A Life In Her Shoes

Nopony really knows where Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, the Changeling Queen or Discord came from. But they do. Told from Luna's point of view, she tells the story of how she became a leader, a princess, a victim of love, a prisoner and guardian of the night.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 6 )

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TheRaven

TheRaven #1 · May 31st, 2012 · · · Chapter One ·

Thumbs up for the pic, no time to read. Fav for reading later.

deathtap

deathtap #2 · May 31st, 2012 · · · Chapter One ·

I think I can see where this is going. I'm going to track you, and see what you're going to do.

TheRaven

TheRaven #3 · May 31st, 2012 · · · Chapter One ·

Reading now... Just gonna say what I think you could have done better. From what I can tell, there won't be anything wrong, save a few things.

1 - Use the word ostentatious instead of "show offy"
2 - Instead of putting Danny's observation of the Latin writing on the boxes for the crowns in parenthesis, I think putting a period there and breaking it up into separate sentences would be better.
3 - Just due to the fact that there's a character in the show named Fleur de Lis, I think it would be best not to talk about the symbol. Because its kinda confusing.

A Final Observation - It would be best to explain the time frame and setting prior to the introduction of the story and the characters. It took me until the middle of the story to figure out that they were at an orphanage, and until the last few paragrhs to discover that they were in modern times. Due to the fact that the Royal Sisters are thousands of years old in the show, one automatically assumes that this story takes place in like, the Victorian Era. Also, you might want to describe the character's appearances more. Like Danny; all I got was that he was handsome, nothing else. And also, when they mention Equestria, Danny should have, unless he's a pre-mentioned brony, not known what it is and asked, unless he was transfixed by the blue moon.

Sorry if I hurt your feeling or anything. This story is actually better than most of the ones I see on here, and there's less spelling and grammatical errors than there are on most of the stories done by some of the "Best" authors on the site. You are a very, very, good, aspiring author, and I love your work. I look forward to seeing more.

OkieDokieLokie

OkieDokieLokie #4 · May 31st, 2012 · · · Chapter One ·

A blue moon means the second full moon in a month. It doesn't look and different than a regular full moon. How about a lunar eclipse? That would make more sense.

Lunar Ops