Stage Fright

by Bugle

Bonus Chapter: Writeoff version.

Author's Note:

I was requested to add the original Writeoff version as well. This is the version as submitted for the "All In" Writeoff competition for January 3rd 2015, which took 19th place with an average score of 6.5. The original version of this story clocked in at 738 words, and you can find it here as well as below.

The original reason for writing this story was simply that I thought almost no one would submit a Fluttershy story for this prompt. And I was right. This was one of only two stories that focused her her point of view, and three stories where she had a notable speaking role that didn't feature the entire Mane Six.

This version has been bumped up to 1000 words for submission on the site, and to fix a flaw several reviewers found with the original. Some people found the original to be just fine, however, so it's your call which you think might be better.

Fluttershy paced nervously across the backstage of the Fillydelphia Theater.

Toe-Tapper and Torchsong stood to one side out of her way, chatting. Big Mac leaned against the far wall, watching her silently. None of them seemed nervous.

Maybe nopony had seen the advertisements that the Ponytones had come to town. Maybe there were only two or three ponies in the audience. Or better yet, maybe the theater was empty! Fluttershy anxiously tiptoed downstage, gently easing the curtain open to peer through the tiny sliver to the world outside. She immediately yanked it shut with a tiny “eep.” Her worst fears had been realized. The theater was completely full.

“Fluttershy?” She turned to find Rarity, the remaining member of their quintet, standing beside her, face full of concern. “You’re not having second thoughts about the performance, are you?”

---

“You want to come on tour with the rest of the Ponytones?” Rarity was either ecstatic or dismayed; Fluttershy wasn’t sure which.

“Um, yes,” she confirmed. “If that’s okay?”

“Okay?” Rarity clasped both of Fluttershy’s shoulders with her forehooves “Why, that’s simply wonderful, darling!” she exclaimed, pulling Fluttershy into a tight hug.

“Oh. Good.” Despite Fluttershy’s outward smile as she returned the hug, she was crestfallen. It would have been so much easier if Rarity had said no.

But Fluttershy knew her friend too well to think that there was any serious chance of that. Which, of course, was precisely why she’d forced herself to ask. There was no getting out of this now. She couldn’t disappoint her best friend.

“Though to be honest, Fluttershy...” Rarity drew away. “I must admit I’m surprised you’ve asked to come sing with us.”

“Oh?” Fluttershy asked timidly, uncertain how to react.

“Now don’t get me wrong, darling. It’s been simply wonderful having you as a member of the Ponytones. But ever since Big Macintosh got his voice back, you’ve only come to rehearsals and private performances.” Rarity paused, looking her friend over, as though expecting to find a physical difference that might explain Fluttershy’s change of heart. “Whatever made you decide to come on tour with us this time?”

“Oh, um…” Fluttershy wasn’t prepared for this question. All her doubts and anxieties came flooding back to her. What if she failed? What if everyone laughed at her? What if she was so bad the audience threw fruit at the stage?

What if she let Rarity down?

She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts of the disastrous scenarios her imagination had forced upon her.

“Fluttershy?” Rarity’s voice carried a hint of concern.

Fluttershy gave her best smile. “I just think I’m ready to try again,” she lied.

---

Fluttershy shook her head, both in answer to Rarity’s question and to dash the memory from her mind. “No, I can do this,” she said more to herself than her friend. She was pretty sure there was only the slightest hint of doubt in her tone.

Rarity looked skeptical. She opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by the abrupt appearance of a stagehoof. “Ponytones, on set!” he barked; Fluttershy nearly leapt out of her skin. “You’re on in thirty seconds!”

Not wasting a second, Toe-Tapper, Torchsong and Bic Mac stopped what they were doing and filed past Fluttershy to take their positions. Rarity cast her one last worried glance before doing the same, leaving Fluttershy alone backstage. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, held her head up, and stepped through the curtains, prepared for anything the world could throw at her.

But her confidence was shattered the moment she walked on stage and became acutely aware that every single pony in the audience was staring directly at her. And if that wasn’t enough, she then found herself glued to the spot by the overwhelmingly intense glare of two enormous spotlights shining down on her. She gulped. Every instinct in her told her that she was wrong to think she could do this. That she wasn’t safe. That she needed to return to the shelter of the curtains while she still had the chance.

She had just lifted a hoof to start running when Big Mac began to sing. One by one, Torchsong, Rarity, and Toe-Tapper added their voices to his, filling the room with the perfect harmony that had made Fluttershy a Ponytones fan in the first place. Before she knew it, her cue had come.

And she sang.

Comments

[LiterarySerenity]

This was a very strong piece! You've captured Fluttershy perfectly, with all her kindness and insecurities. It's wonderful to see a short story about her tackling a fear like stage fright for her friends' sake (and also for her own, really). Bravo, and much applause.

[Chinchillax]

This was my favorite story from the write off. It's such a great character piece.

[Titanium Dragon]

I reviewed this story. You can find my review of this story here.

[Softy8088]

I admit I only read a few of the stories in the write-off, but of those I did read, this one was my favourite. I adore the way Fluttershy is presented here. It fits her character perfectly; this story is Fluttershy in summary.

I admire true slice-of-life tales that don't rely on any sort of gimmick, wacky hijinks, or groanworthy jokes. (Which is not to say those kinds of stories are bad; it simply takes skill to write a good fic without relying on such tools.) This story is a beautifully written character piece, presenting something that fits the FiM universe perfectly, and uses its brevity as an asset.

I do have to say that I prefer the shorter write-off version, and here's why: In detailing Fluttershy's reasons for wanting to perform publically with the Ponytones, the surface area allowing the reader empathise with her is somewhat reduced. While not wanting to hold the Ponytones back is certainly a valid reason for Fluttershy's change of heart, and fits with her character, in my original reading I interpreted her actions as being something she was doing primarily for herself. "I'm doing this because I want to; because this fear is beating me and I need to fight back; because I want to be better." The expanded version does away with that.

It is still a great story regardless, and earns a like and fave from me.

[Bugle]

5509352

Believe it or not, that was actually something I had considered originally. To me, it seemed like a logical step that Fluttershy might eventually take. It's certainly something I myself have done (and am currently doing again), and I wasn't too worried about her motivations simply being "I want to do this because I want to stop being afraid."

And, well, I had doubts as to whether or not I had done this well during the Writeoff. Opinions were somewhat polarized, some thinking like you did, that it was a marvelous character piece and fit her perfectly. Others feeling that her motivations weren't strong enough. I got to doubting myself enough that I actually forgot my original intention was just "Fluttershy wants to do this for herself."

Reading your interpretation reminded me of my original goals, and I still think that's a valid reason, and I'm glad others see it that way. But I also don't feel the revised version is any less valid, and I think both have merits and are still Fluttershy.

Which is surprising, since Flutters is the hardest of the Mane 6 for me to get into the head of, I think...

5513793

In my head, it's definitely a different one. I seriously doubt the Ponytones know exactly one song, after all

I even described the opening of the song differently than the ones on the show (While Big Mac does start them off in both, the rest of the group joins in simultaneously in the show, while here they join separately).

But yes, I'm sure it's still lovely