This is basically a retelling of the events of 'Twilight's Kingdom' (S4:E26) from Discord's point of view. It's rather short, as I wrote it on a whim, but I can extend it to the entirety of the episode(s) if you all really like it.
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- Member Since 10th Apr, 2015
- offline last seen Jun 14th, 2015
ravenlunatic
I am a young artist/writer living in the states. Visit my DA page (http://hyenart114.deviantart.com/) or come chat with me on Skype (tori creecy, the profile pic should be a purple dog).
ravenlunatic
Joined 10th Apr, 2015 ·
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I´m not a fan of downvoting. I simply don´t like doing it. When I read a story, it´s because it has caught my attention and it usually pays off. However, this wasn´t the case.
Your premise is seeing the events of Twilight´s Kingdom from Discord´s perspective. What I saw was just unaltered scenes of the episode and nothing new. I´m sorry, that isn´t quite what you promised. At all.
How would it be, if you actually did as you promised? Well...
First of all, since this is Discord´s perspective or POV, the story should have been written in first person to make it be closer to the character.
Second: Don´t just represent the same dialogue word by word and every action as it took place. No. You need to innovate. Go deeper into Discord´s physique, how he questions what he is doing, why he betrayed them in the first place, the realization of his mistake once Tirek turns on him. All those emotions are pure gold, a gold you didn´t bother to search.
You can do far better than this. I know you can. So, next time, try harder. Next time it´ll be better, I assure you.
5850050
I disagree with this part. It isn't necessary to write in first person to be closer to a character -- I've found that in particular I can get into much more depth as to what Discord is thinking and feeling when I'm in third person, simply because he doesn't want to admit to everything. In first person, Discord is likely to toss out a joke that implies his mental state without actually going into it in any detail because he finds it embarrassing to admit to too much emotion. In third person I can actually describe his emotions accurately while they're happening because his ego isn't getting in the way of explaining them.
The rest of what you say is entirely accurate, though. This story offers us very, very little of either Discord's thoughts and feelings, or of events that we did not see (such as "What was happening to the Mane 5, Spike and Discord while Tirek was fighting Twilight?" Last we saw Tirek had just walked off with the ponies and dragon in a cage and Discord sprawled on the ground; next thing we know they're all in bubbles. This is a prime example of what a story can show us that the episode didn't.)
I'm not going to give the story a downvote, but i won't upvote it either, because it's weak. Having written a story with the exact same premise -- Twilight's Kingdom from Discord's point of view -- I was really looking forward to seeing what a different author would do with the material, and instead it's almost nothing more than the show itself gave me.
5850440
5850050
Thank you both for critiquing my writing; you're right, we don't really see much of Discord's actual thoughts. I'll try to rewrite this so that it matches its description.
5850440
I must say, I read your fanfic a long time ago, and I loved it. That is one of the reasons for which I came here, expecting to see the same as you. I just wanted to tell you. And about what you´ve said... I believe you are right.
Depending on the character, it´s hard to choose between first and third person, and I must agree with you that Discord is better for the third person. So, I apologize to the author for my mistake. However, the first person works perfectly on other characters who are a little more... quiet. Those whose words are so little that you really need to deepen on their mind in order to know more about them. Then again, it also depends on the context of the story. A POV is hard to define. I in particular like both styles, but when it is in first person I feel like it is more personal. We are traveling along the character, discover the world around him or her at the same time. That is a powerful way of transmitting emotions. But yes, a third person is richer for a wider cast or just hard characters.
Um... I have the feeling that I´ve been rambling repeating myself all over. Oh well!
5850532 That´s the spirit! I am grateful to see a mature response to a critic I myself consider harsh.
5852011
I do very much dislike it when i critique someone's work and they get angry at me for trying to help them.