Sburb. A game that eats your planet to save itself and goes on from there. With such wonders as paradoxical conception, echeladders, sylladexes, and several worlds full of things trying to kill you, it's no wonder the winners are rewarded handsomely.
So why exactly were these two winners rewarded by being dropped into Equestria?
NOTE: This is my first story, and has been an idea of mine for a while now. I've been rereading it and trying to make sure it makes sense, but if there are any errors then I apologise. I'm still working on a cover image, and the character tags will be added to as they make appearances.
NOTE II: Chapter 1 has been rewritten to better fit the style of Homestuck, and as such should be re-read. I am working on Chapter 2 as we speak.
Liam: Don't do the timey thing
Very interesting. First Homestuck crossover I've ever seen in this fandom, to be sure.
One of the things you should look at though, is definitely the tense you write in.
Homestuck is written in 2nd person present tense, ALWAYS. This seems to split between 2nd person and 3rd person. Also, Homestuck has no 'Dialogue' in that sense - I'm sure you already know that most of Homestuck's communication takes place in the Pester/Sprite/Dialoguelogs.
Besides that, this is a rather interesting concept, though I have no idea where it's going. You say he already won his session of Sburb in the description, yeah?
Okay, I'm giving you a thumbs up 'cause this was cool and the writing was solid. But...I had no idea what "Homestuck" was until I saw Midnight Specter's comment, so I was pretty lost for a while there. (Hey, I read Grant Morrison comics, so I figured I could handle it.
) But I would suggest adding a bit more explanation to some of the things in the story. (This is an issue for all crossover fiction; unless the reader knows both universes, he gets lost.) I think the story is interesting enough to draw in readers who are only familiar with Friendship is Magic, just so long as you explain the things that come from the Homestuck-verse...which now I have to go find out more about. Peace.
The entire idea from the description makes it sound like a two player session, which makes me wonder since you need a space player and a time player, you also need a knight, but since your session has a mage of time that makes me wonder about who the knight is since it cant be the space player due to gender restrictions
653432 read "pony stuck" its a good crossover
I am intrigued.
Also, I feel you should at least have an author's note explaining what this is a crossover with - I thought you were making s*** up until I read the comments!
/goes off to look up homestuck...
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Good luck, you two - Homestuck is probably one of the longest things around. Could take you as long to get through as Fallout: Equestria would, or even more.
653786 http://www.fimfiction.net/story/6505/Ponystuck
Cookays brings up a good point
Still following
Actually, yeah; you can't really have a mage of time. If this is a two-player session, Liam just is the Knight of Time. No other real possibility. The Knight of <Insert Aspect> always has to assist the Hero of Space in their immensely spoilerrific task. There's not much sense in having a Knight of Space - it can't really assist itself.
But in the words of the dude right above me:
Still following.
653432
Later homestuck has the 'Gift of Gab' dialog, which I rewrote Chapter 1 to fit - as well as fixing the tense! I hope it's better.
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I made a small note, and added exposition. I'll keep adding as needed.
I'm stumped by the back-story to this but I like the plot.
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I'll be elaborating on it as the story develops so don't worry, and thank you! :)
They may of won the game be you still lost it.
Wow, yeah. This is so much better than it was at first release. Great job!
As far as I can tell everything fits into Homestuck canon now, so good job there also.
Makes sense to me that anyone who's finished the game has the Gift of Gab.
This was a great chapter btw. Pinkie, Pinkie, Pinkie. And yeah, the thing between Paul and Pinkie ought to be pretty cool.
They could get up to some pretty awesome shenanigans.
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Yeah, that's kind of how Homestuck works too.
Great job once again, Someone - you really have the 2nd person down pat, and the jump in quality is incredible just from that one fact.
Excellent. Now we have a backstory
Can't wait for the next chapter.
Oh god, I am less confused about the back-story but now want to know more about the back-story of the back-story and about this game.
I must know everything
654023 Oh yeah, well according to this i AM a Knight of space.
gamesprays.com/files/resource_media/preview/homestuck-vriska-what-now-5500_preview.gif
Edit: fuck, i meant to say knight of space.
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413chan.net/aart/src/128927210446-karkat_-_yeah.png
Yeah. That was kinda the point of that comment, that if it was a two-player session, Liam HAD to be the Knight of Time, and couldn't be the Mage of Time - that, and other errors, were fixed by the author a while ago.
Wh8t N8w????????
i53.tinypic.com/v7cxmg.gif
850319 yeah i know, i screwed up that comment. i was trying to comment about the immposibility of a knight of space, not time.
how exactly i screwed that up is beyond me.
850319 850591
Just so you both know, I am still working on this. It's just I recently found employment, and it's killing my available time and creative drive. :-(.
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"Edit: fuck, i meant to say knight of space."
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m54wprdjG01rtcfaqo1_500.gif
Nah man, it's cool. I'mma get back to ponies.
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YES!!!!!!!!
As a footnote to that, I'm congratulating you on your dedication, not your job. Jobs suck. Boo. Boo to that job, which takes your precious time and wastes it... doing paperwork... or maybe selling burgers... or whatever. Boo to it.
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It's selling burgers. I work at a McDonald's.
Completely pointless, completely absurb, and so, so like Homestuck.
You know. If Homestuck had drunken magical ponies. Well, it kinda has one - you should find a way to stick Maplehoof into this. Remember? The pony from around Act 3 or 4?
You were right about the tense; significantly more past tense than present tense. For the most part it was at least consistent with one or the other, which at lease didn't take too much away. You ought to go through it again though.
Also... waking up next to a unicorn...
Did he screw Twilight Sparkle, or Rarity?
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Chapter updated, and no longer as terrible.
I also rewrote it to fit the tense properly - it's back to 2nd person current.
I hope it's better.
873487 ....If by burger you mean patty of "meat" then I guess you sell burgers..
Perfectly hilarious!
This was exactly what i had needed to cheer me up today X3
Yay for homestuck
Hmm tHis is strange i doNt tHiNk cHaNgiNg form would cHaNg tHere tHougHt pattern also wHy were tHey ChaNged iN tHe first place?
Dismay - Slyph of breath