In a town filled with broken, hopeless ponies, far from the magical land of Equestria, two ponies follow their dream of making a better world. I invite you to see where that dream leads them, and what is born of their works.
Chapters (2)
Tsujin Rilauco
Joined 24th Mar, 2012 ·
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I usually don't bother nitpicking on minor spelling mistakes, but since you asked....
amathyst = amethyst
vien = vein
citiens = citizens
expidition = expedition
My grammar's nowhere near perfect, so unless there's some glaring primary school-grade error, I usually won't pick it up.
But this is a very interesting start! I'm intrigued to see where you'll go next -- there's a lot of different ways you can go here. You've got a town in which it's rare for a pony to get their cutie mark at all, something which is a large part of how you define the ponies of Equestria. Then you've also got the argyria, a condition you've mentioned is "disfiguring", but not to what extent...
I shall be keeping my eye on this.
607577 Thanks for pointing those out. I don't have an editor or pre-reader and I REALLY dislike 'I know how to spell the word but goofed anyway' mistakes like those.
I did briefly describe argyria, it only causes a slight discoloration of the skin, eyes, and fur. Doesn't seem like a big deal, but neither does a stampede of bunnies.
608400
There's plenty of people around here who would be happy to pre-read for you, if it really bothers you. There are entire groups set up to help find people pre-readers and editors.
Well, yes, you did say that. I suppose when someone says "disfiguring", I start thinking that the coat discolouration would only be the start of it. Maybe it's my own association with the word, but it just conjures up the picture of something far more physically crippling than an aesthetic change. If the colour-change is all that happens, it would be like calling someone accidentally bleaching their hair "disfigured". Which I suppose someone might if their hair was very precious to them...