• Published 17th Feb 2015
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That's Not Quite How It Works... - Calm Wind



Shining Armor takes it upon himself to help his little sister find a stallion to date... and quickly proves not to be quite the expert on love that his wife is.

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Chapter 1

(Timeline position: After Chapter 62 of Piercing the Heavens)

(For timeline info, please visit my homepage)

DISCLAIMER: This story was not written in support or against any shipping pairs. This story was written to express an important life lesson, as all my fics are. All ponies used aside from Shining, Cadance, and Twilight were chosen at random from a wiki list of ponies that appear in the show.


“Well… that’s certainly an interesting situation they have going there…” Shining said as he made his way over to the incredibly cushy, red couch in the corner of the royal coach and flopped down.

“They’re in good hooves, and Soarin seems quite adept for only having magic for a short while,” Shining’s wife, the beautiful Princess Cadance, strode up and climbed up on the couch herself, laying down, but remaining upright in a regal manner. The approach was different than her husband, but she let it slide. He was such an adorable goofball after all. She giggled as he inched his body towards her and rested his head on her hooves.

They swayed slightly as the coach lurched. A whistle sounded from outside as they began moving. They were riding in their personal royal coach, custom built for comfort of the Crystal Empire royalty. It was basically a luxury hotel penthouse in the form of a train car. A large bed, fit for a king and queen, lots of open space, comfortable couches, fancy artwork of the Crystal Palace and other fine locations around the Empire, a full wine cabinet and a kitchen with a personal chef if they were on long trips. Everything was bolted down to prevent moving. The finishing touch? The car was enchanted, turning to crystal once it passed into the range of the Crystal Empire’s magical reach.

Cadance was initially worried Shining would soften up upon learning the luxury of royalty. But she had faith in him, and the faith was well placed. He enjoyed the luxury without sacrificing his discipline and harsh training regime as the prince of the Crystal Empire and the captain of the royal guard. He was an icon of a strong leader as well as a stallion she could be proud of, not that he wasn’t before. But Shining was well aware of his duties.

Didn’t stop him from being a dork, but she loved that about him. His quirks never failed to make her smile. Shining shifted slightly as he nestled the top of his head against Cadance’s chest.

“Soarin must have a real special somepony. He had trouble maintaining it, but he had no trouble conjuring it,” Shining explained. Cadance blinked and looked down.

“He’s dating Rainbow Dash,” she said while slightly tipping her head. Shining’s eyes widened and he did a quarter roll to face her from below.

“Wait, what?!” he asked in disbelief.

“Twilight didn’t tell you?” Cadance asked curiously. Shining pouted.

“My amazing little sister now tells you things and not me? I’m hurt!” Shining fake whined as Cadance rolled her eyes and patted him on the head.

“You’ve never heard of girl talk?” she joked. Shining shrugged as he rolled back over on his side, his head still against her chest.

“Yeah, but… Twili… she used to trust me with everything,” Shining actually did sound a little depressed this time. It seemed like the two of them had a bond deeper than Cadance would ever know, but the distress of her husband made her concerned. “At least we’re going to see her now,” Shining exhaled.

Indeed, they were making a stop in Ponyville. Canterlot was so close by train, coming all the way from the Crystal Empire warranted at least a stop. However, they had planned this, and were staying in Ponyville for a week to spend some time with Twilight. They had nothing on their agenda, so it lined up perfectly.

“I wonder how Twilight’s doing…” Cadance thought out loud. Shining instantly reached up and gently grabbed her face.

“What’s wrong with Twili?” he frantically asked.

“What?”

“What else hasn’t she told me?!” he said in a whiney tone.

“Shiny…” she lowered her head to him and planted a kiss on his forehead. “Twilight is a big girl now. And big girls like to have girl talk. She still loves you very much, I can assure you, but sometimes you don’t discuss certain things with… your older brother,” she said while playfully sticking her tongue out at him.

“Still…,” he pouted.

“Oh, stop it Shiny,” she giggled while nuzzling noses with him. “Your sister is fine,” she said while looking him sternly in the eye.

It wasn’t a lie, but Cadance couldn’t help but remember Twilight’s words…

All of my friends have been finding love interests lately… I don’t really have any stallions to interact with… love or friend…

The spark that set off the re-telling of the hilariously strange first date between Cadance and Shining. Cadance left Ponyville that day, happy that she got to share such a tale with Twilight, but concerned as well. How was Twilight faring? Had she found love since? That was wishful thinking. Twilight was very… independent, but in a strange way. She kept to herself when she wasn’t with her friends, but at the same time wished to be loved. It was a dangerous combination, one that could very well have her lovesick her whole life, but not having the guts to go and find herself a good stallion.

Twilight was a princess now. If she wanted, it would be very easy to get herself a stallion through courtship or suitor… but Twilight wasn’t the kind of mare to buy into royal traditions. If Cadance knew her sister-in-law, she wanted to love and be loved like everypony else. Much like Cadance herself wanted to be when she was younger. It was part of why she fell for Shining Armor in the first place.

But… Speaking of…

Cadance looked down at Shining, taking note that he still seemed slightly put off, knowing that Twilight had confided in Cadance, but not him. Something told her he would try to help... and if he did, it might not work so well. But she knew how Shining thought, he loved his sister dearly, if not as much as he loved her. She wouldn’t be able to say no if he wanted to help. She just hoped he had good help to give. Shining was, after all, a bit of a dolt when it came to love.

They would find out soon enough. The train whistle blew, signaling they were approaching Ponyville.


MLP: FiM
That’s Not Quite How It Works…
By: Calm Wind
Chapter 1:


“So from this case, I can conclude that the spell can increase the size of carbon based manner, but anything inanimate is unaffected…” Twilight spoke out loud while writing down her findings, a habit she had picked up over the years to help her record the information in her head as she learned. She set the quill down and looked closely at a rock and a potted rose she had sitting side by side on her desk.

“Twilight?”

“This is an interesting finding…” her horn came to life, the magic aura swirling around it as she eyed the rock. A single, focused beam shot from her horn into the rock. The magic encased the rock and lingered for a few seconds.

“Twilight?”

“Again nothing… but,” Twilight turned to the rose and repeated the process, a small beam extending from her horn down to it. The magic encased the flower, and it slowly began to grow. Twilight quickly ducked down to get a closer look. “Hmmm?” Twilight blinked curiously, her tail swishing back and forth as she noticed some new developments. “Interesting…” she grabbed her quill again.

“Twilight!”

“It would seem that the spell isn’t making the flower grow in the sense we would usually relate to a flower growing…” she said out loud as she wrote in her notes and looked down as the flower continued to grow… or, a better way to describe it now would be ‘expand.’ It did not grow taller or sprout new leaves, but the stem grew thicker and stronger. The leaves seemed to hold more firmly to the stem, increasing in size as well, but in a way that looked to strengthen it. The rose was already in full bloom, but the open petals extended further, opening the rose more than it would be able to normally. “It looks like the spell is increasing the strength and durability of the living matter… fascinating…” she said as she reached a hoof out and pushed against one of the leaves and the stem, they gave back much more resistance than a flower ever would.

“TWILIGHT!!!!”

“This warrants further study and analysis…” Twilight continued to be oblivious to her surroundings as she focused. “A spell that can physically manipulate living matter, making it grow bigger and stronger…” she paused, grabbing part of her mane that hung down beside her head and reached it up to her mouth. She gently gnawed on the bunched strand of her mane as she collected her thoughts. She released her mane, letting it swing back down as she put the pen back to paper. “I wonder if the same thing would work on animals and ponies? This could lead to some serious medical breakthroughs if it does!” she started walking in circles in front of her desk. “The weak or disabled achieving growth in dead or scarred nerve tissue… repair or strengthen muscle fibers… restoring failed organs…” she stopped and looked at the flower, her smile fading for a moment. “But I can’t jump to conclusions, I don’t know if it’s safe to use on ponies or anything else… I’ll have to run more tests before I take any risks like that…”

Spike climbed up on her desk right in front of her.

“TWIIIIIIILIGHT!!!!!!” he yelled directly into her face.

“WAAAH!!!!!” Twilight yelped and fell over backwards. She frantically stood up. “Spike?! What was that for?” she asked, miffed that her thought process was interrupted.

“I’ve been trying to get your attention for the past five minutes!” Spike crossed his arms and furrowed his brow.

“Well, you have it,” Twilight pouted angrily. “What is it?” she asked. Spike pointed behind her.

“You have guests… you know… the ones that were coming today,” he said a little sarcastically. Twilight tipped her head slightly before turning around and—

“Ah!” she stood up quickly as her eyes fell on Shining Armor and Princess Cadance standing in the middle of the library. Shining was smiling, trying his best to hold in snickers as Cadance giggled beside him. “Shining! Cadance! But… um…” she glanced behind her, blushing in embarrassment. Her magic sprung to life upon her horn and many books started shuffling around behind her, being put in random piles. “I thought you weren’t supposed to be here till Thursday!” she asked while forcing a smile, glancing at her calendar, and continuing to shuffle books around her.

Shining took no notice, but Cadance found it odd. It looked like Twilight was trying to cover up something behind her… and doing a terrible job at being subtle about it.

“You haven’t marked your calendar in three days Twilight…” Spike said calmly as he held up a calendar in his personal notebook and showed her that it was indeed Thursday and not Monday.

“Oh…” Twilight blushed a little harder. “I was pretty deep in thought…Sorry…and, oh, the place is a mess,” Twilight sighed as the married couple advanced towards her. Cadance reached out and gave her a hug.

“It’s okay, Twilight, you were concentrating. We didn’t want to disturb you,” she said while glancing behind Twilight and curiously eying the new pile of books that Twilight awkwardly and frantically restacked moments before.

“I don’t think a point blank bugle could have broken you out of that,” Shining chuckled as he reached forward to give Twilight a hug as well.

“Good to see you too, Shining,” Twilight rolled her eyes but smiled as she hugged her brother back.

Cadance kept stealing glances at the pile of books as Shining and Twilight conversed. Twilight was clearly hiding something, and as Twilight’s former caretaker, Cadance could easily tell when Twilight was guilty. In fact, Twilight was exhibiting similar mannerisms to when she used to try and steal from the snack cabinet as a filly.

Cadance waited until Twilight and Shining were facing away before she quickly turned and let her alicorn magic flow. She skillfully removed a few of the books from the bottom of the pile without toppling it, and sneakily slid them along the floor towards her. Cadance blinked when her eyes fell upon the book titles, her jaw hanging open slightly. She looked around the library. There were pots with roses everywhere… she thought she smelled them on the way in. Cadance was sure of it now as she took a closer look at the furnishings and decorations around the library. Since when did Twilight collect little wooden carvings of animals nuzzling?

Looks like it was time for some princess to princess conversation.

But… she had just got done reassuring Shining that nothing was wrong with Twilight and he didn’t need to worry about his sister losing faith in him as somepony to confide in. The last thing she wanted to do was blatantly shoo him away after that.

So she came up with a quick alternative that would give her at least a few minutes with Twilight.

“Honey? Could you and Spike carry the bags up to our room?” she asked while using her magic to push the bags forward followed by batting her eyelashes at Shining. To most it would seem like a weak attempt, but she knew Shining well.

“Yes, ma’am!” he eagerly replied before coming forward and grabbing two of the three bags they brought along. He didn’t use his magic. Shining was dead set on always looking macho for his wife, something she was using to her advantage here. It would take him longer because of it, giving her more time with Twilight.

“Oh no!” Twilight perked up. “I don’t have your room ready!” she tugged on her mane.

“I set it up,” Spike said holding his hands out to her. “I’m following our schedule, don’t worry,” he assured her as he and Shining began hoisting the bags up the stairs.

Twilight and Cadance watched until the two disappeared up the stairs before turning back to each other. Twilight flashed a very fake smile.

“Twilight… stop it,” Cadance said with a look of concern on her face as she stepped over to Twilight. Twilight blinked and glanced back and forth.

“Stop what?” she asked, proving she was a terrible liar. Cadance shook her head.

“You can’t trick somepony who watched you grow up,” she said with a weak smile. “What’s wrong?” she asked again. Twilight stared blankly at her for a full ten seconds.

“Um… nothing?” she finally replied while looking in every direction and shaking slightly. Cadance gave her a slightly exasperated look.

“Fine…” Cadance said as she looked around. “Wooden carvings of animals nuzzling…” she suddenly began. Twilight visibly flinched.

“Uh… um… I felt like decorating!” she said, putting on a very wide smile and forcing herself to hold it.

“Roses everywhere?” Cadance pointed out next.

“Um… for experiments!” Twilight shifted aside and pointed to the rock and the rose on her desk. Cadance rolled her eyes as her magic glowed upon her horn. Four books floated towards her. Twilight’s pupils shrank as soon as she saw Cadance pull up the books.

“Let’s see what we have here…” Cadance said as she looked at the book covers. “Rodeo and Muliet, Pride and Pedigree, Fence and Fencibility, Oh my! Fifty Shades of Brae?! Twilight Sparkle!” Cadance finished while looking at Twilight with an eyebrow raised.

Twilight’s blank stare turned a bright shade of red.

“Um…” she again didn’t answer immediately. “Re…search?” she said shakily, biting her lip and looking away afterward.

“You can’t trick the princess of love… Twilight…” Cadance put the romance novels and moved towards her sister-in-law. “Now I’m sure you haven’t spoken to Spike at all… you have a lot on your mind… don’t you?” she asked purely out of concern. Twilight looked down shamefully, squinting her eyes shut.

“Yes…” she replied quietly. Cadance frowned, walked over to Twilight, sat down beside her, and draped one of her large wings over Twilight’s shoulders.

“Talk to me Twilight, you know you can confide in your foal-sitter without worry or regret,” Cadance offered.

Twilight simply remained in the comfort of Cadance’s wing for a moment, leaning against her as she tried to collect her thoughts. Was she really that transparent? Or was there just no hiding it from Mi Amore Cadenza? Probably a bit of both. Twilight took a deep breath and exhaled as she shook her head.

“Nothing has changed, Cadance… nothing at all,” Twilight began. “Days go by, I see love and couples all around me, but every day I wind up back in the library… alone,” she said in a very depressed tone. Cadance thought about scolding her for not acknowledging Spike, but she knew what Twilight was talking about. “Cadance, you said I would know when I’ve found the right stallion… when he puts every fiber in his being into trying his hardest for me. But… I swear…” Twilight trailed off. Cadance lifted her wing slightly to look down at Twilight.

“Twilight… that was barely three months ago! You can’t be in such a rush…” she said with concern.

“But… when all it seems I get is recognition for being a princess, how am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to know who’s right and who’s being pure? You had this problem too, didn’t you?” Twilight spoke up to Cadance. Cadance blinked, Twilight was right about that… only Cadance was lucky to have known…

“DON’T WORRY, TWILY!” Shining Armor suddenly hopped down from the stairs and landed right beside them. Cadance yelped in surprise as her husband entered the scene. “If it’s a stallion you’re looking for… leave it to me! I know lots of stallions from my travels and stays around Equestria! I can help you find the right one!” He barely finished talking before Cadance grabbed him by the ear and dragged him away from Twilight.

“Excuse us for a moment, Twilight…” Cadance said while throwing on a smile.

“Ow, Honey, ear hurty…” Shining said casually as Cadance turned around and faced him.

“Shiny,” she whispered sternly. “What did we JUST talk about on the train?” she looked him in the eyes, expecting him to simply repeat what he said before, but to her surprise, he sighed and looked down.

“Okay, fine…” he sat down. “I just… want to help my little sister, you know?” he said in a slightly rejected tone.

“Wait… no… I didn’t…” Cadance found the situation completely changed, at least for the moment. She wanted what was best for Twilight, and while she wasn’t sure she’d agree with her husband and his silly ideas… he was just trying to help, and Twilight was his little sister. Shining was a family stallion, he never backed down from anything when it came to Twilight, his parents, or Cadance herself. Cadance frowned and let go of Shining’s ear.

Then again, knowing Shining, this could be an act to get her to stand down as well. One thing was for certain though… he wanted to help his little sister, and perhaps Twilight would like that as well.

“Fine… what do you have in mind?” Cadance asked, curious to the more expanded version of Shining’s plan. Shining’s face instantly brightened, taking her slightly by surprise.

“Well, I know a lot of stallions here in Ponyville… a few from Canterlot, and… OH! I can contact one or two from the Crystal Empire! We have a week, this will be perfect!”

“Um… you’re going to trust random stallions with your sister?” Cadance lifted an eyebrow. “For some reason I felt you were more protective of her than that,” Cadance pointed out curiously. Shining gave a single, hard nod.

“Oh, believe me… if they touch her inappropriately, I’m tearing their heads off!” Shining said with a chuckle and a wink. “But she wants to meet guys… right? Then I can help her!”

“Uh…” Cadance wasn’t quite sure how she felt about that. “I don’t know…”

“Cadance?” Twilight’s voice suddenly came from behind Shining. Shining and Cadance flinched in surprise. Apparently eavesdropping ran in the family. “I… think I want to try Shining’s idea…” she admitted sheepishly.

“Alright! Time to set up some dates!” Shining pounded his hooves together before approaching Twilight and giving her a hug. “Don’t worry Twily, I know lots of stallions, I’m sure you’ll like them,” he said giving her a light squeeze before heading up the stairs.

Cadance approached Twilight and sat down beside her.

“Are you sure you want to do this Twilight? Going from being unsure to blind dating? It seems a little rash,” Cadance voiced her concern. Love wasn’t that simple. In fact, not even close.

“I want to do this, Cadance,” Twilight said with a sudden wave of determination. “My biggest problem right now is that I don’t know where to start…”

“Twilight, you can’t hide that quivering lip from me,” Cadance pointed out as Twilight quickly bit her bottom lip to stop it. “You’re so like your brother,” Cadance shook her head slightly as her husband’s mannerisms and failure to hide things were twice resonated by his little sister… “Twilight, I know what you want… and I severely doubt you will get anything special out of this, but I’m not about to rule out that you might. I just hope… your brother finds some reasonable candidates for this.”

“Huh?” What do you mean by that?” Twilight asked curiously and slightly worried. Cadance’s tone of voice had quickly become a little disgusted.

“Oh… nothing… it’s just that your brother has a knack for making friends with… interesting stallions…” she grimaced.

“Wow, is living with my brother tough?” Twilight managed a light smile.

“A little,” Cadance admitted quickly, but smiled. “But it’s been worth every moment,” Cadance smiled too while placing a hoof on Twilight’s back and gently rubbing it. “Now I just hope we know what we’re getting into here…”


---To Be Continued---

Author's Note:

I would like to give credit to Kestrel for coming up with "Fifty Shades of Brae"... that magnificent bastard :rainbowlaugh: