say, I'm surprised."

"Yeah, imagine how I feel!" I said, looking at my hands. I quickly snapped my fingers, and a plate of Cobb salad appeared in my lap. "Aw, sweet! I- wait, I don't like Cobb salad." This was met with an oddly synchronized round of laughter from everyone present. I just tried to sort of nervously laugh along with them.

"So," said Rainbow, "You saved Ponyville! You did it! How do you feel about that?"

"Uh, well, pretty good, I guess," I said, tossing the Cobb salad aside. "I'm just relieved this whole ordeal is over. Plus, the powers thing is a nice bonus."

"Yes, that is very fortunate, George! Congratulations," said Tetesac, grinning very widely. "In fact, your bravery has inspired me! I'm going to sign the peace treaty with Equestria! A round of applause for George, everybody!"

At the exact second he finished that sentence, everyone started clapping in perfect sync - which, by the way, when done by a pony, looks kinda weird.

"Congratulations," said Celestia.

"Congratulations," said Luna.

"Congratulations," said Twilight.

"Congratulations," said Rainbow Dash.

"Congratulations," said Applejack.

"Congratulations," said Rarity.

"Congratulations," said Pinkie Pie.

"Congratulations," said Fluttershy.

"Congratulations," said Twilight.

"Congratulations," said Lyra.

"Congratulations," said Sandra.

"Ah-heh, this is a very weird way of congratulating me, all of you guys taking-"

Wait.

Sandra?

I turned to the left, a precise 38 degrees, and sure enough, Sandra Walt, my... "daughter", was standing there among the other ponies.

"I- You... Huh?!" I stared at her, bewildered beyond belief.

"I'm so proud of you, Dad!" she said, clapping along with everyone else present.

I got up and took a good few steps back. "No, wait. Wait. You just hold on a god-damned second here. This... Something is very wrong here."

"Congratulations," said a voice behind me. I spun around and witnessed Old Man Musket rise out of what was left of the tank, engulfed in flames yet clapping along with everyone else.

"Just what the hell is this?!" I shouted as the skin melted off his face. "You guys are freaking me out on a multitude of levels!" I spun around only to find that, not only was Musket melting, everyone else was as well. Even my surroundings were suffering the same fate.

I covered my mouth, unable to muster up anything to say at this point. I just... what the hell, man. I watched as almost everyone I'd met over my adventure dissolved into puddles, still clapping and cheering me on the entire time.

"Congratulations, George, you did it. You're a hero."

"STOP!" I yelled, covering my ears and shutting my eyes. "For God's sake, this is stupid! And edgy! And melodramatic!"

I opened my eyes for a brief moment, only to close them again reflexively.

"GOD, GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"


~~~


Yet again, my vision was filled with white. Am I seriously back in heaven again? I swear, if that last ordeal was some sick joke by Mister "God" I'm gonna be... very angry at him.

Wait, why do my eyes hurt so much? It's like I'm looking directly into some kind of... bright... light source...

Wait a second, that's a goddamn light bulb.

I quickly shut my eyes and gave them a good rubbing with my hands. Jesus, how long was I looking at that thing? I made sure to direct my vision somewhere else before opening my eyes, revealing my surroundings to me as being... a hospital room. And more importantly, a hospital bed. That I'm laying in. Wearing nothing but a hospital gown. I looked over to the other side of the room, where there was a closed door, plus a window with the blinds blocking any way I could see out into the hall. Next to my bed was a small table, with a radio situated on top of it, which was quietly letting out some upbeat music.

I then elected to assess my own self. I looked over my body, and found that my leg was in a cast. That's real nice. The area around my stomach where I'd been shot was wrapped in bandages too. Remembering the dream, I ran my hand through my hair - Yeah, some of it's... partially missing. I guess that's what happens when a tank explodes with you in it.

Jesus christ, a tank exploded with me in it. And I... I survived. Holy crap, that's fucking awesome. That's even better than surviving falling off Canterlot, and I didn't even have immortality to help me this time!

...Or did I?

I eyed a pen next to the radio. Without putting much thought into it, I quickly grabbed it, set my left hand on the bed, and drove the pen right into it.

"GAAAAAAAAH!"

Yeah, every bit as painful as before. I yanked the pen out of my hand and observed the hole that was now leaking a generous amount of blood. Yeah, that's not healing at all.

"Shit!" I shouted, clutching my hand with as much force as I could. God, I feel like such an idiot sometimes.

Just then, the door to my room swung open, and in walked a pony- Er, wait, no, this one's a guy. So, uh... a stallion, I guess? Then again, he's got a horn, so I guess "Unicorn" works fine. Either way, he was dressed in what looked to me like doctor clothes, and he rushed over to my bed.

"Good heavens," he shouted, "You're awake! What happened?!"

"I, uh..." I started to try to come up with an excuse, but I ended up just showing him my hand. "It was the pen."

"Sweet Celestia! How on earth did the pen do that?!"

"...I dropped it."

"You dropped it?!"

"Yeah. Really hard."

"Well, I'll have to disinfect the wound, and bandage it up," he said, opening some drawers and taking out some bottles and bandages. "Now, then, while I do that, I imagine you probably have a good few questions for me."

"That's... Actually, yeah. I do. I'm guessing you're my doctor, right?"

"That's right. I was in charge of ensuring you survived your injuries, plus watching over you while you were unconscious," he said. "My name's Dr. Saddler, by the way."

"Oh, I see. My name's George Trestale. I don't think I have a doctorate, though."

"Ah, yes, don't worry, I know your name. Your friends told me every little detail they could about your adventure over the past week and a half or so. I have to say, thank you for saving Ponyville, and also, curse you for trying to destroy it."

I put on an innocent grin. "Well, if you think about it, I think the two kinda cancel each other out. But, uh, more importantly, where am I right now?"

"Yes, I figured that would be the first real question. This is Ponyville hospital. Your condition was far too critical to take you anywhere farther, so this is where you were taken. Let's see, it's been about... three weeks, now?"

I recoiled, both out of shock, and also from him pouring disinfectant onto my hand. "Three weeks?! I've been out that long?!"

"That's right. Your injuries were rather severe, it's a miracle you're even alive. You had burns all over your body, shrapnel where the burns weren't, and one of your legs was flat out severed. Thankfully, nothing hit your vitals, even that strange metal ball in your abdominal region."

"Well, that's g- Wait, severed?!" I shouted, looking down at my cast-ridden right leg. "I thought it was just broken!"

"Oh, no. Thankfully, we were able to re-attach it, however. In fact, it should be good as new soon enough." He began wrapping the bandage around my hand using his oh-so-neat unicorn magic. "I must say, I've never operated on a human before. I was surprised to see how similar the procedure was to operating on the average pony."

"I'm guessing the reattachment process involved magic," I said, watching the roll of bandages levitate around my hand.

"That's right," he said, cutting off the roll with a pair of scissors. "Most of your healing procedures did, mainly for the sake of keeping you alive, and then accelerating your recovery."

"But you couldn't make my hair grow back?" I felt the few large spots where my hair was much, much shorter.

"Sorry, that's a different doctor," he said, chuckling to himself. "Same deal for your glasses and your clothes. Your clothes were almost completely burned up, and from what Celestia told me, they couldn't even find your glasses."

"That's a real shame," I said, now really taking in how blurry things were. "I liked those glasses."

"Oh, by the way, those friends of yours I mentioned wanted me to let them know when you woke up. If you don't mind, I'll go do that."

Ah, right. Lyra and Tetesac. And... maybe the other ponies, I guess? I'm surprised those other guys really care that much about my well being.

I appreciate it, though. "Yeah, sure, go ahead."

After the doctor left, I remained in my bed, idly waiting and tapping my fingers along to the radio. I figured they'd be a while, so I figured I'd just-

Oh, wait. My door's already opening. I jerked my head around to see, wouldn't you know it, Lyra Heartstrings walking in.

"George!" She ran up to the side of my bed. "You're awake!"

I grinned at her. "Am I, really? What tipped you off? Was it the fact that my eyes are open, or that I'm talking to you right now?"

Lyra lowered her eyelids a bit. "Still dedicated to the 'sarcastic jerkass' persona, huh?"

"You know it- Ohhhh. Hey, Lyra. You just said a swear word. That's new from you."

"W-Huh?! Oh, shoot, I did! Oh, man, I hope I don't get in trouble for that..."

"What is it with you ponies and swearing, anyway? I haven't heard a single one from any of you until now."

"I don't know, okay? Look, that's besides the point. What's important is, you're finally awake! Do you have any idea how long you've been out?!"

"Yeah," I said, scooting myself back a bit. "Three weeks, right? What's been happening in that timeframe?"

"Oh, a heck of a lot. King Tetesac wasn't able to wait for you to wake up, since he's the King and all, so he ended up having to go back to Anthropia. Everyone else has been waiting for word of you waking up. Weirdly enough, a lot of Ponyville seems to consider you a hero now."

"A hero? Really?"

"Yeah. I think the whole part about you being the one who built the tank didn't circulate as well as you being the one to destroy it. Pinkie Pie even threw a party for you saving... most of the town. I think she's also planning on a 'waking up' party for you, now that I think about it."

"Most of the town? Ohhh, right. He did blow up that one house. I wonder who that belonged to," I said, scratching my chin.

"Yeah, that was my house."

"...Oh. Oh shit."

"Don't worry, though," Lyra said, lowering her eyelids again. "You and that Musket guy can share the blame for that. I'm staying at a friend's house for now."

"Speaking of Old Man Musket, what happened to him? Is he... you know..."

"Dead? Surprisingly, nope. Though, he is in way worse condition than you are. Celestia's planning on sending him back to Anthropia once he recovers enough, so Tetesac's probably going to have to deal with that whole thing himself."

"Well, I guess that's a relief to know I didn't kill him. I just wanted to, you know, stop him."

"What even happened in there? Why was he in the tank? We couldn't really get any answers out of him even after he'd healed up a bit. He just started yelling gibberish and blaming you for blowing up my house."

"Wow, what a dick. That was totally not my fault. But, uh, as it turns out, that tank wasn't actually self-piloted. I had recruited Musket to destroy Ponyville for me, for some reason. I don't know why him of all people, but whatever. After I successfully teleported in there, that jackass shot me with some kind of invention I'd given him and tried to blow up Ponyville. Thankfully, though, there was a self-destruct button, so I deftly pressed that and blew up the whole tank."

"You blew it up on purpose?! With you still in it?!"

"Well, I was already on the floor bleeding out, so I figured if I was gonna die, I might as well save Ponyville in the process."

"I... George, you're an idiot."

"I try," I said, examining my fingernails. "So, what about that whole thing with the Equestria peace treaty? Any news on that?"

"Actually, yeah. You know how Tetesac's seemed a bit more... quiet, lately?"

"Yeah, I did notice that."

"Well, a couple days after you blew yourself up, he suddenly got out of whatever funk he was in for seemingly no reason. He marched right up to Celestia and practically demanded the peace treaty. She was surprised, of course, but she quickly agreed to it."

"So, the human ban in Equestria is gone?"

"That's right."

"Wow. So... what I'm gathering from all this is, while I was unconscious, everyone went and resolved all the lingering plot threads without me."

"Yeah, pretty much. Well, aside from one thing. From what I hear, some people in Anthropia are pretty angry about the peace treaty. Violent protests and stuff. Not pretty. Tetesac seems to be effectively dealing with it, though."

"So, what, he's just a good king now all of a sudden? What happened to the whole 'I'm too scared to do the peace treaty' ordeal?"

"I dunno. Maybe your... 'bravery' inspired him somehow?"

I looked out the window for a second, flashing back to my dream. "...God, I hope not."

"Well, either way, the doctor says you should be out of here in a couple more days," said Lyra. "He says you'll probably have to walk with a cane for a couple weeks, and probably visit a hairstylist, and a tailor, and an optometrist."

"Oh, great. That sounds expensive. In fact, how much am I paying for this hospital visit right now?"

"Nothing, of course. Equestria's got great healthcare, George."

"...Right. No complaints from me, there."

"After word of you saving Ponyville spread around, I, along with a certain few other ponies we know, went and set up a donation campaign to help you get back on your feet. As of right now, you have enough money to the point where you could comfortably live in Ponyville yourself for the next six months."

"R-Really?! That's... real generous of them... And you, of course."

"I think the words you're looking for are 'Thank you', George."

"Right, yeah. T-Thanks. Sorry, I'm not too great at saying that."

"Oh, right, one more thing," Lyra added. "Once you've recovered, Celestia wants to talk to you personally a few things. She's been a bit busy lately with the aftermath of the tank situation, so she wants you to come up to Canterlot yourself."

"What, like, buying a train ticket? Ohhhh, right. I can do that now."

"Yeah. I'm sure it'll be a lot easier than... whatever you did to get there the first time."

"You mean other than the teleportation plus amnesia thing, right?"

"Oh, yeah, right."

"Ah, and, by the way, Lyra, I'm apparently religious now. Go figure, huh?"

After a couple days, sure enough, Dr. Saddler gave me the go-ahead to leave the hospital. I still ached a bit, and had a few noticeable scars left over, plus I indeed had to walk with a cane, but really, it's fine. Plus, the cane's really neat looking. It's all gold-tipped and stuff. And it was also free! God, I love these ponies. My only complaint is the clothes. The hospital only had pony clothes, which I was sort of able to wear, but looked really goddamn weird on me.

Lyra and I stepped out of the hospital doors into the bright shining sun of Ponyville. Trying to walk as fast as possible with my cane, I made sure to look around as much as possible and take in all the sights of the land.

"Wait up a second, Lyra, disabled man walking here." I tried to do some sort of skipping-running motion towards her that I couldn't possibly describe to you, but the pain in my leg slowed me a bit.

"While we're here, I think we should take a look around town, don't you?" I said, noticing that she'd slowed her pace so I could better keep up. "Last time I was here I was too busy getting chased by an angry mob to do any real sightseeing."

"You got chased by an angry mob here too? Jeez, you're like some kind of angry mob magnet, huh?"

"Well, not anymore, I hope."

As we walked out into the general area of Ponyville, as I expected, I got a decent few odd looks from ponies, but hey, at least none of them had a pitchfork. Well, aside from that farmer guy. Looking around, I spotted that castle that was sitting in the middle of the town. I still really don't like the aesthetics of that thing.

"I swear, that castle just really clashes with the rest of the town's look," I said, eyeing it from afar. "What is that even made of? Crystal? That's just flat-out tacky. Who even lives there?"

"Uh," said Lyra, "Twilight does. That's the Castle of Friendship."

"Castle of Friendship? What the hell kind of name is that? And Twilight lives there? I... Actually, I'm not really that surprised at that. We should go pay her a visit, though."

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I'm sure she'll be glad to know you're up and walking around."

After a walk that took way longer than it should have, we arrived at the doors of this "Castle of Friendship". Man, this thing is way bigger than I expected it to be. I stepped up to the door and gave it a good few knocks.

Surprisingly quickly, the door opened, and standing in the door was none other than... Twilight's dragon friend. What was his name again?

I quickly chose myself to be the first to speak. "Oh, hey, dragon guy whose name I totally remember! We're here to see Twilight."

"Oh, you remember my name, huh? What is it?"

"Uh. Right. It was, uh... Spark? No, that's not it, uh... Spock?"

Lyra whispered into my ear. "Spike, dummy."

"Right! Spike! See, I told you I remembered."

"Yeah, right," said Spike, looking unimpressed. "Twilight's upstairs, I can go get her for you if you want-"

"No time for that now!" I shouted, barging in and attempting to run up the stairs. Lyra took a good few seconds to stand there in shock before she finally let out a sigh and followed me up. Sort-of-fast-cane-walking down the hall at the top, I reached a golden door and shoved it open.

"What's up, bitches? George Trestale is back from the dead!"

Six heads quickly turned to me from six thrones all situated around a round table. All of this, by the way, made of more crystal. And wow, the six of them are here already. That's... really convenient.

"George?" said Twilight, getting up from her chair. "You're out of the hospital! That's great!"

"Yeah, I'm here too," said Lyra.

"I would've appreciated if you'd knocked, though," said Twilight. "We're in the middle of something here."

"I did knock," I said. "I mean, not this door, but your front door. It counts."

Twilight just looked at me for a second before Rainbow butted in, flying in front of my face. "Wow, George! You're looking pretty good for someone who got blown up. That was a really awesome stunt you pulled."

"Oh, yeah," I said, rolling my eyes. "It almost killed me trying to perfect it."

Unfortunately, I then received a grim reminder of a certain high-pitched, screechy, pink voice that may as well be foreshadowing the apocalypse.

"GEORGE!" In an instant, I was suddenly assaulted by a wave of pink. I dropped my cane and looked down, seeing that Pinkie Pie was now in the process of giving me a very tight hug. "You're alive!"

"Uhh, yeah. I'm alive. Did you... not know that yet?"

"Well, of course I did, silly! I just wanted to say it again, 'cause this means you can finally come to my party!"

"...Oh, shi- I mean, uh. Hurrah..." I unenthusiastically said, pumping my fist into the air ever so weakly.

"I just want to say," said Twilight, flying over to me. "I'm really sorry about how I treated you back in Canterlot. It's just, you know, the human ban, and we've had some bad situations in the past..."

"Nah, it's fine," I said, prying Pinkie Pie off me. "I've had worse stuff happen to me. A lot of it done by myself, now that I think about it."

"I'm right sorry too, for tyin' ya up like some kinda animal," said Applejack.

"Me too, for, uh, helping her tie you up, I guess," Rainbow added.

Then, Fluttershy's voice piped up for once. "Uhm, I didn't really do anything, but I'm sorry too..."

"I as well," said Rarity.

I brought my hands up. "Really, guys, it's fine. It's not a big deal. I'm sure you all had at least some good intentions," I said with a bit of snark.

"Oh, by the way," said Twilight, "I told the local optometrist about you, and he says he can make a pair of glasses that can fit your head. He wants you to come down there as soon as you can so he can get your head measurements."

"Can't I just use Anthropia's optometrist? I'm sure they've got one, otherwise I'd be very confused as to where my last pair came from."

"Er..." Twilight just stood there for a second and scratched the back of her neck. "That's not really- Well, I don't know if that's..."

"....Yes, any day now, Twilight."

"It's-It's really not that important!" She said, holding up a hoof. "I think you should just go see Princess Celestia for now. She'll explain everything to you."

"Explain what?"

"Everything! Just go see her, George. She's the one who wants to talk to you about this and the other... things."

"Alright, alright, I'm going," I said, backing out the door and grabbing my cane on the way out. "You coming, Lyra?"

"Of course," she said, following me out.

Unfortunately, buying a train ticket was not as easy an experience as I expected. Given that Lyra had no money on her, I had to walk to one side of town just to get to the bank, get some money out, pay back Lyra for the stuff she got me in Canterlot, and then walk to the other side of town to get to the train station, where we had to wait two hours for a train en route to Canterlot to arrive. It's just... euuuugh. A very time-consuming situation. In fact, by the time we made it onto the train, it was nighttime.

Upon arriving, Lyra and I made a beeline straight for the castle, not even bothering to look for any ponies that were staring at me. We made it to the castle in record time (if there's a record for walking to the castle with a cane) and, to my surprise, the guards actually welcomed us in this time.

"Ah, Mr. Trestale," said one of them. "Princess Celestia has been expecting you."

"Yeah, I know- Wait, Hoofington? Is that you? That's a new set of armor, isn't it?"

"Yep, it's me. I got promoted after that whole tank ordeal. Great job blowing up that thing, by the way."

"Yeah, not a problem. I'd sacrifice a leg for Ponyville any day." Man, I am really on my snark game today.

Hoofington led us down the halls directly to Celestia's throne room. "The Princess requested that she speak to you alone, George, so I'm afraid Ms. Heartstrings will have to wait outside."

"Aww," said Lyra, lowering her head and kicking the ground lightly. "I was really curious about what she had to say to you."

"Don't worry," I told her reassuringly. "I'll give you a rundown after it's all over."

I gently opened the gigantic door to the throne room and slipped in, closing it behind me. All the way at the other end of the room sat, of course, Princess Celestia.

"That is a far less excessive entrance than last time," she said, smiling. "To be honest, I almost preferred the last one."

"Really? That's, uh... Thanks, I guess?" I slowly began walking myself up to Celestia with my cane.

"George, there are a good few things I want to speak with you about," she said, "Not all of them you will like, but I must discuss them with you all the same."

"Alright, well, in that case, we might as well get started," I said, finally stopping at the base of the steps to her throne.

"Yes, well, for the first matter, I want to apologize for not only my treatment of you before, but also my general tone of speaking with you. I was a bit on edge from the entire situation with the tank, and as such I was not quite myself at the time."

"Man, it feels like every pony I've seen today has apologized to me for something. Even that train ticket guy apologized to me because he forgot one of the two dots that go into the colon that's part of the time of day that was written on my train ticket. It's weird."

"Well, if there is anything us ponies value, it is peace, and friendship. We generally prefer to keep the best possible relations with others as possible."

"...Right. That one hundred percent makes sense with everything that's happened in the past... god-knows how long at this point."

"That aside, there are more important matters I would like to speak to you about," she said. "Three subjects in particular. I will start with the least severe. Now, from what I understand, you have unusual magic powers, is that correct?"

"If by 'unusual' you mean 'broken', then sure."

"Would you be interested in fixing your broken powers?"

My ears perked up. "Okay, now you've got my attention. Yes, absolutely."

"Well, I cannot guarantee anything, but it is entirely possible that you could, eventually, strengthen your powers to a point where they, well, actually function properly."

"Does that include my immortality?"

"Potentially, yes."

"WHOO-HOO!"

"Please, do not get too excited. This is only a mere possibility. You will have to submit to an extensive training regimen for your powers in order to see if you get any results. I am not familiar with the nature of your inventions, or how humans use magic, so I may be completely wrong."

"Okay, I'll cut off the 'Hoo' from it and be content with a 'Whoo'. Deal?"

"Yes, sure. Deal."

"WHOO!"

"George, remember, I still have other things to say."

"Oh, right. Please, continue."

"I am not quite sure how you will respond to this, so bear with me," she said. She stepped down from her throne and walked towards me. "While I don't know a lot of information about it, I do know of an experimental magic-based program that can potentially restore lost memories. Especially ones removed through magic-related means."

"Restore... lost memories? Like, as in my lost memories?"

"That's correct. As I said, I don't know much about the process, but I do know that some ponies with amnesia who have taken the procedure have left with all of their memories restored. Some only regained a select few memories, while others gained none at all. It seems to be a very hit-or-miss process, but I assumed you would want to at least know about it, so you can consider it for yourself."

Restoring... my memories? That's really possble? Huh.

I honestly don't really know if I even want to do that. I need to put a lot of thought into this- Oh wait, Celestia's still talking.

"Finally, the third subject. I feel like you probably aren't going to enjoy this."

"That's very reassuring."

"Yes, well, first off, I want you to know that I very much appreciate your efforts in successfully stopping your own tank from destroying Ponyville. From what I've heard, there was another man in there, correct?"

"Yeah, that's right. News travels fast, huh?"

"Yes. Well, that's not quite relevant anyway. As I said, I appreciate what you've done very much, and I believe you probably had some kind of influence on King Tetesac finally signing that treaty," she said, now walking behind me.

"Alright, but what's your point? What's the part I won't like?" I asked, now following her.

"Regardless of that, I did recieve reports of you causing some trouble in various areas of Equestria."

"...Oh."

"Among them were multiple counts of breaking and entering, one situation where you set fire to a pony's house, one count of theft, and you are also still at least partially responsible for the destruction of your friend Lyra's home."

"...Ah, right. I kinda forgot about all that."

"Given recent events, I'm willing to let most of that go," she said, stopping and turning to me. "However, I still cannot let you get off completely scot-free."

"Aw, shit. Am I going to jail?"

She raised a hoof in reassurance. "Oh, no, no. All I ask is that you take a few months or so to reside in Ponyville, so that Twilight and her friends can help teach you some lessons in friendship."

"...And, when you say you 'ask' that of me, do you mean that in the sense that I have a choice?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Oh, god damn it."

After a moment, Princess Luna walked into the room. She stopped when she noticed I was there. "Oh, George, you made it," she said, walking up to me. "We were a bit worried about when you would wake up."

"Oh, yeah. But don't worry, I'm perfectly fine. Well, other than my leg and all. And my hair. Also, I need new glasses. And a new suit. But other than that, I'm in tip-top shape."

"That is great, George. I assume you received the message we sent you?

"Message?"

"Yes, in your sleep, we had a message delivered to you. Did you not receive it?"

I thought on this for a moment, and then remembered. "Ohhhhh! You mean the message from God!"

"From... God?" Celestia was clearly as confused as Luna was. The two looked at each other before Luna's horn began to glow, and lo and behold, who appeared but the creature who called himself "God". He was wearing an apron and a chef's hat too, for some reason. He looked around in confusion for a second before jumping at the sight of the Princesses.

"Agh! Princess Luna, you know it's very rude to summon me without so much as a simple warning. Now my macaroni and cheese is going to burn, and it will be all your fault. You could have at least rang my doorbell, you know."

"Never mind that, Discord, I must ask something of you."

God's name is Discord? Huh.

"Ah-ah-ah!" he said, waving his finger at her. "I don't answer unless the doorbell is rung. Look, we can practice it here." He snapped his fingers and a door inside its own door-frame appeared between him and Luna. "Now, can you see where the doorbell is?"

Luna, on the other hand, looked like she'd ran out of patience. She magically yanked the door open, grabbed Discord with one hoof and pointed towards me with the other.

"Did you or did you not deliver the message I asked you to?!"

"Er, of course I did! Well, most of it."

"Most of it?" She turned to me. "How much did he tell you?"

"Uh, I think he mentioned a "thank you", and a "you'll be fine"."

She turned back to Discord. "Five words?!"

Discord put his hands up defensively. "Hey, it's close enough, right?"

"THE MESSAGE WAS TWENTY-TWO SENTENCES LONG!"

"Aw, Luna, how can you expect me to remember all that?" He said. "I gave him the most important parts."

"All of it was the important part!"

"Uh, if I can interject here-" I said,

"Please do," said Discord,

"-What the actual fuck is going on?"

Discord covered his mouth in surprise. "Ooh, he swore in front of you! How scandalous!"

Luna merely let go of him, dropping him to the floor, and walked back towards me. "I must apologize, George. This creature, as you might imagine, is not a God. His name is Discord, and he revels in causing chaos wherever he goes."

"Wait, so he's not God? God damn it! I knew God wasn't real! I've been bamboozled again!"

"...Yes. You see, a few days after your unfortunate incident, I intended to enter your dreams to give you a message regarding the state of affairs at the time. Your condition, the peace treaty with Equestria, such matters as those. Unfortunately, my magic was a bit weakened after defending Ponyville from your tank. I couldn't quite get myself to stay in your dream long enough to take notice of me."

"So, you got some outside help?"

"Yes. We were aware of Discord's abilities to toy with people's minds, so we reluctantly sent him in to deliver the message in my stead," she said. "Evidently, that was a mistake," She shot him an icy death glare.

"Wait, so does that mean he's also responsible for that freaky-ass dream I had afterwards?!"

Both Celestia and Luna's gazes immediately shot to Discord. He simply put his hands up defensively again. "Hey, I'll admit to the message thing, but I have no idea what he's talking about with the dream."

Luna sighed. "Well, at least that is resolved. And put that hand down, Discord. You're not leaving yet."

Discord looked like he was just about ready to teleport away. "Aww."

~~~

After a while, I finally stepped out of the throne room, where Lyra was laying on the ground. She quickly got up as soon as she noticed me.

"Man, you were in there for a long time," she said. "What did you talk about?"

"Oh boy, explanation time."

I gave her the general run-down of the powers thing, the memories thing, and the Ponyville thing. Three very thingy things that, I assure you, I very thoroughly explained to her.

"Well, it's great that you have the possibility of regaining your memories," she said as we stepped out of the castle. "I don't mean to intrude on your... choices and stuff, but is that something you want to do? It seems like you'd be bringing back a lot of pain on yourself."

"I... I really don't know, Lyra. I'm mostly concerned that I'll become a genocidal maniac again."

"I'd hope not. If you still hate ponies after meeting me, there's just something wrong with you."

Lyra and I went up to the train station to book our tickets, and to our surprise, our train arrived immediately after we did so. The doors opened, and a multitude of ponies rushed out into the streets like a bunch of... ants, or something. Lyra and I quickly started towards one of the doors, and bumped into something very... fuzzy and cheese-scented. I looked up, and my vision was met with the face of King Tetesac.

"George!" Tetesac exclaimed, engulfing me in another hug. "I came down here as soon as I heard you had awoken."

I quickly pushed myself away from him out of pure surprise. "Wh- Huh? I thought you were in Anthropia! How did you get here so fast?!"

"Why, I took the train, of course."

"The train?! From Anthropia?! I didn't know the train even went there!"

"Well, that's because the rail line there was closed after Equestria and us sort of... turned our backs on each other. Once the treaty was signed, it was just a matter of re-inspecting the railroad and un-blockading it."

"B-But I thought Anthropia's location was hidden to Equestrians! How could that have been possible if there was an entire railroad going there?!"

"I told you, George, our location wasn't hidden. I have no idea what you're talking about in regards to that."

Lyra leaned in and whispered to me, "If it's any consolation, I thought it was hidden too."

"On a more important topic," said Tetesac, eyeing my attire, "That is some strange fashion sense you've gained, George."

"Look, this was all the hospital had."

"Well, I believe you'll be glad to find that I took the time to take one of your suits here with me," he said, handing me a bag. "I had to enter your house without your permission to get it, but hey, I'm the king! I can do what I want!" He followed this up with a very forced laugh, clearly trying to make it obvious he was joking.

"Thanks," I said, looking into the bag. "There was no way I was going to go around wearing these for several days. I look like a modern art piece."

"But," Lyra interjected, "I thought you had stuff to attend to in Anthropia. You know, as king?"

"Oh, I did, but I can afford to leave for a day or two. Plus, I left Good Old Musket in charge of things."

If I had a drink, I'd be spitting it out right now. "M-Musket?! He's in Anthropia already?!"

"And you put him in charge of something?!" Lyra added in.

"Oh, no, no, no!" said Tetesac, bringing his hands up defensively. "Not Old Man Musket! This is his brother, Good Old Musket. He's a much kinder man. Makes better salads, too."

"Oh. Okay."

"In any case," said Tetesac, "As long as we're here, anyone care to walk around the city? I've been told it's quite pretty at night."

"I guess I could do that, yeah," I said, looking around. "You up for it, Lyra? I'm kinda hungry."

"As long as you're paying, sure."

I walked up to the train ticket pony. "Hey, can I have my money back? I don't need these tickets anymore."

"Sorry, no refunds."

"What the f- Okay, well, can I at least reschedule them?"

"That's a five bit fee."

"Oh, for god's sake-" I reached into my pocket and pulled out some bits. "One, two, three- There, five." I tossed them onto the counter and handed her the tickets.

"Keep in mind, you've gotta be back here within three hours or your tickets will be void," she said in an uncaring voice.

"Yeah, thanks," I said, getting off the train platform. "Alright, where to?"

"You said you're hungry, right?" said Lyra. "I am too. We should go find a place to eat."

The three of us walked back up the streets of Canterlot, this time actually taking the time to look at our surroundings. Tetesac was right, this place is pretty at night. While we were walking, I took the time to explain to him what Celestia had told me.

"That's great, George! Not only do you have the possibility of getting your memories back, but also your immortality? And the only price you have to pay is living in Ponyville for a few months? That's rather nice," he said.

"Yeah, I just haven't really decided if I want to actually do it."

"Ah, I see. I understand."

"Ooh, there!" I pointed at a donut shop across the street titled "Donut Joe's". "Pinkie Pie said that place has great donuts, right? I'm in the mood for something sweet."

"Sounds like an idea to me," said Tetesac.

"Sure, yeah. I've been here plenty of times before," said Lyra. "Their donuts are probably the best in all of Equestria."

The three of us walked into the store, the door inadvertently ringing a bell as we opened it. A pony at the counter, who I can only assume is this "Donut Joe", quickly looked up and got ready to serve us.

The three of us walked up to the counter and looked at the menu. Jeez, so many choices. Some of these donuts are topped with caramel, sprinkles, pieces of cookies...

"I'll take a dozen maple-frosted donuts," I instinctively said.

"A whole dozen?!" exclaimed Lyra, "Is that all for you?!"

"Apparently, I really like maple-frosted donuts," I said, turning to Lyra. "Now what do you guys want?"

"The 'Heart Attack Special' seems like an... interesting concept," said Tetesac. "A scoop of ice cream in the middle of the donut? Topped with caramel, fudge, and chunks of brownie? That almost seems like more of a murder weapon than a dessert. I'll have that."

"Excellent choice," said Joe. "Just try not to eat it all in one sitting. I don't need another lawsuit. What about you, Lyra? Your usual?"

"Not today, no. I think today I'll just have a chocolate frosted long john."

"You got it," he said, slinking back into the kitchen. "I'll get all that ready for you in a jiffy."

"Alright," I said, looking into the bag with my clothes. "While he does that, I'm gonna go change in the bathroom. You guys can go sit down if you want."

By the time I'd changed out of the pony clothes and stepped out of the bathroom, Joe had already delivered our order. I quickly sat down and opened my box of donuts.

"You know," said Lyra, oh-so-rudely talking with her mouth full, "For someone who eats like you do, you are really skinny."

"It's a blessing and a curse", I said as I shoved an entire donut into my mouth.

We sat in silence for a while, the three of us just taking the moment to relax and eat our donuts. It was really the first time we had the chance to sit back and not worry about upcoming events.

Except I was worrying about something. Let's see if you can guess what it is.

If you said "the memories" or something like that, you're right. If you just read this part instead of trying to guess, you're no fun.

I really can't deny, the concept of me getting my memories back is an enticing one. Really, I'd love to remember all my sciencey knowledge and stuff. But... what about everything else?

"Are you alright, George?" asked Tetesac, who was digging brownie pieces out of his ice cream. "You seem to have just... stopped eating all of a sudden."

"I would too, after the three you've eaten," said Lyra.

"Wh-huh?" I jerked my head up and quickly looked between the two. "Oh, it's just... I've been thinking about the memories thing."

"Ah," said Tetesac, wiping his mouth. "Still trying to decide if you want to do it?"

"Yeah, it's just... There's so many curiosities I have about my past. So many things I'd like to know, so many things I'd like to re-learn. I can't really be a royal scientist if I have no science skills, right?"

"Royal scientist?" Lyra said, confused momentarily. "Oh, right. That's what you were before. I kinda completely forgot about that."

"Yeah, me too."

"Well, George, what is it that's stopping you from doing it?" said Tetesac, who had finally finished his donut by now.

"It's just... the way I was, with the things I did. I was a goddamned genocidal maniac, guys. What if that part of me resurfaces? All that hate for ponies, coupled with my broken magical powers, who knows what the hell could happen?"

"...Well, if you want my input, George, I personally think you'd turn out fine," he said. "You're a perfectly fine person."

"Yeah, I agree," said Lyra. "I mean, sure, you're a sarcastic jerkass sometimes, but I bet that's what you were like beforehand too."

"The thing is, people are shaped by their experiences. And people also don't tend to always think rationally, evidenced by my attempt to destroy Ponyville. So, if I remember those experiences, what if they just take dominance again?"

"Also a possibility, but perhaps you would also be influenced by the experiences you've had in saving Ponyville," he said, looking me straight in the eyes. "You do at least try to be a little rational, George. You wouldn't just discount all that."

"Yeah, I know, I'm just... worried."

I thought on that for a second. I know the potential negatives, but what were the biggest positives I know of from my past life?

"Hey, Tetesac, I'm wondering something right now."

"What is it, George?"

"You wouldn't happen to conveniently have that picture of my daughter, would you?"

"I'm afraid not, George."

"Oh. I see."

"But... you might want to check your pockets."

Huh? I quickly patted around all my pockets until I found the one that felt like it had something in it. I quickly dug my hand in there and pulled out that very same picture of Sandra that I had been shown in Anthropia.

I stared at the picture for a good while before speaking up. "You two have no idea how bad I feel right now, you know."

"Why is that?" asked Lyra.

"It's just... this girl. I was her dad. Yet, I don't really feel anything at all towards her. I don't know what she was like. I don't know anything about who she was. Like, how would you feel if your parents just... completely forgot who you were?"

Lyra and Tetesac didn't respond. They simply looked at me and then down to their plates in thought.

"I feel as if I'm doing this girl a disservice by continuing to not remember who she was. She deserves to be remembered, doesn't she? Yet her own dad can't even muster up the emotion to say he loves her. Because I barely even know who she was."

"George," said Tetesac, placing his hairy hand onto mine. "I remember your daughter. She was ten when you adopted her. She was an exceptionally sweet girl, and she loved you very much. Every day at work it seemed as if you had a new story to tell me about her. She was what kept you going in life."

"Do you remember any of them?"

"Hmm..." Tetesac scratched his chin for a moment. "My memory is not what it used to be, but one story does stick out to me."

"From what you told me, when she was twelve, you were at home working on a new invention: A handheld device that could solve mathematical problems instantly."

"...So, a calculator?" said Lyra.

"Yes. From what I remember, George, you were rather disappointed when you found out they had already been invented. Honestly, I don't even know how you didn't know calculators existed. But, getting back on track, there was a point where you were stuck on something while working on your 'invention'. For whatever reason, you just couldn't get the thing to turn on. Later on, Sandra walked in and asked what you were doing. You explained to her what you were making, and why you were stuck. Sandra took one look at the calculator, and connected two wires together. Just like that, it turned on."

"...Wow. That's impressive."

"Yes, I know. The entire town knew, for a matter of fact, because you just wouldn't shut up about it." He laughed. "Every day it seemed like you were looking for a new opportunity to say 'My daughter's the smartest girl in this entire goddamn town!' It really honestly started to get a bit annoying."

"Huh." I just sat there for a good thirty seconds thinking about that before I spoke up.

"I appreciate the story, Tetesac, but it doesn't really tell me a whole lot." I got up from my chair. "I've made up my mind. I'm doing the procedure."

"Huh?!" exclaimed Lyra, getting up from her chair as well. "Are you sure?! That's a really big decision to make, George!"

"Yeah, and it's also my decision to make," I said, heading for the door. "I need to at least try remember this girl. I owe it to her. If that risks me becoming a genocidal maniac again... Fine."

"Well, we're coming with you!" Lyra said, following me.

"Well, I guess I can't stop you, can I?" I said, walking out the door. Tetesac quickly got up and followed as well.

Getting the procedure set up was a lot easier than I had expected. All I ended up having to do was go to Celestia, insist that I was sure about my decision, and I was escorted down to one of the many rooms in the castle.

"Well," I said, anxiously waiting in my waiting chair in the waiting room. "I gotta say, I really don't like waiting."

"Who does, really?" asked Tetesac.

After some time, the door to the waiting room opened and a unicorn stepped out, reading from a clipboard. "George Trestale?" she asked. I quickly got up and walked over.

"I'm Dr. Heartfelt," she said. "I'm your doctor tonight. Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," I said. "So, if you were to give any kind of estimate-"

"Sorry, no estimates," she said, holding up a hoof. "I can't give you any false expectations. You're just going to have to take the procedure and see how it goes."

"Oh, fine. Let's do it then."

"Not yet," she said, levitating a stack of papers over to me. "Here's a two-inch-thick stack of various waivers and disclaimers I need you to sign."

"D'OH!"

~~ One Hour and a Half Later ~~

"Okay, I'm done," I said, caressing my aching wrist as I handed the papers over to her. "I think all of your pens are out of ink now, by the way."

"Yes, that happens every time we have someone do this," she said. "You see that storage room door over there? That's all just stockpiles of pens."

"...Wow."

"Anyway, please step inside this room."

I stepped inside, making sure to silently wave back at Lyra and Tetesac right before the door shut.

"Please sit in the chair, Mr. Trestale."

I sat down in the chair, and immediately a bunch of electrodes rose from under the chair and attached to my face.

"This procedure is mostly done with magic, but to assist me, I'm going to need you to answer a few questions. Potentially personal ones. I'm telling you this now because I know you didn't read most of those forms."

"Ah, heh," I chuckled nervously. "It's fine, just do whatever you gotta do."

"First off, what is the earliest memory you have? I'm talking actual personal experiences here."

I thought back. "Falling out of the sky in Canterlot, directly after losing my memories."

"But you didn't actually know at the time that you'd lost your memories, correct?"

"Yeah, that's right."

"Second question: Do you have knowledge of any names that were important to you when you had your memories?"

"Does my own name count? It was different back then."

"That's perfect. What was it?"

"Humphrey Walt."

This interrogation continued for a good while until the doctor finally set her clipboard down and walked towards me. "Now, I am going to have to magically sedate you. I will say, do not think that you will just sleep through this whole process. Though you will not be conscious, many ponies who have undergone this procedure have experienced very strange, often frightening things while they're out cold. There's no telling what you're going to see."

"That's fine. Let's just get this over with."

With that, I saw a glow around my head, and I was out.

Whiteness again. It's always whiteness, isn't it?

Oh, wait. Now it's blackness. Really not any less cliche, guys. I tried looking around, suddenly realizing that I was actually standing in the middle of a seemingly endless black void.

Wait a minute, I'm hearing voices. What's going on?

No, seriously, I'm hearing something, but I can't quite figure out what it's saying.

"LOOK BEHIND YOU, GEORGE!"

"GAAAAHOLYSHITFUCKINGDICKTITS-" I screamed, jumping in the air and doing a complete 180. What I saw in front of me was quite possibly the most frightening thing I'd ever seen.

It was Tetesac's head, except roughly twenty feet tall and body-less. Also, alive and talking.

"How you doin', George?" Tetesac's head shouted.

"I, uh..." I simply just lifted my finger up to point at Tetesac. "Are you the scary thing that doctor said I'd see?"

"Hell if I know," said Tetesac. "A-CHOO!"

With absolutely zero warning, I was now covered in Tetesac snot.

"Oh god, that's disgusting," I said, trying to wipe it off my clothes. "I'd be really pissed at you right now if I didn't know this wasn't real."

"Isn't everything the same way, though?" asked Tetesac. "Reality to us is only how we experience it. What you're experiencing right now could be a reality of it's own."

"Oh, don't get all pseudo-psychological on me."

"Says the guy arguing with himself."

"Fine, fine. What I do know is, you're obviously not really Tetesac. You don't even act like he does."

"Wow, what else tipped you off? Was it that I don't have a body? Or hat my head's so fuckin' big?"

"Dude, now you're basically just acting like I do. Except you're a dick."

"Of course I'm acting like you. I AM you, dumbass." Tetesac's head quickly morphed into my own. "But, yes, I agree, you're a dick."

"...So, what now?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do I do now? Do I just sit here and wait for the procedure to be over?"

"I dunno, man. I only know what you know. By the way, my chin itches. Could you come scratch it for me?"

"No, I am not going to scratch your-" Wait a minute, mine itches too. I quickly brought my hand up and scratched my itch away.

"Ahhh, thanks, pal," said giant-head me.

"W-Huh?! I didn't- Oh, screw it. I'm just gonna sit in the corner over here."

"There's no corners here, but whatever floats your boat, man."

"Can't you morph into someone I'd enjoy being around?"

"Ooh, how about this?" The head suddenly morphed into Lyra. "You just love being around her, don't you?"

"Yeah, she's probably my best friend," I said. "First pony who didn't try to hurt or capture me in some way."

"And are you sure you're just friends?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you think something... more could blossom from your relationship?"

"...Listen here, you overinflated ego. I want you to crumple up whatever idea you have there and throw it into the trash and burn it. We're friends. Nothing more. Besides, you already know that I don't swing that way."

"By which you mean to say, you're not into ponies?"

"...Right. Yes. That's totally what I meant. So shut up and let me wait this out in peace."

~~~

My eyes shot open just in time to see Dr. Heartfelt turn the lights back on. I saw the electrodes pop off my face, and I slowly got up off the chair.

"Man, how long was I out?"

"A half hour. How do you feel?"

"The same. In fact, uh... I can't think of any new memories."

"If any new memories were unlocked, it will take a minute or two for them to actually... you know, trickle in," she said. "What I'm more concerned with is what you were doing while you were out. It was like you were having an argument with yourself. It was... weird."

"Oh. That. Right. Listen, all I have to say about that is this. If you guys ever get into researching cloning technology, do not let me anywhere near that."

"...Okay."

I almost laughed, but then I froze.

Holy shit, my head!

I grabbed my head with both hands and keeled over. "D-Doctor! My BRAIN HURTS!"

"That's a normal symptom! Just let it pass, it'll be over in a moment!"

"But it HURTS, GOD DAMN I-"

I froze. Again.

I stood up.

"Are you alright, Mr. Trestale?!" the doctor asked.

I walked out the door.

Waiting there was Tetesac and Lyra.

"Oh, you're back!" said Lyra. "Wake up, Tetesac!" she smacked his knee.

"Wh-Huh?! Oh, George, you're back!" said Tetesac. "How did it go? Do you remember anything?"

I simply stood there and looked at him for a good few seconds. "...Yes. Yes I do."

"That's great! What do you remember?"

"I remember being stupid enough to try and make friends with a god-damned pony."

All of a sudden, the smile disappeared off Lyra's and Tetesac's faces. "Wh-What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I should've let Ponyville get blown up when I had the chance! God, I'm an idiot. I could've let Musket destroy Ponyville, and everything would've been fine, but nooooo. You had to make me lose my memory, you goddamn idiot," I said, jabbing my finger into Tetesac's chest.

"George..." Tetesac said, clearly looking frightened.

"What?"

"This isn't one of your pranks, is it?"

"...Was it that obvious?"

Both Tetesac and Lyra let out sighs of relief. "George, you almost gave me a heart attack," said Tetesac. "Between your stunt just now and that donut, I'm surprised I'm not dead right now."

"But seriously, do you remember anything?" said Lyra.

"...Yeah, I do. I remember... some things. A lot of things, actually."

"Do you remember your daughter?"

"I... think so. I remember adopting her. I remember losing her."

A tear must've rolled down my face, because before I knew it, Tetesac was hugging me again. "I'm so sorry, George," he said.

"Don't be," I said, pushing myself out of his arms. "I'm not sad. I'm just... really glad I made the decision to remember her."

Lyra smiled. "That's sweet."

The three of us walked out of the waiting room to find Princess Celestia waiting for us.

"Oh, I apologize," she said. "I was a bit anxious about the results."

"Well," I said, walking up to her, "What I can tell you is that your doctor's procedure was a resounding success, mostly. Thank you, Princess."

"Oh, well that's a relief. I was afraid-"

"Hold on a second, I don't think I used enough swear words in that sentence. How's this: 'Damn, Celestia, your memory restoring process worked good as fuck!'"

Celestia was visibly taken aback for a moment, but then simply smirked. "Haven't changed a bit, have you?"

"Not in the slightest," I said, and with that I promptly turned around and strutted my best strut out the castle doors.

~~~

"God, that landscape is gorgeous," I said, looking out the window. Lyra, Tetesac, and I were on the train headed back to Ponyville, and Discord as my witness, I was going to enjoy every second of it.

"How long until we reach Ponyville?" I asked.

"About half an hour," said Lyra.

"Great, that's 1800 more seconds of this train ride for me to enjoy!"

"You seem... happier than usual, George," said Tetesac.

"Yeah, I mean, you weren't much of a downer most of the time before, but now it's like you've gone all sunshine and rainbows or something."

"Yeah, I guess I'm just all giddy that everything's been resolved. Absolutely nothing left to worry about that I somehow forgot. Nope. Nothing at all."

"George, I have to ask -" said Tetesac, turning towards me. "- How do you feel?"

"In general, or like, in relation to... before?"

"In relation."

"Honestly? Exactly the same. Like, I don't feel different in the slightest. I just feel like I know more things now. And that's a cathartic feeling for me."

"That's good," said Lyra. "I was afraid I was going to lose the George I enjoyed having as a friend."

"Hah," I laughed. "Nope, don't you worry. You're stuck with me until the day one of us dies."

I paused for a moment and then added - "You were right, Tetesac. I'm not gonna just discount everything that's happened recently. That's ridiculous. In fact, this past month may have been the best of my life - In terms of, like, fun, at least. Also, holy shit I was an idiot back when I made that tank. Like, now that I actually remember doing it, I feel way worse about trying to blow up Ponyville. Like... Holy shit. I am so sorry about that, guys."

"It's alright," said Lyra. "Seems like all our villain problems get solved with forgiveness anyways."

"If I may," said Tetesac, "There was one thing I've been meaning to ask you for a long time."

"What's that?"

"Your daughter... Do you know why she ran off like that?"

"...No. I don't. I mean, maybe it was because of that kid at school...? Sorry, I really have no idea. I've been asking the same question of myself, ever since... then. That is, before the memories thing. Thanks for that, by the way, Tetesac. I needed that."

"You're welcome, I suppose," he said, looking back out the window.

"By the way," I added, "I heard you finally signed that peace treaty with Equestria. What was it that finally motivated you to do that?"

Tetesac continued to look out the window for a moment, then looked back to me. "Truth be told, there was a multitude of factors that led into it. Your complete lack of self-regard with that tank stunt was certainly an inspiration, as was the very idea that Old Man Musket was behind it. Just, seeing the true scope of what happens when someone like me doesn't properly use their power for the good of everyone... I simply gave in."

"Well, I'm glad you did, Tetesac," I said, relaxing in my seat.

As the train pulled into the station, Tetesac simply sat back and stretched. "Sorry, George, Lyra, but I'm going to have to stay on this train. Its next stop is Anthropia, and I really need to get back there as soon as possible. I hear word people have ran out of eggs to throw at the castle and have instead resorted to throwing entire chickens."

"Sounds bad," I said, getting up from my seat. "Well, too bad I can't come with you, but I've got a new life to start here in Ponyville. At least, for a while."

Tetesac nodded. "I hope you learn many valuable things about friendship and magic, George."

"Yeah," I rolled my eyes. "Me too." I gave him a quick, simple salute. "See you later, Titty Sack."

Lyra and I got off the train onto the platform. I took a nice, deep breath of fresh air - and the smell of manure. Refreshing.

"Well," said Lyra, "Welcome to your new life. For a few months at least."

"Hey, maybe I'll stay longer. We'll see how it goes."



~~ Two Weeks Later ~~

"Come on, George, it's not that hard to understand!"

"But it's not wrong! I NEED it!

"That doesn't mean you can steal it! It belongs to someone!"

A good few things had happened over the past couple weeks. I rented a house, I got some sweet new glasses, and I even had Rarity make some new clothes for me. All that cost a hell of a lot of money, but that's not a big problem when the entire town's still donating to you every now and then. Man, what a charitable bunch, huh?

Of course, there was still the issue of having to go through these friendship lessons.

"But what if I were to die if I didn't have it? What if I died of starvation? Meanwhile, what, they have to eat something else? Aww, how sad for them."

"Weren't you still immortal then, though? You couldn't have died of starvation!"

"...That's irrelevant."

"No, it's not!" Twilight slammed the paper on my desk. "You failed this test too! George, some of your morals are way out of whack."

"Hey, this is harder than I expected, okay? I figured we'd be doing, like, real life lessons in the real world! Not sitting cooped up in your castle while you have me write you friendship reports!"

"We can't do real-world testing until you understand basic fundamentals, like how stealing is wrong!"

"What if I replace it later? Is it still stealing then?"

Twilight just let out an agitated groan. "You know what, let's just take a break. Let's go for a walk outside or something, I don't know."

"Man, can't we just move on to my magic training?"

"I told, you, George, we're not doing that until you learn a friendship lesson for the week."

On our walk, we somehow ended up at a park, probably no mistake on Twilight's part. I took note to watch all the various ponies having fun with each other. Seems very harmonious.

"You see all those ponies out there?" said Twilight, "They're having fun together, laughing together. That's what friends do together."

"In my eyes, a friend is someone who I can call a shitnugget and they won't get offended at me for it."

"Who on earth would be fine with being called that?!"

"I dunno. Lyra?"

"You called Lyra a... that?!"

"Well, no, but I don't think she'd care if I did."

Twilight sighed. "George, you need to pay more attention to the way others think. You've got to try and accommodate for it. For example, many ponies would view it to be wrong if you were to steal a loaf of bread from them because you're hungry. Even if you don't view it the same way."

"Doesn't that just make them incorrect, though? Why should I bother accommodating for things like that when so many people believe stupid things?"

"George, I swear, one day I will make you understand this. I don't know how, but I will."

I kept watching the ponies. Some of them were eating together, some were throwing a ball around, some were playing chess.

"Man, who the hell plays chess? That's, like, Boredom: The Game."

Twilight didn't even bother to respond. Oh well.

If anything, it is a nice sight. I always enjoy seeing others be happy. I wonder if that's something the old me would appreciate too.

Oh, wait. Hah. I forgot. I am the old me. And the new me, too. I'm Humphrey Walt, but I'm also George Trestale. Actually, you know what, let's do away with the Humphrey Walt thing. That name just sucks.

Either way, though, I'm really just me. And I'm glad for that.

"Wow, George, that was... almost kinda profound," said Twilight. "Sort of."

Wait, did I say all that out loud?

"Yeah, you did. I'm glad you did, though. Maybe you can take some things seriously."

"Yeah, I guess so," I said, not bothering to look towards her. I looked up at the sky. The sun's burning a little hot today, huh? I can appreciate that, I guess. The music's nice, too.

Wait, where's that music even coming from? I looked all around myself, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out the source.

"Hey, Twilight, do you hear that? What's making that music?"

Instead of responding, though, Twilight started... singing.

"I once thought you to be just a buffoon, a man with no moral guides...

"Uh, Twilight? What are you doing?"

"But now we can start anew, your chance at a new life...

"No, seriously, Twilight. Why are you singing?"

To my surprise, another pony who had been sitting behind us proceeded to join in.

"I can't imagine what you've been through to get here, you've faced challenges big and small,"

"Wh-Huh? Who are you? I have never met you before! Was this rehearsed or something?! Really, am I missing something here?"

"But now I can say, with a heart without fear, there may be hope for you after all."

"Can someone PLEASE explain to me-"

I was promptly cut off by every pony in the immediate vicinity joining in on the song.

"How long does it take to teach someone to make friends? How long does it take to teach someone to make amends?"

At this point the ponies had grouped up behind me and Twilight, and were all now marching through town to the beat of the music like some kinda goddamn spontaneous marching band.

"HELP! Someone, help! I'm being held against my will!"

"It don't matter how young you are, or if you're tall or small..."

"Wh- Lyra? You're in on this too?!"

All of a sudden, the entire plethora of singing horses stopped in place at the exact same time.

"'Cause it looks like there's hope for you aaaaaaafter aaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllll!"

"OH MY GOD, SHUT UP! PLEASE!"


The End.

Comments ( 32 )

Ah, heartsongs. I am really not sure if it would be awesome or just plain creepy to experience one in real life.
Thanks for the ride, it's been great.

...

Damn. I want more. But it was a good ending. Nice.

That ending got a laugh outta me.

Ah yes. Music. A magic beyond all what we do here.

I'm glad you went through and finished this. It's been a pleasure to see this poor guy bumbling through life. To your and George's future successes!

Ah, so glad that no matter how much he remembers of Humphrey Walt, George Trestale will forevermore be George Trestale, for better or for worse.

Even if, right now, he really wishes he'd razed Ponyville after all.

So, the story ended. But there's some unanswered questions:
1. Why his daughter fled?
2. How he tested Celestia's hair, if used hair become useless after one use in the machine?
3. What "RYAN" and "KEVIN" stands for?
4. Who was that mysterious unicorn that taught old nutso how to magic-proof the tank, and how that old nutso managed to actually make tank magic-resistant enough to withstand combined magic attack from two mega-powerful (they move sun and moon, for Faust's sake!) ancient ALICORNS?!

There better be a sequel. This story's too good to stop at a note like that. Anyway, I'm glad you finished it. It's been a great ride. (Also, professional opinion: 5/5 Top kek)

Also, I feel something familiar... The king, kind, but bad ruler... His Royal Scientist, genius, but also mad, always wearing black, that made some pretty awesome inventions and then fell into his own creation...

Kinda disappointed in the story's direction, but still a good read.

Just gonna spoiler black box my thoughts to prevent, you know, spoilers.

Was kind of hoping he actually WAS a God that simply manifested in that instance, and that his quest was finding out what he was the God of. I was hoping that he'd be the bane of Celestia's and the mane six's existence due to constantly discovering new powers. Eventually getting to the point where if he actually got annoyed they'd stop chasing him out of fear of retaliation, but would then continue it by some accidental property damage or something.

Twilight sighed. "George, you need to pay more attention to the way others think. You've got to try and accommodate for it. For example, many ponies would view it to be wrong if you were to steal a loaf of bread from them because you're starving. Even if you don't view it the same way."

Honestly, I agree with George here. Stealing to actually live, and while considering that the pony he stole from wouldn't really starve from said stealing, it isn't really wrong.

Also nice song idea. Though sadly an abrupt end to the story. Wouldn't have mind to see the aftermath of the song! :rainbowlaugh:

Also, some questions are still open. We know nothing about what happened to Sandra. Why did she run away? What happened that made others believe she was a criminal? And how was she killed? Kind of important points technically, and I am now wondering if there will be a sequel because of these points. :raritystarry:

8570370

1. You want me to be totally, completely honest with you? I completely forgot to mention that. The entire time I was writing the chapter I kept thinking that I'd already mentioned why she ran off, yet apparently I didn't. I might have to worry about that later.

2. The intended implication was that alicorn hairs work differently than unicorn hairs. Perhaps I should go back and make some edits to mention it more clearly.

3. The answer to that is: They don't mean anything. George just likes names that look like they're acronyms.

4. I'm not exactly well-versed in the laws of magic, but I imagined it as a spell that simply redirected their magic, rather than absorbing or shielding against it. That way it wouldn't really matter as much how powerful the magic is, because it's merely changing the direction of where it goes. I dunno, I admittedly didn't put a ton of thought into it.

8570447
I'll admit, that's an interesting concept for a story. I think, when I started this story, I almost sort of had a concept like that in mind, but over time I ended up developing it into a more... "dramatic", I guess, sort of story. I still intended to keep it the lighthearted comedy story it always was, but I ended up wanting a bit more than just slapstick shenanigans between him and the other ponies. Although, admittedly, I can imagine a story like that being very fun to read. I legitimately wonder how things would've gone had I gone that route. I think I went a bit too ambitious for my first story, anyway.

I might change up the description a bit to better reflect what the story really focuses on, and downplay the "God" aspect that I admittedly never really expanded on. I'm sorry to disappoint, but I have been throwing around another idea that bears some resemblance to yours. Maybe you'll enjoy that. If I actually end up writing it.

8570527
Good observations. While I can't say that I'm going to be writing a full sequel, specifically, I also can't say that this is the last we'll see of George Trestale. We'll see how that goes, though. And I'm totally not using that as an excuse for the fact that I never developed those plot points. Nope. I totally didn't forget about them at all.

Hmm, this seems like a good place to end the story, but it's also a terrible place to end it at the same time.

There are questions that still need answering. Perhaps an epilogue of some sorts is in order?

8570710

Actually, now that I think about it, how did Celestia not know who George was? Humphrey Walt was the Royal Scientist and the father figure of a girl involved in a well known incident. You'd think that Celestia might have met him before, or at least heard/known about him beforehand.

8571039

From the way I wrote it, I largely intended it that Anthropia and Equestria largely minded their own business. It is possible that Celestia could've heard of Humphrey Walt at some point, possibly in relationship to the incident with his daughter, but that doesn't necessarily mean she knew what he looked like.

I quite liked this story, Thank you for writing it. Maybe one day we'll get to see more of George... maybe learn a little more about his daughter, and what happened to her.

8570710

Well, there is a chance that this might be enough for a big sequel. Sandra's story could be interesting and have some background with the whole pony hating group, and this one pony hating author. Maybe one of them was involved in what happened so long ago? Or there is also the potential of human hating ponies, considering this crime thing. That could be something that tests out George's goodwill and his supporting position of ponies.

Honestly, technically there is the potential. I mean I am also wondering if he has all his memories back, shouldn't he know why she run away? Or was he as surprised as Tetesac? And like I said the reason she run away could be interesting too. And if George is clueless, wouldn't he want to find out what happened to her?

Just food for thought. :pinkiesmile:

8571867
I won't deny that there certainly is enough to base an entire big sequel on, but the problem is, with big stories, as you can tell with this one, I often get burned out for long periods of time. Hell, I took two years to finish this 73k word story. So that's why I'm not super keen on writing one big long story again.

Don't worry, though. I'm not done with George's story just yet, and I think you'll be satisfied with the way that I do go about it.

8570701
I may beat you to it, because not only does it sound fun to read, it actually sounds fun to write....

No promises though, The only story I really attempted to write I blockaded myself from actually doing due feeling as though I couldn't maintain the characters personalities.

8570695
To redirect something powerful you have to have at least quarter of that power. And even quarter of two alicorns (one half of alicorn power, dude!) is too much for one Musket. Maybe there's some artifact here, like Alicorn Amulet? It may be more plausible than Musket's OP MAGIKZ (all heil Gorka n Morka!).

8573837
At least a quarter, huh? I've never heard of that rule before. It's been a while since I've watched the show though so I might have missed that. Either way I might do some going more in-depth with how that worked, possibly involving some kind of artifact that you mentioned. I dunno, anything to clear up a potential plot hole.

Comment posted by DrOcsid deleted Sep 4th, 2019

She raised a hoof in reassurance. "Oh, no, no. All I ask is that you take a few months or so to reside in Ponyville, so that Twilight and her friends can help teach you some lessons in Friendship."

I descended into laughter.

Comment posted by DrOcsid deleted Oct 25th, 2018

Best writing 2017
Never stop meme-ing
I'd like twice if I could

8808786
Begone and let it be known I enjoy the driest of meats and you must accept this.

To think people see HiE fics as generic Mary Sue vehicles for the socially rejected.

9226917
I know, right. It's craaaaazy.

Thumbs up #900, and well earned too. :heart:

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