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Round one!1,552 words
Round two!3,696 words
Round three!1,823 words

Round three!

Thump.

Kickston landed just at the base of the mountain to catch his breath, still in his boxers and bandages. Taking a look up the mountain, he studies the height.

"...Sigh, knew I should've just taken the train. I really need to lay off the hot-pockets".

Shrugging, he sighs again, before letting out his trademarked cry and flying up.

"Dropkick!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Blueblood is a pompous arse, we all know this. And we all suspect he's gay too. Good thing both of those are canon in this fic, right? Blueblood had called up a delivery a little while back, and he had already prepared himself for what was to be a good time, aka Black Jack and Male Strippers. Sipping on his tea in patience, he sighed as the doorbell rang.

Opening the door, he comes face to face with a minotaur dressed for the occasion, wearing a tight mail-stallions suit and holding a large box right in front of where a certain no-no square lies.

"I take it you brought your 'Package'?" Blueballs asked

"Oh yes~" The minotaur replied, opening the package.

Then all hell broke loose. In the form of a well defined, almost naked human.

"Hiyah!"

A pair of bare feet sprouted from the box, slowly though, as he crawled out and brushed himself off.

"... I didn't ask for any exotic dancers, but I can make this work," Blueblood said devilishly.

"Yeah, about that, this isn't what you think it is. I've been hired by someone to pay you a visit," the creature said.

Blueblood looked at the creature confusedly, before going wide-eyed as the creature reached into his underwear and pulled out a pair of large pies while the minotaur pulled out a camera.

"Some pies mothabucka!"

The creature threw the pies into Bluebloods face, smearing them all over him and his dapper suit.

"My mane!!! It's ruined!" Blueblood screamed, before promptly fainting.

The creature looked down on him sadly.

"I'm so sorry I ruined your suit by the way. You may have been an a-hole, but you knew how to dress, I'll give you that," It said, before turning to the minotaur and tossing him a bag of bits. "Thanks by the way for helping me out with this Will, and here's your cut".

"Anytime, this was definitely worth it," Iron Will said, scratching his chin as he grinned down on Blueblood.

"... By the way, you wouldn't happen to have a spare Mailman suit, would you?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Celestia was beyond concerned, but only her more experienced guards could see it. According to reports, the 'Kicking Mad-Stallion' as many had turned to calling it, had been sighted within Canterlot. Unfortunately, there was not much she could do at the moment, seeing as how these nobles and their 'complaints' have been keeping her from taking the matter into her own hooves. Until a battered guard entering the room and falling to the ground caught her attention.

Jumping from the throne and ignoring the complaining nobles, she galloped over to the guard.

"What is it my little pony?" She asked calmly.

"The... the creature is-" The guard began, but was interrupted by the main doors swinging open, and a creature in a peculiarly tight mail-stallions suit.

"American express! Special Delivery!"

The nobles panicked and fled the room rather quickly as the creature ran towards Celestia.

"Praise the sun bch!" It yelled out, jumping into the air and flying towards Celestia...

...Only to be grabbed in her telekinesis and thrown up to the ceiling, and falling back down with a crash.

"Oww..." It muttered, sitting up and rubbing it's head.

"Did you legitimately believe that such a simple tactic would've worked?" Celestia asked, gazing down at the creature.

"... Yes. But Celestia, I must ask, what is that on your face?" The creature asked.

"What? Something on my face?" Celestia asked, tilting her head and looking at the creature with confusion.

Suddenly, the 'creature' disappeared into a cloud of smoke and was replaced with a log that clacked onto the ground.

"It was pain!" She heard from behind.

Celestia barely had time to even react. As she quickly spun around, a pair of feet collided with the side of her face, sending her flying into a wall across the room. The creature landed on it's feet, not far from Celestia herself. It pulled out a notepad, marking something on it before closing it up and stuffing it away.

"Man, these shorts are tight," It mumbled, rubbing at one of its legs. "Wasn't able to go full force,".

And with a shrug, the creature clicked its heels and yelled it's furious battlec-

"Dropkick!"

... don't fing interrupt me next time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The skies were green, the grass was blue, and the birds were mooing. Something was wrong here. A certain god of chaos was resting at his post, awaiting the creature. Luckily, Discord had read the past chapters, so he knew it was going to be his turn. He was leaned against a Cottonwood tree, with 100% pure cotton bark, and had a cow-printed cow-pony hat tipped over his head, providing shade over his face. A theme of a western variety was playing.

The man we're all acquainted walked up to Discord, no longer donning the Mailman suit, but stood there proudly with nothing but what he was born with. It's okay though, there's a censor bar... though he's kinda small

Kickston looked up at the author with a snarl.

"What the crap?! Not cool! Don't listen, he's lying!" Kickston yelled out in embarrassment.

What are you talking about?

"You know well what he's talking about," Discord chuckled.

Seriously, I did nothing wrong-

"Bull Puckey and you know it! And another thing, there's a plot hole you so blatantly missed!" Kickston said, before turning to Discord. "No pun intended of course".

Discord merely shrugged.

"If I could summon power armor last round, then why the hell can't I summon a suit?!"

Well, your Hammerspa-

"Huh?!"

But you don't underst-

"No buts!"

Grrr... you know what?! I gave you a hammerspace to store stuff in, and you had the opportunity to bring more stuff, but fine! Take a suit! A suit mysteriously fazed into existence upon Kickston. Without further ado, let the games begin! We'll talk about this later...

Discord cracked his neck, and gained a serious look, staring daggers into Kickston.

"Well well well..." Discord muttered, spitting onto the ground and rubbing the brim of his hat. "You've been stirring up some trouble, human. I don't think you understand... there's only enough room for one chaos bringer in this universe..."

The human grinned, craning his neck to the side and cracking it, before repeating the process on the other side.

"Yeah yeah, for the good of Equestria, you must stop me, blah blah blah, threat threat threat. Can we get this over with? I've got a dinner date at seven".

Discords poofed into a cloud, and came out with his attire shifted into a Gi with a black belt on it, before he bowed.

"Of course," Discord began, before shifting into a stance and motioned for Kickston with his lion paw, "Come at me bro".

"Hiyah!" Kickston yelled, leaping at Discord.

Discord swiftly judo chopped Kickston out of the air with a brutal 'Hiyah!' in return.

"Gakusei, you have much to learn in the applications of the Unnecessary Kung Fu Scream. For example... Hiiiiyaaaaah!"

Discords roar shattered the very earth, with prismatic rays shining through the cracks in the ground. Energy seemed to be pouring into his inner being, and flowing out through his... oh no... Discord grinned devilishly, before turning around and bending over.

"Gas Giant Style, Winds of a Thousand Backsides!" Discord yelled with righteous fury, as a dual beam of rainbows and visibly green shart flew towards Kickston, who was too paralyzed and speechless by the awesomeness of what he was witnessing.

The blast completely consumed Kickston, causing him to shriek in horror and pain, as he disappeared in the beam. Slowly, but surely, the beam faded, leaving nothing but a deep ditch singing with crap and smoke. At the end of the ditch was a decent crater, where Kickston rested, back in his birthday suit. He whipped his head up... at the author... I see where this is going... alright, fine... ahem, miraculously, his suit was completely unscathed, though he felt the pain all too truly. But he was not angered by this... on the contrary, he was thrilled! He rolled back a little, and pushed himself up into the air with his hands, before landing on his feet perfectly, and bowing.

"Yes, Sensei, but you do not seem to understand..." He said, before making a series of hand gestures. "Shadow Clone Ninjitsu!"

Without warning, thousands of Kickston copies appeared out of clouds of smoke.

"We are legion, for we are many! And we are the masters of references!"

Discord stared in shock, before muttering something along the lines of 'mercy'. Or 'uncle'. Not really sure, couldn't hear it over the sound of him getting his flank kicked. On the plus side though, He found a nickel after Kickston disappeared with his trademark yell.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kickston landed harmlessly, just outside of Ponyville, before opening up the hammerspace... which he had filled up with a few things from some stores in Canterlot for the date. Double checking his inventory, he then pulls out a flip phone, and dials a number. Sticking his ear to the device, he waits for someone, or rather, somepony, to answer.

Rrriiing...

"Bonjour? Zis is Olive's Garden, how may help you?" A french accented stallion asked from the other end.

"Yes, this is 'Mr. Kickston', I'd like to clarify my reservations for two? The table next to the windows we talked about?"

"Ahhhh... yes, yes, that table. You are quite the gentlecolt, and your lady is lucky to have such a beautiful table with you today".

"Thank you kindly sir, have a nice day," Kickston said, shutting the flip phone and putting it in his pocket. He sighs, shaking his head. He didn't exactly expect a date with a former target. Surely, this day has turned out to be... interesting.

Author's Note:

Author: Y'all are probably asking 'What the hell man, what took you so long?!'. And to that I'd like to reply that I have no excuse other than absolute laziness. I mean, you can't just force it. You know how hard that is? Well, I hope the size of this chapter doesn't matter... can't say the same for Kickston...
Kickston: ... I hate you more than words can express...
Author: Hey, not my fault, blame your maker.
Kickston: ... which is you...
Author: Oh... hehe... right... OH JEEZ LOOK AT THE TIME! LATER!
Jumps out the window with a giggle, flying into the sunset.
Kickston: ...GET BACK HERE!!! HIYAH!
Starts flying towards the author feet first.