I Love You...To the Moon and Back

by The_Light_Is_Dying

Chapter Two

Apple Bloom opened her eyes to see she was floating on sticky cotton candy clouds. She could, however, move, but just barely. and suddenly, Apple Bloom heard a deafening scream. It wasn't any scream though. It was the scream of a farm girl. Apple Bloom stared ahead and, if she squinted just so, could she an orange silhouette in the horizon. Applejack. "Apple Bloom! Help me! Ah can't move!" Applejack screamed. Apple Bloom knew she had to jump from cotton candy cloud to cotton candy cloud, but some of the jumps were outrageously huge, and Apple Bloom wasn't sure she could make all of them.

Apple Bloom hopped to the second cloud, then the third cloud, the fourth, the fifth, and the sixth. Apple Bloom found out that she could jump higher and farther than usual. The seventh leap would take her to her sister, on the seventh cloud. But this hop was wider than the Grand Canyon, and although she was leaping far and high, she had her doubts about it. She saw her sister closely now. She wanted to save her sister and to be with her once more. She leaped...

And she missed. Down she fell...down to the ground. However, there was no ground, but an infinite space. There were a few floating islands around her as well. Suddenly, she saw a floating island beneath her. She heard one last scream from Applejack, and then......

CRASH!!!

"Ahh!" Apple Bloom yelled, sitting up fast. She looked around quickly. She saw Twilight Sparkle peering down at her in concern. She saw Spike snoring the night away. No cotton candy clouds, no floating islands, no Applejack. Apple Bloom sighed in relief, and hopped on the bed. She realized she had fallen off the bed while dreaming.

Comments

[TruthfulEB]

Hi, I'm back! I just wanted to say fuck that cliff-hanger and fuck this chapter. Kidding. Really though, that cliff-hanger felt way to rushed to be serious and I thank you for not rushing the plot... Or advancing it for that matter. Seriously, this chapter serves no point other than to hammer in that Applebloom loves Applejack but you choose to convey it in the weirdest way possible. Writing is ok but instead of weird dreams just use good exposition in the first chapter. That's all.

Edit: Corrected It to Or
Edit 2: Clarified meaning in explaining the weirdness of the point of this chapter
Edit 3: Corrected witness to weirdness in edit 2 (fuck autocorrect)
Edit 4: Changed convert to convey fuck autocorrect 2.0

[The_Light_Is_Dying]

6242903

Sorry

I'm one of those people that always read the description of a story before actually reading it. I just wanted people to know what the story was about, but maybe I DID got too far. Do you suppose I should shorten the description?

[The_Light_Is_Dying]

6243097
That's what I was kind of going for when Apple Bloom had the flashback when she was looking at her family scrapbook. The last thing she was doing, as told by the book, was bucking apples off trees with Apple Bloom. I guess it would be okay if I added a chapter just for a nice flashback.

[TruthfulEB]

6243391 More like a dream than a flashback. Flashbacks are memories of something that happened, this is more she was looking at the scrapbook and had a dream about it. I see what you were going for though.

[TruthfulEB]

6243382
The description is a bit long but instead of shortening it, add a bit of it to the first chapter as exposition, which is the main thing I've complained about. Seriously, your story is great so far other than the lack of exposition and content.

Fuck auto correct (Edit) exploitation too exposition

[DeviousNights]

Not bad, I actually enjoyed. Can't wait for what els you have in store. Keep up the good work.

[TruthfulEB]

One more thing, you haven't really described why Applebloom loves Applejack. You may have plans for that later but I'm just pointing it out.

[The_Light_Is_Dying]

6244128

Okay! The edits may take a while to be published, because I am so busy.

[The_Light_Is_Dying]

6244147

Yeah, I do have plans for that later.

[The_Light_Is_Dying]

6244144
Awwww thank you!

[The_Light_Is_Dying]

6244117
It was meant to be a flashback...