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Necessary Roughness1,177 words
Balancing Act1,462 words
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Balancing Act

I've never been to prison before. Well, maybe I have, I don't know. I'd scratch it off my bucket list, but I doubt I ever had it on there on account of how truly unenjoyable it is. And yet here I am. And, if anything, this version is even more stereotypically dreary than I imagined. Dark, slightly smelly, a door of iron bars... yes, this is truly the height of luxury. I'm living the dream, baby.

Sarcasm aside, one other thing I learned about prison is my god, it's boring. Nothing to keep me occupied at all in this small cell, accompanied by nothing but a cot and a small excuse for "bathroom facilities". The best I can do is try to make small talk with the guards. Or just annoy them. That works too.

At least I wasn't in those stupid ropes anymore. Celestia, fortunately, didn't see much need for them once I was "safely" in my cell. Ever since I was dragged in here I've been trying to recreate that fireball thing I did. I want to shoot fire, damn it! Escaping would also be welcome, of course, if we're listing things I want here. If I'm lucky, the former event could lead to the latter. But it wasn't happening. Believe me, I tried everything I could. I was snapping my fingers, doing the same hand gesture as before, and even mimicking a lighter with my fingers. To my dismay, nothing was working.

After a while of doing this, a guard made his way up to my cell. "Uh... what exactly are you doing?"

"I, uh, I'm trying to make instant noodles."

"There is no need, human. Food will be provided to you at the routine times."

"Oh, really? Is it horse food? Because I'm not fond of carrots."

"Today's scheduled meal is carrot mush with green bean mush."

Yep, that does it. I need to get out of here. The day I eat one single bite of either of those is the day I die. I looked back at my hands and began snapping my fingers again.

"Come on, damn it," I muttered under my breath. "I need something, I can't stay in this stupid place..."

After a while of snapping my fingers, and observing the confused expression of the guard outside my door, I started seeing sparks.

"Yes! Okay, come on..." I concentrated as hard as I could on my fingers, and after a little more snapping, my hand erupted into flames.

"Alright! Damn, that's cool," I said, admiring the interesting little concept that my hand was... on fire.

Wait a minute, this is painful.

"Holy shit!" I shouted, trying to put the hand flame out. "Water, water! I need water!" Upon saying this, a stream of water promptly sprayed out of my mouth, putting my hand out with an audible sizzle.

"Phew... god damn." After coughing up a bit more water, I looked to my scorched hand. Yeesh, that is charred. I'd say at least medium-well done. Which is a crappy way to cook a steak, by the way.

After admiring my hand for a bit more, I noticed that Celestia was standing outside my cell door, giving me yet another look I can't identify. God, I hate that.

"Er," - I quickly put my scorched hand behind my back - "Hello, what brings you here on this fine day?"

Celestia simply opened the door and stepped inside.

"I am here to begin my questioning of you, of course."

"Oh, that. I actually have some questions too."

"You may ask questions after you answer mine adequately, in a timely manner, and without any balls of fire." I felt my hand stinging.

"Alright then, ask away." I sat down on my cot and struck a "thinking" pose, my hand now reverted to its normal state.

Celestia walked a few feet in front of me. "First, the question I initially asked you: Why have you come here?"

"Oh, this again. Look, I've said it before. I don't know why I'm here. I fell out of the sky for some reason. That's all I know."

Celestia looked to the bars of the cell, and then back to me. "You still choose to tell your story of falling out of the sky?"

"Yes. That's exactly what happened. You can ask any of the ponies that saw it. Or, hell, go ask that crater in the middle of the city that's shaped like me! It'd probably know more about my current situation than I do!" I put my hand on my chest for emphasis, inadvertently lighting my tie on fire. I quickly batted out the flames. "What is with this hand-fire crap? It was cool at first, but at this point it's just annoying!"

Celestia's expression looked something like a combination between tiredness and confusion. "You are not aware of your own magical powers?"

"Magical?" I replied. "This shit is magic?"

"First, I would appreciate it greatly if you used less... vulgar language in my presence."

"Alright, alright, fine." I crossed my arms in an annoyed fashion.

"Second, I would like to say that I want to believe you. You do seem genuinely confused about your situation, and a Pegasus did corroborate your story of falling out of the sky."

"Aha! See, there we go! A witness testimony!"

"However, even if you truly did fall out of the sky, you have still refused to tell me of your true intentions."

"How am I supposed to do that when I happen to have a serious case of amnesia?!"

"You are claiming you lost your memory?"

"Yes, that's right! In fact, I don't remember a single thing from before I fell in the sky. Isn't that just fine and dandy?"

Celestia let out a sigh. "George, I want to help you in any way I can, but I cannot do that unless you give me some more concrete answers. That ball of fire you nearly hit me with certainly doesn't help your situation either."

"I'm sorry, okay? I swear, that was an accident! Like, even if I wanted to do something to you, it's unlikely a simple ball of fire would actually do anything to you, right? I'm just trying to think of this in a logical sense."

"The problem, George, is that our relations with the human race haven't been particularly healthy for a good while. Aside from the attack years ago, we have captured a good few humans in the past who had malicious intentions. On top of that, the appearance of a human with magical abilities is hardly a common occurrence. I hope you can understand me erring on the side of caution."

"I mean, I guess. I- Wait, did you say attack?"

"Yes. Are you not aware of it?"

"No, but honestly I'd rather leave than spend however long here listening to some mysterious matriarch explain it to me."

"I am prepared to let you leave soon enough, but you must give me some time to ascertain who you are and why you are here. In fact, you actually look a bit familiar..."

"Agh, but it, like, stinks and stuff down here! It's all dark and dank and dreary and depressing! I mean, come on, my cell doesn't even have a window!" I quickly stretched my right arm out, my hand pointing at the window-lacking wall. It was at this point that my cell transformed into the sky.

...Wait, no, that can't be right. The sky? I looked down at my feet to find that I was standing on the edge of one of the castle's outer walls. This wall being around 20 feet tall.

Okay. Why? What the hell happened? I looked down again and happened to find out that this side of the wall just completely drops off of Canterlot to the ground that is seemingly several miles below.

"Holy shit!" I almost lost my balance upon seeing this perilous drop-off. How did I even get here?!

After a bit of attempting to keep my balance while figuring out some way of getting off this wall, I heard shouting. Oh boy, more guards. I looked behind me to see a cluster of guards with spears running to my current position. Meh. How are they gonna get me? This wall is way taller than any of they are. I'll admit, I laughed at them a little. Maybe a little name-calling, too. And then a spear rushed past my head.

This spear was promptly followed by several more from the guards. I managed to expertly dodge them, but in the midst of things I, of course, lost my balance, and... well, I fell right off Canterlot. Yeah, I fell off a city. Did I mention just how great this day is going?

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