Rarity just looked at me like I was an complete and utter idiot. "To the room so you can rut my brains out of course." "Wait, what?" I said, surprised at both her urgency and her forward phrasing in front of a princess... friend or not.
Wow, Id have to dig Really deep in my archives to find the math and calculations on that stuff.
Blame University and Pole Position.
Just wait till Twilight gets the intercrania beat acoustic injector option, and so can have the information beamed directly into her brain as a pseudoholodeck, insted of having to bother with intervening optomechanical interactions with the eyes. All that information, all those dynamic books, All the time.
Its a wonder she hasnt dragged Wingman off somewhere for some relief. Looks like Rarity might want to though?
Would actually be fun to see Harry spend some more time with Twilight. Not necessarily as one of his *appointments*, some idle talk or whatever would totally do. They seem to have a lot of common ground.
Though I doubt that Twi would schedule an appointment with him, it would be interesting to witness. Especially when instead of anything romantic they'd just talk about smart things till morning. :D
P.S. Please make that happen. P.P.S. I'm not saying it mustn't be romantic. Or more. P.P.P.S. Still, please make it happen. :D It'd probably be just one extra chapter. ^^
“Sorry about that. My Notice-Me-Not spell has a limited safe range
Imma call it the Perception Filter spell
Potential new client in Twilight? That'd be sure to cause an uproar. She requests him anonymously or something, she uses her Perception Filter spell on their date, but someone finds out somehow and then drama happens.
I can't help but feel like there's some sort of spark here that the original had and this story simply doesn't have, which I realize is a vague statement but I'll admit I'm having a difficult time sorting out what I mean by it as well.
This story is supposed to be what, six chapters long? With this being the fourth chapter, that means the story is pretty close to being finished, and I can't help but imagine that the bulk of the next chapter is going to be made up (and out of) Rarity and Harry banging, which, at risk of sounding sacrilegious, I'm not really sure I'm all that interested in. Don't get me wrong, I'm not disinterested in the clop, but what drew me in, with the original, was the worldbuilding and the characters. And I can feel you trying to do this, but at the same time, for whatever reason, it's just not working for me.
I think part of the problem why, as I suggested on the last chapter, is the super short length of the chapters being posted. In many ways, they're not so much chapters as they are individual scenes or act in a greater whole. Its worth noting, maybe, that this is your longest chapter yet in this story, and its still shorter than any chapter in Gentlemen for Mares (except the last, but with so much build up over the whole story, it didn't need to be long). This isn't some sort of obtuse argument where longer chapters are necessarily better, rather, it feels like you could take these last three chapters and put them into a single chapter. It doesn't help that these scenes don't seem to do all that much either--in Chapter 2, Harry picks Rarity up, in chapter 3 they have lunch, and in chapter 4 Harry nerds out with Twilight who proceeds to out nerd him and exposition for a good chunk.
Perhaps it wouldn't be as frustrating if these individual parts were explored in some depth; the fact that Rainbow and Harry don't see eye to eye--but AJ is coming around, and the fact that Rarity has a somewhat different relationship with Harry than we're used to with his prior clients, is interesting! Twilight and Harry meeting for the first time is also interesting! They also barely start to develop before we move on. Perhaps more irritating is that nothing that happened in the first chapter (or, indeed, the short description) has been touched on since.
I notice in the first chapter's comments that you say that this is much more of an intersequel, which probably explains a fair bit, but perhaps it didn't really warrant it's own story.
I happen to enjoy Harry's amateur thaumatologist skills quite a bit. It explains magic in simple terms but it's still on a deep level.
Now I wish Ever Ring wasn't around. He and Twilight would make a really cute item! No more sexual G4M work if that was the case, though. Acceptable in-universe or not, I'd still feel mighty rankled if he were to sleep with others while dating her. But as always, that's me speaking.
I chuckled. “No, I’m serious. You’re smart, beautiful—I mean, I’ve only been around you for a few minutes, and I think you’re someone fun to be with.” After a moment, I added, “And have an awesome hairdo.”
None can resist the adorkable Twilight.
Before I could say anymore, Rarity interrupted me with a breathless, “Let’s go.”
I blinked. “What?” I asked, rather stupidly.
“Let’s go,” Rarity repeated, less breathless but still flustered.
I have to disagree with some of the comments. The world building and characterization is awesome (granted I haven't read 5 stars, so they're are a lot of things new to me in this fic). But I would be extremely disappointed if this is really only a few more chapters. You tease some conflicts, and I'd like to see how they get resolved.
Odd you should say that about the length, because most of the word count in the chapters of GFM were basically clop. You are right that these chapters are basically scenes, but I felt they were better in a way that actually held the story together. I can argue that GFM was a series of one shots that were independent enough to warrant stand alone stories, only put in chapters loosely connected together. There was a definite change in that when I began to build an arc going towards the end, but the rest?
As for world-building, this story doesn't need a lot because I already put the foundation in the previous story. I'm just building up on it with this short story, and ensuring that this is one arc cut to six pieces. I felt it much better than my previous attempt, and it allowed me to basically be consistent on updates.
As for next chapter, yes, it's clop, but I'm hoping my evolution on that regard will show. You can always skip the middle part when I update next week
People tend to forget that these are Equestrian ponies, not humans. Different social and cultural aspects and everything. But yeah, if any of the ponies had very human-like culture, they wouldn't find it acceptable. <.< But then again, there would be no story.
Well, it's a very basic explanation, mostly to tie in how the tablet worked with Tellurians. If Harry was more knowledgeable, Twilight would have been talking about the measure of willpower as magical energy, theory of Tellus acquiescing to that energy to accommodate what the caster wants, and how the world basically reverts back once the energy has run it's course. XD
Unfortunately, this is a short story. Mostly because I missed writing Harry again. And also because I'm introducing a few plot elements which will be part of the proper sequel. I'm glad you're enjoying it.
6066455 Yeah, about that, I most certainly didn't forget that we're talking Equestrian societal habits. I'm saying that no matter if it's acceptable in-universe, I Jack Kellar the reader would personally be rankled about it.
Mane 6 in herds isn't something I care for at all. Hell, the herd bullshit with Dash and Twilight in Xenophilia was enough to halve my interest in that story, and I've read absolutely nothing of that 'verse after the first fic was finished.
But again, that's me personally speaking, and nobody is obligated to agree with the way I see these things.
I always read Xeno/GFM series keeping in mind that the ponies depicted in them are basically aliens with their own cultures and social ideals. While I can understand your position of "I don't like the mane six in herds.", it's kinda robbing a bit of what makes the settings unique and interesting. For ponies, herds are by and large normal and expected. Seeing how ponies act differently than humans in context of that is what, for me, is what made the stories stories so interesting- it turns a lot of human relationship ideas on their head and makes the stories often be very unexpected and fresh.
6067049 I'm thankful that you respect my position as much as you may disagree with it.
Fun fact: total herd aversion for me is only reserved for canon ponies. OC's like Five Stars being in herds, for example, I don't mind, though I certainly skip the hell out of the orgy clop in them. Make of that what you will...
I do believe for a concrete-solid fact that herds of friends (as in purely platonic and non-sexual ones) can fit any canon in the fandom, and these herds can easily draw in members of other species even if they're not Equestrian - or, in this verse's nomenclature, not Tellurian.
I'm surprised that I actually heard a two best sisters reference in here, and I'm surprised that Twilight has never met a guy with similar interests before, it kinda sucks, I mean there are plenty of guys like that if she lets them or if they have the courage. ^^;
6238184 Are you kidding me? Simply the opportunity to have humans working extensively with mind reading tech is enough. Though it only reads Equestrian minds, this would allow for an entirely new branch of technology, far surpassing anything either side could produce on their own. For example, with some of these crystals and the team that helped to make these tablets, humans could make a device that could discern an Equestrian's intentions. A mind reading device to tell whether a pony, or griphon, or anything/one else from "Tellus" (I'm still not really keen on the use of a name for our planet as a name for the Equestrian home world. Equis just seems more natural for them IMO. And, I've always preferred Tellus over Terra). And at a distance too. Simply hooking said intention reading device up through a crystal lined array in the flooring on which the dignitary stood would be close enough proximity to do so without their knowledge. The governments of Earth would pay any price you wanted if you could produce a technology to literally read the intentions of a foreign Equestrian dignitary!
Just wait till Twilight gets the intercrania beat acoustic injector option, and so can have the information beamed directly into her brain as a pseudoholodeck, insted of having to bother with intervening optomechanical interactions with the eyes. All that information, all those dynamic books, All the time.
I had to read that twice to completely understand it, but holy fuck, that sounds amazing.
I find it interesting that Twilight, as one of the co-princesses and a close friend of Cadance, apparently doesn't know of the latter's role in GfM. It makes me wonder just who *does* know. Obviously Shiny. And probably Celestia, because it's Celestia. And also probably Pinkie, because it's Pinkie.
Pff subtle, Rarity.
I'm gaga for this series already I love the gentleman verse
I'm listening to smooth jazz now.
I'm blaming you for this.
Rarity just looked at me like I was an complete and utter idiot. "To the room so you can rut my brains out of course."
"Wait, what?" I said, surprised at both her urgency and her forward phrasing in front of a princess... friend or not.
Wideband pseudoeleectromagnetic interacting crystaline logic?
Wow, Id have to dig Really deep in my archives to find the math and calculations on that stuff.
Blame University and Pole Position.
Just wait till Twilight gets the intercrania beat acoustic injector option, and so can have the information beamed directly into her brain as a pseudoholodeck, insted of having to bother with intervening optomechanical interactions with the eyes. All that information, all those dynamic books, All the time.
Its a wonder she hasnt dragged Wingman off somewhere for some relief. Looks like Rarity might want to though?
Would actually be fun to see Harry spend some more time with Twilight. Not necessarily as one of his *appointments*, some idle talk or whatever would totally do. They seem to have a lot of common ground.
Though I doubt that Twi would schedule an appointment with him, it would be interesting to witness. Especially when instead of anything romantic they'd just talk about smart things till morning. :D
P.S. Please make that happen.
P.P.S. I'm not saying it mustn't be romantic. Or more.
P.P.P.S. Still, please make it happen. :D It'd probably be just one extra chapter. ^^
Imma call it the Perception Filter spell
Potential new client in Twilight? That'd be sure to cause an uproar. She requests him anonymously or something, she uses her Perception Filter spell on their date, but someone finds out somehow and then drama happens.
I can't help but feel like there's some sort of spark here that the original had and this story simply doesn't have, which I realize is a vague statement but I'll admit I'm having a difficult time sorting out what I mean by it as well.
This story is supposed to be what, six chapters long? With this being the fourth chapter, that means the story is pretty close to being finished, and I can't help but imagine that the bulk of the next chapter is going to be made up (and out of) Rarity and Harry banging, which, at risk of sounding sacrilegious, I'm not really sure I'm all that interested in. Don't get me wrong, I'm not disinterested in the clop, but what drew me in, with the original, was the worldbuilding and the characters. And I can feel you trying to do this, but at the same time, for whatever reason, it's just not working for me.
I think part of the problem why, as I suggested on the last chapter, is the super short length of the chapters being posted. In many ways, they're not so much chapters as they are individual scenes or act in a greater whole. Its worth noting, maybe, that this is your longest chapter yet in this story, and its still shorter than any chapter in Gentlemen for Mares (except the last, but with so much build up over the whole story, it didn't need to be long). This isn't some sort of obtuse argument where longer chapters are necessarily better, rather, it feels like you could take these last three chapters and put them into a single chapter. It doesn't help that these scenes don't seem to do all that much either--in Chapter 2, Harry picks Rarity up, in chapter 3 they have lunch, and in chapter 4 Harry nerds out with Twilight who proceeds to out nerd him and exposition for a good chunk.
Perhaps it wouldn't be as frustrating if these individual parts were explored in some depth; the fact that Rainbow and Harry don't see eye to eye--but AJ is coming around, and the fact that Rarity has a somewhat different relationship with Harry than we're used to with his prior clients, is interesting! Twilight and Harry meeting for the first time is also interesting! They also barely start to develop before we move on. Perhaps more irritating is that nothing that happened in the first chapter (or, indeed, the short description) has been touched on since.
I notice in the first chapter's comments that you say that this is much more of an intersequel, which probably explains a fair bit, but perhaps it didn't really warrant it's own story.
I happen to enjoy Harry's amateur thaumatologist skills quite a bit. It explains magic in simple terms but it's still on a deep level.
Now I wish Ever Ring wasn't around. He and Twilight would make a really cute item! No more sexual G4M work if that was the case, though. Acceptable in-universe or not, I'd still feel mighty rankled if he were to sleep with others while dating her.
But as always, that's me speaking.
Geez Rarity, calm down now.
Sexy times ahead
Wait, you mean ponies get the mythical, "Do what I want, not what I say," function, while we're stuck with the same old keyboards? That's not fair
A good read as always
Wingman needs more friends.
The way you describe Eve's voice along with jazz is now causing me to imagine her sounding and singing like Jessica Rabbit... it's a nice imagine.
Awesome chapter. But nooooooo sooooooo shooooooort...
Oh, and Twilight/Rarity/Wingman 3some ftw
"type of genre of music"
Isn't that saying the same thing twice over?
go to 2:37
Remember she's not good at sharing affection, she might be a touch jealous of Twi... Or she spotted a problem pony.
Also I'm considering my suspicions that Cadence is boss pony confirmed.
Danm... I love Twilight in this story so much. I'm sure she's fallen in love with our books.
Here's one that hopes she hires a gentleman sometime... preferably Harry. I bet, Twilight gets lonely.
Maybe... Rarity would recommend Harry to Twilight if she's looking for a nice human? XD
SCIENCE!!!
None can resist the adorkable Twilight.
Ohboyohboyohboy. Fun times ahead.
I have to disagree with some of the comments. The world building and characterization is awesome (granted I haven't read 5 stars, so they're are a lot of things new to me in this fic). But I would be extremely disappointed if this is really only a few more chapters. You tease some conflicts, and I'd like to see how they get resolved.
Commence read.
Fancy crystals. So very fancy.
Plus some Twilight bonding.
The ship is already full, with rarity and eve onboard... but i guess the u.s.s wingman can still accomodate another passenger
6059735
The mare wants what the mare wants.
6060229
Twilight's interest in Wingman is purely academic. As it's proper, as it's their first meet. XD
6060354
That was actually my aim for this chapter... to have the two talk it out. They are both geeks.
6060631
No plans yet, but the sequel is still open to ideas. We'll see.
6060747
Odd you should say that about the length, because most of the word count in the chapters of GFM were basically clop. You are right that these chapters are basically scenes, but I felt they were better in a way that actually held the story together. I can argue that GFM was a series of one shots that were independent enough to warrant stand alone stories, only put in chapters loosely connected together. There was a definite change in that when I began to build an arc going towards the end, but the rest?
As for world-building, this story doesn't need a lot because I already put the foundation in the previous story. I'm just building up on it with this short story, and ensuring that this is one arc cut to six pieces. I felt it much better than my previous attempt, and it allowed me to basically be consistent on updates.
As for next chapter, yes, it's clop, but I'm hoping my evolution on that regard will show. You can always skip the middle part when I update next week
6060860
People tend to forget that these are Equestrian ponies, not humans. Different social and cultural aspects and everything. But yeah, if any of the ponies had very human-like culture, they wouldn't find it acceptable. <.< But then again, there would be no story.
6061180
Life isn't fair. XD
6061665
Well, I'll agree. Quantity does have a quality on it's own.
6061868
Finally! Someone pointed it out!
6061949
Well, it's a very basic explanation, mostly to tie in how the tablet worked with Tellurians. If Harry was more knowledgeable, Twilight would have been talking about the measure of willpower as magical energy, theory of Tellus acquiescing to that energy to accommodate what the caster wants, and how the world basically reverts back once the energy has run it's course. XD
6061958
Yes it is. I'll work on that.
6062028
Yup, that's where I got it.
6062179
Well... good guesses. As for Cadance... no comment.
6062320
To be a Princess is to be lonely. >.> Unless she enacts droit du seigneur, like how the Princesses may or may not have done in Iron Colt.
6062382
MAGIC! XD
6062516
Unfortunately, this is a short story. Mostly because I missed writing Harry again. And also because I'm introducing a few plot elements which will be part of the proper sequel. I'm glad you're enjoying it.
6064253
I felt I needed to write her more. Maybe I'm falling into the trap of writing with Mane Six characters. XD
6065790
Well, there's also Spitfire and Trixie. XD
6066455 Yeah, about that, I most certainly didn't forget that we're talking Equestrian societal habits. I'm saying that no matter if it's acceptable in-universe, I Jack Kellar the reader would personally be rankled about it.
Mane 6 in herds isn't something I care for at all. Hell, the herd bullshit with Dash and Twilight in Xenophilia was enough to halve my interest in that story, and I've read absolutely nothing of that 'verse after the first fic was finished.
But again, that's me personally speaking, and nobody is obligated to agree with the way I see these things.
6066495
Tis a trap.
Now to see how much of it calls to you and gets written out.
Or shall you resist?
Aaaaaaaah ! At least a new chapter ! And I am NOT disapointed ! Far from it !
Good job dear Laharl !
6066416
Still, need moar. :D ...please? :3
6066535
I always read Xeno/GFM series keeping in mind that the ponies depicted in them are basically aliens with their own cultures and social ideals. While I can understand your position of "I don't like the mane six in herds.", it's kinda robbing a bit of what makes the settings unique and interesting. For ponies, herds are by and large normal and expected. Seeing how ponies act differently than humans in context of that is what, for me, is what made the stories stories so interesting- it turns a lot of human relationship ideas on their head and makes the stories often be very unexpected and fresh.
6067049 I'm thankful that you respect my position as much as you may disagree with it.
Fun fact: total herd aversion for me is only reserved for canon ponies. OC's like Five Stars being in herds, for example, I don't mind, though I certainly skip the hell out of the orgy clop in them. Make of that what you will...
I do believe for a concrete-solid fact that herds of friends (as in purely platonic and non-sexual ones) can fit any canon in the fandom, and these herds can easily draw in members of other species even if they're not Equestrian - or, in this verse's nomenclature, not Tellurian.
6066455
She's not bad. She's just drawn that way.
If we ever have Eve in a nightmare night related story we now know what her costume must be.
6066495
Well since you will be writing a sequel to this I am more than happy!
What?
Also Twilight looked like she wanted to join in the fun, or did I read that bad.
6076806
Tellurian are those born in that planet, named Tellus. That includes Griffins, Zebras, and other races there.
As for Twilight, I'll leave that to readers to interpret it.
I'm surprised that I actually heard a two best sisters reference in here, and I'm surprised that Twilight has never met a guy with similar interests before, it kinda sucks, I mean there are plenty of guys like that if she lets them or if they have the courage. ^^;
So... what the hell is Earth getting out of all of this? Are they getting research into how their magic works?
6238184
Are you kidding me?
Simply the opportunity to have humans working extensively with mind reading tech is enough.
Though it only reads Equestrian minds, this would allow for an entirely new branch of technology, far surpassing anything either side could produce on their own.
For example, with some of these crystals and the team that helped to make these tablets, humans could make a device that could discern an Equestrian's intentions. A mind reading device to tell whether a pony, or griphon, or anything/one else from "Tellus" (I'm still not really keen on the use of a name for our planet as a name for the Equestrian home world. Equis just seems more natural for them IMO. And, I've always preferred Tellus over Terra).
And at a distance too.
Simply hooking said intention reading device up through a crystal lined array in the flooring on which the dignitary stood would be close enough proximity to do so without their knowledge. The governments of Earth would pay any price you wanted if you could produce a technology to literally read the intentions of a foreign Equestrian dignitary!
6060229
I had to read that twice to completely understand it, but holy fuck, that sounds amazing.
6060631
So, does that mean Twilight's been poppin' some Mentats?
I find it interesting that Twilight, as one of the co-princesses and a close friend of Cadance, apparently doesn't know of the latter's role in GfM. It makes me wonder just who *does* know. Obviously Shiny. And probably Celestia, because it's Celestia. And also probably Pinkie, because it's Pinkie.
6315462
She is friends with Pinkie after all.