When she was young a misunderstanding caused Twilight to create a check list "Find out how to turn into a colt" She never did, and that checked box was never checked. Now she's older, and more powerful, and she's just re-disovered that unchecked box
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You know, I wonder how Dusk Shine would react if he comes face to face with Moondancer and/or Starlight Glimmer. He seems far less... apologetic.
Having Rarity join in like this was a good idea. I'd suggest letting Pinkie and Rarity interact some more as the story goes on; the scenes they share in the show are funny and cute, but they rarely get that in fics. Who ends up with whom is something that can be worked out later, after all—especially since Big MacIntosh should get a chance to be with Princess Twilight at least one at some point.
By the way, are Moondance and Starlight post-redemption going to be taken into account? Or is the former still an asocial shut-in while the latter lords over Equaltown, assuming the townsfolk don't get fed up and kick her out?
i must say that i am enjoying this fic and this world, but as i have little knowledge of the BDSM community...i have little that i could add to the story. from what i can see, it is fairly obvious that Twilight, Rarity and Pinkie will be forming a mini herd, and that Flutterbat will have to take Rainbow and Gilda, im not completely keen on that last one, as im not sure he can actually pull it off
6746479
You are not the only one who has indicated doubt on that front. And I've taken note. For one thing remember that while the people of Caridoon live a version of the BDSM lifestyle as real life, for the mane six it's all pretend. Fluttershy can do the scary as crap thing for short periods of time, but that does not mean she/he has to adopt that persona as a full time lifestyle. Plus who's in charge and who is the follower does not have to run down gender lines. Gilda and Rainbow Dash are going to be very impressed with Flutterbat's potential, not to mention his stamina, but that does not mean they are going to be good little slave girls. And don't forget that Big Mac is going to be part of this mix, and thanks to Princess Luna he can pull off the dominate male role just fine.
6745972 To tell the truth I hadn't even thought about Starlight or Moondancer. Far more likely that Lyra, who was also one of Twilight's friends, might get sucked in. Seeing as how she's dating 'Agent' Bon Bon.
I think Starlight and Moondancer might have to be characters some other writer could make use of.
In this Universe Starlight's search for vengeance might involve discovering a gate into Caridoon. Which could lead her to scheme about luring Twilight into that land where she would become a slave.
Moondancer lives in Canterlot. She could get drawn into the story when the Stallion right's organization orchestrates a short term take over of the government. Her bibliophile nature might cause her to stumble across evidence of a long term conspiracy against Equestria on the part of certain unicorn families. Heck, maybe her father is a big wig in the organization.
Well I'm liking the story so far.
I do have some criticisms, but just because I'm trying to be helpful (and bear in mind, I can't write this well, so I might not know what I'm talking about):
Chapter 11 seemed at least dubious consent-wise, but I don't have problem with that (might be worth tagging, though). It did make me nervous/excited as to how you would handle this chapter, but I have to say, I like how it turned out.
As for the story so far, the way the story jumps to different characters and plotlines for chapters 7-10 makes it feel a little disjointed, almost more like an anthology than one story. It's still enjoyable, but maybe it would help to have a little more indication in the story description that these side-stories exist, to make it less off-putting. If you want to reduce the impact, I'd maybe consider re-ordering the chapters so that each side story gets merged into the main plotline as soon after it's introduced as possible, even if that means that they aren't introduced chronologically, and end up giving minor spoilers.
6747067
I had intended at one point to have separate stories featuring each of the mane six, and explaining why they might be into this sort of situation. But I thought it might not work so well if I had important plot points for the main story in another story readers would have to hunt up.
Things should smooth out now that I've established the characters situations.
I'm going to do my best to try and avoid having real non-consent scenes on screen. But the lines might get a bit blurred as the characters get better at playing a role.
Rainbow Dash and Gilda are going to be involved in what could be considered Non-con, but it happens to be something they enjoy and they don't regard it as a bad thing, though they were at risk of becoming real slaves before they were rescued. That they would not have liked.
It's one reason why I'm thinking that their time in Caridoon will be off screen in this story, and only dealt with in a separate story if at all.
6747097 Yeah, just felt like pointing out that poor ol' Dusky didn't exactly consent to what Rarity was doing. The way I read it, he wasn't exactly enjoying it, even, it's just that he wasn't discomforted enough to risk going all out and maybe hurting Rarity, especially with him still being hazy from the head trauma. In any case, she did knock him out and shove a plug up his butt while he was unconscious - it's pretty hard to argue that as consensual.
So… at least "dubious consent", maybe "eventual consent", almost certainly "sexual assault", maybe "rape", somewhat less impactful because Rarity believes she's assaulting a villainous rapist who "deserves" it, and also less impactful because femdom/malesub (which shouldn't make a difference, but it does - imagine a gender-swapped version of that chapter).
Like I said, I don't have a problem with those things in a story anyway, and it was a very enjoyable chapter. I'm just hopelessly pedantic, so I felt the need to point it out.
Looks like it.
Yes again. You do it a lot.
Not exactly raping, it was her idea to begin with.
Yes, a bit hard to do that with your mouth open.
SOME? You should know by now NOT to take things at face value.
That one was on purpose. Also, you put a space between eyelids and .
Yes. Now Dusk, think of it as a game, like with Pinkie.
Lady Chastity and Lord Blackheart. WOW. Even for a world where every other name is a pun, and this is a trashy romance book, those names must be corny as all hell.
Applejack?
Hoarse, ha, it's funny because she's a pony.
You don't need that quotation mark after home.
Now would that REALLY be so bad?
Sounds interesting.
I do my commentaries if it helps.
6748103
Very much so, and I appreciate you pointing out typos. All fixed by the way.
I'm just working on someway of jump staring the Applejack/Dusk Shine episode without having to do a ton of exposition first.
6748288
No problem. The annoying part is, this is the sort of stuff I'm usually good at catching.
I getcha. Hm, how about Dusk just going over to see AJ and stuff, perhaps to test how she'd react to his new form? I'd imagine Big Mac apart from informing him about her little, problem, would also remind him that if he hurts AJ, well, it'll probably end poorly for Dusk, alicorn or not. I mean I don't see Big Mac as a violent guy, but, it's clear he's somewhat protective of AJ, the whole big brother thing, do you see what I'm trying to get at?
6747029
Good point. And not only Lyra, since Lemon Hearts works at the Canterlot Palace and may overhear something she's not supposed to.
Starlight turned out to be powerful enough to mess with a Caridoon gate in some form. She's also reckless and short-sighted enough not to consider the ultimate outcome of her actions. She might also have a warped enough view on life that she sees Twilight Sparkle as deserving the punishment of being trapped in Caridoon. That is, if she can decipher Caridoon's purpose; as far as ponies are concerned, the place where evil creatures are banished to is Tartarus. For all Starlight may know, it's just a faraway place connected to Equestria via portals.
I wonder if she'd be foolish enough to cross over and eat some of the food there before hatching her plan.
Moondancer having ties to the Stallionists is an interesting idea. She was so asocial before Twilight visited her again, what would she do if uncovered some hints of a conspiracy? Would Moondance ask anypony for assistance, or would she be too distrusting? And what if the whole thing indeed stretches all the way to her immediate family? A lot of that would depend on their relationship. If her old man happens to think his daughter is a shut-in recluse and a failure, well, she'd probably going to be very angry while he might hold a perverse belief that being 'available' will 'do her some good'.
I like the pacing of this, for the most part. Slow enough to really get into the heads of each of the characters and their scenarios, but not so slow as to bore.
Still a fan of the story, and the series as a whole, but dude? Get yourself a proofreader.
8785258I have several people who are helping me out with Mysterious Society.
But I'm a bit dyslexic and no matter how often a check my own work I can't seem to see a lot of errors.