MLP: FiM
That’s Not Quite How It Works…
By: Calm Wind
Chapter 2:
“OKAY! SO!” Shining draped his arm over a very nervous Twilight as they approached the fast food diner. Twilight had never experienced two shorter days in her whole life. She wanted to go with Shining’s plan, but when the day finally came, her confidence stalled and the nerves took over.
“Here?” Cadance wondered out loud as they stopped and looked over the simple hayburger joint. “Not a nice restaurant or anything?” she looked at Shining in confusion. Twilight was admittedly curious as well, but too busy worrying about the impending alone time with stallions she either never met, or didn’t know. Shining shook his head.
“We need to keep it casual. Twily’s a princess, but wants to be treated normally… right?” he asked while looking down at his sister.
“Mmhmm…” she said quietly. Shining looked up at Cadance and smiled.
“The best way for a stallion to stay casual is to give a casual environment. I even have an outdoor table reserved for the day!” Shining motioned out to a table that had an umbrella.
“So you want Twilight to try and meet a stallion while eating fast food all day?” Cadance flattened her brow. Shining chuckled.
“She doesn’t have to eat, but again, casual environment. Trust me, Cadance this will work,” he said while pounding his chest. Twilight looked up at Cadance from under her brother’s arm. Cadance just shrugged, but leaned down to Twilight.
“Don’t worry, we’ll be at a table nearby just in case,” she said while gently rubbing a hoof on Twilight’s shoulders.
“O-okay…” Twilight swallowed as she tried to calm her heartbeat. Cadance was right, she longed to be loved, and Shining was right, she wanted to meet some stallions… but were the two desires conflicting?
“First one should be here any minute now!” Shining stated with excitement. “Go ahead and sit down,” he said while gently nudging Twilight. She said nothing as she walked towards the table very stiffly. Shining winced before trotting up to her again. “Twily… relax…” he said as he smiled at her. “I know all of these guys. I’m sure you’ll have a good time. Just be smooth and go with the flow, alright?”
She nodded, but remained stiff as she sat down at the table. Shining noticed that she hadn’t relaxed at all, but he had to get to his table with Cadance. Twilight would loosen up as thing got moving. If there was one thing he knew well about his little sister, once she figured something out, she was unstoppable. He hoped that would translate here.
Shining made his way over to Cadance and sat beside her at the table. The two watched multiple ponies go in and out of the diner, some tossing confused looks at the princess of friendship as she sat alone.
“Is it bad that this looks awkward before it even starts?” Cadance scrunched her face uncomfortably as she watched Twilight simply sit still. She didn’t get a response though because Shining was waving to somepony in the sky before pointing at Twilight.
Cadance looked up and her eyes widened as she spied an orange pegasus with a blown back, blue mane fly down towards the ground, wearing a saddle bag. Cadance’s ears flopped down and she let her face fall flat onto the table, lightly bumping her head two or three more times before looking up at Shining, who looked too eager to notice his wife had just willingly applied her head to the table a few times.
“Shining… you invited FLASH SENTRY?!” she said with clear disapproval. Shining looked at her quizzically.
“Uh… yeah, why?” he asked. She shook her head.
“I see we have a great lead off…” Cadance replied sarcastically. Shining poked her in the shoulder.
“Oh, don’t be like that… I know he’s… weird… but maybe Twilight will appreciate that! I’m weird and you like me… right?” he asked while leaning into her.
“I like YOUR weird… HIS weird is… Well… Twilight’s gonna find out,” Cadance sighed. Shining looked back as Flash Sentry approached the table.
“Oh, they’ll be fine, I… oh, wait…” Shining eyed the saddle bag. “Oh… dammit, If that’s what I think it is…” his ears folded back.
“What?” Cadance asked while looking between Shining and Flash.
“I told him not to bring it… if he did… ah jeez…”
Twilight looked straight down at the table, millions of thoughts flying through her head at once. The idea of her brother helping her meet stallions sounded good and like a logical option, but they hadn’t even started yet and she was having second thoughts. Twilight preferred keeping a level head and always having all of her thoughts in check, always having access to a quick, intelligent explanation of anything going on to or around her.
She couldn’t tell one thought process from the other as she sat and waited.
Soon she would be sitting across from a stallion she did not know, and was expected to simply hit it off? She remembered how awkward it was the first time she met her current friends. And since then, she hadn’t made many more that she would consider to be good friends. She had a feeling this wasn’t going to be a very pleasant experience.
She shook her head out.
No. She couldn’t think like that. She had to trust in her BBBFF. He wasn’t a brainiac like her, but he was definitely smart enough to know what her interests and her comforts were. He wouldn’t have suggested doing this if he didn’t think she couldn’t handle it.
She would be fine… she just had to treat it like an experiment. She was the control variable and the stallions were the independent variable. She just had to be herself, and the stallions would figure her out… how hard could it—
“Hi!”
Twilight flinched so hard that it was actually a little painful. She looked up, blushing madly as she stared towards an orange stallion with a blue, swept back mane. He smiled at her cheerfully, but for some reason the smile seemed… blank. Twilight couldn’t put her hoof on why she felt that way. Maybe it was because she was embarrassed as hell.
“Uh…er… h-hi…” Twilight stuttered in response, trying to throw on a fake smile without sweating too much. The stallion sat down across from her, but didn’t say anything for a few moments. He just stared, never changing his expression from the static smile.
Was this stallion going to say something? She definitely didn’t want to speak first.
“I’m Flash Sentry!” the stallion finally spoke up.
“And… I’m…” Twilight stuttered.
“Twilight Sparkle, princess of friendship?” he finished for her. “Your brother talks about you all the time! I’m part of the Crystal Empire guard!”
“Uh… right…” Twilight simply nodded and agreed. This was weird. He continued to smile, and stare at her as if waiting for her to continue. What was up with this guy? Twilight couldn’t get a read on him in any way, shape or form… it was as if he didn’t have any personality at all, just a smiling face. He was good looking, she wouldn’t deny that… but if she were reading a book, this was the kind of character that was in dire need of development. “So… uhm…” she suddenly realized how blindly she walked into this. She didn’t even ask for pointers or anything that could help her with the situation.
“So what do you do for fun?” he suddenly asked, still staring blankly at her.
“Um…” Twilight preferred not to speak first, but she was flustered, there was no doubt about that. “I… uh… study… and read books… and…”
“I really like flashlights!” the stallion suddenly cut her off.
“Uh… What?” Twilight blinked, trying to figure out if she heard him correctly.
“Do you like flashlights?” he asked her. Twilight had no idea what was going on, but it was a form of conversation, so by default it was better than her sitting there feeling awkward.
“Y-yes? They are helpful…” she replied.
“Awesome!” the stallion suddenly reached down, grabbed his saddle bag and let it slam down on the table. “I brought my whole flashlight collection with me!” he grinned as he stuffed his face into the bag.
“Your… what…?” Twilight’s ears flopped down. Flashlight collection? WHAT?! Twilight was seriously wondering if her brother actually thought this… strange stallion would be to her liking. He simply talked and apparently liked flashlights, other than that he seemed so blank and devoid of anything else. It was… a tad disturbing.
“Flashlights are the best!” he continued as he dumped them out on the table. Twilight yelped as the multiple flashlights rolled around, a few falling off the table and clattering on the ground. “Big ones! Small ones! Bright ones! Dim ones!” he said giddily as he picked each one up and clicked them on and off. “I’ve named them too!”
“Ugh…” Twilight suddenly felt sick to her stomach. This went from tense, to weird, to just plain unbearable. She squinted her eyes shut and gritted her teeth as Flash named off all of his flashlights.
“But THIS one…” get held up a small, beat up, purple and orange colored flashlight. “Was the first flashlight I ever got! It still works, too! Since this was the first one, I just call it ‘Flashlight!’ Do you wanna try using it?”
“AUGH!” Twilight sharply stood up. “NO! I don’t!” she yelled at him. His smile instantly turned into a blank look of surprise. “I…” Twilight instantly glanced around, realizing she had drawn looks. “Um…”
“But… what’s wrong with Flashlight?” Flash asked while slowly clicking the flashlight named Flashlight on and off.
“Nothing is wrong with Flashlight…” Twilight said with a sigh before stepping back from the table. “I’m sorry, but… I need to go.” She pushed away from the table and started walking away from the table.
Cadance shook her head, ready to give Shining Armor a look of disapproval, but as she turned, she noticed Shining looked frustrated as well. In fact, he ended up making the first move.
“Go stop Twily, I’ll be right with you,” he said as he got up and head towards the dejected Flash Sentry. Cadance quickly got up and followed Twilight.
“Twilight!” Cadance called after her. She trotted up behind her, stopping her before she could get far from the diner. “Hold on a moment…”
“Cadance… I can’t do this…” she admitted. “I can’t just dive into the dating scene. I don’t even know what to do!”
“Twilight…” Cadance sighed as she looked back and saw Shining Armor chewing out Flash Sentry. “Look Twilight… I agree with you. This is honestly not the way I would approach this, but…” she gently made Twilight turn and look at Shining. “Look at your brother,” she pointed. Twilight watched as Shining Armor stood over Flash, watching him pick up his flashlights one by one before he took off. “It may be a silly method… but his heart is clearly in it. Just keep going with it, I’ll give you a few tips before the next stallion shows up,” she said with a wink. “If anything, this can be good practice,” Cadance added, trying to put a learning spin on it that Twilight could relate to.
“Sorry Twily…” Shining approached them, the frustrated expression still on his face. “Flash Sentry is a good guy… but when he gets nervous he gets all stone smiley and instantly talks about his flashlight collection. I told him specifically to relax and not bring his collection along, but obviously he was too nervous.”
Twilight blinked as she heard Shining’s explanation. As ridiculous as it sounded… she suddenly felt bad.
“It was a nervous habit?” Twilight’s ears flopped down. “Oooohhh… and I just yelled at him…” she frowned, feeling terrible. No wonder his expression changed so quickly when she lashed out. He was already nervous, just like she was.
But still… she didn’t know if she wanted to deal with a… compulsive need to carry around and talk about flashlights all day. She believed Shining in saying Flash was a good guy, but he would probably drive her crazy.
“Don’t worry about it, Twily… it’s a problem he’s aware of. But keep your chin up! We still have more stallions on the way. Flash wasn’t the best start, but I promise the others will be better! I’ve known a few of them for a long time,” he assured her with a smile. Twilight glanced at Cadance, who also simply smiled.
“Okay…” she said reluctantly and turned back towards the diner.
“That’s the spirit! We’ll find you a stallion yet!” Shining chanted proudly as Cadance moved alongside Twilight.
“Here are a few pointers for the next stallion…”
---To Be Continued---
Well hopes of Flashlight have been crushed and I saw what you did with this chapter. All the flashlight stuff. Lol
Now that? That was amazing
You took Flashlight waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too serously. By seriously i mean legitmentally.
Best story ever!
...
...
Subtlety, thy name doth not be Calm Wind. But have a mustache anyway. In fact, have two.
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I facepalmed when I read that.
Goddamn it... not even 0800 here and I've got tears in my eyes from laughing!
Drop the comma.
CALM! I LIKE FLASH LIGHT! But You have got to admit, it was pretty funny. Despite being awkward.
Down with Flashlight!
Mustaches!! More MUSTACHES
I do like the TwiSentry pairing (and I call it by that because of not accepting names that already are of other things) even if I've got to ignore everyone else's gripes with it. Pardon the expression if you please, but to keep going on about it is just flogging a dead horse.
Ow.
As a fan who ships these two characters together, this chapter hurt me badly. I understand it was done lighter than others, but still ow.
I really hope Flash Sentry doesn't turn out to be a mindless freak in your timeline. Flashlights? XD Still, I wonder how he acts like outside of his nervous mode...
haha brilliant brad for the win
This was amazing! I'm dying of laughter!
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
later...
you sunk my ship why... why would you do that still really funny
Eh, there's a good way to sink a ship, and there's bad ways, and it this doesn't seem like the former. Cringe comedy is really a dangerous road because it can become obvious events are becoming contrived just for the sake of embarrassing someone, and it's even worse when you have people act out of character to what limited characterization they have. Overall, kills immersion for me, as I'm no longer seeing a glimpse of Twilight's tenuous foray into the dating scene and instead brought to reality, a barely-veiled meta riff on a character.
At least bury it a few layers deeper, rather than add something out of the blue to make a character unappealing.
I was kind of looking forward to reading this, but the Flash bashing is just awful.
Sure, it's a pretty darn valid complaint that he's got a fairly blank slate personality - and that's a fair point against him in the EqG movies.
But this is your story. You can choose to flesh out those missing pieces to give him the depth you'd like to see or simply avoid using him all together. It's a waste of my time when I come looking for something light, a little fluffy, and uplifting and a story with an interesting premise instead trashes their potential to turn a chapter into an editorial.
If you want to complain through your stories, that's fine, but give fair warning rather than the broken promise provided here.
That flashlight thing that was so legit.
*crickets*
All I do is face-palm.
Cadence, thou speakest here for ALL Bronies.
So much poking fun at Flash.
You did that on f*cking purpose.
You have GOT to be kidding me.
You, really want me to answer that?
Oh, I, wow, that is actually pretty interesting.
...
Cadance, you read my mind.
You seriously did that on purpose.Ugh! Hate that ship. And him to be exact.
Oh my god... you seriously want me to answer that? It took me half a second to come up with 10 reasons.
I died laughing really loving this story so far, even if I'm late
LOL, This was funny.
this gag video came to mind:
I like this chapter it's funny but now that I read the comments I don't get why people hating flash Sentry? It's so confusing
But is it the HMS Flashlight? Twister would be proud.
Oddly enough, Shining Armor did one thing right here: putting Twilight in a fast-food place eliminates half of her social problems. (The neurotic and withdrawing half. The randomly obsessive and lecturing half anypony will have to like or cope with anyway.) Provided that the goal is to get Twilight male acquaintances and possibly friends, and we aren't set on "special somepony today or bust", I can almost approve of the rest of it. His critical mistake is introducing stallions to Twilight in a series of one-on-one interactions, which kind of maximizes the chance for something to go wrong.
Going off of the "low pressure" concept, presumably he still does occasional activities in a mostly-male group like bowling (I am not suggesting putting Twilight in the proximity of this much physics and potential competition is good socially) or in the right continuity, gaming which could permit a little sister tag-along. And Cadence, to keep Twilight from withdrawing too much. It'd still end up being a weird day, and probably a not too productive one, but it might avoid "train wreck weird". Of course, that would defeat the purpose of the story - but Shining's not being a complete idiot.
Still better than the show's Flash, he turned up for like 10 seconds and is a copy of his human self. His human self is at leasy starting to get some development, not much but he has turned up in a few shorts and done things. We see him interact with Sunset and there might be a rekindling between the two I don't know.
So, at first, I was like “of course he’s the first one...” And then:
I disturbed all of my animals with uncontrollable laughter.
things
headed
I'm guessing Flash isn't your favorite character... Also, when he got the name Flashlight for his flashlight, was that poking fun at the Flash and Twilight ship?
Ay, even though the show's Flash Sentry was pretty bland, I've seen people (prolly just 2 honestly) turn him into an actual character, so therefore I stand beside this ship lol
i once saw a really silly short video CALLED "flashlight" but i could not find it again...
Princess Twilight walks through a room full of royal guards.
she sees Flash Sentry in line.
she walks over to him, it looks like she's going to kiss him...
then she grabs an actual flashlight from him and walks away with it, smiling and fondling it like a pet!
Flash just rolls his eyes...
*GASPS*
Uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, u just said
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BAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA