Rainbow dash has to escape from the Gala for young nobles!

by mimnim

The Gala

"Are you sure about this Rainbow?" whispered the yellow Pegasus.

"It'll be fine. I just need you to say 'here' during role-call when they call my name, it's easy," Rainbow Dash walked away towards the bathroom. She and Fluttershy were already at the gala, and the only possible escape was the bathroom window. Rainbow Dash quietly made her way to the bathroom.

"Hey Rainbow Dash!" called one of the colts, "You look like such a girl tonight!" .

Rainbow bit her lip, and kept her head down. Usually she would start a fight there and then, but right now she needed to go unnoticed. A fight would guaranty pony's looking for her all evening, either to tell her off for fighting, or to ask how she was doing.

She made her way to the bathroom, noticing a young lavender unicorn reading by the fireplace. She( the lavender unicorn) obviously was not interested in fashion either. But she looked like an egghead.

Rainbow Dash continued on her way. She reached the bathroom. She got into a cubical. Rainbow Dash had to wait before climbing out the window though. She had to make sure it was dark first. She started to think about how lucky she was to have a friend like Fluttershy. If she didn't she would be stuck in the gala.

The way a Fluttershy was.

All alone.

And Fluttershy was to shy to make friends. But she had stayed for Rainbow Dash. And Dash was abandoning her. What did that make her? 20% less cool at least.

Rainbow made up her mind. She would be loyal to her friend. Now and forever.

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The Gala hadn't been nearly so bad as usual, thought a happy Pegasus, who was going home. A slightly older colt named cheese sandwich had brightened everything up.

Rainbow sighed contentedly. It was great being loyal, Plus it mad you 20% cooler!

Comments

[Voiceguy]

A curse has been brought upon you.

You may expect it's climax by sundown.

[Via]

(NOTE: I mean no offence. I am only posting my opinion - You can ignore this comment all you want.)

The chapters are too short, the grammar, spelling, and capitalization all need work, and in the description you say Flutter-shy. It's Fluttershy. Not Flutter Shy, not Flutter-Shy, Fluttershy.

Also, you need to work on some of your punctuation. Now, I'll list all your grammar/spelling/punctuation mistakes.

FIRST CHAPTER

"I WON'T" shouted a blue filly with rainbow mane.

"I WONT!" Shouted a blue filly with a rainbow mane.
(Also, you could just use Rainbow Dash or Rainbow.)

an Idea

an idea
(Also, Flutter? That annoys me. Just a personal nitpick, but I personally think Flutters would work a lot better.)

fillys

fillies

The Yellow Pegasus jumped.

The yellow pegasus jumped.
(Also, I noticed you type "Rainbow dash" A. "dash" need's to be capitalized - "Dash", and you could just use Rainbow for ease of typing.)

"There is going to be a race tomorrow, every pony will be watching. And I can't fly well like you Dash,"

"There's going to be a race tomorrow, and everypony will be watching. And I can't fly well like you Dash,"

"I wish we could swap, a race would be way cooler than a boring old gala,"
"At least you can invite a friend, "
"I totally forgot!" the rainbow maned filly started to think.
"Got it!" Rainbow dash exclaimed, jumping into the air. Every pony in the garden stopped what they were doing, and looked at her. Fluttershy squeaked and jumped behind a bush.

"I wish we could swap, a race would be WAY cooler then a boring old gala..."
"Atleast you can invite a friend..."
"I totally forgot!" The rainbow maned filly started to think.
"Got it!" Rainbow Dash (No need to use dash btw) exclaimed, jumping into the air. Every pony in the garden stopped what they were doing, and looked at her. Fluttershy squeaked and jumped behind a bush.

Rainbow-dash.

Rainbow Dash

good bye to Fluttershy

goodbye to Fluttershy

CHAPTER 2
Ok, now your capitalizing Dash?

"sorry dad,"

"Sorry dad..."

"Thanks mum,"-Rainbow Dash decided to use false flattery-"you look gorgeous today, and dad, your tie really makes you look stunning,"

"Thanks mum-," Rainbow Dash decided to use false flattery, "-you look gorgeous today, and dad, your tie really makes you look stunning."

Rainbow Daring, (rainbow dash's dad).

...

Just...no. You should have told us their names by now.

" That is because

"That's 'cause"
In the show, Dash doesn't speak all fancy like "That is why you should..." More like "That's why you should..."

to kind," but seeing Fluttershy's face Rainbow added; "But that's not bad thing, it's what makes you you,"

This is getting too much.
too kind." But seeing Fluttershy's face, Rainbow added: "But that's not a bad thing! It's what makes you you."

"I'll be fine as soon as he takes the mirror away"

away.
chapter 3

" .

guaranty

...
I'm going to need back up for this.
lcbo.com/content/dam/lcbo/products/000067.jpg/jcr:content/renditions/cq5dam.web.1280.1280.jpeg
WHEW! Ok, back to this.

guaranty

guarantee

noticing a young lavender unicorn reading by the fireplace. She( the lavender unicorn) obviously was not interested in fashion either. But she looked like an egghead.

Noticing a
(Also, you don't need the parentheses. We can tell.)

The way a Fluttershy was.
All alone.

....
farm8.staticflickr.com/7127/7483291714_88f20666dd_z.jpg

cheese sandwich had brightened everything up.

Cheese Sandwich had brightened everything up.

mad you 20% cooler!

Rainbow, u mad bro?
(This should be made.)

Again, I mean no offence, and the vodka and guns pictures are meant to be jokes. I mean no offence, I only mean to help improve your story. You probably just need an editor, and a brush up on some subjects.

--SYA, The Horse

[Voiceguy]

The curse has been lifted.