Follow the Rogue Steel Ranger as she fights to find out what happened to her Stable
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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ooooo this interested me
I read through about 25% of this chapter before I had to stop. I don't want to read about an angst-filled Mary Sue whine about her horrible childhood. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I was disappointed. I had thought this looked like one of the better FOE fics from its summary.
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i know the feel, bro.
but I shall continue on and read as far as I can as I have nothing better to do
Agh! Why can't I write this good? Just finished reading the prologue, and all I have to say is 'very interesting'. A simple idea that seems to have worked out (judging from the number of chapters and views, I'd say it worked out very well). Between writing 'A Pony of a Different Color' and doing real life stuff, I shall be reading this and waiting for Project Horizons and Heroes to update. I'm actually looking forward to this.
First. Awsome. I'm so glad to find a Steele ranger story. And it's pretty good from what I say. Second. Am I the only one imagining the type of machine needed to cut through that stable door. Hell in most fics you read it takes a direct balefire bomb. Third. I love sniper rifles
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And yet you read my story.
Well... That's a hell of a start.
Tense changes... tense changes everywhere... Is this story past or present tense? What justification does she have to be instantly issued a .50 right after initiation? How does she know how to fix it, when she's never touched more than the trigger of a lever action rifle?
Seriously. This story has potential, but from what I'm seeing, it's being wasted on mary sue-ness.
Do the chapters get better with time?
3063234 I second this. But I had more of a problem with the grammar, really you need an editor. My friend says I'm a good editor, but I'm way too lazy to fix everything in a 200k + word story.
That aside I'll read this to see where it goes.
I like the parts where heads explode.
Seems a little rushed, but it is a prolog so that is kind of expected.
Dear lord this is hard for me. Dont get me wrong I love it so far but its just so...cringe inducing...
I was really interested in this from the summary, the art, and what I'd read about it on.the FO:E wiki and elsewhere. Was a bit disappointing to read it and find that it's not as well-written and edited as it could have been.
There's potential, but unfortunately I just couldn't get past the issues in the writing itself. It needs a good editor to bring it up in quality.
*looks at an above comment* How in the blue blazes is this girl a Sue?
Anyway....
I love this introduction, it gives the girl a motivation, a chance to start life, reasons for being a hero, and even a slow build to her own worth.
I'll assume she learned how to shoot during foalhood, even though it's not mentioned
Well the first chapter seems really rushed I hope this was just to establish who she is.
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News Flash: This is a Fallout Equestria fic. Angst is practically a prerequisite. As for her being a Mary Sue or not, so what? A Mary Sue does not a bad fanfic make. Besides, how could you even know what the story and characters are like if you've only read 25% of the Prologue? News Flash: The Prologue isn't even the main story. And if you read the actual story, you'd realize that very little of your criticism is even valid.
This heavily breaks lore, AM rifles weren’t not finished before for the bombs dropped, they were already being mass produced and supplied to the equestrian military, heck there were so many that even after the war there was still more than enough for red eye to outfit his entire griffin and pinkie balloon teams with AM rifles
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If my story (unedited story i might add) is so bad, don't read it. Such negativity is not welcome.
I would have gone with something around vanilla
the first part reminds me of a weird one, if i remember it's "fallout Equestria infinite potential", where the protagonist is also an albino unicorn...
BUT she's a mad scientist who got kicked out of the stable for doing unethical experiments!
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Hmm yea, i think the author sent me a message to say they were not copying Appletart with albino unicorn thing