Not A Friend

by ravenlunatic

Not A Friend

“I’ll bet he takes his sweet time!” the blue filly said. She always was such a bother.

“Or perhaps these things just take time.” he’d chimed in, evidently startling them. Fluttershy ran to hug him. As she embraced him, a twinge of guilt tugged at his gut.

“You’re back! Did you bring the cucumber sandwiches?” she asked.

“I did!” he said cheerily. “I imagine it will be your last decent meal for some time.” Discord’s friendly facade dropped as the plate slowly slipped out of his paws, his voice becoming deep and foreboding. A cage suddenly formed around the ponies, who let out incredulous shouts of rage and confusion. Tirek stepped out of the shadows. How ironic, he thought, given the cage they've kept me in since my 'reformation'. “Ta-da!” Discord announced, like a magician showing off a new trick.

“You’ve gathered up all of them?” Tirek asked, peering into the cage.

What, does he think I missed a pony? He scoffed inwardly. Though it may have been surprising to some, he could actually put effort int things when he wanted to.

“And her little dragon too!” he added, laughing as bent down to tease the hatchling. He quickly withdrew as Spike tried to bite his finger.

When did he get so plucky?

“Why are you doing this? I thought we were friends!” The look on Fluttershy’s face stirred up an unfamiliar feeling in him. Remorse, maybe? Impossible. He hadn’t felt that in years--except for that time he turned Sweet Apple Acres into an ice-skating rink, and then that one time when he’d pulled Angel’s tail---No! He wasn’t sorry. He couldn’t be.

“Oh, we were, but Tirek offered me so much more than just tea parties.” Discord spread his arms in a sort of shrug. “Surely you saw this coming?”

“I didn’t, I really didn’t!” she replied tearfully. The pegasus turned away and buried her head in Applejack’s mane.

There it was again, that feeling.

Discord had to look away as Tirek used his magic to lift the cage off of the ground and drain the ponies of their power, their pained cries falling on deaf ears. If he was honest with himself, he couldn't bear to watch it. These were the ponies he had spent a year teasing, poking, and prodding, and they were the closest thing to friends he'd ever had.

No, his mind insisted. Not friends. Enemies! Jailers!

The centaur’s body grew, the chains on his arms snapping off as the muscles shifted and bulged under his skin.

“You really think she’d do anything for them?” Tirek said doubtfully.

Discord reassumed his smug stance, his tone assuring. “If Twilight has magic to give, it will be yours. Soon there won’t be a pegasus, earth pony, or unicorn who will be able to stand up against us.”

“Us?” Tirek echoed, incredulous. Discord’s eyes snapped open.“Who said anything about us?”

Uh-oh.

“You did.” Discord managed to get out, before Tirek lifted him into the air, drowning the draconeques out with his booming voice.

“You helped me grow strong. You’ve provided the means by which I can obtain Princess Twilight’s magic---and now you are no longer of any use to me.” Discord’s eyes grew wide as he realized the depth of his mistake, glancing over to the trapped ponies regretfully.Pain wracked his body as Tirek stole his power, his face contorting in an expression of agony. The eons-old magic manifested itself in a sick purple and green energy which burst out of his mouth, flowing into the centaur’s open maw. Discord fell to the ground limply, clutching at the medallion.

“But you said---this was a sign of your gratitude and loyalty. A gift from someone close to you.” His voice was pleading, pathetic. This was his trick; he was supposed to be the one walking away. A part of him simply refused to process what was happening, wishing that it was all just some big joke.

But Tirek doesn't have a sense of humor, the little voice in his head reminded him. This isn't a joke, Discord.

“My brother who betrayed me,” Tirek grunted, turning his face back to the crestfallen draconeques. “It is as worthless as he is.” He stomped away. Discord wanted to run after him, to beg him to come back, not to leave him alone with the cold stares of the ponies on his back. He might have done it, too, if not for the fact that he could barely move; his ego was too crushed to even consider feeling affronted with the idea.

“Surely you saw this coming.” Applejack remarked. Her tone sounded cruel, colder than he'd ever heard it.

Discord could only stare helplessly at the now meaningless medallion, grasping it tightly in his fist. “I didn’t.” he said, his voice weak. “I really didn’t.”

Who could have foreseen such betrayal?

---

i will re-do the rest tomorrow
“It appears we are at an impassé. How about a trade, Princess Twilight?" Tirek’s voice sounded in his head.

He could hear Twilight gasp as the Elements flickered into existence, imprisoned in floating bubbles. They let out cries of distress upon seeing the purple alicorn.

“Their release for all the alicorn magic in Equestria.”

A moment of silence.

“What’s it going to be, Princess?” Tirek asked.

“We aren’t worth it!” Fluttershy shouted, pounding her hooves against the smooth, unbreakable surface of the bubble.

“Oh, but you are, Fluttershy.” he said quietly, his gaze shifting slowly to the yellow pegasus. “You're the pony that showed me friendship is magic. I had magic and friendship, and now I don't have either.” He hung his head in shame, burying his face in his paws.

“Enough!” Tirek bellowed impatiently, stamping his front hooves on the ground. “I want an answer, and I want it now!”

If he’d been watching, Discord might have seen the the light reflecting strangely off of the bubbles, the way Twilight’s eyes widened in the realization of some great epiphany. But all he heard were the words that seemed like a final sentence of defeat.

“I will give you my magic... in exchange for my friends.”

He heard the others gasp in shock and disbelief.

“As you wish.” Tirek smirked, snapping his fingers and letting the ponies fall to the ground.

Of course he wasn’t included---he wasn’t a real friend.

He didn’t look down, and he didn’t see Fluttershy’s eyes flick to her side, expecting to see him. He didn’t see her raise her head to look at him, a questioning look on her face.

“All of my friends.” he heard Twilight say.

“After the way he has betrayed you, you still call him a friend?” Tirek’s disbelieving tone reached Discord’s ears, causing him to wilt even more.

“Release him!” Twilight demanded.

Tirek scoffed. “If that’s what you want.” He snapped his fingers again, and, for the second time that day, Discord fell to the ground.

“Thank you, Twilight.” Discord said. “I’m sorry.” He said, turning to Fluttershy, who just turned her head away.

“I know.” she replied softly, still not able to meet his eyes. He couldn’t see her face, but he knew that she was crying.

“Your turn.” Tirek growled, stretching his massive jaws open and inhaling the violet magic. Twilight went limp, her body hitting the dust, eyes dull. Tirek’s already huge body expanded beyond all believable limits, growing as massive as the surrounding mountains. Fiery bolts of energy crackled around his body, and he raised his giant red arms towards the burning sky.
“YES!” he roared gutturally.

The ponies ran to Twilight, who was just getting back on her feet.

“Twilight, what were you thinking?” Spike asked worriedly.
Discord spoke, knowing that he might never get the chance again “Tirek tricked me into thinking he could offer me something more valuable than friendship. But there is nothing worth more. I see that now.” His voice grew bitter as he thought about his folly. “He lied when he said that this medallion was given as a sign of gratitude and loyalty. But when I say that it is a sign of our true friendship, I am telling the truth.” He slipped the necklace off of his slender neck and placed it onto Twilight’s, eyes downcast.

A shine ran across the golden surface, and the light came back to her eyes. Twilight lifted her head up, a determined look on her face.

“You think that might be the last one we need?” Applejack inquired.

The last one?

Discord had no idea what they were talking about---oh.

The chest, he thought. The bookmarks, the keys…

“We have to get to the chest!” Twilight said, her voice resolute. When they ran, he followed. He would not fail them again.

Author's Note:

do comment and tell me if you liked it!

Comments

[Unimpressive Chaos Lord]

I´m not a fan of downvoting. I simply don´t like doing it. When I read a story, it´s because it has caught my attention and it usually pays off. However, this wasn´t the case.
Your premise is seeing the events of Twilight´s Kingdom from Discord´s perspective. What I saw was just unaltered scenes of the episode and nothing new. I´m sorry, that isn´t quite what you promised. At all.

How would it be, if you actually did as you promised? Well...
First of all, since this is Discord´s perspective or POV, the story should have been written in first person to make it be closer to the character.
Second: Don´t just represent the same dialogue word by word and every action as it took place. No. You need to innovate. Go deeper into Discord´s physique, how he questions what he is doing, why he betrayed them in the first place, the realization of his mistake once Tirek turns on him. All those emotions are pure gold, a gold you didn´t bother to search.
You can do far better than this. I know you can. So, next time, try harder. Next time it´ll be better, I assure you.

[alarajrogers]

5850050

First of all, since this is Discord´s perspective or POV, the story should have been written in first person to make it be closer to the character.

I disagree with this part. It isn't necessary to write in first person to be closer to a character -- I've found that in particular I can get into much more depth as to what Discord is thinking and feeling when I'm in third person, simply because he doesn't want to admit to everything. In first person, Discord is likely to toss out a joke that implies his mental state without actually going into it in any detail because he finds it embarrassing to admit to too much emotion. In third person I can actually describe his emotions accurately while they're happening because his ego isn't getting in the way of explaining them.

The rest of what you say is entirely accurate, though. This story offers us very, very little of either Discord's thoughts and feelings, or of events that we did not see (such as "What was happening to the Mane 5, Spike and Discord while Tirek was fighting Twilight?" Last we saw Tirek had just walked off with the ponies and dragon in a cage and Discord sprawled on the ground; next thing we know they're all in bubbles. This is a prime example of what a story can show us that the episode didn't.)

I'm not going to give the story a downvote, but i won't upvote it either, because it's weak. Having written a story with the exact same premise -- Twilight's Kingdom from Discord's point of view -- I was really looking forward to seeing what a different author would do with the material, and instead it's almost nothing more than the show itself gave me.

[ravenlunatic]

5850440
5850050
Thank you both for critiquing my writing; you're right, we don't really see much of Discord's actual thoughts. I'll try to rewrite this so that it matches its description.

[Unimpressive Chaos Lord]

5850440
I must say, I read your fanfic a long time ago, and I loved it. That is one of the reasons for which I came here, expecting to see the same as you. I just wanted to tell you. And about what you´ve said... I believe you are right.
Depending on the character, it´s hard to choose between first and third person, and I must agree with you that Discord is better for the third person. So, I apologize to the author for my mistake. However, the first person works perfectly on other characters who are a little more... quiet. Those whose words are so little that you really need to deepen on their mind in order to know more about them. Then again, it also depends on the context of the story. A POV is hard to define. I in particular like both styles, but when it is in first person I feel like it is more personal. We are traveling along the character, discover the world around him or her at the same time. That is a powerful way of transmitting emotions. But yes, a third person is richer for a wider cast or just hard characters.

Um... I have the feeling that I´ve been rambling repeating myself all over. Oh well!

[Unimpressive Chaos Lord]

5850532 That´s the spirit! I am grateful to see a mature response to a critic I myself consider harsh.

[ravenlunatic]

5852011
I do very much dislike it when i critique someone's work and they get angry at me for trying to help them.