The Crystal Apple

by Blind Gardener

Applecore's Tale

"I work on a farm, and there's plenty out there that can kill me. This recording is, what amounts to, my last testament. I keep it on myself, and change it every so and so. Applejack, Big Mac, if either of you scamps stole this from me, return it to me and do not listen to it further. If, Celestia forbid, I am deceased then I ask you listen to it only when you feel ready in your heart. I love you both. I also love you, my new child on the way, but I do not yet know your name.

You may think of the Apple Family as a loving, tight knit community that is fairly accepting of outsiders, and it is, but it wasn't particularly accepting of outsiders who were born in its midst. It's one thing to have a unicorn or a pegasus for a friend, or a husband or wife. It's an entirely different matter to be born one into the Apple Family.

I, for one, was born a Unicorn.

I didn't exactly have the happiest of childhoods as a result. My mother was a cast iron terror. For example, on one particularly cold day when I was dreading going to play among my 'friends' in ponyville, I turned to my mother and said "Mom, my hooves are cold, and nobody likes me."

Her response was fairly typical of her "Nonsense, son. You haven't met everyone yet, and you can sit on your hooves."

That's around when I started wearing a hat to hide my horn. I love my hat, the purpose might have been dishonest, but it's a nice tough stetson, and I love how it looks, even if the purpose was dishonest.

Mother... She never approved of my machines. She's wrong though, we need them. Running the farm is hard work, and it killed my dad, and his dad before him. The Apple Stallions die young. In trying to avoid that fate, I've driven myself into it. The irony doesn't escape me.

My story should begin at the beginning, I suppose, not meander on without a point. I have always been different, even from an early age. Different from the Apples by dint of being a unicorn. Different from my own brothers by dint of my studious nature. Different from unicorns by dint of my efforts to learn how to make things run on earth pony magic.

It wasn't until I ran off to college that I even made friends. No, that's not true. Wedge and Slice were my friends, my dearest and truest. But they were also my brothers, and it was still a lonely life. When I started wearing my hat, they both got their own hats in solidarity. When my youthful crush, Rainbowshine, turned me down for Filthy Rich, they helped me play pranks on the pair until, somehow, the two became something like friends as well.

I suppose that was when I stopped hiding my nose in books, and started seeking answers. Why were we so poor? According to the Carrots, it was our own fault. They said we were working too hard, and that it was costing us in time from our lives, and money to care for ourselves. When I stood back, and saw the farm... the glaring inefficiencies! We hoofed water to each individual tree, instead of having an irrigation system like Wheatgrass was implementing next door!

But Mother always wanted me to work harder, to do more, to spend less time with my books. Not to putter around digging ditches and putting wood planks together with a book in one hoof and a hammer in the other. She even accused me, once, of corrupting my brothers with my useless ways after she burned a book about mechanics. It didn't matter that the books were often written by earth ponies, she didn't want their corrupting influence upon me.

I had been reading it at the dinner table, not paying attention to the conversation around me. She had grabbed the book from me, and glared at it. "Family time is for family" She had stated darkly. "But ma, this could help on the farm. It has diagrams on how to induce cloud-formation without a pegasus." She had scoffed, and slammed the book shut. "I don't care if it has diagrams on how to conjure magic apples the size 'o a pony. No reading at the table. Besides, what would a unicorn care about farming techniques? Useless stuff." She had forgotten, once more, that I was a unicorn. Also, the book had been written by an earth pony, Naida Bowl. NOT THAT IT MATTERED. I had seethed, and tried to grab the book from her with my magic, at which point she had flung it forcefully into the fireplace.

So I left. I wrote a letter to the Oranges, your more cosmopolitan cousins, to explain the situation and arrange my extradition. It included many urgent words, and a request for silence on their part. Bless their heart, they listened and we smuggled me off of the farm in the dead of the night. If you ever need a place to go to get away from the pain family can cause, go to the Oranges. They're good people. They gave me room and board in manehattan, which I paid for by working in the archives at the local governors office. I learned so much from the plans on file, and practiced my magic every night with Cousin Clementine. If you meet her, ask her for some of her coconut orange cookies, they are simply scrumptious!

It wasn't long at all before I passed the tests to get into Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns for post-secondary education. College was amazing, and I highly recommend it. The things I learned! The people I met! Including your mother. I'm sure, by the time you get this, your mother will have already told you her secrets, but in case she hasn't.... whelp Iffen she's still around, plug your ears for the next bit.

When I call her my little princess? I'm not exaggerating.

She's an Alicorn.

You can unplug your ears now.

So that said, and moving on, when I met her she was the Head Librarian at Canterlot's School for Gifted Uniforms... I mean Unicorns. When I met her she was disguising herself as a Uniform... I mean unicorn. Look, can't a colt like that stern librarian look? Wait, that's not appropriate to hear your father talking about. Is there an undo on this spell? No? Drat.

Anyway, when I met her she was a unicorn. We did not get along at first, she thought I was a impertinent youth, and I may have called her a hard-flank. Honestly, I didn't intend to start flirting with her. Well, maybe I did a little, but what got us together wasn't all on purpose like.

I was doing research for Professor Thornhide on greenhouses and the cultivation of roses. Found something rather interesting, roses are a type of apple. Imagine that! Anyway, I decided to do some auxiliary research on mechanization of agricultural labor forces, which lead me to a treatise on the 'lost crystal empire' which lead me to a scroll published by your very own mother. Gosh I love that mare.

I won't share the details of our long courtship, but when I asked her about that scroll, that was our first positive interaction. She realized that I actually had a brain, and I realized that... well, to be honest your mother has always been and will always be a hard-flank, but it turns out that having the lot of you softened her up. But I learned she wasn't stuck up, and that was the important bit.

After that we bumped into each other more and more. She'd invite me out to a magic demonstration, or a scholarly article, or a flower-eating-contest. I'd invite her barn dancing, cider tasting, or to a mechanics expo. Eventually we just found that we fit together. We moved into the same apartment to try it out for a few years, and for the most part, it worked... but your mother has this annoying habit, she likes to pretty up the place.

She's not actually good at 'cleaning', more of 'hiding anything left on the table somewhere random'. If you lost any toys you left out in your childhood, and found them in the bathroom tub, or behind the mirror? That was your mother. Also, when she's sleeping, she blows huge bubbles of snot out of her nose. I'm talking enormous.

Anyway, we got over that, and decided to get married. There was only one problem. Your grandma would not have approved of her son marrying a unicorn! Even though, I stress to repeat, I AM ONE! Fortunately, your mother is good at illusion magic. So she dolled herself up as a Earth Pony, took the name of Canción del Corazón and we made our way back to the farm.

I'll always remember our wedding night. She was so beautiful in her dress. We kissed under the biggest tree on the farm, that old one in the north field. I hope it's still around.

After that, we settled down. I started making deals with the Riches to help keep us afloat, your mother got our heads together and started mechanizing things. Slice and Wedge were great helps, very enthusiastic about the whole affair. They'd been working on the farm while I was in college, and were always eager to learn the things I had learned. And always, in the background, was my mother. Watching us with her steely eyes.

By the time Big Mac was born, we had elevated water troughs, and automated irrigation systems for near every field on the farm. By the time Applejack was born, I'd built an 'EZ' apple harvesting machine. We were making so many apples, we near buried the town in them, but somehow the money wasn't getting any less tight. We had these suction cow milking machines too, but the cows didn't like 'em very much. Preferred a pony's touch. My speedy razor for sheep shearing was a big hit though, as was my chicken hotel/nestbox for wandering birds.

When my third started coming along, I decided to automate the thing that Apples were most famous for. Jam and cider. Your ma doesn't like it very much. She complains that each time she makes a new baby, I go out and invent something big. I can't help it, I just feel challenged by her creation to make something of my own!

And that brings us to now. I dunno if this stone can even record me over that awful racket, but I figure I may die here, so I may as well make a final update.

I see my daughter, curled up between my hoofs, as that clanking machine I made quivers like a thing possessed in the background. I don't know what broke it, or how it happened, just that Applejack was dangling out of it when I barged in. I don't know why the door's stuck. No one seems to hear my hollers. Hard to come to terms with the fact that I'm right about to die.

Socket A-1-6 jammed, Rod G-6-7 is snapped right off, and the pressure is building faster than the machine can release it. An explosion is inevitable, and the strength of the steel I had used only guaranteed a bigger boom. I wish I had thought about this possibility when I designed the dang thing. Hubris, thy name is me.

Maybe I can batter the door down? Why did I have to make it so sturdy... the pins are twisted out of shape? How does that even happen? Nevermind. Windows. Too high, too small. Could I throw Applejack out of one? Yes, but she wouldn't run, she's clinging to my leg something fierce. The ceiling's too strong, going to funnel the explosion outwards. I'll need a way to protect her.

Funny the thoughts that go through your head when you are about to die. Here, maybe some scrap metal could shield you. Wife was in contractions when I left to find Applejack. Hope my life doesn't end right as that new one begins.

Add some padding. There, nice and cozy. Shhh. Shhh. Don't cry. Take good care of my hat for me, I'll be out right after you. Out the window you go little one. Racket's getting louder.

There's this way my uncle who joined the royal guard used to end all his stories. He would put himself into impossible situations that no pony could survive. 'And then?' I would ask. "And then I died.' he'd respond. He would then sip at his cider. When I was a colt, this was the funniest thing in the world. Strange that It doesn't seem so funny now.

'And then?' I imagine you asking me while I sip some cider. And then I."

Big Mac gently put down the glowing marble his father's thoughts were transcribed upon, anger misting his heart, and exhaustion burning in his muscles. He knew he would die young, from the legacy of work left to him. He knew he could not tell Applejack, the element of honesty, the truth without ripping his family, what was left of it, apart. He leaned against the wall of his room... and cried.

Author's Note:

Cousin Clementine's coconut orange cookies
2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 cup white rice flour (for flavor)
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
3/4 cup butter
3/4 cup coconut sugar
1/4 cup raisins (optional)
2 eggs
3/4 cup fresh squeezed tangerine juice, with pulp (other oranges work well too)
1 tbsp fresh grated tangerine or orange zest
1 cup flaked coconut.

For the frosting
1 cup butter
3 tbsp fresh orange zest
1 tbsp fresh lemon zest
3 tbsp fresh lemon juice or grapefruit juice
5 tbsp fresh clementine orange juice or blood orange juice
2 tbsp shredded coconut (optional)
32oz of powdered sugar.

Prep.
Combine dry ingredients, except sugar in one bowl, set aside.

Beat butter heartily, slowly adding sugar until thick. Continue beating while adding eggs. Continue beating while adding juice. Continue beating while adding mixed dry ingredients until smooth. Fold in coconut.

Drop by rounded teaspoon onto cookie sheets. Bake at 400 degrees for 10-12 min.

Frosting Prep.

Beat the butter hard, mix in the zest, continue beating, mix in some sugar, then some juice, then some sugar, then some juice until out of both. Add coconut.

Spread on cookies.

Recipes modified from ones on food.com

Applecore's Applicious Apples
Requires
1 bag of apples (not red delicious. Preferably Pink Lady)

Directions:
Acquire apples. Eat. Enjoy.