Asura has fought waves and waves of impossible foes and now he is at the end of his journey at least, that is what he thinks. He is soon found to be in a new land. That has lost it's harmonious nature, and only he can stand against his new foes.
Page generated in 0.259 seconds
Total duration
900 users online
605,813 hits today, 2,139,894 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
way to short, one thing that makes it bad later probably is, if you make the chapters that short, with all of the chapters, you have probably enough words for one good chapter.
I don´t want to be mean, but i think i should tell you that you have less words than it seems to be normal on this side.
Try 1500 - 2000 words for every chapter.
This looks like a short prologue, right now i woud expect a
_____________________________________________________
and afterwards, there would already come the first scene, where we see how he experienced his first moments in Equestria.
Just something that could fill this chapter more.
Even if i should not sound like that, i try to help as much as i can with what i am able to tell you.
Is this a real thing? I am not sure if i really can image it.
Okay, this is a bit rushed, probably....i mean it could happen like that, but it is a bit to short, and that makes everything look a bit off.
Maybe you should take those three chapters, and try to connect it to one big chapter, and maybe you can change a little bit here, and add another sentence there, maybe about his emotional state, i remember this is something important for him? I mean because he somehow needs to be angry, to get suddenly stronger.
I don´t give a thump up right now, because you seems to be new to this, but i won´t give you a thumb down either, i give you a real chance, i mean i wait, try to help you a bit, if i think i notice something, and you can try to get an editor/proofreader in the meantime.
6144996
Thank you for suggesting ways to improve my first fanfiction. For the thing I was talking about with him launching into the air by punching the ground, I was talking about this:
at around 0:50
6177174 aahhh okay, but it still look a bit weird, even if i know it works.
Well i think this is getting better, at least i didn´t noticed something the first time, i think i try to read a second time later.
The only thing that i can say for now is, that for me 2.000 words, are more or less the minimum, for a fanfiction to well feel more satisfying.
If you want to make it more interessting, i suppose enemys like Tirek should exist in this story, which are probably the only ones, that could fight against the OP Asura.
What i am saying next, is just a random thought, it has not really anything to do with this story.
Not sure if i am right with this, but maybe you should try different tags too, Crossover is seen as one of the difficult things the authors can choose, at least that is what i heard. Should it be that this story doesn´t get as much likes as you thought (it is your training fanfiction anyway...sort of), you could probably still try different tags.
For now i just think you should try to make it still a bit longer, the chapters i mean, and maybe that make it look already better.
don´t tell that Twilight
I think this chapter was your best till now, still shorter than what i am used to have, but the fight was somehow interessting, and i liked how you ended the chapter.
Not sure about his powers anymore, but you probably should not use his biggest powers to soon.
Somehow i am now interessted in a Asura X Celestia Romance/ Adventure, and...... story.
celestia being strong enough to even slow down Asura, kek
I would like to have a new chapter please.
6144996
He does this multiple times in the game and while I'm not sure if you noticed it but he's not in his base form. Asura is in his damaged Destructor form from the end of the game so he's far more powerful than base
please continue this work of art called a story.