Suppose, a pony would like to have five friends of colorful personalities, a teacher who's heart as big as the sun and exemplary magical powers that the likes nopony has ever seen before!
It's fun to live in a fantasy world. A world where you could never be alone. But living in somepony else's fantasy? A world that already belongs to another? Well...
For Trixie Lulamoon, she can...go over the line sometimes.
((Takes place before Season 3. This is just a one-shot I thought of. Picture used goes to the rightful owner))
Chapters (1)
I thought for a moment that this was Asylum, but when I read Trixie's name within the flashbacks(?) I did a doubletake, great story, rushed a bit but I think that was the idea, Going directly to my favorites.
This was a nice story, but I found a few problems regarding the plot and just... the overall story. But don't get me wrong, it was better than what I could have ever done. If you're sensitive to criticism, I don't think you should read any further.
So, the description was kind of misleading. So was the image. I was left with the impression that Twilight was the main character and had become an emo or something.
The plot is rather clichèd and I've seen stories with the exact same storyline, perhaps with different characters, being written over and over again. The ending was easily expected and this doesn't draw the reader because they already know the end, so what's the point of reading?
There are some errors (grammar, punctuation etc. I'd rather not mention) and they kind of make me lose that immersion touch to the story.
Also, the swapping between Trixie and Twilight made me extremely confused. I had no idea who you were referring to in the story since you swapped characters so often. And the description you gave Twilight confused me as well. Is she the exact same Twilight? At this point, I really don't know.
So what I'm trying to say is, I'm just... confused. But, still, 10/10 for effort. Good luck in your future stories
please keep going i love twilight goin crazy fics er sorry
5552102
Thanks for sharing what you think though! I'm still getting the hang of writing and constructive cristism is helpful for me.
5551971
Sorry if you got confused. Thanks for the favorite though!