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Illuminate.

Sapphire has been running her whole life, with only one thought constantly driving her.

Can I save them?

A call for help.

A single breath

A dying scream.

What did you do?

Chapters (4)

Prolouge · 5th Jun 2015 · 86 words
86
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A Call For Help. · 6th Jun 2015 · 227 words
227
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Amethyst · 6th Jun 2015 · 450 words
450
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Dusk · 6th Jun 2015 · 476 words
476
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Comments ( 3 )

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Sdrawkcabsitxetsiht

Sdrawkcabsitxetsiht #1 · Jun 16th, 2015 · · · Dusk ·

You need to develop your characters a lot more. Even if you have to give a little exposition, make sure we can understand them.
This is pretty much how I felt reading about your characters:

Also, all of your chapters combined don't even reach the minimal length for one chapter. It'd be better to condense them into one chapter. Your story isn't horrible, but it's undeniably flawed. I can see what you're going for, but at least give names to all of the characters.

Comment posted by CinnamonBun deleted Jun 16th, 2015

CinnamonBun

CinnamonBun #3 · Jun 19th, 2015 · · · Dusk ·

6099404
Yes, I do realize I'm not the most experienced story writer. And I know the extent of character development, but I'm trying to keep a sense of "mystery" in my story. a little exposition will be coming in later in the story when the "mystery" has gone. For now, unfortunately for the sake of the story my characters may seem quite undeveloped to some people. Thank you for taking your time to read however, and I appreciate the feed back!