Wispy Willow vs. Lilligold - Winner: Lilligold (by Vote)
For a Lily - by Wispy Willow's Author
South of Equestria, in the city of Elmshire, one could find a relatively unassuming shop with a simple sign stating it to be the Glimmering Gardens. Despite the elegant title, the building was small, out of the way, seeming no different from any of the other shops within the city’s limits. There was little in the way of ornamentation, and, while it wasn’t displeasing to the eye by any means, its overall design was not intended to necessarily draw in customers. Those who needed it knew of it and knew where it was. All in all, it seemed to project an aura of relaxed quiet.
An aura which didn’t seem to penetrate its walls, as inside, the owner of the Gardens was anything but relaxed. Lilligold stood behind her counter, the sheenflower--a modified sunflower designed to give off a pleasant glow--she’d been tending to all but forgotten in her hooves. Her eyes were wide, her mouth hanging open in pure disbelief at what the smiling mare across from her had just said.
“You did what?!” Her voice was shrill and breathy, unease and anger pulling it taut, like a violin string about to break.
Jelly Bean’s smile faded as she tilted her head to the side, confusion evident across her features. “I sent one of your water lilies to the Manehattan Horticulturist’s Showcase?” She waited, but Lilligold said nothing. Realization struck. “Oh, but don’t worry! You don’t have to be there. I made sure that wasn’t necessary, since I know you don’t really like to travel and—”
“Wh-wh-what made you think that was a good idea?”
“Hrm? Whaddya mean?”
“What do you mean, ‘What do you mean?’?” Lilligold threw up her hooves. “Why would you take one of my plants and just, just...ship it off to Manehattan? Without asking me!”
At this, Jelly’s smile returned. “‘Cause I knew you’d never do it, Lills. And because you’ll win, for sure. Just think of the publicity for the Gardens!”
“I am!” Lilligold said nervously. “No no no no,” she said to herself as she put the sheenflower back in its place on her sunny windowsill. She rounded the counter, still mumbling and fidgeting as she began putting things away.
Jelly Bean asked, “What are you doing?”
With a quick snap of her head, Lilligold replied, “Apparently going to Manehattan, to get my lily back!”
“But Lills!”
“No buts, Jelly.”
“If you’re worried about the plant, don’t be,” she explained. “I made sure to use one of your carriers, with plenty of water.”
“That’s not the issue, Jelly,” Lilligold called behind her as she headed to her living quarters in the back. There were a few thumps, the sounds of rustling cloth, and the quickstep of hooves as she came back to the front, a small saddlebag on her back. Lilligold herself looked a bit more composed, and even more so as she took one last, deep breath, letting it out slow. She said, more calmly, “The issue is I don’t want all of Equestria to know about my plants.”
“But your business—”
“—does just fine with the population of Elmshire,” Lilligold cut in, a note of exasperation in her voice. “Thank you, Jelly, really, but I have all the business I need here, at an easy, non-stressful pace. I really don’t want that to change.”
Jelly’s face fell, and she scratched at the back of her head in embarrassment. “Well, gee, I had never thought of it like that… I’m sorry, Lills. I just thought I was helping.”
Lilligold gave a small smile as she approached her friend, placing a reassuring hoof on the other mare’s shoulder. “I know, Jells, and I appreciate it, I really do. Just...next time, ask me first, OK? Hey, we can make a trip to a big foreign city of it!”
The mood lightened immediately as Jelly Bean’s typical smile spread from ear to ear. She leaned forward and wrapped her hooves around Lilligold in a tight hug. “Yeah, it’s a deal.”
The pair exited the shop and, as she turned to lock up, Lilligold said, “Where is this Showcase, anyway? I hear Manehattan is even bigger than Elmshire.”
“Some old hotel. They sent a map, actually,” her friend replied. “We’ll stop by my house on the way to the station.”
“Thanks.”
“Least I could do, Lills.”
“What do you mean, it’s closed?” Wispy whined.
The mare behind the counter let out a sigh, saying, “Yes, sir, the hotel is currently hosting the Manehattan Horticulturist’s Showcase. As a result, the Ghostly History tour is closed until further notice.”
“But I’m leaving soon! I wanted to go on the tour today!”
“I’m sorry, sir. The Mustang Pastoria offers its deepest apologies. Perhaps you could explore the Showcase instead? I hear there are a lot of really interesting and exotic plants—even a few magical ones! It should be very entertaining.”
“Uggh!” growled Wispy as he turned, walking towards the exit. To himself, he mumbled, “Stupid plants ruining everything; not like I even wanted to see floor thirteen; it’s probably not even real like that stupid crazy unicorn or those timberwolves. Well, they were real, just not real ghosts and—ugh! Just got to get out of this stupid city, I’ll never find any ghosts at this rate and— “
“Er, excuse me?” came a reserved and quiet voice from behind him.
Wispy turned, a snappy retort ready. But he froze when he saw the pink-coated mare standing alone, her mane and tail an ethereal silvery white. She was...cute. Really cute. Wispy had never really cared much about mares, since so many always laughed at him for his interest in ghosts. But there was a certain feeling about her, or maybe she just seemed nice. He wasn’t sure.
She didn’t look all that sure either, he noted. Before he could get his tongue to work, she asked, “Sorry about this, but this is the Mustang Pastoria, right?”
“Uh…”
The mare looked around, taking a step closer to him. “Where they’re hosting that Horticulturist’s Showcase?”
“Uh,” he mumbled but managed a nod.
She smiled, and Wispy felt his legs weaken just a bit. It was her eyes, he decided. They were bright with intelligence, and, despite her apparent shyness, he could see them looking at the world and finding it pleasing and inspiring. “Oh, thank goodness,” she said, relief giving her a bit more confidence. “This city is so big, I was afraid I’d gotten lost even with a map! Do you know where the Showcase is being held?”
Wispy shook his head and managed to say, “I, uh, don’t, no, but the receptionist over there probably does.” He gestured with a hoof.
She turned, nodded her affirmation and, with a quick, “Thank you so much!”, headed over to the desk, determination in her step. Wispy simply watched, his disappointment in not being able to take the hotel’s historic tour of its haunted locales pushed aside by a newfound curiosity. He hadn’t recognized her accent, but she was clearly from out of town. Maybe she could use a guide, in case she has anymore questions?
The thought seemed somepony else’s, but Wispy agreed. His plans were a bust, and, besides, it was the right thing to do. Plus, seeing as she seemed to be into plants, she might enjoy his narrow escape from timberwolves. Yeah, he thought, that’s a plan! Now to—hey! Where’d she go?
The mare behind the reception desk was by her lonesome. The curious, pink mare nowhere in sight. Wispy approached the desk again, looking this way and that.
“Yes, sir, what can I help you with now?” the mare asked flatly.
“Uh, yeah, can you tell me where that mare went?”
“That mare?”
“The one who was just asking you directions…?”
“Oh, right. To the Grand Ballroom, just down the main hall there. The Showcase is being held—OK, bye then...” The receptionist trailed off as Wispy turned away, heading for the named hallway.
Maybe it’d be nice to see the plants after all. And if that mare needed his help with something, so much the better.
Lilligold was becoming increasingly worried for her lily. She’d circled the entire Showcase twice, with no luck. There was even a spot reserved for those entries whose growers were not here, and her own hadn’t been there. Not even a bare table with her name on it, like all the other grower’s seemed to have. She was glad that she likely wasn’t getting any press, but now she was worried about the plant itself.
She began to panic, just a bit, and wondered whether she’d have to go through the postal service to find a most-likely shattered travel case, complete with evaporated lily. It took so long to make those just right, so they held their enchantments for months… Or—a worse thought—what if somepony had stolen it? Or sold it before it got to the hotel? What if they unlocked her secrets! What if—
She forced herself to stop, nearly getting run over by an eager, brown-coated reporter. He apologized quickly, then again when he saw the look on her face, before running off to no doubt report on some other plant. Lilligold, however, walked over to the nearest wall and took several deep breaths. There was no sense getting worked up, she told herself. She knew nothing, not yet. She just needed to find somepony who did.
“Oh, I’m an idiot,” she chided herself, an idea popping into her head. Quickly, she turned around and headed for the judges’ tables, which she had passed just a few minutes before. There sat the three judges. She was pleased to find them alone.
As she walked to the table, all three turned their eyes to her, making her heart skip a beat. Shaking her head, she pushed forward, asking, “Excuse me, uh…”
“Yes, miss, can we help you?” asked the nearest, an older stallion.
“I was wondering, about the entries. Do you have a list of all of them?”
“Why, yes, I believe we do.”
“I need to know, did you get an entry from Glimmering Gardens, in Elmshire?” she asked, hopeful.
“The name doesn’t ring a bell, but let me check…” He shuffled some papers on the table around before finding a clipboard with a thick list. Flipping a couple pages, he said, “Ee, eff, jee… Hrm. No, I don’t see anything from a place like that.”
“And nothing from a Lilligold?” she asked, thinking maybe Jelly had just sent it under her name.
More flipping of papers before, “No, no Lilligold either.”
Another of the judges, a middle-aged mare, asked, “Miss Lilligold, I presume?” When Lilligold shook her head, she continued. “Did you send us something?”
“Well, I didn’t, but a friend of mine did. I actually wanted to withdraw it and go home, but I don’t see it anywhere.”
“How strange,” said the stallion. “You should find String Bean, the hotel’s gardener. He handled all the incoming entries, prepped them for the show. If anypony saw your entry, he would. He should be in here somewhere. He’ll have a staff badge with his name.”
“Thank you,” Lilligold replied, already turning to find her next target.
But no sooner had she began walking off when she was stopped by the same stallion who had helped her out in the hotel lobby. She blinked, not expecting to see him again, but gave him a smile.
He said, “Hey there, uh…” His eyes darted back and forth. “Er, sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”
“Lilligold,” she said, then asked, “Do you need something?”
“Oh!” He looked down at his hooves. “I was just, y’know, walking around here. Looking at the plants.”
“That’s nice, but—”
“Do you like plants?” he asked awkwardly.
“I do, but I’m actually—”
“That’s cool, I like them too. I mean, the one’s you can eat at least…”
He trailed off, so Lilligold figured this was her chance. “I’m sorry, but I’m actually looking for somepony. Maybe after I find him, we can talk more, mister?”
“Oh! Yeah, sorry, how dumb of me. Wispy Willow, but most ponies just call me Wisp.”
“Wispy it is then.” She gave him a wide smile. “If you’ll excuse me?”
“Who are you looking for?”
She wondered just what was up with this peculiar pony. He didn’t seem weird or anything, more like he didn’t talk to a lot of mares his age. His cutie mark was a little strange, but he had helped her earlier so…
“The hotel’s gardener. I need to see if he knows where my plant is.”
“The gardener?” said Wispy, getting a little more confident. “I think I just saw him!”
“Really? Can you tell me where he is?”
Wispy smiled. “Even better: Follow me!”
“I—OK?” she said as Wispy grabbed her hoof and pulled her away from the ballroom back towards the back of the hotel.
They walked down an out of the way hallway, Wispy moving quickly with Lilligold right behind.
“I saw him go this way,” said Wispy, waving for Lilligold to follow her. He stopped in front of an unassuming door.
“But that’s for employees only!” she hissed back.
Wisp chuckled. “Oh, it’ll be alright. This is just the service stairs. They’re pretty much not used anymore, since the hotel was expanded.”
Lilligold wasn’t entirely convinced, but decided the worst that would happen was they’d simply get asked to leave the employee area. And if the gardener knew where her lily was…
“OK, lead on, Wispy,” she replied, her mind set on recovering her plant.
The two went past the marked door and started up the steps as they slowly circled upwards.
After a few minutes, they had seen nothing of the gardener. Though they had passed doors leading out to the halls of each floor, they’d found them all locked. Clearly this place wasn’t used anymore, and if the gardener had come here he had exited higher up. So they kept climbing.
Wispy was just about to break the silence when Lilligold asked, “How did you know about these stairs? With all the dust, it’s clear nopony has been in here for years. Except the gardener.”
“Oh I studied the old plans for the hotel when I was doing research.”
“Research? Are you an architect or something?”
“No, I’m a ghost hunter.”
Lilligold’s eyes widened. “Ghosts? Why would anypony want to hunt them!”
It was a question Wisp had been asked many times. He simply smiled and said, “Because nopony actually knows if they’re real, y’know? And I want to be the first one to do that.”
“So you do research on old hotels?” Lilligold asked, genuinely curious.
“Old hotels, abandoned buildings, graveyards… All sorts of places. Just this month I visited an old asylum and this ancient sawmill up the river from here!” The enthusiasm was clear in his voice, and Lilligold looked at him with some awe. “This hotel supposedly has a haunted thirteenth floor, and it’s been closed for a few decades. Some party that went bad due to a fire.”
“And you find ghosts in these places?”
“Well… No.” He added quickly, “Not yet, at least. I mean, these are just the sorts of places where it might happen. Just got to find the right place, follow the right stories.”
“Sounds scary.”
“It’s a lot of fun, actually.”
“Hey, Wispy?”
The pony turned, seeing that Lilligold was looking at the door for this floor. “Yeah?”
She pointed down. “The dust here has been disturbed.” She pushed at the door, and it swung open easily. “The door is open!”
“Wait…” Wispy looked at the wall behind him. There, in faded lettering, was the number thirteen. “We’re on the thirteenth floor!”
“The closed one?”
“If the dust hadn’t been disturbed, I’d almost think a ghost stole your plant…” Despite the obvious physical evidence, Wispy still wondered: This was where he wanted to go… Could a ghost be involved? With as much confidence as he could muster, he told Lilligold, “Let me go first. If it is a ghost, I’m an expert.”
Lilligold giggled, but said, “Right!”
The pair quickly went through the door. Though the decor was dated and somewhat rundown, there was no evidence there had been a fire.
“Weird,” Wispy said. “I wonder why they closed it.”
“I dunno, but look, there’s tracks in the dust.”
They followed the tracks down the hall, turning the corner to a surprising sight. Where should have been a wall was broken open, revealing two or three rooms. There stood a green unicorn, standing next to a table.
On the table was a brilliant blue lily, which he was watering.
“Hey!” Lilligold cried. “That’s my pure water lily!” She ran forward, towards the lily.
The earth pony turned, dropping his watering can in surprise. He grabbed the pot the lily was in with his magic and pulled it away from the mare. “Hooves off, princess!” he said. “This is a very delicate flower!”
“Yeah, I know it is!” Lilligold said angrily. “Why is it in a dry place like this? It’ll wilt and that shortens the magic!”
The gardener chuckled. “Please. This is my own creation. I know to keep it watered.”
Lilligold’s mouth dropped. “Y-your creation? What?!”
Wispy watched the gardener’s face carefully. The stallion’s brow furrowed in thought and then rose in realization. It was clear: He’d figured out that Lilligold was the actual owner of the plant.
He’d definitely stolen it.
“Well, yeah,” the stallion said, clearly trying to think fast. “I was going to show it in the Showcase, but it wasn’t quite ready and I had another entry that was. So I moved it up here. It can win next time, while my black roses will win this year.”
Lilligold sputtered, shock and rage making her mind go blank.
Wispy had had enough. “So, you took her flower just so you could win?” he asked, his voice quiet.
The gardener cocked an eyebrow. “Maybe I did. What’s it to you?” The stallion pulled the lily tighter to his chest. “And after I win, I’ll figure out how it’s made so I can do it myself.”
“No!” cried Lilligold. “That’s my design!”
“Yeah? And who knows about it? Maybe they do in Elmshire, sure, but not here in Manehattan.” He laughed. “So I’ll be taking this with me, or I’ll smash it on the ground. At the least, I’ll still win. And I’m quite respected in this hotel, and in this city. So nopony’d believe you anyways!”
A part of her wanted to let him do it, but Lilligold just couldn’t bring herself to see her plant destroyed. But what could she do? She had no proof that he stole it, not in the city. And by the time she went to Elmshire and back, it’d be too late...
There was a dull flash that took both Lilligold and Bean by surprise. They turned to see Wispy lowering his camera, a grin splitting his face. The ghost hunter said, “Well, we can’t stop you taking it, I guess. But we can show your bosses proof you stole it!”
“What? What good will that do?”
As Wispy pulled out the picture and waved it in the air, he chuckled. “Oh maybe it wouldn’t do us any good… If the background wasn’t here, on floor thirteen. Who in their right mind would think you had it here for any other reason but to hide it away?”
“I—” String Bean’s mouth caught as his mind tried to think his way out of this one. He began to sweat, nervous at the implications that picture contained. “I’ll… I’ll trade you! The picture for the plant!”
“And an apology!” demanded Wispy.
“Fine, just give me that! If anypony saw it, I wouldn’t get any work in this city again!”
“Give the plant to Lilligold, then you get the picture.”
The old gardener, grumbling all the while, carefully handed the pot to Lilligold, who took it and pulled it away from him quickly, hugging it to her own chest like a mother with her baby.
“I gave her the plant, now the picture!” the gardener held out a hoof.
Instead of handing it over, Wispy took it between his hooves and tore it in half, then in half again and again. “There, that’s good enough. Now you can’t use it for more trouble.”
“You cheeky whelp… Bah! It’s still too late for her to enter, so I’ll win anyway. Good enough for me!” With that, Bean left the two alone, grumbling and swearing the whole way.
Wispy let out a low sigh, relieved his gambit worked. Then he found the rest of his breath squeezed out as Lilligold hugged him tightly.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she whispered, a few tears actually at the edge of her eyes.
“No, ugh, no problem,” he managed to say.
She let him go and picked the lily back up, examining it. “Thank goodness, it doesn’t seem hurt… I know it seems silly, but I personally grow every plant in my shop. So to think of any of them just being destroyed…”
“You love what you do, nothing wrong with that,” Wispy said with a laugh.
“How can I ever repay you?”
“You don’t have to do anything. I’m just glad I could help.”
Lilligold shook her head, still so relieved. “No, I really need to do something for you.” Suddenly, she realized how hungry she was, not having had anything to eat since the train ride. “Would you like to join me for some dinner, Wispy? I’d love to hear more about what you love to do.”
“Only if you call me Wisp,” he replied, trying to be smooth when really he wanted to jump for joy.
“Deal,” she said. Then—before she thought about it too much—she leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Plant in tow, she left the stunned earth pony sitting in the middle of the ruined floor thirteen, humming to herself.
Wispy rubbed his cheek then headed after her, leaving floor thirteen empty yet again. Oddly, he found he was looking forward to asking her about her plants more than talking about ghosts.
But as the door to the stairwell swung closed behind the pair, they were both too distracted discussing dinner to hear the faint laughter of dozens of ponies and the sound of music.
Cutie-Crossed - by Lilligold's Author
In the convention hall full of plants and gardeners, Lilligold had never felt more alone. She sat against the back wall, staring at her abandoned station—a foal’s lemonade stand among industry titans. Her eyes briefly flicked up to the banner which proudly welcomed her to the 19th Annual World's Garden Faire. She sighed through her nose.
A sharp chirp grabbed her attention. She turned and saw a little potted flytrap looking up at her—well, it would’ve been looking, had it had eyes. It trilled and nudged her hoof with its pod. Despite herself, Lilligold smiled. She lifted the flytrap and hugged it against her chest. It stretched up and nibbled her chin, eliciting a giggle.
“Hey, cool!” somepony said. Lilligold startled. She turned her wide-eyed stare on a colt—strikingly blue, and approaching her at a quick trot. He beamed down at the flytrap and said, “I’ve never seen a plant like that before! Is it magic?!”
Lilligold shrank and clutched her plant tighter. The flytrap, for its part, hissed.
The colt blinked. “Oh! Uh… sorry. I get carried away sometimes. I’ve got a bit of a thing for magic and… er…” He rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry. Name’s Wispy Willow!” He extended a hoof to her.
Lilligold didn’t take it. Her eyes darted down to her flytrap and she mumbled, “Lilligold. Charmed.” She nodded for good measure.
Wispy’s hoof dangled awkwardly between them. He eventually withdrew it and cleared his throat. “Lilligold, huh? Weird name.” Lilligold bit her lip, but Wispy must not have noticed. “Sounds kinda foreign. You from around here?”
Lilligold shook her head. “I’m visiting from Elmshire.”
“Oh! I remember reading about Elmshire at the library a while back.” Wispy’s expression went quizzical. “Your parents dragged you all that way just for this?”
“My… parents?” Lilligold shook her head. “Oh, no. They paid my way, but I’m here alone.”
Wispy’s eyebrows rose, and Lilligold felt a pinch in her stomach. “Seriously? That’s cool, I guess. I just assumed, with you being a unicorn and all. Most gardeners are earth ponies.” He chuckled. “Then again, most paranormal enthusiasts are unicorns. Guess that makes us both oddballs!”
“Mhmm,” Lilligold mumbled. There was a pause, and Lilligold prayed the conversation would die to the background noise.
But it didn’t. “Mind if I sit?” Wispy asked. Lilligold shook her head. Wispy sat down, and Lilligold reflexively shied away. “I was looking for a place to hide for a bit. Get away from the boredom, y’know? My mom dragged me along to this thing. Total waste of my day off, honestly. She wants me to learn the tools of the trade ‘just in case.’” Wispy rolled his eyes.
“Hmm.” Lilligold nodded. Her flytrap growled, baring its teeth at Wispy.
“Oh, yeah!” Wispy grinned. “I forgot about that little guy. What’s the story with him?”
Lilligold looked at the plant and finally found a modicum of comfort. “This is Audrey,” she said. She stroked Audrey’s stem, and the plant purred. “I bred her just a few weeks ago. One of my more complex projects.”
“‘One of?’” Wispy said. “You mean you’ve got other plants like this?”
Again, Lilligold nodded. “It’s why I’m here.” She flicked her eyes up to her stall. Her odd specimens clashed outright with the greenery of the convention. Ponies strolled right by, sparing her plants queer glances. Lilligold frowned. “I’m trying to start my own business.”
“No kidding?” Wispy looked at the stall too. “Mind showing me?”
“You wouldn’t be interested,” Lilligold said. Heat gathered behind her eyes. “Nobody would,” she whispered, nigh inaudible.
“No way! I’m definitely interested!” Wispy stood. “Like I said, I’ve got a thing for magic. Granted, I’m more into ghosts and whatnot nowadays, but it’s still cool. I’m gonna go browse.” Without waiting for a reply, he trotted off and began perusing Lilligold’s station.
Still, Lilligold remained a wallflower. Audrey chirped again. Lilligold brushed her leaves absently.
“Hey, Lilligold!” Wispy called. “These are great! You gotta tell me about this one! Is it made of water? Ectoplasm? What?”
Her heart pitter-pattered. She felt a smile creeping up her face—she tried to fight it down, but couldn’t help it. She rose and trotted to her stall.
***
Hey, Lilligold!
Great news! You know that cross-country trip I’ve been planning for so long now? I finally saved up enough bits to make it happen! So I quit my job last night. No more dealing with Hardback or Dewey Decimal for me! I start my quest tomorrow morning!!
Sorry for going crazy with exclamation points there. I’ve just been planning this trip for so long, and I can’t believe it’s really happening. It’s my life’s dream. Thank you so much for supporting me in all of this. You’re like the only one who has. I mean, my family has too. Kind of. But no one’s ever believed in me as much as you. I plan to do us both proud and be the first pony to prove the existence of ghosts beyond a shadow of a doubt! I’m so excited!
My first stop tomorrow will be the museum in upper Manehattan. You know the one I wrote about a few months back? I’m gonna check it out again with my new equipment. There has to be something there. But if not, you know I’ve got more than enough other places to check out!
And don’t worry, I didn’t forget my promise. I’ve made plans for a trip down to Elmshire a bit later next year. I know I said it would be sooner, but there are so many places I need to visit first. The Manehattan Asylum, Glen Oaks Manor, the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, just to name a few. I hope you understand. It’s my calling!
Enough about me though. How have you been? Is business still good? Is Audrey doing okay? I want to hear everything!
I might not be able to write back for a while since I’m going to be on the move so often. I’ll definitely write when I can, though!
Your BFF,
Wisp
***
Dearest Wisp,
Congratulations! I’m so happy for you! I know how long you’ve wanted to go on this excursion, and I couldn’t be prouder. You’ve earned this, Wisp, and I truly hope it yields everything you desire. I do wish you could come down to Elmshire sooner—I’ve missed you!—but I understand wholly.
I’m afraid I can’t say my life has been nearly as exciting. But I am quite content. Glimmering Gardens is doing better all the time. Just last month, in fact, I secured my largest order to date: the Duchess’s birthday celebration! That project has consumed most of my spare time. It’s turning out beautifully, though. I do wish you could be here to see it.
Audrey has been well. She’s grown quite a lot since you last saw her. She’s nearly as tall as I am now! And still growing! I can’t say I anticipated such growth, but nor am I disappointed. She’s the same lovable sweetheart as ever, only there’s much more of her to love now. I’ll need to transplant her to a larger pot soon.
This may surprise you. I’ve been doing some paranormal research of my own! I found a phenomenal book called “Nature’s Haunts,” and some of the descriptions of these places have me enamored. There’s one in particular… well, perhaps I’ll spare the details on that one for when you visit. You won’t be disappointed!
I’ve enclosed the book with this letter in case you were interested. I did tear out one page—to keep you in suspense, of course!—but I placed a clipping from Audrey’s leaves between the pages to make up for it. Now a little piece of me will be with you always!
At any rate, I must get back to work. Keep me informed, when you’re able. Again, I’m so very happy for you! Live your dream to the fullest!
Yours,
Lilligold
***
In the evening’s first light, Lilligold flurried around her bedroom. She plucked things from all over and laid them carefully in her saddlebags. “Map? Check. Water bottles? Check. What else, what else…”
A deep groan sounded from the corner. A massive flytrap sat there—it reached nearly to the ceiling. Audrey reached across the room with a vine and pulled open Lilligold’s nightstand drawer. She pulled a small scrap of paper from within and offered it to Lilligold.
Lilligold grimaced. “No, Audrey, I’m not bringing that. This is not that kind of outing! Just two old friends enjoying each other’s company. Nothing more.” Even in her own ears, her words sounded hollow. She knew it really was more. She had been waiting for this night for years. This night, when she would reunite with the colt she’d spent just a scant few days with years ago. The colt to whom she’d written dozens, if not hundreds, of letters in the intervening time. Her best pony friend.
And nothing more. Lilligold’s eyes glazed over.
Audrey smirked. Her vine pressed against Lilligold’s chest, still clutching the paper. With a little sigh, Lilligold took the parchment in her magic and read the poem.
His face is naught but azure dream,
his voice a song of old.
Still, his presence, ream by ream,
makes warm what once was cold.
I long and scar and agonize,
he has my heart unfurled.
By earthly bonds and spirit ties,
he is my one true world.♥ Lilligold + Wispy Willow ♥
Lilligold frowned. She’d rewritten it so many times, and still it failed to be perfect. “I do wish tonight could be something more,” she whispered. She bit her lip, then shook her head. “But I can’t, Audrey. I just can’t.” She set the parchment on her nightstand.
The vine wrapped gently around Lilligold and dragged her to Audrey’s corner. Audrey dipped down and nuzzled Lilligold. With a sad little smile, Lilligold nuzzled her back. “Thank you, darling. You’re such a sweetheart.”
A knock sounded through the building. The butterflies in Lilligold’s stomach fluttered to life. She patted Audrey’s pod and said, “Wish me luck!” Audrey smiled and uncoiled her vine, allowing Lilligold to trot away.
She paused as she passed her vanity, looking herself over one last time. She’d done her mane up in a ponytail and had a daisy behind her ear—a look she’d seldom worn in public, but tonight was a special occasion. She smiled at herself and continued downstairs into her store proper.
Weaving between her gardens, Lilligold nearly danced to the door and flung it open. On the other side stood a shock of white and blue—a face she’d only seen once outside her dreams. Wispy Willow stood there, suitcase at his side, smiling at her. “Miss me?” he said.
Lilligold bit her lip. “More than anything,” she said. Against her better judgment, she stepped out and wrapped him in a hug, one which he returned in full force.
“Hey now!” Wisp said. He patted Lilligold on the back. “I missed you too, but it’s not like we’ve been all that distant! What with all the letters.”
Pulling back, Lilligold shook her head and said, “This is different. And… well…” She averted her eyes and brushed a strand of mane from her face. “It has been over a month since your last letter. I was worried that maybe you’d forgotten…”
“Pfft, not in this lifetime!” Wisp said. He grabbed his suitcase and trotted past Lilligold into the store. “I was leg-deep in Mort’s Quagmire for the past month. Didn’t get a chance to write much of anything. Sorry about…”
Wisp blinked. As though suddenly realizing where he was, he looked around with dinner-plate eyes. The sunset trickling through the window cast the store in an ethereal glow. All manners of strange and beautiful flora moved and glowed and existed harmoniously, like one big, living imagination. “Whoa,” Wisp breathed.
“I hoped you’d love it,” Lilligold said. She walked up next to him and gazed wistfully across the plants herself. “It’s my life’s work! And it wouldn’t have been remotely possible without you.”
That tore Wisp’s attention back to her. “Without me?”
Smiling brightly, Lilligold nodded. “Naturally! Had you not instilled me with confidence in my talents all that time ago, I would never have come this far. Your letters have inspired me greatly as well. So…” The tingling in her hooves grew too great to bear, and she threw them around Wisp again. “Thank you.”
A thick silence brewed, and Lilligold wondered whether she’d said too much too soon. Before long, though, Wisp returned the hug and said, “Yeah, don’t mention it.”
Lilligold pulled back and said, “Well! We’ve been delaying this for years—let’s not delay any longer! I’ll take your things upstairs, and then we’ll head out. I’ve got quite the week planned for us, and it all begins tonight.” Not giving Wisp a chance to reply, Lilligold levitated his suitcase and started up the stairs.
“Right on!” Wisp called. “Where’re we going? My Elmshire brochure said there’s this wicked haunted house out on Augur’s Aisle. We checking that out?”
“It’s on the agenda.” Lilligold settled the suitcase in her bedroom. She looked over and winked at Audrey. “First, though, I’ve got something special in mind.”
***
Only a scarce few needles of moonlight penetrated this deep into the forest. It bathed the surrounding flora an eerie, crepuscular hue. Brushing past yet another bush, Lilligold said, “It should be just around this bend.”
“I hope there’s some light at wherever-we’re-going,” Wisp said. “Don’t get me wrong. The mood is super creepy and everything, but I’d like to be able to see my own hooves.”
The path wound through a dense cluster of trees, then opened up. They came upon a small, moonlit clearing nestled against a cliff face. Thick moss carpeted the ground, and a few esoteric flowers with gnarled petals and thorny stems lined the edges. Just ahead, a jagged hole opened up in the rock. Moonlight reached in barely far enough to illuminate some stubby black liverwort hanging from the cave entrance—like the rotten teeth of some eldritch horror.
Lilligold smiled. “Welcome to Peak Grove.”
“Whoa.” Wisp’s eyes became wide and wonder-filled, like he’d walked in on a beautiful dream. “This place is amazing, Lilligold! How in the world did you find it?”
A coy smile played on Lilligold’s lips. “I read about it in a book once.” A sudden excitement grabbed her. “Apparently the Peak Grove Caverns are some of the most treacherous caves in the world. And also some of the most haunted.”
Wisp’s ears perked. He looked at her. “No fooling?”
Lilligold nodded. “They’re also said to be home to some very exotic, dangerous flora. That’s why I thought this would be the perfect place for us.” She blushed and averted her eyes, and her words came out in a flurry. “Perhaps this sounds a bit cheesy, but I wanted to bring you here because it’s the one place where our passions intersect: yours for the paranormal, and mine for peculiar plants. It… erm, seemed the perfect fit.” Her words sounded painfully stupid in her own ears. “A silly notion, I know.”
A hoof touched her shoulder. Lilligold looked up into Wisp’s warm, smiling face. “No,” he said, “it’s not silly at all. It’s… I dunno. Poetic, I guess.”
Lilligold matched his smile with a goofy one of her own. The silence between them lingered, but not uncomfortably. Cicadas and owls filled it with ambience. For a long moment, the two ponies just smiled at each other.
Eventually, Lilligold pulled out two water bottles and sat in the moss, folding her legs beneath herself. “Come,” she said. “We have so much catching up to do! I want to hear absolutely everything.”
Wisp sat close to her, and they talked. They talked and talked and talked, the moon tracing the time across the sky. They chatted and laughed and smiled, he about his many exciting—albeit fruitless—ghost hunts, and she about anything and everything to do with her plants. The feeling in Lilligold’s heart as they talked was a far cry from anything she’d felt reading Wisp’s letters. It was warmer. More profound. More real.
Swigging down the last of his water, Wisp nodded to the cave entrance and said, “So, that cave’s really haunted, huh?”
“Mmhmm!” Lilligold looked at it. “I considered exploring it on my own—if only to impress you—but I assumed you’d rather investigate yourself. That, and the fact that it’s extraordinarily dangerous.”
“I’m glad you waited. I’ll totally have to come back with my equipment while I’m here.” He turned to Lilligold. “Thanks for showing me this place. This has been one of the funnest nights ever!”
Lilligold beamed. “It truly has. I wish every night could be this wonderful.” Her smile faltered, and an uneasiness wormed into her voice. “Alas, I suppose one week will just have to do, for now.”
“Hey.” Wisp delicately put his hoof to her cheek, drawing her eyes up to his. “Don’t get all mopey on me. We’re gonna make the most of this week! Just you and me, okay? Don’t worry about what’s gonna happen in the future. Just think about… about here… and now…”
He had leaned closer—Lilligold was sure he had. Barely any space separated her face from his. A lump built in her throat, and she pursed her lips as he drew even closer. Everything around them faded, and for a brief eternity, Wispy Willow was all she knew.
He pecked her lips. Quickly—hardly there before he was gone again—but tenderly.
They stared blankly into each other. Fires had lit in Lilligold’s cheeks, and the lump in her throat stopped her from saying anything. Wisp just blinked a few times, the colour gone from his face. Subconsciously, Lilligold leaned towards him again.
Wisp wrenched his eyes shut. He scrambled to his hooves and took off into the forest at full gallop. It had happened so suddenly that Lilligold had to do a double-take. Everything inside her felt numb. The warmth from the kiss still lingered on her lips.
And then she started to crumble. Tears jumped to her eyes. She bolted after him. “Wisp!” she cried.
***
Audrey sat in the stillness of night, as plants are wont to do. Every so often a housefly would buzz through the window and she would snatch it up, but otherwise she simply waited. Waited for Lilligold to return.
A great crash rattled the building. Hooves thundered up the steps and into the room—Audrey sensed the hooffalls were too heavy to be Lilligold’s. She snarled in the attacker’s direction, but when she heard a zipper unzipping, she reasoned it must’ve been Wispy Willow, rummaging in his suitcase. She remained motionless.
More hooves shot up the steps—Lilligold’s for sure this time. “Wispy!” she cried. “Please, stop! Talk to me!”
The air went still. Audrey sensed nothing but the two ponies panting. “I can’t do this, Lilligold,” Wispy quavered. “I just can’t. I have to get out of here.”
“No! Please, Wispy. We need to talk this through!” Audrey heard the tears in Lilligold’s words. She bore her teeth, but didn’t move yet.
“Talk about what, Lilligold?!” Wispy shouted. “What happened back there was a stupid, stupid mistake! This… This can’t happen between us! This can’t happen to me!”
Lilligold sobbed hard before she spoke again. “How can you… What’s so awful about it?! About me?” Audrey’s vines were slowly slithering toward Wispy. Apparently, neither pony had noticed her yet.
“Nothing! You’re perfect! But… But…” Wispy roared in frustration. “But I just can’t, Lilligold! I can’t do this. I’m sorry.” Audrey’s vines lifted, preparing to coil around Wispy like bloodthirsty cobras.
Lilligold sniffled. In her weakest, quietest voice, she said, “But I love you.”
Audrey froze. There was a thick silence, and she reconsidered the situation. Her vines pulled away from Wispy and instead moved towards Lilligold’s nightstand.
“Listen, Lilligold,” Wispy said. The rage had faded from his voice. “My whole life—my whole life—has been dedicated to one thing: paranormal research. It’s my passion, my talent—the one thing I’m really, really good at. And if I want to keep doing it, I can’t focus on anything else. I have to stay on the move. I can’t commit to anything or anypony. Not even you.”
Audrey felt around and swiped the paper from the nightstand. Her vines shifted back in the other direction—toward Wispy’s suitcase, where she would place the poem.
“That’s why I put off coming here so long,” Wispy continued. “I was afraid something like… like this would happen. I didn’t want to have to choose between you and my special talent. Like, if you had to give up your plants, your store—all of it, just for me—could you do that?”
The question lingered for a long while, and even Audrey paused to listen.
“I…” Lilligold began. She swallowed hard, then moved and laid a hoof on Audrey’s vine. “…I don’t know that I could,” she said. Magic stole the parchment from Audrey—she didn’t resist. Instead, she coiled her vine gently over Lilligold’s hoof.
Wispy’s hoof joined Lilligold’s. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I have to leave.” His hoof stayed for a brief time. When he withdrew it, there was a little commotion as he gathered his suitcase. Lilligold’s hoof squeezed tighter on Audrey’s vine.
More hoofsteps sounded on the staircase, and Wispy Willow was gone.
Lilligold collapsed into a blubbering heap. Audrey reached all of her vines out and wrapped Lilligold in a hug.
They stayed that way for a long, long while. So long that Audrey could feel the sun on her leaves by the time Lilligold finally fell asleep. She placed her delicately upon the bed and went motionless once more.
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Lilligold's Author
Two very good entries with good character explorations and setups. But I like the premise of the second story a little better and found the storytelling to be really nice so I have to give it to Lilligold's author.
Lilligold's Author
I'm a sucker for romance, I guess? I really can't say more. I wish I had this long list of reasons why, but I really liked both stories. They both even had conventions! I guess for me it just boils down to feeling more comfortable with the character interactions in this second piece. Either way, both authors did a great job.
Liligold's author
Wispy went with his established formula of having a run-in with the other character while out ghost hunting, whereas Liligold responded to the feedback to push her own character's comfort zone.
The difference that this made was almost unfair.
It took me a while to warm to Liligold's story. The way she put the characters together was unimpressive, and the letters made me worried that we were going to be put through a bunch of lazy talksposition.
Then came the balls-out borderline purple prose in the later parts, and the brilliant use of Audrey (yes, ha ha, you're very clever), and I might have voted for Lili even if she blew it completely with Wispy instead of pulling an ending based on a totally original and completely valid reading of his character. I was not a Liligold fanpony before this entry; I didn't see how she was extraordinary instead of just pretty good. But. This entry. Damn.
I like Wispy, but his journey ends here.
Liligold's Author
Both stories made excellent use of both OCs. Both, interestingly, placed the characters in a romantic situation.
More interesting still, in the first story Wispy loses his chance to bag some ghost because he went for the mare, while in the second exactly the opposite happens.
The first story was a straightforward narrative competently delivered.
My own reading experience for the second story closely parallels 6160980.
In the end, I chose Lilligold's Author's story because we all know that Wispy's defining characteristic is his utter obsession with ghosts, hence the first story ends on a cute, shippy note, but one that is unfortunately quite OOC.
Note to both authors: I was thoroughly entertained! Great stories, both!
Lilligold's Author
I think what put Lilligold's author over the line was the command of language and the better development of the small story within it.
Wispy's author's entry felt a little slice-of-life. It was a nice little snippet of a story, it was fair, it employed the characters appropriately, and didn't make it feel too hammed, which is nice. It was cute.
Lilligold's author, however, was able to build a successful story arc, so that his or her entry felt less like 'a day in the life of' and more of a constructed moment. I felt quite attached to Lilligold, really. There was a small amount of power behind Lilligold's author's words, and it was quite engaging to read. In addition, Lilligold also seemed to have better grasp of language and its uses.
Lilligold's author
While I appreciate Wispy's efforts, Lilligold's story was just adorable.
Also, this is really petty and didn't have any bearing on my pick, but I do so wish that Wispy Willow's stories had more Scooby Doo references. Do you know how fantastic that would be? Hell, let's make it even more obscure. Make some fuckin' Jabberjaw references. I might actually explode.
Lilligold's Author
This is something like a "death by a thousand cuts" sort of scenario. There are a lot of little things about Wispy's author's entry that bother me, and so the more solid entry from Lilligold's author is what I'm going with.
Some of that has to do with the mechanics and the logic. Wispy's author made a lot of mistakes—little things like a backwards quotation mark, to mid-range things like using an apostrophe to pluralize, to severe things like using the wrong phrase ("Lilligold shook her head" when she was supposed to have nodded, for example)—and it never failed to take me out of the story. Calling Wispy "her", capitalizing words that didn't need it, spelling out letters like "jee" for "G" but also spelling "okay" as "OK". The list goes on and on, just begging for a proofread. Like…
Really?
Past that, I'll say there tended to be very little description in places where I would have liked more. I think there was probably more dialogue than narration in this piece, and I can't fully say that it was warranted, given just how many distinct settings were visited. Some of this is just how much I love the whole magical plant concept, but in particular, I wanted to see a lot more of the showcase.
The plot had some sticking points for me, as well. For one thing, threads would end or disappear pretty prematurely, or aspects of them would crop up out of nowhere. Jelly Bean—an OC made just for this story—not only sets up the plot but very explicitly travels to Manehattan with Lilligold. But where is she from then on? Why have her go on the trip if she wasn't going to appear later in the story? And the climax: the only thing prevented via the ultimate solution to the conflict was the destruction of a plant which Lilligold's sheet describes as one of her most popular. A swindler is let loose to go win a contest with another plant he might or might not have stolen—kind of unsatisfying, and the characters barely seem to care. Moreover, how is that conflict even resolved? Via a picture taken using a camera it was never established that Wispy was wearing. To me at least, this all was some pretty flawed plotting.
The characterization, at least, I found to be fine, if a bit lacking in the innovation department. The romance was new for Wispy's author, at least, but it was a little too awkward and baseless to appeal to me much, personally. I might give points for not focusing on Wispy going somewhere to ghost hunt for the third time in a row, but that's soured a little by the fact that the latter half did have them hunting something in another ghost-y place. This is worsened—and I recognize this is just me—by the fact that I actually misinterpreted Wispy bringing Lilligold to the staircase as him lying about having seen the gardener as a flimsy pretense to have her come ghost-hunting with him so he could impress her. I mean, I wasn't shown him seeing the gardener, but the scene previous had had him fawning weirdly and hopelessly over her, so it just felt like a lie at first.
Lilligold's author's entry doesn't really suffer from any of the aforementioned issues. Characterization, plotting, mechanics, and all of it was strong and more frequently creative. I'd go as far as to say that her author has cemented himself or herself in my mind as one of the most solid contenders.
I mean, it was also just so freaking cute. And bittersweet—and not pointlessly bittersweet, which can be such an easy way out.
I said before this round was posted that I thought Wispy vs. Lilligold was an interesting matchup if only for the fact that both of their authors had been criticized for the same thing: a recurring setting/plot structure. Wispy would always go to a supposedly haunted place and meet up with his opponent there, after which some tangible danger would appear and Wispy would be left unsure whether or not the location was actually haunted; Lilligold would always wait in her shop and her opponent would arrive there and proceed to talk with her about her plants and then offend her. Of the two authors, I would say that Lilligold's has done a far better job of taking that criticism to heart and breaking the mold.
Also, huge kudos for the Little Shop reference, because it actually went above and beyond a reference for me. The plant being named Audrey was just worth a chuckle at first, but during the climax? It added very nicely to the tension, my wondering just how close to its namesake this character was.
Wispy Willows's Author
Oh man. Move over, DisLestia. Sorry, MiniéStacks. I've got a new favorite ship.
I was giggling and daww-ing throughout Wispy's entry, just because his crush on Lilligold was written so well. Lilligold herself was true to her character the whole time, and strong in it, too.
Lilligold's entry wasn't bad either, but it had one big problem: it was too big of a story for this contest. The way it jumped from their meeting (with no chemistry and Wispy being really weird and OOC) to their letters and visit (suddenly with a lot of chemistry out of nowhere) to their "breakup" (again with no chemistry, and character development I just couldn't feel) made it really hard to get into this story, which is a shame because that was what I loved so much about her Round 2.
I think this entry would've been greatly improved if the introduction scene from their childhood had been cut out, and the extra space used for more letters, to really make us feel their relationship without relying (or being held back by) our knowledge of the time they first met. Then when we finally see them in the present day when they meet again for the first time in years, it would've been more powerful.
More attention could also have been given to their outing, so the transition between their kiss and him leaving wouldn't be so jarring.
Points for Audrey, though.
There's no way this isn't a cameo of some kind. Anyone want to speculate with me?
(Reads comments)
No. Just... no. Bad voters! Bad!
6162722 i.imgur.com/gKHHi6P.jpg
6160980 Et tu, Tacte?
You guys were my only hopes. You have failed me. You should feel bad.
6164465
Wow opinions.
6164969 Eh, that's what it comes down to in the end for anyone, really. Still, though, y'all are crazy. The characters in Lilligold's story didn't feel like Lilligold or Wispy, and it felt like a 5,000-word story cut down and crammed into the 3,500 max. Wispy's got the quirky bits of both characters right and brought them out as "people" better, and flowed much better and told its story better.
6165187
I heavily modified the plot into something I thought I could pull off in 3,500 instead. Sorry I missed the mark for you.
My first draft clocked in near 6,000 words, actually!
Thanks for the feedback! ♥
6165344 Huh. I didn't think I'd be anywhere near right about that. For cutting it down to nearly half size, it could have been much worse. You did get everything you needed to across, I just didn't quite agree with the balancing of what was left. You did a good enough job, though. Good enough to win, unless this first day was just a weird fluke and everyone votes for Wispy from now on.
Thanks for not getting mad at me. People take me much too seriously. Someone needs to stick up for the underdog.
6162722 They don't destroy the plant. They destroy the photo and keep the plant. Though while you're at it, it is weird that he chooses a Polaroid camera to document ghosts. Not very practical when you think about it.
6165466
What I said:
i.e. the destruction of the plant was prevented, because that's what's at stake at that moment in the story.
Lilligold's Author
There are a lot of factors at play here:
- I liked the idea behind Jelly Bean in Wispy's story. Lilligold's author has yet to show us any of her Elmshire friends—assuming she has any—and it was neat to see this take on it. I wish she had been in the story more, though.
- And while we're talking side characters, Audrey was fucking brilliant in Lilligold's story. Yeah, she was a blatant Little Shop of Horrors reference, but the author absolutely owned that fact and made it work. The final scene of the story might be my favourite scene of any story in the Slamjam so far.
- I agree with 6162722 that Wispy's story had a lot of mechanical and logical errors, and they bugged me as I was reading. I think the overarching plot was executed well enough, though, and Wispy's crush was pretty cute. I think a little foreshadowing and a lot of editing could've gone a long way here.
- I also agree with 6164465 that Lilligold's story feels very crammed-in. This is a story that needs a lot more room to breathe in order to be its very best. However, I still felt invested in the story at hand, and it made me feel for the characters. And the fact that it did pull that off despite being so condensed was pretty impressive.
Ultimately, I think it boils down to the fact that Lilligold's author was much more ambitious in their entry. Wispy Willow's author played it safe with their tried-and-true method of storytelling that's worked up to this point in the contest, and it produced a cute, competent little story. But Lilligold's author shot for something that was a far cry from either of their other stories, and something that'll stick in my mind. They may not have quite hit the mark that they were reaching for, but it was a great effort nonetheless. And for that, I give Lilligold's author my vote. But boy, it was a tough call.
Obligatory:
6165516 Ah. See, it makes much more sense for me to miss an important detail than you.
Lilligold's author
Both stories were good, but Lilligold's story is a much more solid entry. Wispy's story relies too much on coincidence: Jelly Bean just happens to send Lilligold's plant away to a contest that just happens to be hosted at a haunted hotel. Wispy just happens to run into Lilligold and fall in love at first sight. In contrast, the plotting of Lilligold's story is much better and is really well thought out. For example, she refers to Wispy's mother's job as an herbalist to explain his presence at the plant show, and his fascination with magic is what initially draws him to Lilligold. When plot points do not appear out of thin air, authors are able to build anticipation in their audience, as Lilligold's author does in this story. Of course, in building those that tension for Lilligold to confess her feelings to Wispy, the author heightens the emotional impact of the ending where she crushes all the hopes and dreams of her character. Lilligold's author also manages to write a story about Wispy and Lilligold that does not focus on ghost hunting or plants that still manages to capture their personalities. Wispy's story was cute and entertaining, but Lilligold's author really knocked it out of the park with this entry.
I'm probably going to regret this again, but like I said, someone needs to stand up for Wispy.
I'm really not seeing how you guys find Lilligold's romance cuter than Wispy's. I was serious when I said there was no chemistry (sorry, Lilligold. It's mostly because of what was left in and what was left out). A big part of it is the childhood scene. I still think Wispy wasn't Wispy there. I know he grew up with a fascination for magic and his curiosity extends to pretty much everything, but 6161372 was right about Wispy's focus on ghosts being central to who he is. Overshadow that with another interest and he doesn't feel like himself.
But that's not why I didn't feel anything about this couple. The whole introduction had Lilligold being solitary and hoping Wispy would leave her alone, until the last line when she brightens up because he asks about her plants. I guess you could kind of compare it to the childhood introduction to Up, but that one spent time showing that the shy kid was going along with the much more charismatic kid, and being interested in her. Then when he says "Wow" at the end of the scene, we smile because we know how fascinated he is with her. We've seen it. Lilligold has no attraction to Wispy in this intro. Eventually some enthusiasm about his interest in her interests, but she would feel that about anyone who showed that much interest in her plants. So when the story jumped immediately to their letters back and forth, I flinched a little in surprise. I could tell they were going to be friends, but not best-friends-for-life, especially since they were stated not to have met again after that one time. I've had childhood crushes that I've had meaningful conversations with, and one of them I did keep in touch with for a few months, but it wasn't the same as being with them in person. Long-distance relationships don't usually last long unless they were already close-range long enough to get established. When you grow up apart you change apart, and you end up as two completely different people really quickly.
Basically, given the childhood friends (*couch*acquaintances*cough*) thing and the letters, I expected one of them to have an infatuation that the other didn't share. Based on the intro I would've expected it to be Wispy, since he was clearly the more interested of the two when they were kids, but I could understand it being Lilligold, especially after seeing she wrote romantic poetry about him.
Anyway, when the two of them were together again I could get behind them being together. I would've been a lot more happy with this story if it didn't then go and split them up like it did.
You see, it was both of them equally moving toward that kiss. Lilligold did most of the work, but Wispy made the final move, so we know he meant it. But then he was the one that ran off. It was so sudden I missed it completely the first time and thought Lilligold was the one who ran first. This whole time I thought he could be just as interested as she was, but then suddenly he's not. A big plot turn like that needs foreshadowing, but there wasn't any. That's mostly why I didn't feel anything positive toward the next scene.
Wispy's reasoning for leaving is stupid. That's right, I said it. This is the one thing I don't think is a result of shortening the piece. Sure, he cares for his passion more than anything, but does that really mean he can't commit to a mare? Does he really think he needs to be away that much that he can't even give it a serious try? He can't make that time? And judging by Lilligold's preference to solitude and anonymity and general shyness, I think she can handle being on her own every once in a while, even enough for him to leave for weeks at a time. And she's shown enough interest in his work that she should be willing to leave her shop for short trips with him. And then there's all the haunted stuff that's supposed to be around Elmshire, probably enough to keep Wispy busy full-time if he would just focus on a few sites instead of giving all of them short tries.
Basically, neither of them would have to "give up" their passions for each other, especially Wispy. Heck, he loves her plants and the magic it takes to make them. He can help her in between ghost trips. Come on, dude. I just have a really hard time feeling that this is "adorable" or "heartfelt" like the rest of you seem to. This story would have been better with a different ending. And then there's the fact that I can't see the Wispy of the bio or previous entries making this decision and leaving like this.
6162722
See here? I'm calling it out. It is pointlessly bittersweet.
Still, like I've said multiple times, the individual scenes were pretty good. They just don't work together in the way they're presented. It feels like three different love stories; or more accurately, three distant slices of one longer love story. To engage a reader in a romance you need to keep them interested in the relationship continuously, but the disjointedness of these scenes doesn't do this for me, and I don't know why it does it for so many of you.
6160980 I've combed through the entry looking for this "borderline purple prose" you speak of, but all I can find is this sentence:
and this paragraph:
It's pretty good, but not nearly enough to compare with, say, Haystacks. Not enough to even factor into my vote.
6161372 Wispy going with Lilligold instead of watching for ghosts (that don't show up until after they leave) isn't exactly what I'd call OOC. What, did you want him to tell her to shove off, he'd rather stay here just in case?
6168308 Poking you, just 'cuz.
Those are some good points about Wispy's entry, especially about the plot holes and things, but I still think there's something wrong with you for loving Lilligold's so much. Anyone care to wax poetic about their love? I'm very curious to hear this in detail.
6168844
It's not a question of it being cuter (at least in my eyes), rather, it having a stronger emotional impact.
Hence, why they're incapable of committing to each other. It only took them until their second meetup to realize that.
I care about as much for marriage as I do for politics (try to guess how much that is), and even I know that it'd be downright impossible to properly balance their lifestyles and still feel that special bond one only gets from being with their soulmate. Not to mention, if they get to making foals...
Trust me, it
wasn'twouldn't have.People have their own individual standards. As for me, I read this keeping in mind the fact that it wouldn't be so fully developed under the word limit, but even then the superb writing and atmosphere kept me hooked. Plus, I took it for granted that all of the letters they shared between them were enough to build up their relationship over time.
Now look, I get that you like Wispy Willow more than Lilligold. That's fine. And there's nothing wrong with standing up for another author's OC, but it's not worth arguing with others to this extent over subjective opinions. Just let the votes speak for themselves.
6168844
This is starting to feel kind of insulting. If none of our (or my?) well-reasoned feelings about why we voted for Lilligold were good enough for you, how would tossing reason out and gushing about it instead help?
Personally, I found neither romance cute in and of itself. That bit where you quote me saying it was cute/bittersweet was in reference to the story as a whole—the stuff with Audrey was the bulk of the cuteness for me. Past that, I did find Lilligold's author's Lilligold's role in the Wispy/Lilligold relationship to be very adorable and appropriate to the character, her being a closet romantic and all. Wispy's author's Lilligold, on the other hand, seemed to act not much differently than a stock love interest when it came to the romance. Wispy's role in either relationship was valid, given that that side of him isn't defined on his sheet, but I'd say Lilligold's author's version was more accurate even still: one of the defining things about Wispy, according to the sheet, is that he "goes after what he believes in with a fiery passion, which also leads to him sometimes missing what is right in front of him" and he's "not selfish, exactly, but has sort of an absent-minded approach to others". Can we stretch the former trait to romance? Is it alright that the latter trait flies out the window when a pretty face comes along? Maybe, maybe not, but that tenuousness didn't even come up in Lilligold's author's entry. Setting aside "cuteness" or "chemistry", both of which are quite subjective, I'm of the opinion that Lilligold's take on their romance was truer to the characters.
We're different people when we're children. That scene established that they were friends, and nothing more, and then the letters for the intervening time were what showed that they'd grown into the people on the sheets. I don't even get your complaint about chemistry there, because it wasn't a romance yet—it was just a lonely girl being happy to finally have someone seeming passionate about something she's passionate about herself.
And you get so deep, deep into opinions that I'm not going to try to argue with the bulk of what you say about the romance, so I'll skip down to
The Wispy of the bio is explicitly abnormally driven to go do his ghost thing. You're honestly telling me you find a person like that electing to cut out romantic distractions less believable than diving headfirst into them? Because I'm not following the logic (and/or seeing it laid out in the first place). Also, "the Wispy of previous entries" has no inherent bearing on anyone else's depiction of him.
I don't see you explaining how. It being bittersweet arises from and illustrates the nature of the characters. What's pointless? Is it just the fact that you would do something you yourself consider to be more logical and romantic than what the illogical and professionally driven character of Wispy wound up doing?
If I'm reading it right, Tac was more pleased about the fact that the story didn't wind up purely relying on letters (i.e. that there was real prose present), and not that the prose itself was phenomenal.
Lastly, I'll say that I think you're far, far too fixated on the romance. In my case, at least, I voted for Lilligold's entry because I thought it was the better piece all around.
Lilligold's Author
The universe hates me. I hate everything. Why is this my life?
So Wispy's story was a bit of a mess. Like, why in the world was there even romance in it at all? What place did it have in the story? That really killed it for me.
For Lilligold's story, the romance at least made some amount of sense and was actually relevant to the events of the story. That said, the story felt really rushed, so my vote ended up being for the lesser of two evils.
Lilligold's Author
LILLIGOLD’S AUTHOR
I felt like this one was really close. I'm actually surprised the voting doesn't agree.
For a Lily
Liked: The romantic angle. Few authors have done that, and I really appreciate it, especially this deep into the contest. Gives Wisp something new to do.
Disliked: POV shifting when they find the gardner.
Cutie-Crossed
Liked: That it wasn’t just one of them with the feelings. Nice sidestep around a trope there.
Disliked: That you named the plant Audrey. I mean, come on!
Lilligold's Author
Anything I could say has already been said, it seems. I found the latter story much more mechanically sound, and, though I'm not a fan of the ill-fated romance plot (especially its all-too-sudden resolution), it functioned well in the context of this little vignette. Again, everyone else has pretty much covered what critiques I could offer.
Wispy Willow's Author.
While there's something to be said about a well written romantic story that has its leads tragically part ways, it's not my cup of tea.
Wispy's author's story was unique, succinct and played to both OCs strengths, providing natural reasons for both of them to be there. I may not see this author move on, but I enjoyed Wispy's antics while they lasted.
Wispy Willow's Author
This was the first of the tough entries, and it isn't the last. Of course, I suppose that's to be expected by this round--it's fair to assume that most of the contestants who are left standing are pretty good (or a ninja). And here's where past prejudices are called into question . . . I can only imagine that it's going to get worse as it goes on.
Wispy Willow's Author:
"Because you'll win for sure." Felt kind of like a prediction to me, especially since Lilligold has been showing very well . . . I actually had to scroll up there, and take a second look and make sure it wasn't Lilligold's entry I was reading.
I liked the throwbacks to previous entries; that was a nice touch. The setup for the story was kind of meh, but it paid off in the end with a nice wrap-up. Mind you, were it not in a contest setting, I'd probably be suspending my disbelief pretty easily, but given the nature of the contest, I'm really paying attention to what contrivance the author uses to get the two characters together.
Lilligold's Author
Can't decide whether Audry was a nice touch or lazy. As I'm sure you know, real-life references carry with them all sorts of baggage, and a person who's got passingly-familiar knowledge of the play will read it differently than someone who has no idea what it's a reference to, or someone who had to move the bloody plant I don't know how many times but my God I hate shows with complicated props.
Setting it in the character's past is an interesting choice, and the letter format to foreshorten a whole bunch of exposition is . . . well, it is. As before, you've got a good, solid Lilligold, and you've got good imagery. Really, if I take nothing else from your entries to date, it's that you're a damn good writer, and you can paint scenes better than I can.
Thing is, you just didn't sell me with the OC
shippingshipwreck. Outside of the contest--or if it were a longer entry--I could buy into it. Here, it just kind of flew in the face of what I'd come to expect from Lilligold or Wispy,6181725
6187623
I'm not alone! Can we start a club?
6189697
Sure, I'm in!