Illuminate.

by CinnamonBun

Dusk

The filly wandered deep into the cave, immediately regretting this action from the force of the cold. Water dripped aimlessly to the stone ground. Amethyst sat and watch the droplets run down the spikes of the cave, quavering before falling and landing with a drip on the ground.

Amethyst thought back upon Sombra's doing. His red, bloodshot eyes flashed in her mind. His freakish smile as he looked down upon the foal. The sober look as he whispered unmercifully "kill her".

Then she remembered running. She remembered panic. She remembered pain. She-

"Ouch!" Cried Amethyst holding a hoof to her head, her heartbeat slowing and he mind quickening. "Where did that pain come from?" she thought aloud.

"Amethyst?" She heard a familiar mare call worriedly down the caves caverns.

Amethyst stood up and trotted further into the cold, dark cave. Her mind wondering again.
She thought of what it was like before Sombra lost it. As she galloped on she closed her eyes in an attempt to recollect these memories.

---

"Thyst!" called an annoyed stallion now losing his patience with her sisters tom foolery. What was holding her up?

"Coming!" replied a squeaky, hyper voice.

Now appearing the owner of the voice was "Thyst" a lovingly given nickname short for Amethyst.

"There you are". said a tall dark looking stallion, his face solemn and hard.

Amethyst reduced her confidence with this stallion, with drawing from his gaze.

"Mother wants you". He said coolly, trotting away from Amethyst with a look of what could be called, "grumpiness" on his face.

The fillies attitude brightened, a smile re-appearing lightning up the mares face.

"Yea, whatever". The stallion grunted under his breath now trotting into the distance, of the long endless hallway.

Amethyst skipped to the thrown room merrily. Now appearing at the large, golden oak colored door, leading to the thrown room. Amethyst gently knocked (3 times not 4, she recounted in her head) and waited patiently for someone to answer.

---

"Amethyst?"

Amethyst pulled herself back to reality. She was freezing. She called wearily back, "yes?" whilst getting herself from the floor and dusting off.

"Omigosh Amethyst! Don't you know not to run into an un-explored, dark cave with no one with you?" The young filly from earlier recounted.

"Sorry". Said Amethyst sarcastically, "Never really thought about it before, hence the fact I've never been in such a situation. I'll take a closer look at your suggestion next time".

The filly gave her a puzzled look. "I like you. You're funny". The filly chuckled vibrantly.
Holding out a brown, hoof the filly smiled and continued "I'm Scarlett Dusk".

Author's Note:

This is an incredibly short chapter.. Sorry

Comments

[Sdrawkcabsitxetsiht]

You need to develop your characters a lot more. Even if you have to give a little exposition, make sure we can understand them.
This is pretty much how I felt reading about your characters:

Also, all of your chapters combined don't even reach the minimal length for one chapter. It'd be better to condense them into one chapter. Your story isn't horrible, but it's undeniably flawed. I can see what you're going for, but at least give names to all of the characters.

[CinnamonBun]

6099404
Yes, I do realize I'm not the most experienced story writer. And I know the extent of character development, but I'm trying to keep a sense of "mystery" in my story. a little exposition will be coming in later in the story when the "mystery" has gone. For now, unfortunately for the sake of the story my characters may seem quite undeveloped to some people. Thank you for taking your time to read however, and I appreciate the feed back!