Conversation One
Mag stubbed out the butt of her cigarette in the ashtray she'd brought with her into the woods, and didn't light another. The air was wet and the trees dripped and rustled in the breeze. The rain had stopped for now but would start again in a couple of hours, and this was the time to take a break, or so Mag had decided 20 minutes ago. Her boss wouldn't be coming back to the Quik Eats until Monday, so she was tempted to close for the weekend. There wasn't much traffic on route 371 this far up the mountain, especially at this time of year, so she could plausibly tell her boss no one had come while he was gone. As for the needs of customers, well, if someone needed wiper blades or an ancient hot dog then they could just break in, couldn't they?
She pulled a pack of cigarettes out of the pocket of her long winter jacket and studied the contents. Half the pack remained, but she didn't like menthol. She pocketed it again after a moment’s consideration, not bothering to take another cigarette, and continued down the dirt trail to the lake.
She thought about the cold front rolling in next week. She thought about going home and falling asleep in her bed, or perhaps on the floor if she couldn't be bothered to walk to her bedroom. She thought about television static and the sound of tires in snow, and wondered if she'd be less bored in the evenings if she got a cat, then decided not to get a cat because she wouldn’t be able to smoke in the house anymore, and because she wasn't sure she wanted another living being in her house, making noise and wanting things. Mag didn't want things, generally speaking, or nothing she was willing to put into words, and it made her house a peaceful, silent place. She also didn't want to clean out a catbox.
The lake was around the next bend in the trail. Some days she stood at the edge of the lake and watched the birds and bugs if they were out, and that was her plan this afternoon.
Today a soupy white fog covered the lake. Mag couldn't even see the other shore. The sky was partly cloudy at most and the lake had never been foggy in the day. The water was too still. Mag squatted next to the shore and decided to light another cigarette after all.
Now a tiny light glowed in the fog. Mag lit a cigarette and grimaced; she hated menthol. The light got bigger, or perhaps closer. Mag watched it. There weren't fireflies in this part of California, and this wasn't the season for them anyway. Perhaps it was someone with a lantern. But why a lantern in the daytime? Mag tried to put her plain red Bic back in her pocket and accidentally dropped it in the mud.
The light grew and changed. It was a warmer, rosier shade of white than the fog, and brighter than a lantern, so bright that Mag had to shade her eyes with her hand. It resolved into the most beautiful thing Mag had ever seen.
It walked across the water on four thin legs and burned with a corona of smokeless pastel flames.
It had light for skin and suns for eyes.
The water rippled with each step.
Mag fell backward and hid her eyes in the crook of her elbow. She couldn't breathe.
“I don't believe in... I don't believe in...” She couldn't finish the sentence. She uncovered her eyes.
The burning archangel, the goddess, the apocalypse of Mag's worldview stepped onshore and walked up to her. As it walked the light faded.
The fire shrank and became a horse's mane. Light turned into pearl fur and the suns burned down to pupils.
It half-fell into a resting position. Two white wings slackened open into the mud. It also had a long, straight horn—and a crown.
It opened its mouth and whispered, “Help them.” Quiet as the words were, they echoed oddly and shook pine needles from the trees. Then it—or she, judging by the voice—passed out.
Her head fell to the ground and Mag tried to catch it, but got poked by the horn. The angel-goddess's head splatted into the mud.
Mag crawled away, stood, stepped back, tripped over a rock, and dropped back to the ground. She stayed there and stared.
The creature seemed smaller now. Mag realized belatedly that the being looked as much like a horse as anything else. A unicorn? She had wings and a crown. The queen of unicorns?
She'd asked her to help “them.” Who? Mag peered into the mist, looking for someone else, and realized the fog was growing thinner. The opposite shore was visible now and looked the way it always did. They were alone.
Mag stood up again and took a few deep breaths.
“Help them,” muttered Mag. “Okay. Okay.” She leaned over the whatever-she-was. “How?” Whatever-she-was didn't answer. She looked too heavy to lift.
“Wake up,” Mag tried. Horse-Thing didn't move.
“Wake up, your majesty?” Nothing. Mag stepped back for a better look.
Her majesty was definitely horselike. Her mane had stopped moving but still looked slightly insubstantial, like a rainbow in a sprinkler, but with the thickness of skim milk. Her horn was the approximate length of Mag's forearm and hand. There was a stylized sun painted on her flank. These were all just details, however; what mattered was that she was the most unbearably beautiful thing Mag had ever seen. Mag wondered who she would have grown up to be if she'd seen this creature when she was younger.
She reached out and brushed the queen's ear with the tip of her fingers. The ear flicked and Mag pulled her hand back. Then she poked the ear again. The ear flicked again. Mag stuck her finger in the ear proper and the queen's eyes opened. Her majesty silently regarded Mag with one eye. Mag pulled her finger out of her ear.
“Sorry,” Mag murmured.
“Human?” Her voice was normal, now. She sounded like a cross between Galadriel and someone's mother.
“I go by 'Mag,' actually,” said Mag.
Her majesty stood up—the mud didn't stick to her fur—and looked around. “Earth, then.” She faced Mag. “Mag, my name is Princess Celestia.”
“A pleasure,” said Mag, sticking her hands in her pockets. They stood a few feet apart.
“There's no need to be intimidated,” said the creature.
“I'm not intimidated.”
“All right,” said her majesty gently. “Mag, I have a request.”
“It's not 'Take me to your leader,' is it?” said Mag.
Celestia's eyebrows went up. “It is. Have you dealt with this sort of thing before?” She looked behind her. “Is this lake a crossroads?”
“No and no. Probably.” She thought about it. “You know what? Maybe it is some kind of crossroads. I don't know anything anymore.”
Celestia gave her a pitying look. “Human, please relax. I can see this situation is making you uncomfortable, and for that I'm sorry, but I really do need your help.”
“I'm not uncomfortable,” said Mag. She started to step back, and stopped herself. “Anyway. What do you mean by 'leader?' Are you looking for more of a mayor, or the governor, or the president, or what?”
“I'm afraid I don't know his or her proper title,” said Celestia, “but I would prefer to meet with the leader of the humans if you can arrange it. Or perhaps you could simply point in the proper direction, if you'd prefer.” She blinked and her legs wobbled. “Or where I can find lodging. I've been walking through the fog between worlds for... quite some time, now.”
Mag shrugged. “Humans don't have a leader. We have the UN, I guess, the United Nations. As for lodging...” Mag tried to imagine the princess getting a hotel room and failed utterly. “Well, I guess there's, uh, my house?” Come to think of it, she couldn't imagine that either.
“Oh, I wouldn't want to impose.”
“Well, aren't we Ms. Manners,” said Mag.
Celestia wrinkled her immaculate white brow. “I'm afraid I don't follow.”
“Nothing, sorry. I just get sassy when I'm intimidated and uncomfortable.”
“Ah,” said Celestia.
Mag scuffed at the ground with her hiking boot. “Okay, listen. You are really, really, really, really weird. No offense meant.”
“None taken.”
“And kind of overwhelming. No offense.”
“I apologize.”
“You're forgiven.” Mag took a few deep breaths. “Right. Yeah, you're freaking me out, but I think I do want to help. I wasn't doing anything important anyway.”
Celestia bowed her head. “You have no idea how relieved I am.”
* * *
Mag led the princess back up the path.
“My world ended,” said Celestia.
And what could you possibly say to that? “Oh.”
“I was set to guard it and guide it, but all things end, I suppose. But why did I outlive it? Worlds have ended before, but its regent always goes with it. It's the way of things.” She looked up at the light of the setting sun cutting through the leaves of trees, then down at the dappled shadows. “Maybe it's not the end yet. Maybe this is something I can heal.”
“I don't know how I can help with that,” said Mag.
Celestia smiled. “You already are.”
It took a moment for Mag to recover from that smile. Every little thing Celestia did, every glance and every step, did that much more to crowd Mag out of her own head. “I don't even know what you're looking for,” she managed.
“Perhaps you'd feel better if I walked further away,” said Celestia.
“I'll get over it,” said Mag. “But seriously. What am I really going to do for someone like you?”
“You mentioned a couch I could use, to begin with. After that, I would like to know more about your UN.”
“We didn't talk about it in high school and I sort of dropped out of college,” said Mag, “but I can tell you it's a kind of, I don't know, council that sets up and sometimes enforces agreements between nations. If it's got a leader, he's probably elected.”
“Then that's not who I need to speak with first,” said Celestia. “It sounds like your regent prefers a light touch, or tends toward subtlety. We have until sundown tomorrow to contact them. If it takes longer, diplomacy is going to be a bit rocky.”
“Rocky?”
“A bit. How warlike would you say humans are?”
“We're a murdering pack of absolute bastards,” said Mag.
“Colorfully put. In that case, I'd rather we moved quickly. Your regent is likely to be very human indeed. Are you afraid of heights?”
“About as much as most,” said Mag. “Wait. Are you serious?”
“I'm afraid so. Which direction is your couch?”
“The same direction as my home. Go north over the straight road through town. Pass the huge wooden bear through the woods and look for the white house with the fewest pine trees, no lawn and no car in the driveway. That's my place.”
“What is a car?” said Celestia.
“You're going to see a lot of examples on the road. That should help.”
“Understood.” Celestia flared out her wings. “Climb aboard and hold onto my neck.”
Mag really wasn't up for this, but helping the princess was obviously more important than her feelings. She climbed aboard and focused on taking deep, slow, even breaths.
“Be brave,” said Celestia. She flapped her wings experimentally a few times, then launched straight up through the trees. Pine needles and cold winter air rushed past them and then Celestia burst out above the trees. She hovered in place for a moment, looking around for the road, then glided toward it.
“The air is very thin here,” said Celestia.
“What?” shouted Mag over the rushing wind. God, it was cold up here.
“There's the road. Goodness, is that what a car is? How interesting. And there's your town.”
Mag didn't enjoy the next few minutes in the slightest, but at least it went quickly. Celestia touched down in front of Mag's place, panting, and Mag rolled off Celestia's back and onto the ground.
“Cramp,” said Mag through gritted teeth. “Cramps. My world is cramps.”
“That,” said Celestia between gasps, “was a decision with quite a lot of downsides. For Heaven's sake, please give me somewhere soft to collapse.”
Mag tossed her house keys to Celestia without getting up from where she lay on the ground. Celestia caught them in a field of magic. Mag stared. “What was that?”
“Magic,” said Celestia.
“Okay, but what was that?”
“I'd be much happier to discuss pony biology in the future, as opposed to right now, when I'd be happiest to hear which of these keys opens your door.”
Mag staggered up her driveway, plucked the keys from Celestia's field (surprisingly easy, slightly tingly), picked out the correct one, and opened her door. She gestured for Celestia to follow her inside.
She preferred a clean house, and it was easiest to clean a house without much décor. She had no pictures or posters or flowers on her table. The walls were white and the carpet was beige. It was simplest this way.
“Thank you for inviting me,” said Celestia. She surveyed the front hallway. “You have a lovely home.”
“This way,” said Mag.
Celestia stopped when she saw Mag's living room, which was entirely bare except for the couch in the center of the room, which faced a large CRT television sitting on the floor against the opposite wall. Celestia, true to her word, walked up to the couch and collapsed into it. Mag realized at this point that she couldn't watch TV while Celestia slept and had nothing else to do for the night, so she sat down next to her TV and tried to knead the pain out of her arms and legs.
Oops. She'd forgotten to close the store. Oh, well.
Unicorn royalty slept softly on her couch. Mag felt numb. She usually did, around this time of day, but this was different. Tomorrow she was going to do something that mattered. She'd promised and she knew she wouldn't flake this time, because she didn't dare, not because her majesty seemed like the “Off with her head” kind of royalty but because making a unicorn sad was one thing she didn't want on her conscience. This was why she preferred to never get involved with anything important; yesterday there was a broken slushie machine and nothing on TV; today there was a heart-wrenchingly beautiful Mrs. Ed and an ominous deadline.
The princess's world had ended, so she'd walked until she found a new one. How long had it been since she'd rested? What did it feel like to lose everything you'd ever loved? Even in her sleep she looked tired.
The heater had been on all day, so it wasn't as cold as it could be. Nevertheless, Mag went to get two blankets out of the plastic tote at the foot of her bed, one with a Powerpuff Girls pattern and the other a hazy shade of seafoam green. She unfurled the Powerpuff Girls blanket over Celestia's still form and kept the green one for herself, curling up again next to the television. She realized she'd never had a house guest before.
“I'm sorry for being afraid,” she didn't say, and slowly fell asleep.
Stats
Page generated in 0.038 seconds
Total duration
953 users online
105,078 hits today, 1,416,608 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2025
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2025 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I see where it could go. I wonder if mag will be one day known by a different name?
5474739
Preposterous, none of the FiM characters smoke.
Except that one guy with the pipe cutie mark. That guy probably smokes.
So I guess that must be Mag.
5474896 who's to say she didn't quit later.
5474905
Eh, I can probably just Joss this straight out.
Mag's a human and always will be.
5474917 oh, poo. Opprotunity lost.
But maybe I'll do one in the future with what i thought could have happened.
5474948
I'm comfortable with that!
Actually I considered making this a Luna origin story (I assume that's what you mean), but if I did then I'd feel the need to set up the enmity between her and Celestia, account for her archaic speech patterns, and set up a night/dreams/sleep motif for Mag. I would have started this very differently if that were the plan.
5474956 well when i read the title i first thought Human turned Celestia, then read the chapter and did think Luna.
5474970
Butts. That makes sense. Maybe I should change the name.
5474991 Don't you mean Sunny Butts
I like eet, but it feels a tad expedited. More narrative and spaces between passages. At the very least add the spaces, as text blocks aren't easy on the ol' attention span.
5476090
The latter is a straightforward fix and I just did it. The former is a more complicated issue; it could mean pacing issues, missing details, or both. For now I'm going to focus on applying that criticism to chapter 2, but I may have to come back to this one once I've nailed down the problem.
So glad I asked for critiques.
5477115
^^ You're off to a good start. Far better structure than I had when I started. Goodness, I didn't even know what a transitive sentence was, let alone how to make one, and you have several good examples with dialogue tags intact.
5477190
Okay well I don't know what a transitive sentence is but I'm sure they're very tasty if properly cooked, so that's cool
I've read a couple of your works in the past and I remember liking what I saw, so I can attest that you word words good.
5477418
"This is a transitive sentence," Merlos answered jovially, "but keep in mind that term is entirely informal, and they're typically just referred to as 'dialogue interrupted by a dialogue tag.'"
5477418
Very interesting premise so far... Can't wait till Celestia starts to see the differences between our worlds.
I'd say our "regents" (Illuminati confirmed) hand is more than subtle. Just look throughout history and you see that if there ever was a such thing then they sure aren't the caring kind...
5477581
Oh yeah, I like doing those. In fact I'm trying not to do them too often. They're suspiciously easy, and I can just tell how cumbersome they could get if I use one in the wrong place.
Lovely beginning! You do a great job of building Mag's character, and introducing Princess Celestia into the human world. Some parts of their interaction actually remind me a lot of The Last Unicorn, and sometimes Mag makes me think of Meg from the same story. It's really pretty, and I look forward to reading more.
5492058
Do you mean Molly Grue? Yeah, that comparison occurred to me. Hopefully she's different enough to be somewhat fresh.
Also, hi.
5492850 Oops! Yeah, I completely meant Molly Grue--and Mag does feel fresh. It's just that I can tell what The Last Unicorn has influenced you as a writer, and that's wonderful. I'm looking forward to your update on Tuesday!
And hello to you too, WW.
5493935
<3
Well, why I feel like Mag will end creating a new Equestria somewhat?
I don't think I've seen it put more acurately and succinctly before.
I may have to use that line one of these days. 
An interesting start and I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.
5858219 I prefer this interpretation:
vexxarr.com/Vexxarr061110.gif
For being a good concept, and so far well-executed, you have my attention. You'll keep it until you fuck up, but you seem better at writing than most people on the site so I don't think that's happening.
So far, it's shaping up to be a lovely story.
5985647
this is all your fault.
Augh, that right there turned me off of the story almost instantly. There is only one thing that I hate more than a misanthropic, and that's a story with a misanthropic protagonist.
Why couldn't Celestia have met a good example of humanity instead of this moron?
P.S.
Mag does realize that includes herself, doesn't she? How does she expect an absolute murdering bastard like her to be able to help a goddess?
Writing style needs work. This reads a lot like a children's book with lots of short sentences that use plain, simple language to convey concepts. That can be used, certainly, and I would never advocate for undue complexity, but everything is just being stated like a list of facts. Maggie is incredibly flat, Celestia doesn't sound at all in character, and there is very little to go off of for descriptions of pretty much anything. This is not to mention the really uneven pacing.
It's an interesting if not well trodden idea, so I want to see where it goes. I just hope progress has been made on the writing side.
Also, don't use double spaces at the end of sentences. We have computers with kerning and formatting these days, unless you somehow managed this on a typewriter!
6038519
Yep, I'll never understand these kinds of people; their view just seems both stupid and arrogant. It's like, they think humans are bad, yet apparently don't count themselves in the category as if they're better than the rest of us. Their belief contributes nothing to the betterment of the mankind they so readily despise, and don't even have the decency to commit suicide. After all, if you believe humans are evil, and aren't doing anything to change them for the better, the only logical action is to remove one more human from the Earth.
Wish Mag would have done that before the story started, I mean really, telling an alien something like that right out of the gate could potentially throw all of us under the bus.
"Tell me Earthling, what is your species like?"
“We're a murdering pack of absolute bastards.”
"I see, thank you for your honesty. I shall inform the attack fleets of your answer."
"Uh, attack fleets?"
"Yes, I came here with the intention of ascertaining whether or not your species would be worth allying ourselves with. If you proved yourself good, you'd be invited to join our galactic republic, but if you proved the contrary, we were to destroy you before you became a threat to the rest of us. You saved me much time in investigating the matter."
"... Can I answer that question again?"
"No." Pulls out disintegrater and kills incredibly stupid human.
On a sidenote, how can this story be part of the "Human's aren't Bastards" group when the main character calls humans bastards in the first chapter? Seemed like such a line would have barred the entry.
6038749
derpicdn.net/img/2012/7/4/31907/full.png
...you know, I really want to like this story, and I don't want to sound as harsh as some others who have responded to that line, but they have a point.
I consider myself fairly well-read, and history is a hobby of mine. If for the sake of a flight of fancy we say that I were the one meeting Celestia instead of the viewpoint character, and she asked me that question, the only response I could possibly give is "Compared to what? We're the only toolmaking sophonts on the planet, so far as I know. I have no vantage point from which to make such a judgment and insufficient data with which to form an answer that would be meaningful in this context."
6039775 Ignorant people are funny that way.
The correct answer should have been, "We're a mixed bag. Some good, some bad. It depends on where you are and who you talk to. Everyone has an opinion and a belief. Both gets us into a lot of trouble and we fight over those opinions and beliefs a lot. I'd say observe for yourself and come up with your own opinion. We're far from perfect, but we do have people who try to make the world a better place. Assholes happen, unfortunately."
...or something like that.
And with this, I commit to the long haul.
*Alondro cackles softly in the shadows...*
sp.yimg.com/xj/th?id=OIP.Mfcf9396206d90ccd542d9c711e67b34bH0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=285&h=192
She doesn't believe in it? What, the Christian god? Then why was her first thought a religious thought?
6039775 I agree. I, personally, have to give this a dislike for that.
If the world has PPG then it must have MLP!
Celestia is glorious. Alone, but not broken. In unfamiliar land, but drawing from experience of so many others before it. Bearing a great burden, but polite, caring and most importantly, respectful, even to strangers. She speaks to Mag and behaves around her as equal. And she's... understanding. Very much so.
In Mag's shoes, I could die happy this day or any other after it. My life would be fulfilled.