Everyone has their awkward moments in their life. They just happen; there's really nothing to it. One day, a 16 year old, Anti-social p0ne named Sunaroo goes takes a camping trip into the Everfree forest with his parents, and unexpectedly, his mom's friend as well as her two fillys. Sunaroo is forced to break out of his shell and loosen up a bit; something that he hopes he will never have to do. But when he meets a mare named Scarlett, that all changes. Sunaroo realizes enough is enough, and that although change isn't something he's familiar with, he knows he will have to comply. Will Sunaroo get by, or will he have a nervous breakdown? Will Scarlett accept him for who he is?
Chapters (1)
I'm unsure what any of this has to do with the MLP world. You've just taken a bunch of humans, made them ponies, and left the names as all human ones. None of these qualify as pony names,
Also, if they brought bags with them, and the friend/cousin brought supplies on the train, why are they going into town for more supplies?
The train doesn't have headlights. It's just been used to replace a car.
"Two fillys" does NOT equal Johnathan and Scarlett.
And why is there a Cabin in the Everfree with a television inside of it?
This is just a short story that's been ponified and placed here for us to trip over.
Other than that, while it's not *remarkably* well-written (with errors like "I" not being capitalized and assorted small things) and nothing actually happens of any interest, you're further ahead than many other people. You just need a better story and a little innovation.
Please, accept this Pete Townshend beating, with my compliments.
i1180.photobucket.com/albums/x403/stop-the-fading/PeteTownsendBeating.gif